Now
GRAYSON
I’m doing my best to restrain myself from getting up from this chair and colliding my lips with Violet’s. All I would love to do is take her into one of these bedrooms and never come out of it.
Let me clarify something here. My mother is sitting in between us, and I’m having these thoughts.
What’s wrong with me?
We’re barely inches away from each other. I’m surprised my mom hasn’t said anything yet to break the tension. Maybe she wants something to happen between us.
Whenever we talked about Violet, she asked me a lot of questions.
Do you miss her?
Would you want to get back together with her if you see her again?
Are you still in love with her?
I always said yes to the first one. The second and third ones were always tricky because I was heartbroken and hurt by what she did, but deep down, the answers to both of them were most likely a yes.
Shit, I guess my feelings aren’t buried anymore.
“Did you tell her about the homecoming game?!”
I focus my attention on Mom. “Oh, yeah. We won the homecoming game yesterday, so we advanced to the semi-finals.”
“I knew you would win.” She gets up from her chair and hugs me. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve been working your ass off, and it has paid off.”
“Not yet. We still have semi-finals, and then finals. We still have a lot of work to do.”
“For once in your life, will you take a compliment from someone?” I ask.
“Fine. Thank you. I’m happy I have you both in my corner.”
“What are your plans for after you leave me?”
“Lunch, but we haven’t figured out where we’re going yet,” I confidently say.
“I have an idea.” Violet’s eyes widen.
“Alright, try me.”
“Coastal Shores.”
“Great minds think alike. I was going to suggest Coastal Shores.”
“It’s like no time has passed between you two. It’s amazing,” Dana points out.
Violet and I exchange awkward glances at each other. It’s as if we’re trying to read each other’s minds again or something.
Dana’s dark brown eyes drill a hole into my head. “How are things with you and your family?”
“Mom! Seriously?”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind telling her what’s going on.” I pause. “I haven’t talked to my parents and my brother for six years. I have no interest in talking to them or anything of that sort.”
“I’m so sorry,” she says softly.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s sorry. My brother almost…” I trail off, realizing what I was going to say.
Violet clears her throat. “Where’s your bathroom?” she asks Mom.
“Down the hall on your right,” Mom says to her.
I pay close attention to how Violet walks and her facial expressions. I know what can happen when she has a panic attack, and I want to make sure she’s okay.
“Why did you have to bring her family up? You out of all people know how hard it is to talk about what happened that night.”
All the color drains from Mom’s face. “I know. I didn’t mean for this to go in the direction it did.” She’s clearly holding back tears. “I had nightmares for months after your accident. I didn’t know what was going to happen to you. I was absolutely terrified.”
“Violet blames herself for what happened to me. She’s been dealing with this self-imposed guilt for six years. I try to ask her about it, but she shuts down.”
“She’ll tell you. You just need to give her time.”
“I don’t think I can handle another six years without knowing.”
“Honey, it’s not going to be that long. You can’t force the answer out of her. It’s a delicate situation, and you don’t want to make it worse. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Violet appears out of the bathroom and walks back over to us. Her face isn’t red or wet from crying.
That’s a good sign.
“I shouldn’t have asked you about your family, Violet. I’m sorry.” I can sense the regret in Mom’s tone.
“It’s okay. It’s really hard for me to talk about what happened at the mansion.”
“Grayson told me. Why don’t we talk about something else?”
“Yeah, let’s do that,” I agree with Mom.
“How are you doing, Dana?” Violet asks.
“I’m good. I can tell you I’m happy you came today and not when I first got here. I was a mess, and I wasn’t myself. I’m really happy that I got myself to this point in my life. I don’t think I could do any of this without Grayson.”
“You raised me to be a good man and a person with humanity. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for you, so thank you.”
“You’re a Goldman, after all. We’re good people. I wanted to make sure I was bringing a good person into this world because the world is painfully full of bad people. We need the good to squash the bad.”
Goldman is Mom’s maiden name. I’ve gone by my dad’s last name my entire life, which is ironic considering the non-existent relationship I have with him, but for some reason I could never part with it.
There’s a piece of me that wants to show the world that I’m the one who’s going to change how the family sees the Becker name.
My mom understands why I kept his last name.
