Chapter 29
“Okay now, sometimes
You find yourself in two ways
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sometimes
Your love, it feels divided
Yeah, mmm
And my answer, my answer is to pull out
Your love is like an endless sea
It won't lead me to anywhere
But I’m so confused
Through all the pain and suffering
You still wanna stay with me…”
Tasha was sitting in the dark, whimpering, her back against the cold headboard, with her knees pulled tight into her chest. She was replaying Tems' "What You Need" over and over.
The only light in the room came from the cracked screen of her phone, lying on the floor.
Every time it lit up with a new notification, another tag, another comment, another person watching her life fall apart in 4K, she felt a fresh wave of nausea.
When her phone started to ring, she didn’t want to pick it up. She expected it to be Juelz calling her or Niyah checking up on her. But when she saw Kenji Riggs displayed across the screen, her heart did a painful stutter.
She muted the music and leaned down to grab it, then swiped the screen with a trembling thumb. “Kenji?”
“Hey,” he said. His voice was thick, sounding strained like he was talking through a jaw that didn’t want to move. “You home?”
“Yeah,” she whispered, a tear finally escaping and hot-trailing down her cheek. “I’m home. Sorry about what happened at brunch today. I didn’t know that he would pop up like that.”
“Who was that, Tasha?” Kenji asked, feeling confused.
Tasha let out a shaky breath, closed her eyes, and gave the truth. “That was my ex, Juelz. We broke up recently…’cause he slept with my best friend.”
There was a long pause on the other end. She could hear the low hum of the city in the background.
“Wow,” Kenji said, his voice dropping to that low, steady frequency. He let out a slow exhale that sounded more like a hiss. “No wonder he came in there the way he did. I just hate that I was blindsided. I don’t like being the last one to know what I’m walking into.”
Tasha sat up straighter in bed. “I just didn’t wanna scare you off. It’s complicated, Kenji. He’s… a lot.”
He didn’t say anything for a second. Then—
“Tasha, it’s not your fault. But next time? I’ll be ready for him. I know Taekwondo.”
Tasha blinked, the absurdity of his comment catching her off guard. She burst into sudden laughter. “Boy, you gon’ need a gun to stop Juelz. That Taekwondo shit’ll get you shot.”
Kenji chuckled, low and easy, the tension breaking. “Damn, that’s how you feel? You don’t think I can hold my own.”
“Just sayin’…Juelz is not the average nigga. He really don’t give a fuck bout a belt or your stance. He’s a different breed.”
“Noted,” Kenji said, laughing now. Then he paused, his voice dipping back into that steady, serious tone. “You owe me another date, Ms. Tasha. Preferably one outta this city or state.”
Tasha’s smile faded just a little, but not in a bad way. Just softer. Warmer.
“I feel you on that,” she said, chuckling. “But after all that? You still wanna test the waters, huh?”
Kenji laughed again. “Yeah… After all that. I’ll just buy myself a gun. A very big one at that.”
She was quiet. Not because she didn’t want to say yes. But because part of her hadn’t had something gentle in a while. Tasha and Juelz’s relationship was one of a kind. It was anything but the fucking word gentle. It was straight chaos. But most of all, it was theirs.
“Okay… I’ll think about it,” she said.
“Alright then,” Kenji replied. “I’ll wait.”
They ended the call.
Tasha let the phone fall from her fingers, the screen dimming as it hit the mattress. She unmuted the radio and fell back into her pillows, eyes heavy, but her mind still spinning.
Kenji was solid. Patient. Safe.
So why did her heart still ache for the man who broke it? She pulled the covers over her shoulder, curled into herself, and tried to find the sleep that had been evading her. But peace didn’t come easy when you were still in love with the storm.
Tasha was just starting to drift off when a soft knock hit her bedroom door. The hinges creaked, and the hallway light spilled in, silhouetting a figure.
“TT, are you awake?”
Tasha sat up, muting the radio and rubbing her eyes. “Yeah, baby? Whachu doin’ up, Ant?”
Her nephew, Ant, stepped into the room, dragging his feet. He was wearing his oversized basketball shorts and a faded jersey. He climbed onto the edge of her bed, looking sadder than her.
“I was tryin' to call Uncle Jue,” he whispered, looking down at his hands. “He didn't pick up. He always picks up when I’m stuck on the 2K challenges.”
Tasha felt a sharp pang in her chest. Juelz didn't just love her; he had stepped in as a father figure, a big brother, and a coach to every kid in her family. To Ant, Juelz wasn't a "street king" or a "toxic ex". He was just the man who taught him how to crossover. How to pick up girls.
“Ant, it’s late, babe. He’s probably just busy,” Tasha said, her voice sounding thin even to her own ears.
“Is he comin’ to my game on Saturday?” Ant asked, his eyes hopeful. “He said he was gonna bring me those new Jordans if I dropped twenty points. He promised, TT.”
Tasha looked away, staring at the shadows on her wall. She didn't know how to tell a ten-year-old that the man he looked up to was the same one who broke her heart.
“Listen, Ant… Uncle Jue and I… we aren't really seeing eye-to-eye at the moment,” she said carefully, trying to keep her voice steady. “We’re taking a little break from each other.”
Ant frowned, his shoulders slumping. “Really? What you do now, TT?” He looked up at her, his expression turning serious for a beat. “Did you do somethin’ mean to him?” Momma said you be havin’ an attitude sometimes and you need to chill.”
Tasha let out a dry, hollow laugh. “No, Ant. I didn’t do anythin’ mean. It’s just grown-up stuff. It’s complicated.” Tasha frowned, tilting her head. “And tell yo mama to worry about herself.”
“Can I still go chill with him at the house and play in the game room. Oh, and he said he was gonna take me to the shop to see the old skool, because it had some damage done to it.” He looked at Tasha, frowning. “TT, what do you think happened to it?”
Tasha rolled her eyes around with a guilty little sigh.
She reached out and pulled him into a hug, resting her chin on top of his head.
The smell of his hair reminded her of the days when Juelz would help him with his dreads while Ant would be sitting on the stool playing the PS5.
Those memories felt like they belonged to a different life.
Ant and his siblings didn’t know about the house fire or the damage Tasha caused to Juelz’s old school car.
All they knew was that she had to stay with them for a while.
“Ion know, exactly. But let’s hold off on seeing him right now, Ant, okay? Just give it some time, he’ll getcha when he’s ready.”
“But, man, I miss him, TT,” Ant admitted, still lying on her shoulder, feeling heartbroken.
“I understand,” Tasha whispered, with burning eyes. “I know y’all both do.”
She held him until his breathing returned to normal, but even after he went back to bed, the house felt emptier than before. Every corner of her life echoed Juelz. She couldn’t even look at her nephew without seeing the man she was trying so hard to forget. Damn you, Juelz, she thought to herself.