CHAPTER 12 johnnie THEN
johnnie
THEN
Loud music bellows out into the cool summer night air when I step out from the backseat of Campbell’s old blue Trailblazer.
He drove us here, Crandall’s in the passenger seat, and Collins and I share the back.
I’m probably pushing my luck, sneaking out at night so much, but between Nan’s drinking habits and lack of good hearing, it’s just too tempting.
I had just helped her to bed and settled down in my room when a knock at my window led me to this party in the next town over with the Combs brothers. My insides are bursting with nervous excitement.
As we head up to the front doors of this house Collins has his arm slung around my shoulders and he bends down to whisper in my ear. “There’s going to be a lot of drunk guys here, John. Make sure you stay close to me, and if you feel uncomfortable at any point, just let me know.”
Apparently, some college roommates the twins know are throwing a party.
They go to a local campus on the lake and share an old farmhouse just outside the city limits.
The old brown plaid furniture trimmed in wood sitting on the large front porch is a dead giveaway that we’re entering the epitome of college bachelor life.
Collins swings the front door open, the twins behind us, and the pungent smell of beer and cigarettes hits me in the face.
There are people shoulder to shoulder. The sound of slurred words and laughter swirl around the spacious living area, and my eyes are drawn to the kitchen where a girl in nothing but shorts and a bra is being held upside down by two guys feeding a hose to her mouth, while simultaneously pumping a keg at their feet.
Collins notices where my attention is and squeezes a shoulder.
“Have you ever done a keg stand?” He waggles his eyebrows.
“Um, definitely not.” Suddenly, I’m feeling completely out of place and under-experienced compared to everyone around me.
Collins laughs and removes his arm from around my shoulders, grabbing my hand and leading me forward. We’ve never touched like this in front of anyone other than his brothers, and even then, it’s not been much. It’s a foreign feeling, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t also thrilling.
Collins walks up to one of the guys filling Solo cups and reaches for one. He turns back to me. “Do you want a beer, Johnnie?”
I really don’t know if I want one or not. Sure, Bea and I used to sneak her stepdads old Milwaukee’s every now and then, but I’ve never even been close to drunk. I do want to look like I fit in though, so I give him a nod.
Collins hands me a beer and we make our way out onto the back patio where a game of beer pong is taking place.
Even in the summer heat, I’m more comfortable out here.
Collins sits down on a green plastic chair and tugs me down onto his lap.
Sipping the drink in my hand—that, quite frankly, tastes like warm pee—all thoughts evade me when I feel his hand on my hip, thumb brushing up and under the hem of my shirt, making my breath hitch.
Out of nowhere, a screech comes from the sliding glass doors that lead from the kitchen out to the patio.
A girl stands in the doorway wearing a bikini top and a towel wrapped around her waist. Her hair is damp and slight smudges of black paint her eyelids.
She clearly has been in the hot tub in the corner of the patio.
“Oh my god! Collins!” She starts stumbling our way, and I’m suddenly hating the shift in energy.
“Hey, Steph.” Collins’ voice sounds indifferent as he takes a drink from his cup and eyes the bikini-clad blonde hovering over us now.
“And who is this? I’ve never seen you around here, babe. Did you get lost on your way to the playground?”
I can smell the liquor on her breath and my blood instantly starts to boil.
“Steph, knock it off. This is Johnnie. Johnnie, this is Steph. We’ve been friends since we were kids.” Collins grips my hip a little tighter.
Steph tilts her head back and lets out an obnoxious laugh.
“Yeah, friends. Is that what we are, Collins?”
I can feel his muscles tighten beneath me.
“Yeah. We’re friends, Steph. Excuse us, we were about to take a walk.” He starts to stand so I get up too, and Steph leans against the back side of the house, peering at Collins over the top of the cup she so clearly needs to put down.
“Come on, Johnnie.” He grabs my hand again and pulls me toward the backyard, irritation radiating off him.
“Something tells me that girl is not just your friend. Care to explain?”