She also didn’t like the idea of changing my last name to Goldman because she knew kids would’ve made fun of me in school.
Grayson Goldman screamed Jewish, and my dad’s last name didn’t have that same effect on her.
I’m proud to be Jewish, but back then, kids were ruthless.
I think they’re worse now because of social media.
It’s easier for them to say things because they have a screen as their mask.
I know she didn’t want me to be a target for bullies.
I’m not like my father, and I never will be. I want to set a good example for my future child or children.
“Yes, we do.” I smile at Mom.
“Okay, who’s cutting onions?” A few tears drip down Mom’s face.
I wipe the tears off her face with the pad of my thumb.
If there’s anything I hate, it’s seeing my mother cry.
I remember when I was a kid and how I’d hear the door slam closed along with the sound of Mom weeping. I’d go into the bedroom and comfort her as best as a kid could. We’d sit for hours in her bed, and she would sob until she couldn’t breathe.
When I got older, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was unfair to me that my mom had to live like this. I stood up for us more to my dad, which only made things worse until he packed up his shit and left Sunset Cove for good when I was in my freshman year of high school.
There was always a part of me that wondered what life could’ve been like if he was a good father. I stopped wondering when I graduated high school because I’ve accepted that this is my life, and I can’t magically change the past.
The past shapes us into who we become, it doesn’t define us. I was so convinced I’d end up like my dad, but I chose to turn my life around because I have people in my life that I care about, and I value my health.
I’m with two of the people who helped me get through the rough patches of high school. They stuck by me through it all, and telling them thank you isn’t enough anymore.
“Hey, we’re going to head out. My stomach has been making a ton of grumbling noises,” I say.
I get up from my chair with Violet following suit. Eventually, Mom stands, too, and we all head into the living room area.
“Well, I’m sorry I kept you guys for so long. You both must be starving now.” Mom walks over to Violet and hugs her tightly. “I’m so happy you came to visit me.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m happy that Grayson invited me to come with him to see you,” Violet says.
“Don’t be a stranger. Come visit me anytime.”
Violet’s nose scrunches as a smile appears on her face.
“Bye, Mom.”
“Bye, honey.” She pulls me into a warm hug, her dark brown hair swallowing me into an abyss. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Oh, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“I’ll go and wait outside.” Violet struts out the door, closing it behind her.
“What’s up?”
“You know how most shelters are designed for their residents to stay up to six weeks, right?”
“Yeah, but Sunset Cove’s shelter is different. It allows survivors to stay for up to three months.”
“It does, and I’ve been here for three months. Basically, my time is up.” She breathes out. “I’m ready to move into my own apartment. I should’ve taken the leap months ago, but I created a routine that I’ve gotten used to. What do you think?”
“I think this is amazing. Do you know when you’re moving out?”
“So, here’s the thing. I won’t be moving into my own place right when I move out.
I talked to Laura, and she insisted on taking me in for as long as I need.
I didn’t want to interrupt her routine, but she said it would be nice for her to have a roommate.
I’d be surrounded by friends, which is something I haven’t experienced in a long time. ”
“Does Noah know about this?”
“He does, and he’s been more than supportive about it.” She raises an eyebrow. “My move-out date is next Wednesday at 11 a.m., but you don’t have to come because I know you have classes. I’m thinking of hiring movers to help me move out. It depends on how much stuff I have to pack.”
“I can always come after my classes and help you at Laura’s.”
“You’ve done so much for me over the past several years. Sometimes I think your childhood was stolen from you because you had to grow up so fast. I want you to focus on your classes, basketball, and your friends. If I need you, I’ll let you know. Okay?”
“Okay.”
If there’s one thing about my mom, it’s that she’s one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met.
There’s no point in arguing with her because she doesn’t stop until she gets her way.
I’ve learned to agree with her, even if it’s something I disagree with.
She’s an adult, and I need to let her do her own thing.
We can’t learn from our mistakes if we don’t make any.
I think she passed her stubbornness down to me, but I’m more tolerant when it comes to compromise.
“I’m looking forward to seeing what this chapter brings. It feels like I’m a twenty-something in a fifty-seven-year-old woman’s body. It’s so liberating.”
“You’ve always acted way younger than your age.”
“Alright, we’ll talk at some point before the big moving day.”