Chapter 2
Maya lived less than a ten-minute drive from the airbase. She got home, showered in record time, fixed her hair into an updo, did her make-up and very carefully pulled her bridesmaid dress on. After one last check in the hallway mirror, she slipped her Skechers onto her feet for driving in and hooked her strappy heels over her fingers. Her sister was getting married and, for now, her own stresses could be pushed into the compartment in her mind labelled, Things to worry about another time.
Or at least they were until she opened the front door and came face to face with Conrad, strutting up the path dressed in his leathers, motorbike parked out front at an angle.
Conrad stopped when he saw her. He whistled between his teeth, looking at her in a way she wished he wouldn’t.
She gave him a ghost of a smile, adequate enough to keep the peace, a smile that wouldn’t put him on the defensive. ‘I can’t stop,’ she said as he came the rest of the way up the path.
But she wasn’t quick enough. Before she could pre-empt it, he was up the steps and leaning against the door frame so she couldn’t close it.
He took in her mocha silk bridesmaid dress, her rich chestnut hair pulled up at the back with ringlets tumbling to frame her face. ‘You look hot. Damn hot.’
She shifted, he still hadn’t taken his eyes off her and he was leaning in so close, she got a heady waft of the woody aftershave he’d worn their entire marriage, a smell she could pick up a mile off and would rather not. ‘How’s Whizzy?’ If in doubt, talk about something other than herself, that was what Maya preferred to do.
In the divorce, their son Isaac might have been old enough to decide who he resided with when he wasn’t at university but their cat, or rather her cat, Whizzy, had had no such luxury. Conrad had somehow got custody of Whizzy, the cat he hadn’t even wanted, the cat Maya had rescued from down by the river. When an owner couldn’t be traced, Maya had given the feline a new home. Maya was pretty sure in all the time Whizzy had lived with them, the cat had never dared to creep onto Conrad’s lap, curl up and purr, never mind dribble when the affection was to her satisfaction. But Conrad had played the game well, told Maya the cat was settled in the house that had always been his since before they were married, and he’d insisted Maya’s erratic hours meant Whizzy might be left wandering outside at all hours, onto the road that ran through the town which, while not busy, wasn’t exactly brightly lit. Maya’s focus had had to go on moving into her own cottage and leaving the marriage behind once and for all.
With a sigh, as though Maya’s question was beyond irritating, Conrad told her, ‘The cat is still alive, still Lady Muck around the house.’
Maya hated it when he called the cat Lady Muck. Whizzy was a cat, for heaven’s sake. What did he expect, for the feline to don an apron and see to the washing up?
While his hackles were up, she told him, ‘I’ve got a handyman coming to fit a cat flap next week. I can take her then.’
‘Good for you. I hope you’re not being ripped off.’ His nostrils flared, the tension in his jaw showing.
‘I trust the handyman; he’s done a few jobs for me.’ And before he could probe more because his mind would definitely be drawing its own conclusions, she added, ‘He went to school with my uncle right here in Whistlestop River, so I’m not worried.’ And that comment would give the man an age, an age that wouldn’t have Conrad seething with jealousy. He had no claims on her in that respect but sometimes it was a case of saying what she needed to for a peaceful life. It had been the same in the latter years of their marriage, something she’d slowly realised was a red flag among several others.
‘I’ll let you know then,’ she prompted, ‘when I can collect Whizzy.’ If he flat-out refused, there wouldn’t be a lot she could do other than go and take the cat herself, which sometimes she was tempted to do.
‘Fine,’ he grumbled. ‘We’ll arrange a time for you to come over and get her. I’ll need to be there.’
What, to say a tearful farewell? Maya doubted it. She suspected over the last few months, he’d got bored of having Whizzy, her demands for attention, having to feed her and generally have another being to think of other than himself. Maya’s request right now had probably come at the perfect time for him.
‘I really have to go, Conrad.’
‘You don’t have time for me?’
This again. Divorce seemed to come with its own set of rules for her ex-husband, its own set of expectations. She’d thought the decree absolute would’ve meant he finally got the message that she didn’t want him butting in on her life, but it seemed not because he was forever showing up.
‘It’s Julie’s wedding, I really do need to get a move on,’ she persisted.
‘Fine…’ He stood away from the door so she could close it and lock up.
As she made her way down the path, she figured she might as well go all in and ask, ‘Did you transfer the money to Isaac?’
