Chapter 11
Maya parked up outside Conrad’s place, the house she’d once called home. She knocked twice but got no answer and eventually she let herself in. He was sitting in the lounge room.
‘Didn’t you hear me knocking?’ she asked.
‘I did… but I told you, you don’t need to knock; you’re here doing me a favour so let yourself in, treat it like your home.’ He gave a wry smile. ‘It was once upon a time.’
Whatever she said in reply would be wrong, so she simply closed the door behind her and went to put the kettle on. Anything to keep busy while she was here. Last night, she’d stopped by after shift and he’d tried to tell her the same thing about letting herself into the house. She’d taken the key to keep the peace but unless she thought there was something seriously wrong, she wouldn’t be letting herself in in the future either. It would be too much like being married all over again and she wasn’t going back there with him, not ever. Unfortunately, the term and official declaration of divorce didn’t seem to hold the same meaning for Conrad as other people. Most would take it as a line drawn underneath a relationship but not him. He saw it as a line he could very much climb over whenever he wanted to.
‘Milk is probably off,’ he called out as she waited for the kettle to boil.
‘Black tea it is then,’ she said.
‘Suits me,’ he hollered.
It suited him but not her. She pulled out the milk from the fridge, sniffed it and there was no doubt it was well past its best-before date. She’d picked up a big bottle a few days ago, forgetting he didn’t eat cereal or drink milk unless it was a splash in his coffee. She poured the remains down the sink.
‘You not having one?’ he asked when she took his drink into the lounge.
‘No milk, remember.’
‘I’m sure you could manage to take your tea black this once.’
‘I can’t stop, anyway, I need to go to the supermarket for you.’ And she was almost glad at the lack of milk; it gave her an excuse not to loiter if she didn’t have a cup of tea to finish.
He started his tea using his good arm to hold the cup and gave an almighty slurp because the tea was so hot. Oh, how she hated that sound.
‘I’ll go make a shopping list.’ The less time she spent right next to him, the better.
She’d stayed two nights when Conrad initially came out of hospital. The doctors had advised he have someone with him for the first forty-eight hours after discharge and almost to the second she’d packed up her things and returned to her own place once the stint was over. Now it was only visiting and errands, bearable compared to being here all the time.
She quickly put together a list. She’d make batches of food, things that would last him a while and could easily be put, one-handed, into the microwave.
‘What would I do without you?’ he asked when she reappeared.
She hoped that at some point he’d actually find out, get on with his life like she was trying to do with hers.
He patted the sofa next to him. ‘Sit with me for a minute.’
She sat down but only to put the list into her bag, which was on the coffee table.
‘You on shift today?’ he asked sleepily.
‘Not for another couple of days but I’ve got lots to do at home; I want to do some painting near where the cat flap was fitted.’
‘I knew it, the handyman messed it up, didn’t he?’
‘Not at all, the wall needed painting anyway and if I don’t do it now, I’m not sure when I’ll have a chance.’ She had no intention of spending her days painting for a while, she was far too busy, but he didn’t need to know that. She needed a few excuses to keep her out of this house as long as possible. ‘And I have to do some batch cooking for you.’
‘You could do that here.’
‘Better at mine, I know what equipment I have, all the herbs and spices to use.’
His hand lifted momentarily and patted her knee. ‘You’re a great cook, Maya.’
‘And you look tired.’ She stood, moving away from his touch, and hooked her bag onto her shoulder. ‘Go to bed, Conrad. Get a proper sleep.’
Once Maya had finished at the supermarket, an escape of sorts, she headed to the serenity of her own home. She made a beef stew, a chilli con carne and a chicken piccata all in the space of a few hours. She portioned all of it into small freezer bags, which was the easiest option given Conrad didn’t have many plastic containers and she had nowhere near enough for this much food. The more she took around today, the fewer excuses he had to have her stop by with more rations of food.
It took Conrad a while again to come to the door when she arrived back at his place, but he looked brighter than before.
She headed straight for the kitchen with the box filled with food bags, jabbering on about what she’d made as if the faster she did it, the sooner she could be out of here.
‘It all smells amazing,’ he called after her from his place in the lounge.
She wondered whether he wanted something now and went through to ask him before she put all of the food into the freezer. That was when she spotted the box of beer in the lounge on the side table, the empty brown paper bags with the takeaway joint’s logo on the front, suggesting his usual of burger and fries with a side of onion rings had likely been wolfed down prior to her return.
He followed the direction of her gaze. ‘Jerry from work stopped by.’
She supposed it was a good thing that he had people other than her and it dawned then that the beer was likely why he looked more upbeat, alert.
‘I’m missed at the station,’ he went on. ‘And before you assume the worst, I didn’t have any of those beers. I can’t with my medication, you know that.’
And she also knew what he was like. She could see at least three bottles standing empty near the box and she doubted his colleague had had all of them.
When he spotted her looking, he jumped in with further defence. ‘You know Jerry, he likes a beer and a talk, so I cracked open a bottle.’ He laughed. ‘He didn’t notice I wasn’t even drinking it. I poured it down the sink when he wasn’t looking.’
He was lying, of that she had no doubt, but instead of calling him on it, she said, ‘It must’ve been good to catch up, have a bit of company. I’ll go and put all the food in the freezer seeing as you’ve eaten something. It’s labelled so take out whatever you need as you need it.’
