Chapter 11
She hugged him so hard he felt it all the way to his soul. Taking a deep breath that he felt against the side of his neck, she stepped back. She’d missed him. No one had said those words to him before.
Grandmother might have experienced that, but she’d never said those words explicitly. Ava…she messed with him on so many levels. The case was the reason he came into her life and while he didn’t wish harm on anyone, he didn’t regret it bringing them together.
He grabbed Gracie’s car seat, the little one happy to see him. He hauled her into the house behind Ava, who clicked the lock on her truck several times before following him.
“You sure everything is good?” he asked.
“It’s just something from my past. Let me get the lasagna on and check on Gracie’s diaper then we can talk.”
He took Gracie from the car seat. “I’ve got the yazh.”
Tucking the baby up against his chest, she babbled as he walked her to the couch, where he made quick work of changing her diaper. She kept grabbing her feet as he tried to put the onesie back on her. So he tickled her stomach, which made her laugh. The joyous sound filled the living room.
He finally got her back into her onesie and then settled her on the floor on the Navajo blanket.
He placed the toys that Ava had packed in the bag around her. She rocked back and forth, almost rolling over. He waited to see if she would…
“Can I nudge her onto her belly?”
“You can place her on her belly. Why?”
“I think she wants to crawl.”
“I’ve been wondering about that, too.” Ava perched on the couch next to him, and they both waited to see if she’d do it on her own.
She did.
Ava grabbed his hand, a big smile on her face. “Yes, Gracie. Go, queen.”
She moved both her arms and legs, her head held up but couldn’t get her knees under her.
“Soon she’ll be moving, and then look out,” Ava said.
“You’ll have to look out,” Chay reminded her. “You were going to tell me about what had you spooked.”
“I will. But first, I wanted to let you know I spoke to Marg at child services, and she’s agreed that you and your grandmother can have visitation with Gracie,” Ava said, sinking back onto the couch next to him.
She was being casual, but more than once she’d mentioned she thought he’d make a good dad. “Why would she do that?”
“You’re her closest DNA relatives,” Ava pointed out.
Of course. “One of us is nearly eighty, and the other is a tribal officer who is on call a lot. I’m not sure—”
“I’m aware you don’t want to be her new family. But do you really not want to know her at all? Regardless of the future, you’re still her uncle and great-grandmother.”
Which his grandmother would love. He was being stubborn because…he was starting to accept the way things were. Him dating Ava and Gracie being there, but him not having to commit to taking care of either of them.
He liked Ava more than any woman he’d dated before, but he was still the man his past had made him. Liking her hadn’t given him a magic elixir to fix his abandonment issues or the fact that caring for another person made him feel weak.
“Of course. If I jumped to the wrong conclusion, I’m sorry.”
Chewing her lower lip, she shook her head. “Only partially. I really believe you and Gracie need each other. But I’m not going to push. Spend some time with her and see how it goes.”
“What if it doesn’t go well? If I’m not this guy you’re hoping I’ll be when it comes to parenting a baby,” he asked her. Because at the heart of this matter was the fact that he cared for Ava. He wanted to be the man she needed him to be. But forcing himself into a role wasn’t going to work.
He wouldn’t do that.
“I’ll still like you, Chay. What’s happening between you and me…it’s not about Gracie,” she said, shifting up to her knees and kissing him.
There was no time to think; the moment her lips brushed his, his mouth opened. Tugging her even more off balance and into his arms. He leaned backward, taking her with him until she straddled his lap. Hands on his shoulders, she lifted her head.
Their eyes met. Affection and desire passed between them. He felt little hands on his feet. Lifting Ava carefully off his lap, they both peered down at Gracie.
“We should video this,” Ava said, carefully moving off the couch and grabbing her phone from her bag.
“Impressive,” Chay said. “She’s really smart.”
“She is,” Ava said, both of them noticing that she continued babbling the entire time as she shifted herself around, trying to turn but not really understanding how to do it.
Chay watched these two females who were so important to him. Gracie rolled over so she wasn’t near the couch and started crawling again. Ava was behind her like a documentary filmmaker, trying to capture every moment.
He wanted this for himself. Badly. There were no guarantees with life; hell, he knew that better than most. But reaching out and engulfing both of these two in his arms, keeping them in life…that was something that frightened him more than…well, fuck him…more than being left behind by his mom.
