Chapter 29 #2
“Ah,” I said, getting up and blocking his path.
He tried to dodge around me, but I put my hands on his shoulders and squeezed, leading him to the two chairs in front of my desk.
Reluctantly, he sat, and I did the same, turning the chair toward him and propping my right ankle on my left knee. “So, this was unplanned?”
“Unplanned and unexpected,” he said, dropping his arms to either side of the chair, lifeless.
The pups whined, sensing his distress, but didn’t move from the plush bed, still contentedly playing with their matching chew toys. I nodded, turning away from them and giving my full attention to my younger brother.
“I’m so happy she’s pregnant, don’t get me wrong—”
“But?”
“But,” he scoffed, scrubbing a hand over his face and wrinkling his nose. “But it took me so damn long to realize how crazy I was about her, I’d selfishly hoped it would just be the two of us for a while.”
“That’s understandable,” I said, leaning forward. “The newlywed phase doesn’t exactly mesh with the pregnancy phase.”
“Exactly,” he yelled, startling me as he stood and began pacing again.
“I want to be a dad. I want to watch Emma glow. Argue about putting together a crib. But I know how important a big wedding is to her, and I can’t imagine that in her fantasies she walked down the aisle with a beach ball underneath her dress.
What do I do? Suggest we elope and piss off the family?
Suggest we wait until the baby is born? Help her shop for maternity wedding dresses? ”
“Have you talked to her?”
I could see him spiraling as he let out a maniacal laugh and kicked the left leg of his empty chair—already knowing the answer to his question.
“Talk! Talk? Of course, I haven’t. It took me half an hour to calm her down this morning after I found her on the living room floor watching a commercial about lactose-free milk!”
“Then you’re worrying for nothing, idiot.”
There was something uniquely special about a sibling relationship.
They’d seen you at your best and known you at your worst. They could snap you out of a funk with a well-timed insult and a punch to the shoulder with a level of trust and bond almost impossible to break.
Although our serious discussions were few, there was no one I trusted more and could only hope he felt the same.
“Don’t call me an idiot, dumbass. At least it didn’t take me until I turned forty to find happiness,” Miller quipped, snapping me out of my nostalgic thoughts.
“Low blow, fuckwad. And you know I was happy. Mostly.”
“Mostly, my left nut,” he snipped, stopping behind my chair and slapping me not too gently on the back.
I jerked forward, then stood, facing him and puffing out my chest. He was just over six feet, but I topped the chart at six four, and I used that height advantage now, scowling back.
Miller deflated as his shoulders slumped forward and he collapsed back into the chair.
Tito and Port, unable to go without attention for too long, jumped from the bed and trotted over, both placing their front paws on his shins.
He reached down and scooped them up, settling them on his lap and petting their sleek fur.
I picked up the half-finished fixture from my desk, running my fingers over the twinkle lights strung together. “I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. Faster than a quart of milk expires, I’ve gone from being happily alone to crawling out of my skin with the need to be near Summer.”
“That’s how it works, Mav,” Miller said, using both hands to rub behind Port’s ears while Tito lazily stretched out over his right thigh. “One day you’re content with your life, and the next it’s like you’ve been hit with a sledgehammer. It’s happened to all of us. Even Dad, remember?”
“Oh, yeah.” I chuckled at the well-known story of Dad and Mom being on different disastrous dates at the same restaurant and meeting at the bar. “I think we all could recite that one in our sleep.”
“Agreed.”
The silence stretched between us, interrupted by little yips and growls from the pups.
We were both light years away—him processing becoming a father and me grappling with my growing feelings toward Summer.
His description was spot on, though, and could be the reason I felt so fucked.
I’d been so concerned with how I should feel that I’d forgotten how important it was to acknowledge what I did feel.
“Damn. Our mother is showing.”
“What?” he asked, passing Port over to me.
I cooed as her sharp little nails dug into my jeans, and I made a mental note to trim them later, once they were back home.
“Oh, you know. I just had an intelligent, grown-up, emotional realization that would make Mom proud and have her spouting nonsense about me being mature.”
“You mean, not having emotional constipation, as she likes to say.”
“Exactly.”
I flexed my fingers and cracked my knuckles before feeling a nibble on the digits for not giving my undivided attention to the puppy on my lap. Smiling, I scratched her lower back and then focused back on Miller. “You’re going to be a great father.”
His breath hitched, and I finally figured out the root of his issue—unbridled fear of being completely responsible for a life.
“It’s normal to freak out and worry that you don’t have what it takes. In fact, doing that shows me you’re already on the right path.”
“You think so?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.
“Absolutely.” I gripped his shoulder and squeezed, keeping my eyes locked on his dark ones so the message would sink in. “But you have to talk to your fiancée. Chances are she’s just as nervous as you.”
“I’ll talk to her, sure. But she’s always been the level-headed one.”
“Level-headed or not, she deserves your honesty.”
“Jesus, now you sound like Dad.”
“Good. His example was the best, after all,” I said, squeezing his shoulder again before releasing my grip and punching him in the arm.
“Absolutely, but so was yours.”
“Huh?” I tilted my head and furrowed my brows.
Port chose that moment to leap from my lap and onto the floor as Tito swiftly followed until they were rolling around the floor growling and nipping.
I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose before removing my reading glasses from my head and setting them on the desk.
The pups had a long boring day with me at the office and needed to get out the excess energy.
Even I had to admit how well they’d been behaving and couldn’t begrudge them the playtime.
Watching them wrestle reminded me of when Malibu was little, and I grinned, remembering when her ears were bigger than her head.
So much had changed, and in the blink of an eye, we’d all aged ten years without knowing where the time went.
“You, dude. Dad was amazing growing up, but from middle school on, it was you. My first breakup. Dislocating my shoulder. Getting caught with a six-pack in the garage in high school. College. Fuck, remember when we first got the idea for TriVolt, and I tried to convince you and Magnum that I didn’t bring anything to the table. ”
“Yeah, I remember. Felt so damn guilty that you didn’t have better self-esteem.”
“See? That’s what I mean, numbnuts. If I’m going to live up to anyone, it would be you.”
I stood and stepped toward my desk, shaking my head. Miller did the same, stretching his back and groaning as it made a satisfying pop.
“Hug it out with me,” he said, motioning me forward.
“The fuck?”
“Aw, come on. Remember when we’d argue and Mom would insist on bro-time until we hugged it out?”
“I remember, but we’re not fighting.”
“Nope. But if Emma and I have a boy, we’ll make sure he grows up loved and hugged.
Better get used to the idea, Uncle Mav. Now, bring it in.
” He opened his arms and motioned me forward with his hands, but I backed up until my calves made contact with my desk chair.
“Don’t start with the emotional constipation now. ”
“Fine,” I growled, opening my arms and letting him step into my embrace.
It was tense and awkward before I let out a harsh breath and let his words sink in, not realizing how much I’d needed to hear them. With a sharp, manly pat on each other’s backs, we let go.
Miller scratched the five o’clock shadow on his cheek. “That’s the spirit. Now what are you going to do about Summer?”
I thought about her, and what I wanted, knowing the answer before I opened my mouth. “I’m going to go all in. Maybe.”
“No maybes about it. Fuck yeah, you’ll go all in. Should we head out and grab a beer?”
“Good idea. Go see what Magnum is up to while I finish up here.”
“You got it, boss.” He saluted me and sauntered out the door before I slumped back into my chair, determined to update the work in progress log and then have a beer or three with my brothers.