He followed her this time. ‘The doctor stopped by before Jerry turned up. Says another month off work ought to do it. He recommended light exercise and I have to go in for a check-up in a couple of weeks.’ He tsked. ‘He suggested when I go back to work, I might need to be on desk duty for a while. Can you imagine it? Me?’
‘Not really.’ Her smile was half-hearted at best.
‘You know me so well.’
Unfortunately, she did.
Maya moved out of the conversation by heading for the discarded plates by the takeaway bags. Each of them had slops of ketchup on, one had a few discarded stubby fries.
‘Here, let me take those,’ he said.
‘No, it’s fi?—’
He was having none of it, took the plates she’d piled one on top of the other. But his outing to the kitchen to dump them in the sink didn’t go to plan when he stumbled into a wall and the plates went crashing to the floor.
He swore and Maya jumped. He swore again.
He froze in place, his good arm above him against the wall and she could see from his back that he was trying to take deep breaths and not lose it all together.
She picked up the plates, the food scraps and went to get a dustpan and brush. By the time she came back, he’d slumped onto the sofa and was rubbing his shoulder.
‘Let me get you your painkillers.’
‘I’m out,’ he said. ‘I forgot to ask you to get some more.’
‘I’ll go now.’
‘No, it’s fine, I’ll manage.’
‘You won’t, you need them.’
‘Then I’ll come with you.’
‘Conrad—’
‘No, I’m coming, Maya. I’ll go mental if I stay inside these walls any longer. Please, I won’t even get out of the car; it’s just a change of scene.’
She relented but only because the sooner they did this, the sooner she could bring him home and get going.
There was a parking spot right outside the pharmacy and Conrad waited in the car while Maya ran inside. And this time, she got him enough painkillers to last for a while.
‘Maya,’ a voice came from behind her as she let the door to the pharmacy fall closed after she came outside.
She turned to see Noah. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey, yourself.’
Maya looked at the little girl in the buggy. ‘She’s okay, isn’t she?’
‘What? Oh, yes, she’s fine; I’m not going inside.’ He indicated the pharmacy.
The sound of Conrad’s window coming down on the car they were standing beside alerted her to the fact he wanted to be in on the exchange. She didn’t even look at him but it was obvious Noah had registered his presence.
‘I’m out for a sanity walk,’ Noah continued when Maya’s discomfort had her lost for words.
‘I remember those when Isaac was little.’ But she couldn’t linger; already she knew this conversation would be dissected to the nth degree all the way back to Conrad’s house. ‘Well, it was good to see you.’
‘See you at work,’ he smiled.
Their exchange had been long enough that by the time Maya got in the car, Conrad’s good fist was clenched on top of his knee, the vein in his temple pulsed and his lips stayed pursed shut but only until she pulled away from the kerb.
‘Who was that?’ he asked.
‘I work with him.’
‘Wasn’t what I asked. Does pretty boy have a name?’
‘Noah.’
‘Noah… he building an ark or something?’ He thought he was funny; Maya just hoped he’d let it go. But he didn’t. ‘He’s interested in you.’
‘Conrad—’
‘I’m a bloke, I know the signs. Couldn’t take his eyes off you.’
She gave way to her right and turned the corner. ‘Neither could the baby but that doesn’t mean she’s interested in me, does it?’
He snorted. ‘Watch yourself there, Maya.’
She knew that didn’t mean he was worried about Noah treating her right if something were to happen between them. He meant watch what she did, or he’d make her life difficult in whatever way he saw fit.
She helped him back inside the house and dished out a couple of painkillers.
Conrad swore again after he swallowed the pills, his frustration showing through. ‘I hate this, you know.’
Not as much as she did. But instead of labouring the point, she got herself back on course for what she needed from him. ‘Did Isaac call today?’ Their son had been good with contact since Conrad was discharged from the hospital. Maya had to wonder how much was for his dad and how much was as moral support for her.
‘He called but he was on his way to another exam.’ He said the word exam like Isaac was off to a pole-dancing class rather than studying to improve his future prospects. ‘Good of him to care about his old man. Thought he might have hung around Whistlestop River a bit longer, though.’
‘He came all this way from Scotland between exams, important exams,’ Maya reminded him.
Conrad for once didn’t leap in and accuse her of being on the defensive for her son. She watched as he laid his head back against the sofa as though his body was telling him he was doing too much too soon.
‘Are you going to be okay on your own this evening?’ Please say yes. Please say she didn’t have to stay for too much longer.
‘Watch a movie with me?’
‘What?’
He had his eyes closed. There was no observing her closely like he usually did, the way he let others know he thought she belonged to him. ‘You can choose what it is,’ he said gently. ‘I don’t mind; I’d just appreciate the company.’
It was easier to do it than not. ‘I’ll stay another hour but then I have to get back to Whizzy.’
She picked up the remote control from the side table, ready to flip through Netflix and Prime and see what she could find. Anything to make the time pass as quickly as possible.
But she didn’t absorb much of anything as Conrad began to fall asleep beside her. She wasn’t thinking about a television show; her head was with the air ambulance’s newest recruit, the kindness and excitement in his eyes earlier when they met in the street.
She was in trouble; a workplace romance had never been on her agenda. Especially with an ex-husband who refused to go away quietly.