Now
VIOLET
Grayson tilts his head, placing a fist under his chin and resting his elbow on his thigh. “You’ll always come back for me, huh? You smell that? It smells a lot like bullshit to me.”
“I was a teenage girl in love. It’s not like I promised I’d always come back for you.”
You blew that one.
He rolls his eyes, biting on his tongue. “Wow, you’re really attacking me with heavy hitters.”
“I-I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I didn’t mean it.”
“Yeah, right.”
“C’mon, you can’t think I meant to say that.
I didn’t come to your apartment to be teased and made fun of.
Look, I know I screwed up. I know I made mistakes, but you’ve made mistakes, too.
If we didn’t make mistakes, we wouldn’t be human beings.
We have flaws, and I’m happy we do. Can you imagine being perfect all the time? It’d be exhausting.”
He doesn’t say anything. He’s just sitting there and staring at me.
“Well, I’m going to go home because this has been a huge waste of time.
We’re not getting anywhere. We’re definitely not going to accomplish anything if you keep sitting there and continue staring at me.
” I roll my eyes and get up off the sofa, grabbing my purse and storming my way to the front door.
Before I can make my way out the door, Grayson sneaks up behind me and slams it closed. I’m pinned between him and the door. It’s so quiet I can hear my broken breathing and his grunting.
“You’re not going anywhere, Angel.”
“You can’t make me stay here.”
“Like hell I can’t.” His eyes wander to my lips and back up to my eyes. “Tell me something.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Was any of it real?”
I narrow my eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“Was any of what we had together real, or was it all in my head?”
I huff, shaking my head. “Do you think the two years we spent together were all fun and games? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
I can’t breathe.
Grayson knows because he goes to grab for my hand, but I pull it away before he can slide his hand into it. “Violet.”
I don’t answer him. Slowly blinking my eyes, I can’t and don’t feel anything. It’s like my humanity has shut down, and it doesn’t want to reboot.
Before I know it, Grayson wraps his arm around my waist and takes me back over to the sofa. He puts my purse on the ottoman and sits down in front of me, placing his hands on my thighs. “Breathe. It’s going to be okay.”
“I cannot believe you asked me if what we had together was real. It was real to me.” I point to my heart.
“You were the first boy I loved. You were the only person in my life who cared about me. You loved me when nobody else did. You know, I still have your annotated copy of Ignite Me. I debated on putting it in storage because it’s so painful for me to catch a tiny glimpse of it.
It reminds me of what I had and lost. It reminds me of what I did to you.
I hate myself so much for what I did to you. ”
“Vi,” he begins. “You’re right. I’ve made a crap ton of mistakes, ones much worse than the ones you’ve made. It’s because of you I’m here, sitting in front of you and talking to you. I literally wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for you.”
“D-don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth. I tried so hard to not end up like my father. I didn’t want to succumb to the same shit he was addicted to, but I did. I hate myself for it because I put you through the ringer because of it. And I’m so sorry for all of it. For everything.” He exhales. “We need to talk about it.”
I shake my head excessively. “No!”
“Yes. I never wanted to place the blame on anybody for my addiction, but I blamed your brother before I started going to my AA meetings. If I didn’t go to that party in sophomore year, things might’ve turned out differently.
So, you want to know why I don’t remember most of high school?
Well, we’re going to solve this mystery. Right now.”