Chapter Fourteen
Dylan
Syn was my new favorite person.
Was that almost entirely because he’d been quick to suggest a local dog-friendly park to take Sugar to after we all agreed that we couldn’t do anything about the clubhouse during the day, and Saint and Colter conveniently decided to hit the store for some wireless cameras, so they couldn’t tag along?
I just needed some space.
Because this morning was… a lot.
Well, a lot for someone like me, anyway. Someone allergic to touchy-feely shit like affection and, God forbid, feelings.
I’d woken up to realize I’d climbed Colter like a tree in my sleep. And, what’s more, it felt good to be there.
Then I tried to move, and it felt a whole different kind of good.
Some part of me wished we’d just fucked and gotten it over with. But having him go down on me, having it all be one-sided and oddly intimate, that was what was screwing with my head.
Sex was easy.
Uncomplicated.
The way he selflessly took care of me, but denied me doing the same for him because he didn’t think I wanted it enough… that was complicated.
Standing there and watching him take care of himself? That had, again, felt really intimate.
Which was why I was quick to storm out afterward.
To get some space.
To get a shower.
To think.
All that thinking did jack shit, though.
Then coming out to find he’d not only fed Sugar, but cleaned up after her and helped me inject my insulin had made the uneven ground I was trying to stand on even more unsteady beneath my feet.
Because it was nice, dammit.
To have someone take care of things.
To have someone try to take care of me.
No matter how much I grumbled about it.
So getting an afternoon away from it all with Syn and Sugar was exactly what I needed.
The problem?
As soon as we got to the park, all my thoughts kept drifting back to Colter. Weird shit like what he would say about the walking paths, like asking if he was someone who liked camping when we passed the grounds or if the military cured him of wanting to sleep in unusual places.
Eventually, there were even thoughts about sneaking off the paths and into the trees, of him backing me up against it and kissing me until I felt it in my toes.
“Well, if we don’t turn back soon, we’re going to be taking turns carrying her,” Syn said when he looked down at Sugar, whose tongue was hanging out.
We hadn’t really come to a decision on what to do with her when we left.
Technically, she wasn’t supposed to be in the hotel room alone.
But we were all concerned that something on the grounds at night might startle her and make her let out a whine or woof.
We debated the car since it was temperate out, but were worried if some passerby saw her, they might take her or call the cops.
It was feeling like the hotel was the best bet for her. She would be beat from all the exercise. I could put on a fish tank playlist to watch. She’d have her toys and the run of both bedrooms. She would be fine.
But I might consider asking Colter and Saint if we could leave one in the room to keep an eye on her while we were gone. For my peace of mind.
“Yeah, we need to get some dinner before we head out too,” I agreed as we made our way back to Saint and Syn’s car.
By the time we got back to the hotel, Sugar had to almost be dragged out of the car.
She barely had the energy to hop herself up onto the bed before she passed out hard.
“Good walk?” Colter asked, coming in through the connecting door.
“I wanted her good and tired. I think we should leave her here. She’s good alone. My neighbor assured me she never barked when I had to leave. She should be good.”
“I figured that was going to be the decision. So I got you this,” he said, going back into his room to grab a bag.
He came back and handed me a box. A camera.
“To keep an eye on her while we’re gone.
You can talk to her through it. And even distribute treats to her.
Which I also picked up,” he said, pulling them out of the bag.
“And, of course, a burner to put the app for the camera on.”
He thought of everything.
“Thank you,” I said, surprised by how my eyes stung with tears I absolutely could not let flow. I blinked hard a few times. “Did you get everything you needed?”
“Yeah. We lucked out. Got everything set up so it’s ready to go.”
“Good. What time are you thinking of heading out?”
“It’s about half an hour from here, so we figured we’d leave at eight. It should be good and dark by the time we get close.”
“Are we all just observing, or do we have jobs?”
“Saint and Syn are on the cameras. I want you watching the club since you’re good at remembering shit. I’ll be taking pictures as much as possible. You just mentally clock shit.”
“I can do that,” I agreed.
“And obviously, if anything looks different about the clubhouse or grounds, note that too. We will do a purge on the way back to the hotel while everything is fresh. Get it down in a note so we can reference back and clue in Slash.”
