Chapter 46
Forty-Six
C ooper
Waking up hungover is no surprise, considering most of last night is still a blur. Ethan and I went out, but then Arden texted him. I left them to do their own thing and headed to the bar, but not before Arden told us Sybil had gone home with Reed Havish.
Reed Havish? Really?
I’ve always hated that guy. He’s the kind of self-serving holier-than-thou prick who doesn’t deserve a girl like Sybil.
Reed will do anything in his power to be seen with the right people and then leach onto those people and suck them dry. I swear he’s a future politician.
We met him in college, and last I’ve heard, he’s still the same brand of asshole, so I had no problem not thinking of him anymore.
Until now.
Because he’s with Sybil. They’re not dating, but Arden made it obvious they’re fucking, which might be worse.
The bar idea would’ve been fine if I didn’t get wasted.
I planned to find a woman and have some fun, but after Arden’s bombshell, I couldn’t bring myself to care.
So I sat at the bar, slinging drinks until the bartender cut me off and insisted I find a ride home.
I don’t remember much after that, but I must’ve caught an Uber or something.
My stomach churns with regret.
I know I have problems with alcohol.
I want to be sober and have good bouts of sobriety here and there, but I haven’t quite been able to cut it out of my life. It’s my favorite crutch.
Rolling out of bed, I try not to let self-talk get too disparaging as I make my way downstairs. At least Dad and wifey number three have left the island. I don’t think I could face a lecture from him with this headache.
Ethan is at the kitchen table when I amble downstairs, looking like sunshine is radiating from his ass. He’s ridiculously in love. Not sure how it’s all going to play out for them once they return to Manhattan, but I’m happy for him.
“Look at you,” I say, shooting him a withering smile. “All lovey and shit.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Look at you, all hungover and shit.”
I groan and head to the medicine cabinet first and then the refrigerator. I need fast caffeine, and a diet whatever-I-can-find will have to do.
“I take it you’re not up for surfing today.”
“I’m not up for anything today.”
Ethan nods. “How about sailing tomorrow? I want to go out with you one last time before we head to the city.”
“Aww,” I tease. “Brotherly love.”
We only have two days before work owns us again. Our legacy hangs on us, showing up like our father does— professional, driven, cutthroat, and willing to do anything for King.
“Tomorrow sounds good,” I promise. “Today I sleep.”
I balance a glass of water, a can of Coke, a bottle of medicine, and a blueberry muffin in my arms as I leave the kitchen. Ethan is hot on my trail.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
He follows me to my bedroom and hovers in the doorway with his arms crossed. Sometimes I hate having a brother who cares about my wellbeing more than I do.
“You drank too much last night,” he says. “I thought you weren’t doing that anymore.”
“Well, shit. Nothing like being called out first thing in the morning.”
“I mean it, Coop. What gives?”
My jaw tenses, and I give myself a moment to collect my thoughts as I set everything on the dresser and down the pills first. Ethan stares at me expectantly.
“So? I drank too much last night.” I sit on the edge of the bed and rub my thumbs into my temples. “What do you want me to say?”
“Look, Cooper, I’m not judging you.”
I snort. “You are judging me.”
He sits next to me. “Like I said, I’m worried about you.”
I’m tired of people being worried about me. So what if I got hammered last night? I beat myself up about it enough on my own. I don’t need Ethan to do it, too.
“You’ve worked so hard,” he continues. “Your drinking habits have really improved lately. I hate to see you go back there, you know?”
He cares about me, but I’m defensive anyway, dangerous confessions sitting on the tip of my tongue.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snap.
He stiffens, giving me a patronizing look, and I kind of want to punch him.
“I’ve been here through all of it, remember? You made an effort to control your drinking for the last two years. Don’t pretend you haven’t.”
“I’m on vacation.”
He doesn’t take the bait. “What the hell happened last night?”
God damn. This is not my idea of a good time.
“What happened?” I shake my head. “You tell me, Ethan. Oh wait, you can’t. You were busy fucking your new girl.”
Well, that was the wrong thing to say.
His glare is harsh. “Don’t talk about Arden like she’s some girl I want to hook up with. I’m in love with her. You know that.”
I swallow hard. “You… you don’t know what I’m going through. You’re in your own little world with her. Don’t pretend like you didn’t ditch me last night and now have a right to question why I got drunk.”
His jaw ticks. “You told me to go with her. Don’t act like a victim.”
