Chapter 13
The evening warmth as they tumbled into summer was pleasant and the walk home from the pub even better to clear her head. Maya let herself into her cottage and Whizzy trotted towards her.
She crouched down and scooped the cat up for a cuddle. ‘It’s nice to come home to you at long last.’ She smiled at the rattling purr she was sure was far louder now the cat lived here rather than at Conrad’s.
When her phone went again, she swore. Assuming it was Conrad, she snatched it from her pocket. He’d texted her five times at the pub. He hadn’t called declaring an emergency so that was something because she might have felt obliged to go and check on him, but he’d even started the last two texts with their son’s name as though she’d be more likely to click on the message when she saw Isaac’s name. Which she had.
Her shoulders relaxed when she saw her son’s name on the display now rather than her ex-husband’s.
‘Have you been out?’ he asked her.
‘I went to the pub.’ The cat snuggled onto her lap when she sat on the sofa.
‘Good for you. Me too.’ He sounded relaxed, happy. And as a parent, that was all that you really wanted for your children.
‘You’re not out clubbing tonight?’
‘Nah, can’t face it, not when I still have one exam to go.’
She wished Conrad could process how hard their son was working, be proud rather than only seeing things his way. ‘You’re working hard, you deserve a nice, long summer away from study. I can’t wait to see you. Do you have a date in mind yet?’
‘Not yet, a few of us might do something here right after the exams.’ He told her more about the idea that they would all go camping together, really kick back before they went their separate ways for the holidays. ‘And I’ve been offered a part time job in my mate’s parents’ café.’
Her heart sank. ‘Where?’
‘Here in Scotland.’
She summoned some enthusiasm. She should be proud he was getting work even if it wasn’t closer to this part of the country. ‘That’s great but where will you stay?’
‘I can stay with the family. I’ll get slightly less pay to allow for my board but it’s still worth it.’
And it would avoid having to see his dad. Maya knew that was partly his reasoning, she didn’t need to ask. ‘Well I hope I get to see you at least for a short while.’ Deflated, she tried to keep her emotions in check.
‘I promise you will.’
He’d know she was disappointed but he shouldn’t have to think about that; he was growing up, becoming more independent by the day. And she was delighted to see the wonderful young man he was turning into.
‘I told my friends you were a pilot, by the way,’ he said after she yawned and he matched it with a yawn of his own. ‘They were impressed and asked me if we have our own helicopter.’
That made her laugh. ‘Not quite.’
They talked a while longer – Isaac had called her on his way home and as he arrived at his student house, they finished up.
Maya knew how easy it would be to fall asleep here on the sofa but she forced herself to head on up to bed, the cat in her arms.
Conrad messaged her while she was cleaning her teeth asking whether she’d be able to stop by the pharmacy and pick up a prescription for him tomorrow. Why couldn’t he have mentioned it when they went to the pharmacy earlier? She knew why… the more times he needed her, the better for him. And of course he apologised profusely for being a pain.
She texted back that she would collect it and said goodnight to put a full stop to their conversation. And then she put her phone on silent.
As she fell asleep, she thought about the pub this evening, about the friends she had in Whistlestop River, about Noah. She hadn’t been interested in a relationship since the divorce but he ignited thoughts that maybe one day, she might be ready for one.
And for once, the feeling didn’t fill her with absolute dread. But rather it was the promise of a new beginning.
The following morning, Maya stopped at the pharmacy, collected Conrad’s medication and delivered it to his place. Again, he didn’t answer the door and she was tempted to post everything through the letterbox but eventually, she let herself in and called out his name. No reply.
She found him still in bed and a lazy smile greeted her when she gingerly pushed open the bedroom door. He winced as he tried to lift himself up on the arm in plaster, perhaps not realising when he was half asleep that that was the one that was injured.
She held up the bag from the pharmacy. ‘I can’t stop for long; I can make you a cup of tea, though.’
‘Coffee would be great.’
She backed out of the room, unkeen to see his bare chest as he sat up with the sheet fallen to his waist.
‘Are you working today?’ His voice followed her from the bedroom.
‘Not today,’ she hollered back.
The kettle hadn’t even reached its peak when he appeared in the kitchen, tracksuit bottoms on, nothing covering his top half. ‘What are you up to then if it’s not work?’
That was code for asking whether Noah was a part of her plans. He’d have been stewing about the new man in town ever since he saw her talk to Noah outside the pharmacy.
