Chapter 24 #2
Turning her attention back to the service, Noelle restlessly twisted the clean tissue in her hands…until Eli’s hand covered hers. He laced his fingers with hers. Squeezed. Noelle cut a quick look to him, and with his face inscrutable, he gave her a small nod.
She held tight to his hand, her heart breaking, as the minister said a prayer, eulogized Allison and led the congregation in a closing hymn.
When the funeral director motioned for Noelle to follow the casket out as it was wheeled to the waiting hearse, she refused to let go of Eli’s hand.
Instead she tugged him from his seat. Snagging both his coat and hers from the pew, he fell in step next to her.
Once outside, while the casket was loaded for the drive to the cemetery, Eli helped her into her coat, then wrapped Noelle in his embrace.
“Can we talk later, after the burial?” he whispered and kissed the top of her head.
“I—I don’t know.”
He backed out of the hug and gave her a puzzled look.
She dropped her gaze to the ground. “I’m leaving town right after the burial. I fly out of Anchorage at six.”
“You’re leaving…today?” He took a step back as if punched in the gut. “But…”
“I thought it was best if I—”
“Best for who?” he said bitterly, his volume loud enough to attract the attention of the funeral home staff. “I thought we’d gotten past this…this delusion of yours that you were somehow better off alone! Do my wishes not count for anything?”
She looked up at him, her brow pinched. “Of course they do! That’s why I made a reservation to go home! To get out of your way!”
He huffed loudly and tugged her by her arm to stand away from the crowd of mourners emerging from the church.
Melting snow crunched under their feet as they crossed the churchyard.
When he stopped and faced her, irritation and—was it panic?
desperation?—lit his bright blue eyes. “Tell me, please, what I have done or said that makes you think for one second that I don’t want you here? ”
She lifted her chin, battling back the sting of tears and flurry of self-doubt.
“It’s not what you said so much as what you haven’t.
For the last three days! I’ve been worried sick about you, and if not for reports from your family, I’d have gone nuts thinking you could be hurt or…
or d-dead! Why haven’t you answered any of my texts or calls? ”
He groaned and chuckled without mirth. “Oh, Noelle. You have been gone from here a long time, haven’t you?” He cupped her chin and stared deep into her eyes. “One, this is Alaska, not Seattle.”
“Meaning?”
“Cell reception is sketchy at the best of times, and in the part of the state where I’ve been the past three days, it’s nonexistent.”
Her mouth tightened. “But you talked to your family.”
“I reached Kansas through the SAR and ABI satellite phones and shortwave radios, and she relayed messages to my mother and the others as I asked.”
Noelle blinked, lowered her gaze, though his palm still gripped her chin. “Oh.”
“Oh,” he repeated. “Second, I’ve been a little busy tracking Scott the last few days.
” He arched an eyebrow to highlight his understatement.
“I’ve had maybe seven hours of sleep in the last sixty, and the only reason I’m here in Shelby instead of up north still looking for Montgomery is I was determined to be here for you when you buried Allison. ”
Eli’s face blurred as tears puddled in her eyes. She tried to choke down the tears, but the constriction in her throat made swallowing difficult and talking impossible.
“So, let’s try this again. Why are you leaving?”
She opened her mouth, struggling to make some sound, but before she could, he added, “And don’t go with the easy answer. Don’t tell me you have a job and a house in Seattle. I want the truth. The real truth. Why are you really leaving?”
Pain slashed deep to her core, because she knew the answer. Fear. She’d thought she’d moved past feeling scared about giving Eli her whole heart and trust. Yet the minute he didn’t—couldn’t—answer her texts, she let the doubts creep back in.
Love and trust have to be unconditional.
Sasha’s words from last week sounded in her head like a gong.
What was she doing? She couldn’t run away again, couldn’t shut Eli out of her life and hide like she had thirteen years ago.
If the past weeks had showed her anything, they’d proven her fears had been unwarranted.
Eli’s love had remained true. His family had proven warm, accepting and supportive.
Hadn’t they all showed up for her today to love her through her grief?
“Ms. Harris, we’re ready to go when you are,” the funeral director called to her.
Eli’s eyes narrowed on her. She hadn’t given him an answer yet. But he deserved more than an answer. He deserved a demonstration of her love and full commitment.
