Chapter Twenty-Three
Robby
Waking up on a Saturday morning in my bed is lonely.
I hardly spent Saturday mornings here anymore.
I brush my hand over her side, smooth and untouched.
Typically, Friday night through Sunday was spent with her, but I had to catch up on work last night and get a program fixed before it went live Monday.
We still spent the evening on the phone while I worked.
The last time I saw her, I fucked up. Rook hadn’t been unleashed until a couple of days ago, and I let go too far. I knew in the moment I was taking it too far and couldn’t stop. She thought that I didn’t step in to take the reins from Rook, but it was really me who did that to her.
“So, you’re not mad at me, baby?” I asked her when she had called last night. I dreaded asking her, but we needed to address the elephant in the room.
Appa paused for a moment. “No, I can’t stay mad at you.” I breathed out in relief. “But I’ll feel better when I get my next period, ironically,” she added. She dreaded her period, and for her to look forward to it because of my actions was gutting to hear.
And, fuck, she was genuinely worried about getting pregnant. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wanted her to be excited about getting pregnant someday, and if it happened now, it wouldn’t be the same experience.
I tried to clear the tightness in my throat. “How likely could it be?” I asked, unsure of what I wanted to hear.
Deep down, I had to tell myself that it was for the best, and that I needed to do something about the primal desire to knock her up.
The rational part of me knew that someday, we’d be ready to conceive on both our terms, and for the foreseeable future, I just looked forward to her starting the new birth control that would help her monthly pain.
“I don’t know, but I think it’s pretty unlikely.”
And my heart sank to my stomach. My fingers froze over the keyboard I was typing on. Her words confirmed exactly how I felt; I wanted her pregnant and mine forever.
She moved on to tell me about what new products she was gifted while I continued working, a pleasant distraction from work and her likely vacant womb.
It never ceased to amaze me how much stuff she got regularly.
Apparently, a clothing brand caught wind that she had a new ‘boyfriend’ in the picture, so they asked her for my sizes and sent their new men’s collection for fall.
It was still summer, yet I had a fall wardrobe waiting for me at her house.
She just had to post a few pictures of me wearing some pieces and could leave my face out of frame.
That was a cool perk and not one I would normally receive.
Hmm, boyfriend.
That word was up in the air. We never defined things because we both felt like labels were overrated.
She’s been the only girl on my radar for years.
Sure, I had a couple of flings over the past six years, but I would never be serious with anyone if Appa was just outside my reach.
We’re destined for each other, and based on how much she contacted me during our times apart, I was the only one on her mind, too.
Except the past two days. She was a little quieter after the other night.
Fucking Rook.
I still posted videos as him but dropped to posting only one or two times a week, and Appa told me she stopped reading the comments.
It was too much for her to know what people were saying now that I was hers.
I had videos prerecorded and scheduled to post for months out, so I altered the schedule to avoid having to film any more content for a while.
I wanted to kill Rook and deactivate my account.
Letting Rook go wouldn’t be hard, but I wanted to wait for the right time—whenever that might be.
Since I didn’t have sponsors like Appa, any revenue from Rook was purely just good side money that I saved in my rainy-day fund, and the reality is that monetization is extremely inconsistent in content creation.
At eight, I’m just finishing my morning workout when Appa sends me a good morning selfie from bed.
She’s not helping my elevated heart rate, especially in that sheer pajama top that her light pink nipples peek through.
I know she sent it to make my dick stir in my pants.
I hiss out a deep breath to calm my pulse.
Seems back to normal.
I grab hold of my semi-hard dick from the outside of my gray sweatpants and take a picture of the outline, captioned: ‘Good morning, Apps’. She replies immediately with the hot, sweaty emoji.
Appa: Can you come over?
Me: Let me hit the shower first. I’ll bring coffee.
Appa: Don’t forget condoms, Robert.
I wince at the full use of my name. I was only called Robert by my mother or people at work who didn’t know my nickname. So, she’s a little salty, but her body is addicted and will betray her every time.
Aside from some recent drama in the bedroom, I looked forward to that first thrust inside of her after we’d been busy with our separate lives.