Helmet over one arm, he grunted. ‘He’s getting through too much cash. Isn’t this what the student loan is for?’ His hair looked a bit greasy. He’d obviously used some product in it, though it was still schoolboy dark-brown and showed no signs of greying despite his fast approach to fifty-five. She wondered whether he’d been dyeing it perhaps, it wouldn’t surprise her.
‘We’ve been through this,’ she said. ‘Multiple times. The loan covers his accommodation but not much else. He still has to eat, buy books?—’
‘Go out on the lash with his mates.’
There was little point in contradicting him because he’d never back down on his opinions. ‘I transferred some to him yesterday, but I need to know that he has enough for the rest of term.’ Otherwise, she’d have to stop buying food herself and send the funds to her son instead.
‘Fine, I’ll do it. Don’t go on about it.’
Isaac was past the age where Conrad had to provide child support so that had stopped but on only her wage, Maya knew it would be difficult to support their son through three years at university.
He huffed some more, took out his phone. ‘I tell you what, I’ll do it now.’ Every time money was due, Conrad moaned, but after he’d said his piece, had a whinge, usually he transferred it right over.
Conrad had made a fuss when Isaac said he wanted to go to university. ‘Waste of time and money,’ he’d told his son when Isaac was part way through his A levels. He’d told Maya, ‘The lad needs to learn hard graft; worked for me, didn’t it?’ Further education was something her ex-husband was very opinionated on. He didn’t see the point. And when he found out Isaac was studying Philosophy and English, he claimed they were poncy subjects and a total waste of time. Luckily, Isaac hadn’t been home to hear the declaration; he’d been out with his friends. Isaac and Conrad hadn’t seen eye to eye for years and so Isaac had gone off to university without so much as a goodbye to his dad.
Maya wished Isaac was here now, that he was accompanying her to his auntie’s wedding, but he was about to start his exams and with his university so far away, it was too difficult. He’d sent a gift, a card, called Julie too. He had a good heart, her son.
‘You really do look beautiful,’ Conrad told her yet again.
She opened up her car door. ‘I have to?—’
‘I know, I know. You have a wedding to get to.’ But he couldn’t let it go. ‘We once had a wedding in which we promised each other forever. Till death do us part.’ His eyes only left hers to look down at her decolletage. ‘We said those very words.’
‘Please, Conrad. I want to move on with my life. And you should move on with yours.’
He reached out a hand and ran the back of his fingers down her cheek. ‘Don’t forget, Maya, I’m still around if you ever want to talk, if you ever need me. We’re tied together for life with our son.’ His hand left her face and instead grazed her bare shoulder and all the way down her arm. ‘I miss you.’
Maya didn’t look back when she climbed into her car and drove away, away from him. Because it wasn’t only Isaac that kept this man in her life. It was also what he knew about her, things that nobody else did, and whenever he hinted that he was still around, that he was there for her, she knew what that meant. It meant that if she pushed him away too hard, he had all the power to let her past become public. And that had the potential to ruin everything for her.
Maya arrived at the church in the nick of time. The bride was waiting in the room at the side and the second Maya saw Julie, her breath caught in her throat. ‘If Mum could see you now…’
Julie warned, ‘Don’t make me cry.’ And, back in control, she clasped Maya’s hands. ‘I’m so pleased you made it on time.’
‘Me too.’ She squeezed her sister’s hands, a promise that she was there for her on this, the most important day of her life.
Maya found a tissue and used the edge to carefully blot the very corners of Julie’s eyes so her make-up wouldn’t be ruined by any of her emotional tears. ‘You ready?’
Julie beamed. ‘I am. Can you believe it? I’m finally getting married.’
‘You two are going to be so happy together.’
The door opened behind them and their dad, Nigel came in. As it should be, his focus was on Julie and only after he’d gushed at how beautiful she was, told her how her mother would be proud if she was here, did he turn to Maya.
‘You made it,’ he said as Julie’s friend and second bridesmaid Niamh took the bride’s attention by handing her her bouquet and fussing over her veil to make sure it fell across her shoulders just so.
‘I did,’ said Maya.
‘More luck than judgement, am I right?’
‘Dad, not today…’
And without even looking at him again, she picked up her own posy of flowers and joined Niamh before the bridal party made their way into the church, Julie on her father’s arm, the two bridesmaids leading the way.
Maya nodded to Seth, the groom as she and Niamh reached the altar. He looked nervous, but he had nothing to worry about; her sister was as in love with him as he was with her. And when it was time for the bride’s entrance, Maya couldn’t take her eyes off her sister as she made her way down the aisle to the strains of ‘Ave Maria’.
