Chapter 14
There had to be some sort of underlying personality quirk I’d yet to discover.
Some innate part of my psyche that made me a glutton for punishment.
There was no other explanation for me taking part in the nonsense that was Karaoke Night.
This chaos was meant for girls after a breakup and guys when they drank too much.
Any red-blooded male in his right mind wouldn’t be caught dead flipping through a decade old, three-ring binder with beer stained, sticky pages that listed bad country songs intermixed with soft rock, top ten hits from the nineties.
“Another drink?” Magnum asked, taking the empty bottle from my hand and motioning to the bar.
My eyes barely flicked over the space before landing back on the table of women laughing loudly and almost comically ignoring me.
This entire evening made my left eye twitch.
And with every not-so-covert glance in my direction, I knew freaking Summer just had to be running her mouth about something, probably me making a fool of myself in her kitchen.
Why I’d allowed myself to act like such an idiot was still a mystery, or perhaps the result of exposed asbestos from those old kitchen cabinets we’d ripped out last week. There was no other reason for the insistent giggling coming from her table, right?
I knew I wasn’t much to look at, but my clothes were clean, and before Miller showed up and practically dragged me out of the house, I’d even managed to spray on that expensive cologne I got for Christmas last year.
There was not one good reason for all the ruckus coming from those pushed together four-tops.
No amount of fruity tropical drinks or martinis with chocolate swirled inside the glass could cause the group of girls to lose their inhibitions that much—except if it was at my expense.
I glared at Addison as she flipped her long, red hair over her shoulder and then threw her head back, laughing at something her friend—Mina, maybe?—had said. Addison’s husband, our business partner, Simon, sat at a table close by with Mark and Miller.
My feet moved a step closer, wondering if I should overtly sit with them so I could stop whatever nonsense was happening with the girls. As if he sensed my inner turmoil, Magnum knocked his shoulder against mine and arched a brow before motioning with his head to the bar.
“Yeah.” I scrubbed a hand over my face and tore my eyes away from the table on the opposite side of where we were perched.
“She’s going to be okay for five minutes without you staring,” he joked, slapping me on the back as he passed. I scoffed, following him to the end of the bar and scowling while he waved down the bartender. “What the hell is going on with you?”
“Me? Nothing. The real question is, why aren’t you sitting at the table with the other whipped men reminiscing about your recent honeymoon.”
“Whipped men? You mean our brothers?”
“Whatever. I’ll take another IPA, please.” I turned away from him and waited patiently for the beer, determined not to let my eyes stray back to that table.
“She sounded pretty good singing, right? What was the name of that song again? Courageous? Confident?”
“You know, I already put up with Mom constantly reminding me how meaningless my life is without a partner. The last thing I need is for you to pile on the guilt, too. I can do that myself.”
The bartender handed me the cold bottle, and I raised it to my lips, relishing in the cool sensation that traveled from my throat to my stomach. It did little to quench the gurgling unease of whatever Magnum was trying to say, but it was a start.
“Capable of making yourself feel guilty? That’s the understatement of the century. Do I need to remind you of my infinite words of wisdom?” he asked.
“The issue with surviving is that you end up with the ghost of who you left behind on your shoulder.” I spoke the words without emotion, having heard them enough through the years.
I might as well get them tattooed on my forearm at this point.
But it wasn’t guilt that kept me from letting anyone in. No, it was something far more pathetic.
Love.
I’d loved Autumn enough to go against my better judgement and get married. Loved her enough to agree to a honeymoon in another country when my dad’s body was barely in the ground. If I’d only stuck to my gut instinct and not given into love, she’d still be here.
“Okay. Look,” Magnum said, paying for our drinks and then taking a sip of his Jack and Coke. He leaned against the edge of the bar, facing the large, hazy room.
To the left was a fairly big stage with several microphones, amps, and a video screen to display the lyrics. Right now, some guy was doing a decent impression of Freddy Mercury—complete with tight pants and a white shirt.
I rolled my eyes, turning away from the stage and allowing myself to glance around the space.
Servers were weaving between tables, fetching drinks, while that black three-ring binder lay open between Addison and Emma.