“What do you want from me, then?”
He sighs but doesn’t leave. It would be a hell of a lot easier if he gave up like he used to.
“You do what you need to do, but I’m always going to watch out for you. Sure, I’ve been distracted the last few weeks, but I know you well enough to realize something is going on with you. You’re acting like college-Cooper, not mature-adult Cooper who has his shit together.”
Fuck.
Nerves race through my system, unraveling my secret shame. I’ve kept my feelings for Sybil to myself for so long that the idea of telling Ethan makes my stomach churn. If I don’t tell him now, I might never tell him. At least this way, there doesn’t have to be a secret between us anymore.
“Fine,” I say. “I’ll tell you why I’m so messed up.”
He shifts his weight to face me better, eyes open and expectant. “I’m listening.”
“I’m in love with someone I can’t have.”
He frowns, clearly thrown off guard. “Who is she?”
I release a slow breath, the will to keep this secret any longer deflating with my lungs. I look him straight in the eyes when I say it.
“Sybil.”
The confession comes with an immediate sense of relief, and as I watch his hardened face soften, a chasm opens inside my chest, letting my brother in again.
“You’re in love with Sybil Laurence?” He sounds incredulous.
I nod, and he stares at me in disbelief.
“How long has this been a thing? We’ve barely seen her in years.”
I shrug. “Since we were kids, I guess.”
He blinks rapidly. “Fuck. Why didn’t you say something?”
“You were in love with her too, and she chose you. I wasn’t going to get between that.”
I can see his mind working, backtracking through years of memories and viewing them in a new light. “I thought you saw her as a sister, but this makes so much sense. No wonder you were such a miserable fuck-boy in college.”
My nostrils flare in amusement. “Wow. Thanks.”
He side-eyes me. “It’s true, and you know it.”
“There’s more…” I grimace, wishing I didn’t have to add to the confession, but this has been burning a hole in me for four years, and I can’t leave it unsaid another minute. “Remember when you two broke up for a day?”
A wrinkle forms between his eyebrows. “Yeah…?”
“Well, I went over there to see how she was doing, and…”
The color drains from his face. “Did you hook up?”
“We kissed. I’m so sorry. It never should’ve happened.
She regretted it. She didn’t want to ruin things with you.
She loved you, not me, and I took advantage of her heartbreak.
” My fingers grip the back of my head, tugging at my hair as I try to pull myself together. “I never should’ve gone over there.”
He’s quiet for a long moment, and I don’t know what to expect. Rage? I know I’d be pissed as hell if the roles were reversed.
“Do you know why we broke up?”
She was getting cold feet about an engagement, and he got upset. I remember it like it was yesterday.
“I was right the first time,” he says. “She didn’t want to marry me.”
“She did?—”
“No, she didn’t. She wouldn’t have broken the engagement as soon as things got hard if she truly wanted to get married.
Do you think that’s the behavior of a woman in love?
As pissed as I want to be with both of you, I’m not.
” He shrugs. “So much time has passed, and I’m committed to Arden.
She loves me the way I want to be loved, and I love her, too. We’re the real deal.”
Wow. Okay, then…
I knew he was in love with Arden, but this is a side of my brother I never saw with anyone else, not even Sybil. Not even close.
“I’m still sorry.”
He nods slowly. “I’m not mad about the kiss, Cooper, but I am mad you kept these secrets from me for so long. We’re supposed to be brothers.”
I smirk. “Like how you had a whole affair with Arden you never told me about? Like those kinds of secrets?”
He barks out a laugh. “Touché.”
I rib him with my elbow, and an easy silence falls between us.
“What are you going to do, Cooper? Are you going to tell Sybil how you feel?”
“Yeah, that’s not happening. She hates me. Hates all of us Kings.”
He contemplates that for a moment, finally shaking his head. “I don’t think she hates you.”
Unfortunately, I know she does, and to think otherwise is delusional.
“There’s nothing to be done. I have to learn to live with it until I eventually meet the right person.”
Ethan pats my knee. “One day, you’ll meet someone who makes your feelings for Sybil pale in comparison. If I can find my person, I know you can, too.”
I nod like I agree, even though I don’t.
Ethan getting over Sybil is proof he never saw or valued her to her fullest. She’s not a woman you simply get over by meeting someone new.
She’s a woman you love for the rest of your life, whether or not you’re with her.
She’s not a girl you leave in the past willingly—she’s the one that got away.