Collins doesn’t answer me, just quickens his steps, continuing to pull me along until we reach a small pond at the very back of the yard, just before grass turns into knee-high corn stalks.
Sure, he doesn’t owe me an explanation, but the shift in his demeanor mixed with my bubbling anger toward the girl has me all sorts of twisted inside. Collins takes a deep breath and sits down on a flat rock by the water, patting the empty space beside him, and I sit, too.
“We’re just friends. We’ve known each other—”
“Since you were kids, I gathered that.” I can’t help my snarky attitude. Why I feel suddenly so possessive over Collins, I have no idea, but I also don’t really give a shit either.
He presses his lips together into a fine line and looks toward me, slightly taken off guard.
“Sorry, I’m not trying to be a bitch, I just really didn’t like her.”
Now, he’s smiling. “Yeah, she’s a little insufferable at times. I’m sure she’s drunk, so it’s no surprise. She gets extra feisty when alcohol is involved.” He opens his mouth to say something else but then quickly changes his mind and closes it.
“What were you going to say?”
“I was just going to say that apparently alcohol makes you feisty, too. I’ve never seen you cop an attitude.” His gapped front teeth shine from the moonlight and he bites his lower lip. God, he has a great mouth. Honestly, I’ve never seen one more perfect. I sort of want to bite that lip, too.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Collins.”
“Is that right? Well, we’re going to have to rectify that now. Aren’t we, beautiful?” He leans a cheek onto his fist, propped up on his knees. “Tell me something I don’t know about you.”
“Oh, no, no. You’re not getting out of this that easily. Tell me more about blondie in the bikini, and maybe I’ll tell you something.”
He chuckles and leans back on his hands, looking toward the sky.
“Steph and I, as you know, go way back. But I swear, we’ve always just been friends.
We’re the same age, and had most of the same classes in school.
Her brother is the same age as my brothers and we all used to hang out a lot.
Senior year, we were all at a party together.
One thing led to another, and Steph and I ended up in a back bedroom by ourselves.
We only kissed but at one point things looked like they were going to start heading in a different direction.
Steph kind of unloaded on me, telling me about how she had all these feelings for me.
She wanted her first time to be with me.
And she wanted it to be right there in that bedroom that night. ”
Collins leans forward again, rubbing a hand down his face.
“Long story short, we didn’t have sex. I liked her and everything…but just not enough to go that far.”
“So, you’re telling me that you turned down a perfectly beautiful girl in the peak of your prime? I didn’t know guys like that actually exist. Well, except for maybe the ones written by women in all those novels my Nan reads.”
He shrugs his shoulders and gives me the most adorably flirty grin.
“I guess I’m the exception.”
I laugh at that and knock him with my shoulder.
“Truth is, Johnnie, I’ve always considered sex a pretty damn intimate thing.
Not just something to toss around in a casual way.
Yeah, sure, plenty of people have casual sex, sex with no-strings attached, that sort of thing.
But it just means more than that to me. I almost feel like giving myself to someone in that way is like giving a piece of myself to them.
A part of my soul. I haven’t come across anyone that feels worthy.
Not yet anyway.” He eyes me while keeping his head forward like he’s afraid of my reaction.
“I’m honestly speechless, Collins. So, you’re a virgin?”
He closes his eyes and remains still before he begins speaking again.
“Yep, I am. And Steph hasn’t taken me turning her down too well. Ever since that night she’s been super weird around me. Flaunting other guys in front of me whenever she can. Like she wants to see me get jealous. But truthfully, she’s just not my type. Too materialistic, too vain.”
“What exactly is your type?” I hold my breath, not able to believe I just let those words fly out of my mouth.
He turns his whole body toward me and gently strokes a finger down the side of my cheek.
“Here, lately, I’ve been insanely attracted to this girl with light brown hair that looks blonde in the right light, with beautiful blue eyes that look a whole lot like they see my future.
She lives with her saucy grandmother, in a little single-wide next to mine, and ever since I first laid eyes on her, nothing has been the same. And I like it that way.”