Chapter Thirty Confessions #2
I smiled. “Lucky for me. We’re perfect for each other.
” Then I remembered. “Shit! My parents. I was supposed to come out to them tonight. I forgot because of...” I held up my thumb with the engagement ring.
“And...” I picked up the bag of buttons, like that was an excuse.
“And then....” I put my hand on his cheek. Okay, good excuse, but.
“You don’t have to come out tonight if you’re not ready,” he said.
“I’ve gotta do it tonight. If I don’t, I’ll keep putting it off, and it won’t happen.” I got off the couch. I felt stressed out, like it was the night before a dance competition.
“Why don’t you practice your tap first?” he said. “You’re always relaxed after you do that.”
“That’s a good idea, actually.”
Yeah, I was stalling, but it was justifiable stalling.
I got out my tap board and spent the next hour practicing.
My head wasn’t in it at first, then something clicked.
I felt him watching me, but he wasn’t a distraction.
I liked having him near me when I tapped.
He had an effect on my technique that was hard to explain.
The ground felt more solid under my feet.
I was hitting the board hard, pushing my limits, and by the time I’d finished my cooldown routine, I was blown out, tension gone, and I was hot and relaxed.
But my heart was rattling in my chest like a die in a cup.
That was when he came up and put his arms around me, though my clothes were saturated with sweat and stuck to my skin.
“Eddie, I’m all gross.”
“You’re sexy,” he murmured, starting to feel me up just like I had, my first time with him. He was holding me up too, since I was so winded from practice.
I leaned into him. “I really need a shower.”
“Sure. But you feel really hot right now. After you talk to your parents, let’s fuck.”
He almost never admitted out loud to being turned on, so whenever he did, my adrenaline spiked.
I put my arms around him and pulled him close, and, yeah, he was really turned on.
We just held each other like that.
“Eddie?”
“Yeah?”
“I want to fuck you right now.” I just got this idea in my head that I wanted to pin him to the wall.
“Okay.”
He was going to let me. But in order to do it, I’d have to let him go and...
“I don’t want to let you go.”
“Neither do I.”
“This feels good. You feel amazing.”
It was like we were sharing secrets, whispering to each other, and with my eyes shut, I could see him, deep orange and red in my mind, and I was getting more and more turned on. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, but it feels so good it’s almost bad. I want you so much.”
“I’m right here,” he said.
“I want to be closer to you. I wanna be inside you.”
“I know.”
I started shaking uncontrollably. The feeling came over me in a rush, and I made this soft, needy sound—like, I couldn’t stop.
“Ohhh god, Eddie.”
“Tapper?”
“Just hold me.”
I was begging him, saying things that weren’t words, and then I squeezed him right up against me with my palms pressed flat on his back.
“Oh fuck, Eddie, I’m so turned on right now. I’m so... I want you.”
“Tapper...I’m getting close,” he said.
That fucked me up right there, and I shot.
“Jesus, Craig.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he said.
“I’m gonna—”
Everything grayed out, and I dropped. He must have caught me or landing would have hurt a lot more.
The next thing I knew, he was screaming my name in my ear, and I blinked, and I was lying on my side on my tap board.
“Talk to me,” he said, and he sounded freaked out.
Which was weird, because I felt calm.
“Yeah.” My voice sounded smokey.
He was clasping my hand.
“Are you okay?” he said.
“I will be.” I shut my eyes. I felt tired, but a good tired.
“Craig!”
“I’m okay.” I opened my eyes again, because I didn’t want him to keep freaking out.
“You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack. Can you sit up?”
I rolled onto my knees, and he helped me stand. I had to brace my hand against his shoulder. I looked down at myself. “I really need a shower.”
Then I went to the bathroom. In the shower, I had this notion that maybe I should be worried. Was I okay? I felt fine, just exhausted.
I put on my bathrobe, and when I opened the bathroom door, he was in the hallway waiting for me.
“Okay?” he said.
“I feel like I got knocked out, actually. I got so turned on from holding you that I shot. Just like my first time with you.”
“You scared the shit out of me,” he said.
I noticed he’d changed his shirt. “Aw, look at you all cleaned up.”
“I had your come all over my shirt, man.”
“Sorry. Maybe don’t mention that when you talk to my parents. Give me a hug, huh? I promise I won’t come on you this time.”
He didn’t laugh, but he hugged me. “Craig, that’s not normal.”
“I never came right after practicing before. I was just winded. That’s probably what it was.”
“But—”
“I’m gonna get dressed. Then I’m gonna come out to my parents.”
Yeah, that thing I had to do. I let him go, went into the bedroom, and shut the door. Then I got dressed.
He was standing outside the bedroom door when I opened it. “I should talk to my parents now. You mind staying here?”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine. Hey, I didn’t thank you properly.” I pulled him into a hug and kissed him, long and slow. “Thanks. Hey, your hair’s messed up.” I ran my hands through his hair, over and over. I didn’t want to stop. “You look so good, honey kid.”
“Should I put on a dress shirt and a tie?” he said.
I didn’t know he owned a dress shirt and tie. I pictured my mother asking him what the soup of the day was.
“Just wear what you’re wearing. I’m gonna do it now, I swear.”
“Good luck.”
“Thanks,” I said, patting him on the shoulder.
I went to the living room and turned on my laptop.
I had to do this alone. My hands started shaking because everything suddenly felt unreal.
Like, up till now I’d had this notion that someone else was going to FaceTime my parents and tell them I was bi for me.
Then my mom was on my laptop screen with my dad behind her, pulling up a chair.
“Hi, mom, dad.”
“Well,” she said, “it’s nice of you to fit us into your busy schedule.”