“Alright. Sounds good.”
“We figured we would order some food, feed Sugar when she gets up, take her for one more walk, then head out.”
We did just that.
By the time we stuck the privacy hanger on our doors saying not to disturb, Sugar had already tired of her fish tank and gone back to sleep.
With that, we were off.
We took our bikes, wanting the option of taking off in different directions if the shit hit the fan. They also gave the advantage of weaving in and out of traffic or even through backyards if a chase got really bad.
We were all decked out in black when we took off, with me in the lead since I knew where we would be pulling off and parking so we wouldn’t be heard or seen.
Nerves built mile by mile until I was feeling a little shaky and unstable when I climbed off my bike.
“What?” I asked as I pulled off my helmet and shook out my hair, catching Colter staring at me.
“That’s hot as fuck,” he said, climbing off his bike like the comment meant nothing.
Meanwhile, my belly felt all wobbly.
“Don’t the women in your club ride?”
“Not by themselves, no.”
“Why not?”
“I never asked,” he admitted, hanging his helmet from the handlebar as Saint and Syn pulled up and cut their engines.
“Alright, you’re up, babe,” Saint said, double-checking that his phone volume was off before he tucked it away again.
Right.
I was the lead in this.
It should have felt natural.
But there was a sloshing in my stomach as I turned and started walking.
Maybe I didn’t feel it.
But I could fake it.
So I forced my shoulders back, kept my pace purposeful, and tried not to show any of the uncertainty I was feeling.
It was a solid half-hour walk, most of it off the beaten path, since the clubhouse was situated in a densely (for California) wooded area. It existed in a gully between several mountains.
“You sure about this?” Syn asked as the trees just seemed to close in tighter as we went.
I was sure.
I could walk this area in my sleep.
I practically knew all the trees and bushes.
“I’m sure.”
We walked past a large rock that used to serve as my place to sit and cry as a little girl—since doing so at the clubhouse itself would have me relentlessly picked on.
Eventually, I learned to suppress the tears.
But as I looked at the rock, my heart hurt for the younger version of me that learned that the only safe emotion was anger.
It was no wonder I defaulted to being a bitch whenever I was feeling weak or vulnerable.
“Right past those trees,” I whispered when everyone came to a stop at my side, “you’re going to see the clubhouse. It’s painted to kind of blend in. You should be able to get some cameras up while still behind the trees.”
“Front or back?” Saint asked.
“Front. There are thicker trees behind the clubhouse that, if you’re careful, you can walk behind to hang more or get to the other side to put up more. The far side is where the garage and driveway are.”
“Got it,” Saint said, tapping his brother.
The two of them crept forward ahead of us.
Somewhat alone, Colter pressed a hand to my lower back. When I glanced up, it slid to my hip, giving me a squeeze I was pretty sure was meant to be reassuring. Like he knew I was struggling a bit about being back here.
Only, I didn’t think he grasped why.
He likely thought I was upset because of Roach and his men and my girls possibly trapped inside.
And there was that.
Beyond that, though, was something else. Something I couldn’t have anticipated feeling until right that moment. Because everything about my life that wasn’t learning to manage the complications of my body, was laser focused on getting my club back.
Only now, here, just a few yards away, there were some thoughts I hadn’t anticipated, some reservations I never could have seen coming.
Did I really want this anymore?
That was what it all boiled down to.
I mean, yes, I wanted Roach gone. I wanted my girls free, recovered, and healthy.
But did I want that life?
Did I want to run rackets and live in the middle of nowhere?
A year ago, that answer would have been an easy ‘hell yes.’
Things were different now.
I was different now.
And not just because my health had changed.
Getting booted from the club meant I had to go out into the world and live like a normal person for the first time in my life.
My world growing up and into adulthood had been so narrow, so contained.
Leaving the clubhouse was typically just for grocery shopping or blackmail schemes.
I never experienced actually living near other people, being able to walk to stores, the convenience of a more city-type life.
And… I think I started to like it more than I realized.
“You okay?” Colter asked as my mind continued to race.
“Yeah,” I lied.
I sucked in a deep breath and stepped away from the comfort of his touch. Right toward the trees.
Then I looked out at the place that had been my whole life.