Chapter Twenty-Four Eddie Turns the Tables #2
I didn’t say it out loud, but he must have seen the look on my face.
“Look,” he said. “You remember what happened your first time. For this, you’re gonna want to have better control. You’ll enjoy it more this way, and so will I.”
“So you want me to go and jack? Right now?”
“I could do it for you if you want.”
“No, I can do it.”
I hesitated. He was trusting me, so I needed to trust him.
I went off to the bathroom. It wasn’t like I hadn’t jacked before, but I was in a relationship now.
Then again, he was probably right. It was just tough to admit.
And once I realized I was actually about to fuck him, I didn’t last long.
I washed my hands and left the bathroom.
I found him waiting for me in the bedroom.
The room felt cold. The condoms, lube, and tissues were on the bedside table.
When I came in, he took off his jeans and hoodie and hustled under the blankets, which were also cold.
I joined him, and we made out for a while, his thighs pressed against my flanks, until I started feeling ready to go again.
He must have felt it too. He broke the kiss, reached for the lube, and handed it to me.
“Squirt some on your fingers,” he said.
I squeezed a dab onto my finger.
“More.” He took the lube out of my hand, squirted it liberally into my palm, then spread it all over so my fingers were practically dripping.
“This is gonna be messy. It’ll get all over your clothes and the blankets.”
“So what? It’ll wash off. Better to use too much than not enough.”
“Let me see.” I took the tube of lube from him.
“What are you doing?”
“Seeing if it’s water soluble. If it’s not, it won’t wash out.”
“Craig, I’ve used that brand before. It washes out.”
I wasn’t taking his word for it. He didn’t give a crap about his clothes, and he barely did any laundry unless I asked him to.
I checked the label. “Okay, it’s fine.” I set the tube on the bedside table.
“You going to trust me now?”
I felt guilty. “Yeah. What do I do?”
“You remember what I did yesterday when we tried this?”
He got out from under the blankets and lay on his side with his back to me.
I slowly pulled down his boxers. I didn’t know what to say.
“I can see your ass, Eddie.”
“I figured.”
I didn’t want him to feel self-conscious, so I said, “It’s a nice ass. Really. A great ass. A fantastic ass.”
“Glad you like it.”
Now he was humoring me.
I put my hand inside his boxers. “I’m getting lube all over you. Sorry.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“This is a huge deal, Eddie.”
“You’re gonna give yourself performance anxiety. Just do what I did for you. Slow.”
I slid my hand between his buttocks. I felt like I should apologize. I’d never touched anyone there before.
“All right,” he said. “Now move your finger in till I tell you to stop.”
So I did, until I couldn’t move it any further.
“What do I do now?” My hand was shaking.
“Stroke me.”
I did. I remembered my first time with my girlfriend. She’d told me what to do, and I did it and kept thinking I was fucking it up until she came. Then I’d apologized, because I was a dork.
“Keep doing that,” he said.
After a few times, I felt my finger slip inside him.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s okay. Stay there.” He didn’t sound angry, just distracted. “Try putting another finger in. Slow.”
So I did. He was a lot tighter with two fingers.
After a minute, he said, “Try another one. Slowly.”
I tried, but he was way too tight. This was more nerve racking than hot.
“What’s wrong?” I said.
“Give me a minute.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Just wait.”
“Was it like this with Tommy?” I kicked myself for mentioning his ex in the middle of us doing it.
“No,” he said. “’Cause I was drunk, and I went too fast, and I hurt him.”
“Oh.”
“That’s why I don’t drink anymore.”
“Oh.”
“Now you know.”
Now I knew. “Try again?” I said.
“Sure.”
I slowly worked another finger inside him, which I could barely do. After a few minutes watching him breathe, I said, “Is there anything I can do to help you relax? I could play music.”
“Like what?”
“I dunno. ‘Hockey Night in Canada’?” I hummed the first bar.
He laughed. I felt it around my fingers. Then he relaxed.
“Okay, try your dick.”
I’d been distracted, but that got my attention. I pulled my fingers out of him, and he gasped. Not in a good way.
“Are you okay?” I said.
“Yeah, just go slow.”
“Sorry.” I was fucking up already. I grabbed tissues from the bedside table and wiped the lube off my hand. I had trouble putting the condom on because my hands were shaking so much.
“You want help?” he said.
“I got it.”
“Remember, use lots of lube. And you’re not in a hurry. It takes as long as it takes.”
“I don’t want to fuck this up, Eddie.”
“You won’t fuck this up.” He was propped on his elbow looking at me.
I lay down and guided my lubed dick in partway. Once I was just about there, I let go and put my arm around him. I pulled him close and kissed the back of his neck. “Say when.”
He felt pretty relaxed, but I was all tense and praying it wasn’t contagious.
“Okay,” he said.
I pushed against him, and I started to go in, and I felt him all warm around me, and it was so fucking intense that—
“I’m gonna shoot,” I said.
“You don’t want to?”
“Not yet.”
“What do you think about when you’re with a girl and you don’t wanna come too soon?”
“I never had that problem with a woman.” I hadn’t. But I was operating with a different set of parameters here. My body responded so much faster and more intensely to him. Plus, I’d never done this before.
“Hey,” he said. “It’s all right if you shoot. You’re with a guy now. We’re on the same page.”
“Okay.” But for pride’s sake, I tried to hold on, which I couldn’t. “Fuck, Eddie, I’m gonna—” It was pretty fucking intense. Afterward, I thumped my forehead against his shoulder. “Sorry. I didn’t get all the way in.”
“Still counts as sex,” he said.
“You didn’t shoot, did you?”
“No, but you did, right?”
“Well, yeah.”
“There you go.”
I was mad at myself. It wasn’t that it hadn’t felt special—it had. But I’d wanted to last longer. I’d wanted him to enjoy it too.
I eased out of him. Then I pulled the condom off, got up, and went to the bathroom to have a shower. The water pressure in the shower sucked. While I was in there, I changed into a clean T-shirt and boxers. He was standing outside the bathroom door when I came out.
I hugged him. “Thanks.”
He hugged me back. He’d done such a big thing for me. I’d been his first time, but I’d made it all about me. I wanted to make it up to him.
He went into the bathroom, and I went to bed and waited for him. He took a long time in there, and when he came out, he looked tired.
“You want me to do something for you?” I said.
“Not right now,” he said, getting into bed. “I just want to sleep.”
“Oh. Light switch is on the wall.”
“I got it.”
“No, I’ll get it,” I said quickly so he couldn’t argue.
I turned on the hallway light before switching off the bedroom light, and I left the door open.
The reason I had fairy lights over my bed at home was because I couldn’t sleep in the dark.
I’d figured out in therapy it was because of what happened with my uncle.
Therapy was helping, but it was a process, and it was taking time.
I climbed back into bed and spooned him.
“It’s quiet,” I said. “No street noise, no neighbors in the hallway.”
“Mmm.”
“Maybe we can buy a cottage someday, and we can go there in the summers and holidays, just us. We can go there for our honeymoon.”
“Mmm.”
“You okay, honey kid?”
“Yeah. Just tired.”
I held him while he fell asleep, then I lay awake, listening to the soft sounds of his breathing.