‘I’m going to Dad’s,’ she said before he could float any of his own theories. ‘Julie’s home from honeymoon today; I guess she wants to catch up.’ Her sister was often trying to do this: get her and their dad in the same vicinity whether they liked it or not. Maya supposed she couldn’t blame her for trying.
Conrad picked up the sugar jar from the back of the benchtop and set it next to the jar of coffee granules she’d already lined up next to the kettle and the mug. Nigel had never really liked Conrad and the feeling had always been mutual. Conrad tolerated Julie but had never been overly friendly to her. It was as though as soon as they were married, he regarded Maya as his and nobody else’s.
Conrad went to use the bathroom and by the time he came back, Maya had set his mug of coffee on the table in the lounge. ‘You look a lot steadier on your feet,’ she commented.
‘Getting there.’ He rested his good hand on top of the shoulder of the injured arm and lowered himself down onto the sofa. ‘I had a blinding headache last night, can’t shake it.’
‘You need to call the doctor.’
‘I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. But that’s why I was still in bed, couldn’t face starting the day when I’d been up half the night. I was worried I might lose my balance too.’
She sat beside him. ‘What sort of headache was it?’
‘The painful kind.’
‘You know what I mean. Was it one-sided, all over, dull ache or sharp pain?’
‘Maya, I know you’re looking out for me but no need to mother me. You’re sounding like you used to with Isaac when he was little.’ He softened. ‘Remember when he was so tiny, I could rest him along my arm?’
He did this too. He changed the conversation and injected nostalgia as if it might make a difference to how she felt. Over time, she’d soon learned to recognise the segue.
‘Call the doctor and at least mention it.’
‘All right, but for now, could you grab me a couple of painkillers?’
After he took the painkillers with the glass of water she brought him, Maya left for her father’s home, the house she’d grown up in. It wasn’t all that far from Whistlestop River, a pleasant drive through the countryside along winding roads with fields on either side.
Today was the first time she’d seen her dad since the wedding reception and while she couldn’t wait to see Julie, she’d prefer there to be a bigger lag until she had to see her father again.
She pulled up into the driveway, grand and sweeping like the rest of the grounds and the house. Growing up here had been a blast in so many ways and she’d been a happy kid right up until her mother Anya died. She was eleven when it happened; Julie was three, so too little to remember her the way Maya did.
After Anya died, the girls’ grandparents had been there for the family and not long after the funeral service, they’d taken Maya and her sister back to their home in Cornwall, said it was for the best, that Nigel needed some time and space as well as help from the doctors. Maya, at eleven, didn’t really know what that meant but later on she found out he’d suffered a depressive episode that had almost eaten him up whole. His strength and resilience had come into play and he got medical help and seven weeks after the girls had gone down to Cornwall, he turned up on their grandparents’ doorstep.
Maya had answered the door that day and flung herself at his legs. He’d picked her up but the look on his face was one she’d never seen before. He was angry; he told Maya to take her sister and go outside in the garden to play. Her sister had been in their grandmother’s arms and she reluctantly handed her over to Maya. Even from the end of the garden, Maya heard the yelling through the closed back door, it went on for ages, and her father, Maya and Julie left the house shortly afterwards, leaving behind two devasted grandparents who had lost their granddaughters as well as their daughter. Maya would never forget the look on their faces, her gramps with his arms around Granny’s shoulders as though holding her in case she collapsed with the weight of it all. Maya, tears streaming down her cheeks, waved frantically from the back window of the car until they disappeared out of sight.
Maya parked and switched off her engine before looking upwards to the very top windows of the home. Her parents’ bedroom. It didn’t matter how many years went by, she could still recall the moment she was told her mum was dead, the way her dad had fallen to his knees in grief that Anya had gone.
Maya climbed out of the car and her shoes crunched on the gravel as she made her way from the driveway, around the back and across to the sweeping, concrete steps that led up to the house.
She’d love nothing more than to stay outside in the sunshine but she reluctantly trudged inside. Her dad was sitting in an armchair reading the newspaper and folded it shut when she arrived.
‘Julie’s not here yet.’
She checked her watch. Great, she’d have to make small talk, not an easy thing with her father. She couldn’t even talk about work because he had never embraced her career choice. He’d implied for years that she should’ve found an office job, something reliable with normal hours.
The final time her dad had challenged her on her career, shortly after she started at the Whistlestop River Air Ambulance in a permanent role three years ago, he’d told her, ‘In all these years, I thought you’d see sense.’