Sometimes when I first enter her, I hold still, enjoying her warmth enveloping me.
She usually got annoyed with me since she liked it rough, but it was more than sex, too.
The way she glued herself to me in her sleep, seeking my body heat, and waking up with our legs tangled was just as good.
Tonight couldn’t come fast enough.
I let myself daydream about what it would be like if we lived together.
Would she want to move in with me or me to move in with her?
Her house was enormous, and I liked my mid-century modern fixer-upper.
On the slim chance she was pregnant, there was no way my house would be big enough, but raising a kid in LA didn’t feel ideal either.
Wow, this is a tangent.
I shake my head and turn the shower on. I shower fast…
faster than normal. The mirror doesn’t have time to fog from the brisk shower.
Spending the rest of the morning tangled up in Appa’s bed with her sounds like heaven, so the sooner I leave, the better.
It’s funny to think I used to spend weekends filming, editing, and grocery shopping, but that time is spent with Appa now.
So much so that I’ve fallen behind on my chores and started scheduling grocery deliveries instead.
I finish my routine and throw on some clothes along with an extra set for tomorrow.
And condoms from the PR box so that feisty blonde doesn’t kill me.
Yes, I checked the dates to make sure they were unexpired.
I also pick up an unopened bottle of wine. She liked this drier variation last weekend, and I’m glad I have another we can share tonight.
Always Tenuta Valenti labeled…where we belong.
I set my things on the front passenger seat of the Tesla and close the garage behind me and make a pit stop at a small coffee shop near her house.
Luckily, they have a drive-thru, but it’s the busiest I’ve seen on a Saturday morning.
I drum my fingertips on the steering wheel, matching the beat of the nineties grunge playing through the speakers while I wait.
I should have just made coffee, but it would’ve cooled by the time I got to Appa’s.
With a couple of cars ahead of me in line, I pick up my phone and search for stovetop coffee pots.
By the time the cars ahead clear, I’ve ordered one to ship directly to her address.
I finally get through the drive-thru with our two drinks—a hot espresso for me and an iced latte for Appa.
I had them add a couple of pumps of hazelnut syrup instead of vanilla.
Her favorite quick breakfast that she doesn’t show is toast with Nutella spread on it.
The heat of the toast makes the spread drip everywhere, and it’s sexy watching her lick it off her fingers.
I hope she likes the change in her usual drink order.
Turning onto her street minutes later, there seems to be more activity than normal.
Her surrounding neighbors are standing outside, quietly chatting amongst themselves, and three police cars are parked in front of Appa’s house with their lights on.
I slow my speed as I drive in front of her house just as she opens the front door.
Three police officers stand in front of her, yet I still make eye contact with Appa through the window of my car.
I can’t make out her expression or what she might be feeling.
Did she turn me in? Was this a trap?
My heart pumps fast in my chest, and my cheeks and ears feel so hot on my head. I continue driving past. The quiet motor of the Tesla doesn’t help.
It’s too quiet, and I’m alone with my anxiety.
I don’t understand. It had been a couple of months of heaven.
I know I did bad things at first, but it was always for her.
She got off on Rook and his danger, not me.
The other night might’ve finally crossed the line, and she realized our relationship isn’t normal and too boundary-crossing.
I know I was rough, but I always read her body and knew when it was too much.
I know she didn’t get to that point the other night.
I press the fingers of my free hand into my temple.
Father, forgive me for what I’ve done to her…
As I head home, I run conspiracy theories in my head. Oh, my fucking God, what if a crazy fan broke in? Or that guy? I tighten my grip on the steering wheel.
I’ll never forgive myself if he hurt her.
Fuck, do I turn around and backtrack now?
It was on my weekend to-do list to work on encrypting and securing her home security.
Appa was worried about copycats the other night, but she would have told me if she got a threatening message or comment.
My stomach turns sour, and I’m not sure if I can finish my coffee now.
I pick up my phone and try to monitor the road while checking my notifications. There’s a text from Appa.
Appa: Why did you leave? I saw your car in front of my house.