The ceremony began and Maya, despite her happiness for her sister, couldn’t help the knot in her stomach that reminded her she’d once thought she had a happy ever after; she’d once stood up in front of family and friends and vowed to love a man for the rest of her life. Over time, however, since Isaac was born and their lives settled into the familiarity that came with a marriage, Conrad had soon forgotten that they were in a partnership, two equal parts to a whole.
Nigel approved of Seth, Julie’s husband-to-be, but he’d never gelled with Conrad. It didn’t help that Maya and Conrad had got together at a time when Maya and her father weren’t even speaking, but it was more than that. Some thought of Conrad as a pillar of the community simply because he was a police detective and that position was one of authority. It commanded respect but he’d never earned Nigel’s and he’d soon lost Maya’s a few years into their marriage when she began to learn that behind the front was a bully, a man with an arrogance who always looked out for number one.
The photographs seemed to take forever after the ceremony but Julie enjoyed every second and the celebrations continued back at the Anderson family home, a vast and beautiful property in the Dorset countryside and the place where the girls felt closest to their late mother.
The food and drinks circulated at the informal reception the bride and groom had opted for with canapés rather than a sit-down meal. Julie and Seth had chosen not to have any speeches either, something Maya was grateful for so that she didn’t have to endure her dad talking about their family as if they had no issues at all, as if everything in the Anderson clan was hunky dory without any stress whatsoever. Sometimes the Anderson family dynamics felt like a car crash, with her dad ushering people away, commanding Nothing to see here.
Finally came the part of the celebrations that saw Julie and Seth truly let go and relax – the dancing. The room known fondly as the games room in the house became party central. The space was vast, had originally been two rooms knocked into one and now had walnut floorboards, a pool table with the same wooden build, a bar. The oversized sofas in slate grey had been pushed from their position to against the walls to make way for the temporary dance floor and entertainment, the enormous rugs rolled up and put out of the way for the night, some of the breakable ornaments stowed elsewhere for safekeeping.
Maya accompanied Julie to the bathroom yet again – it wasn’t easy to navigate going for a pee with an enormous dress on and required help every time. Everyone was in high spirits and the girls giggled on their way back from the bathroom when they found Rod, one of Seth’s closest friends, going into a broom closet instead of the outside door so he could escape for a cigarette – the house was so big, it was easy to get lost in or take a wrong turn.
‘Don’t let Issy see you with that,’ Maya scolded him. When he put a finger to his lips, she laughed and turned back the way she was going but her smile soon disappeared when her father came in the opposite direction. They’d exchanged few words so far today and she was happy to keep it that way.
Their dad was a striking man; with silver-fox hair, he was tall and commanded a presence, something that worked well in the world of law for him, but something she’d never found easy.
Julie gave their dad a hug and raced off to join her guests.
‘You look beautiful, Maya.’ He kissed her on each cheek. He’d never been one to let a fa?ade slip, not when there were so many guests milling around.
‘Thank you.’ She could manage politeness. ‘Julie and Seth are going to be so happy,’ she said, steering the focus to safer ground.
‘They are. And your mother would be so proud. Of both of you.’
Their mother would be, but what about him? She sometimes wondered how hard he had to work to maintain that tough shell or whether it came naturally to show little emotion, especially where his eldest daughter was concerned. She was tired of trying to work him out. She’d been trying to do that ever since her mother died.
‘I’d better go and join Julie,’ she said. ‘She wants me to dance.’
‘Of course. Off you go.’ He nodded in her direction, much like she was a business colleague rather than his eldest daughter.
Maya danced with her sister, their family and friends, expending all her pent-up energy. Conrad had always detested this part of a wedding or any social gathering. He hated dancing and because he’d expected her to stay by his side, she’d rarely got to enjoy it either. But tonight, Maya couldn’t get enough.
It was only when Seth came and claimed his bride for the interruption of a couple of slow dances to let people take a breath and enjoy more canapés that Maya stopped long enough for her troubles to come knocking in her mind yet again.
She plucked a glass of champagne from a passing tray and stood back to watch Julie and Seth, a couple who were in this together and who had each other’s backs in a way she and Conrad never had. And despite their divorce being finalised just over six weeks ago, Maya felt like she couldn’t move ten paces without turning round to find Conrad standing right there behind her. It was suffocating. And she’d had enough.
She needed Conrad to get the message once and for all that she and him were 100 per cent, totally over.
Except how she was going to do that, she had no idea.