They were pointing and giggling while flipping the pages.
At least Summer wasn’t taking part in another karaoke song, not that I was paying attention.
“I’m not trying to talk you into anything or harp about your life.
You do you, brother.” Magnum shrugged and smiled as Brooke blew him a kiss from the end of the girls’ table.
“I just want to point out that this is the first time in what, a decade, that you’ve looked twice at another woman.
So, something must have happened, right? ”
Yeah, something happened. I opened my fucking mouth.
I sighed, resigned to listen to what he had to say to make himself feel better. He was too much like Mom, meddling in shit he had no business worrying about.
“Just because we’ve crossed paths doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to slap a ring on her finger and give up my well-earned solitude.”
“Welp, that further proves my point,” he said, holding his drink up and waiting for me to tap my bottle to his glass. “I never said Summer’s name, and yet, you knew exactly who I was talking about.”
Fuck. He was right.
My thoughts had automatically strayed to Summer.
And it wasn’t even close to the first time.
Working at the office, I’d wonder if her pathetic ex was giving her a hard time.
Walking Malibu, I’d drift to how she looked in the shower—those slippery curves begging me to dig my fingertips into her thighs to see what sweet noises I could draw from her body.
Then I’d remember how she felt pressed against me, those little whimpers she made, and my dick would get hard.
While playing poker with the guys, or sussing out a new stream to fish in, I soon realized that nothing seemed to relax me like it used to. Not when I’d spend my time wondering if she liked the quiet as much as I did.
Would she enjoy long walks in the woods surrounding my house while Malibu stopped to sniff every tree?
Would she enjoy sitting outside, wrapped in a robe to stave off the fall morning chill, as she enjoyed her first cup of coffee?
Perhaps on my lap, sipping on the same mug, both warm underneath a blanket?
Fuck.
“It’s nothing to be disgusted about, but your face says otherwise.”
My eyes snapped to Magnum’s, and I tugged on the collar of my shirt, wondering how, exactly, my face could convey the precise emotion coursing through my veins.
It wasn’t disgust; it was knowing she could inevitably ruin me, and that I was powerless to stop it.
My life had become millions of moments that meant absolutely nothing. Then one day, a single moment came along to define every second afterward.
I’d already experienced that moment, dammit!
When my car skidded on black ice and crashed, stealing Autumn’s life, everything changed.
This— These— My— fucking feelings for Summer meant nothing! It was nothing more than a passing fancy from going too long without getting my dick wet. Yes. That rational explanation encompassed every wayward thought I’d had since seeing her.
“Hello, boys. Enjoying yourselves?” Brooke asked, pushing herself between Magnum and me before stretching onto her tiptoes and kissing her husband full on the lips.
I shook my head, determined to banish the unwelcome thoughts I’d been working through, but a throaty laugh echoed from their other side.
I leaned forward to peer around them, finding Summer staring at me.
Her eyes were bright, and several tendrils of hair had escaped whatever updo she’d started the evening with.
In a move I found sexier that I’d ever admit out loud, she rolled her eyes, letting them dart between me and the happily married couple. “Get a room, you two. Some of us aren’t taken and prefer not to watch such hedonistic displays.”
“Hey, Summer. I’m sure my older brother would take you anywhere you wanted.”
I jerked my head in Magnum’s direction, hating how much I desired to agree to his offer.
Taken.
That word bounced around my mind, bringing with it things I’d hoped to repress. Keeping my eyes focused on Summer, I lifted my almost empty bottle and toasted her words, agreeing with a nod at her suggestion that Brooke and Magnum drop the incessant PDA.
“Hear, hear, woman.”
Taken.
My pulse pounded so loudly in my ears I was sure the entire place heard it, as images of her flooded my brain.
Her hands bound above her head while I relentlessly pounded into her from above.
Her on all fours, her ass in the air, as I draped myself over her, rubbing tight circles against her needy clit.
I cataloged every movement of her face as one side of her mouth tilted higher than the other, causing a sexy little smirk to appear.
Helpless to stop it, my lips did the same.
Clearly Magnum had ordered me a double IPA with a 10.
5 percent alcohol content, because my mouth had never made such useless gestures.