He wasn’t ready to admit that either of them could mean that much to him. That wasn’t what a second freaking date was about. Also, he’d just told Ava in plain terms he wasn’t going to be a father to Gracie. But in his soul it felt like he already was Ava’s man and Gracie’s father.
“Get down here—I’m going to try to take a video with us and Gracie crawling,” she said.
Probably it would have been safer to take the video for her, but he found himself lying on the floor next to Ava as Gracie crawled in front of them. Ava’s arms weren’t long enough, so he took her phone and got the video and then the photo she wanted.
It felt natural to kiss Ava, so he did.
Somehow they ended up eating on the floor with Gracie crawling all around them. Chay had taken the cushions off the couch and made a boundary for Gracie so she’d stay in the living room with them.
“I think this dinner is nicer than mine,” he admitted.
“Because Gracie crawled?”
He shrugged, not wanting to admit that, but yeah. The baby totally made the difference. “So what was it you were dealing with when you arrived?”
Her soft laugh told him she knew he was changing the subject. She took another bite of her lasagna, chewing very carefully, before she cleared her throat.
“I dated this guy in college…not for long, just a couple of dates. He was really controlling and always telling me what I felt and thought. So I broke up with him.”
“Good. No one should do that. Sounds manipulative.”
“It was. Anyway, he wouldn’t take no for an answer and started just showing up at the coffeehouse where I used to study with my friends, but that was a public place, so I didn’t think much of it until I noticed he was always following me.
Like, to my classes, my job, and I saw him in the hallway of my apartment building.
“I clearly told him to stop doing it. But he wouldn’t and he got really angry. He hit me…”
Chay didn’t like where this was going. Ava seemed to be getting smaller, shrinking into herself, wrapping her arms around her waist. He shifted around until he could drape his arm over her shoulder, but slowly to make sure she’d welcome it.
She did. Nestling closer to him, so they both faced the fire.
He took her plate from her when she handed it to him, putting them out of Gracie’s reach.
“What happened then?”
“It got ugly, but a neighbor came out and told him she’d called the cops. Daniel left. I filled out a statement and got a restraining order.”
“Did it work?”
“At first, not really. He just stayed farther back, and he could enter the coffee shop because it was on campus and he was a student. I just…I just never felt safe. So I think with what happened to Fern and Annie and Annie’s friend, it’s all stirring up those emotions again.”
Chay rubbed his hand up and down her arm. “Perfectly reasonable. What happened to Daniel?”
“He found someone else to obsess over, but she wasn’t so lucky. He sexually assaulted her and beat her up worse than me. He’s in jail now.”
“I’m sorry for her, but it’s good he’s in jail. I’m glad to hear that,” he said. He wanted to probe further and get more details, but it was clear Ava was spent from sharing her story. “Want to stay here tonight?”
She tipped her head back on his chest, looking up at him. “Maybe…”
“I’ll have to up my charm factor,” he said dryly.
“You’re plenty charming. I don’t have a crib for Gracie and don’t know how she’d do sleeping without it.”
“Want me to come home with you?”
“Yes, but not because I’m scared of my past,” she admitted. “I don’t know why I’m doing letting fear control me, but a part of me…I’m afraid I’m doing it to keep from falling for you.”
All he heard was falling for you.
“I’m falling for you, too.”
She turned more fully into him, burying her face in his chest. Her words were muffled when she spoke, but he could still hear her. “I’m scared.”
Me, too.
But right now, one of them had to be strong. So he kept that quiet. “There’s no rush. We already decided this takes as long as it takes.”
“This?”
“Our relationship.”
“Yeah, we did. You’re pretty great, you know.”
“I do.”
She mock punched his shoulder as she sat back up. “Good kisser, too.”
She got to her feet and then bent to pick up Gracie. He couldn’t help noticing her butt as she did so. “Thanks.”
“Sure. If you need to talk more, I’m here,” he said.
And meant it. Ava couldn’t know that for him this was what made them feel more like a couple.
Quick hookups and short-term relationships had been his norm.
And in those no details of the past were shared.
In fact he was pretty sure more than one woman had been making up the story of her life, which was cool because they were never going to be anything but strangers.
But with Ava that wasn’t the case.