She did a quick mental calculation, then turned to the funeral director. “Please go ahead. I’ll meet you at the cemetery in a little while.”
The man gave a nod and turned to go.
Eli was frowning when she faced him again.
“Come with me. Please.” She started back across the churchyard, but Eli didn’t.
She turned back and found him scowling, clearly unhappy with her lack of response.
“Please,” she repeated, and he trudged toward her, then followed her back to the church steps.
Eli’s family was filing out of the church and heading to their respective cars. Feeling a confidence and rightness that kicked up her pulse, she waved her hands over her head and shouted, “Excuse me! Can I ask that you all reassemble inside for a moment?”
Turning back to Eli, she said, “I’ll be with you shortly. Have everyone take a seat again.”
“Noelle, what’s going on? What about the burial?”
“We’ll go. Soon. I just need a moment…” She waved him inside, then hurried to the edge of the parking lot where she pulled out her phone and checked for a signal.
Eli gritted his back teeth as he moved back into the church and sat in the front pew where he’d been for the funeral.
What was Noelle’s plan? Why couldn’t she just give him a straight answer?
If she was leaving him again, this time he would have the truth from her.
If she was leaving him? He snorted and balled his hands in his lap.
Hadn’t she just confirmed that she was flying out of Anchorage tonight?
Once again, he’d let himself fall for her only to have the rug jerked out from under him.
He could only blame himself this time. How did the saying go? Fool me once…
“Do you know what this is about?” Parker asked as he settled in the pew next to Eli.
“No,” he answered tightly, not bothering to hide his frustration or disappointment in his tone.
The church door thumped shut, and his family fell silent as Noelle marched to the front and stood before them with her shoulders back and her chin high. Despite her body language, Eli read anxiety in her gaze as she cast her eyes toward him.
“Thank you for staying just a few moments longer. I need to be going soon to the cemetery, but first… I wanted you all here to be witnesses… I mean, I wanted you all to share…” She buzzed her lips in exasperation. “I’m already blowing this. Eli, will you come up here?”
He glanced to Parker, looking for confirmation he’d heard Noelle correctly. His brother waved a hand, motioning he should go.
Fatigue and achy muscles dragged at him as he joined Noelle at the chancel railing.
She took a deep breath and said in full voice, “As I look around this little church, full of family and friends and flowers, I can’t help but think it would be a nice place to have a wedding.”
A murmur rippled from the pews. Eli tipped his head and fixed a curious look on Noelle. Had he heard her correctly? Suddenly blood was pumping through him so hard and fast he could barely hear her over the whoosh in his ears.
“Eli, I have no excuse for the heartache I’ve caused you these last many years. Nothing I can do will erase that hurt. The choices I made after graduation are my biggest regret.”
He opened his mouth to reply, to tell her she was forgiven, but she placed her fingers over his mouth, adding, “But… I’m not finished.”
A few chuckles from his family twittered in the sanctuary.
“I’m asking you for the opportunity to go forward with a clean slate.
” Noelle swallowed hard. “I’m asking you for a second chance, and…
and I don’t take my request lightly or without offering you long overdue assurances.
Today, in front of your family, I’m pledging you my full, unconditional love and trust.” Noelle cut a quick glance to the pews, and Eli followed her gaze to his mother, who beamed and nodded.
Noelle cleared her throat. “I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you and showing you how deeply I love you.”
Eli’s body grew still, and he dared not breathe for fear he was dreaming.
She took both of his hands in hers and got on one knee. “Eli Colton, I want to come back to this church in a few months and marry you. Will you be my husband?”
He sucked in a gasp—or maybe the sharp sound of an inhale came from his family. He couldn’t be sure, because he was numb. Dreaming. So damn tired he was hallucinating.
Except Noelle was down on one knee. Looking up at him with wet eyes and a hopeful expression.
After some awkward amount of time, Parker stepped up beside him and poked him in the ribs. “This is the part where you say yes.”
Eli exhaled and pulled Noelle to her feet. He felt the prick of tears sting his eyes as he framed her face with his hands and kissed her soundly. “Hell yes, sweetheart. Absolutely, yes.”