She’d bitten back, ‘You mean you thought I’d see it your way. I don’t want an office job. I never have done.’
‘Ever since I let you go up in that blessed helicopter for your birthday when you were little, you wanted to fly the damn things for yourself.’
‘And I’m good at it!’ she’d roared.
‘You could’ve had any job you wanted; you’re a clever girl. I’m disappointed you never wanted to try anything else.’
And there it was. The way he felt. Disappointed.
With both of them clearly uncomfortable waiting for Julie to show up, Nigel asked after Isaac. It was a subject that always calmed things between them because as unsupportive as he’d been over her career along the way, he seemed to at least respect his grandson’s choices. And Maya had made a point to not exclude her father from her son’s life because she wanted Isaac to have as much family around him as possible. She knew what it was like to lose any one of them and it hurt, sometimes more than she could bear.
‘He’s doing well. He’s worked hard, exams are over and he’s taking some time out with his mates.’
‘I expect he’s looking forward to coming home.’
‘He deserves the break. But he’s got some work in a friend’s parents’ café before he heads back this way.’
‘Well good for him.’
The stilted exchange was better than none at all and certainly better than conflict.
‘I will look forward to catching up with him, give him a game of tennis when he’s around,’ said Nigel.
‘He’d like that.’
Hands in his pockets as he grappled for more conversation, her father’s relief matched hers when they both heard Julie come trotting up the back steps outside.
‘I’m back!’ She held out her arms first for Maya, who met her at the door in her excitement.
Maya hugged Julie tight. ‘I missed you.’ She could still remember hugs like this when her little sister came home from school, especially when Maya was in sixth form and Julie not even at high school. She pulled back. ‘You look great! Happy and relaxed.’
‘It was amazing,’ she gushed. Unlike Maya, Julie’s skin was fair and it looked like she’d done the right thing in the sun and stayed safe. Maya had seen the collection of sunhats her sister had packed in her suitcase too, heard her husband ask why she couldn’t just bring her favourite, only to be told that certain outfits needed a different look. It had made her smile. The start of married life and all that it entailed.
Julie ran into her dad’s arms next. She might be a married woman, but she was still his little girl. As Maya watched them smiling and talking, the light in both their eyes, she felt that familiar tug of sadness that somewhere along the way, she and her father had lost the ability to connect.
They migrated outside to the patio to make the most of the summer weather and beneath the shade of the wide umbrella, Julie told them all about the resort they’d honeymooned at, the sailing lessons, the chef who’d cooked the most delectable fish dishes every night of their stay. Julie and Seth had taken cooking lessons, learnt to make their own coconut curry, something Julie was most proud of and had the photos to prove it. She told them she’d make it again soon. They’d been scuba diving, snorkelling, seen the most beautiful marine life.
‘And now I have to come back down to earth,’ Julie admitted, taking the glass of lemonade with ice from her father. He handed the other one to Maya.
‘When are you back to work?’ Maya asked her sister.
‘In a few days. But I’m down to three days a week to give me a chance to work on the house.’
‘And to give you a chance to scope out starting a business from home?’ Nigel probed.
Julie worked in accounts and had been part of a small team at a firm where she’d been since she left education. She enjoyed it, she had a head for figures, and she’d always said it would be a good job to do alongside parenthood. She was loyal to the firm she was with, but Maya knew she would leave the moment they started a family, at which point she’d have plans in place to continue accountancy in some capacity from home.
Maya listened to her sister and their dad talk about what Julie had planned – the website she’d need, how she’d build a client base from scratch. She was struck at how much her sister looked like their mother – the same colouring, the same high cheek bones. She knew it already, of course, but seeing Julie so happy, beaming, reminded Maya of how she liked to think of her mother, full of joy with a smile captured forever in so many photographs around the family home. Julie wouldn’t remember the wrench it had been the day they left Cornwall, the shouting from their father, the tears from their grandparents. She’d been oblivious, safely ensconced in her bubble of three-year-old innocence.
The girls had seen their grandparents after that day but it had been the end to spending summers with them. There was no more going to the beach with their buckets and spades, no more sleeping in their mother’s old bedroom and being able to feel her presence, no more Maya helping Granny make bread in her kitchen and talking about Anya while her little sister slept.
Instead of going to Cornwall, the girls’ grandparents came here to the house. They were still Granny and Gramps, but it was never the same again and when they’d died within eleven months of each other less than two years later, it felt to Maya like losing her mother all over again.