Chapter Forty-One New Beginning
I hadn’t slept so well in a long time. I woke up holding him, fast asleep in my arms, and for once, it wasn’t a dream.
I carefully put my hand on his chest to feel his heart. Then, an explosive clattering sounded from the apartment and broke the spell. I let him go and pulled away. I didn’t know if it was me letting him go or the fucking racket, but he woke up too. He turned over, and looked at me.
“Morning,” he said.
“Morning.”
“Do you still work on campus?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“The show sends a car to drive Joel and me to work. You can come with us.”
“Then Joel will know I spent the night here.”
“Since you left your shoes by the door, I think he already knows.”
“Aw, shit.”
“What’s wrong with him knowing you spent the night?”
“It’s our business, Eddie. Not his.”
This wasn’t like him. He used to guard his privacy. He’d never told anyone we were together, except for Jack, and that was only because Jack had put him in a position where he had to tell him.
“Joel respects my boundaries,” he said. “That’s why he went out last night—to give us time alone. I’ll talk to him. You get dressed.” He put his hand on the doorknob and then looked at me. “Hey.”
“What?” I said.
“Thanks for spending the night.” And he smiled like he was genuinely grateful.
I tried to be cool, but a smile slipped out.
While he was gone, I put my warm-up gear back on and brushed my teeth. I checked my phone and found two texts: one from Royce, Had a good night, lover boy? which I deleted and one from Bex, You okay? which I replied to with, Yeah. Talk later.
Eddie wasn’t back by then, and I figured I couldn’t sit in his bedroom waiting for him indefinitely.
I’d have to face the music. I’d done the walk of shame enough times when I’d had girlfriends.
I’d survived awkward encounters with roommates or roommates’ boyfriends in the hallway or the bathroom.
I could do this. I picked up my backpack.
The apartment smelled of coffee. The living room was empty. I found him in the kitchen, alone. On the table was a white bakery box full of fancy pastries. He was eating a chocolate croissant. I stood in the kitchen doorway.
“Come and have breakfast,” he said.
“I should go.”
“Drive in with us,” he said. “Joel’s in his bedroom. He can’t hear us. Come on, have a Danish. There’s a cherry one for you.”
I was always extra hungry the morning after a show, and those pastries did smell good. I sat in the kitchen chair and set my backpack down.
“Milk?” he said.
“Yeah, thanks.”
The Danish was amazing. I could have eaten ten. He set a glass of milk in front of me.
“I should probably go in on my own,” I said.
“Come in with me. I can show you my trailer...we can be alone in there.”
“I want to, but...”
“So do it.” He leaned in and kissed me softly on the mouth. “Please?”
“I just... Great.”
“What?” he said.
I glanced at the kitchen door to make sure we were alone. “I got a fucking hard-on.”
He leaned in and put his hands on the table close to mine. “I can take care of that for you in my trailer.”
When he put it like that...
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll come.”
He leaned in close and murmured in my ear, “You definitely will if you give me some time alone with you.”
And of course, that was me blushing like nuts, just when Joel walked into the kitchen.
––––––––
The car that drove us to campus was a limo. Joel was with us. He seemed different, relaxed, a friendly smile instead of a cynical one. But I kept remembering that I’d watched this guy assault my boyfriend on TV.
Eddie. My boyfriend.
I let my knee bump against his as we drove.
Yesterday, I’d been too wound up, too in my head to think about sex.
But ever since he’d kissed me in the kitchen, all I could think about was how much I wanted him.
I was trying not to be obvious. I had my backpack on my lap, and whenever I looked at him, which, okay, was often, I did it out the corner of my eye, and then I’d look out the window.
Because every single time I did, he was looking right at me, and he’d smile or wink.
Joel spent the whole ride checking his phone or pretending to.
When the car stopped to let us out, Joel said goodbye and walked away.
Eddie had me follow him, and he introduced me to security, so they’d know I was allowed to be there.
Then he took me to his trailer. This wasn’t like the trailer he’d had the last time.
He unlocked the door and let me in. He closed the blinds and turned on the air conditioner.
“It’s huge. You’re not sharing with anyone? This is all yours?”
“It’s all ours.” He came back to me and pushed me up against the door like he wasn’t messing around.
He didn’t used to do that. He almost always let me take the lead. But I had to admit, it was hot when he did it. He moved his face close until the tips of our noses were touching. “I don’t want to share you with anyone,” he said.
“I don’t either.” I kissed him. Well, I put my mouth on his, and then I froze. This wasn’t the best time to get performance anxiety, but it was happening. I hadn’t kissed him—I hadn’t kissed anyone—since last winter. He’d kissed both of his costars since then.
He breathed against my cheek, and I put my hands on his sides.
He pulled back a touch. “Okay?”
“Yeah.” I slipped my arms around him, one hand splayed over his shoulder blade, and the other cupping the softest part of his waist just below his ribs, where my hand fit perfectly, like it always had, and I pulled him in close and hugged him.
I’d forgotten how sweet he felt in my arms, how whole I felt when I held him like that.
I moved my palm down to the small of his back and pulled him in closer so the full length of his body was pressed against mine.
“Don’t move, Eddie. I just...wanna hold you like this.” I tightened my arms around him.
Then he was holding me too.
“Missed you so much,” I murmured.
I wasn’t seeing stars, but it was like looking into a bright light. It felt like crying, only I wasn’t sad. I was full—full of all this brilliance being with him gave me, and I was about to...
I think he knew what was going to happen before I did, because he caught me before I could fall. He was stronger than he used to be, and he held me up against the door.
“I, uh...”
“Yeah, I know. You’re not gonna pass out on me again, are you, tapper?”
I shook my head. He pulled me away from the door and backed me up till I hit the bed, and I collapsed onto it. I was limp as cooked spaghetti, and I was shaking and panting.
He got a glass bottle of fancy water from the bar fridge, opened it, and handed it to me. “I don’t have any milk, and my personal trainer doesn’t let me drink pop.”
I drank half of it and pressed the bottom of the bottle to my forehead, nice and cold.
“Okay?” he said, stroking my hair and getting his hand wet in the process.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You obviously needed to do that.”
“Yeah, I did, pretty bad. I haven’t jacked since December.”
“Fuck, Craig! If you don’t let the pressure off, your body’s gonna release it for you.”
“Very much aware of that, thanks, Eddie.”
He sat beside me on the bed and let his hand rest on my belly. “Why did you go that long?”
I shrugged. “I felt like if I jacked, I’d be cheating on you. Even though we weren’t together.”
He laughed. “Then I’ve been cheating on you every day for months.”
I laughed.
He moved his hand to my shoulder. “Promise me if I’m not with you, you’ll take care of yourself from now on, before it gets that bad.”
“Why are you saying that? Are you gonna leave me?”
“I don’t want to. But I might not always be there. Don’t do that to yourself. It’s not healthy. Promise me.”
I looked at the ceiling. “Okay.”
“Stop getting down on yourself. If you saw yourself the way I see you, you never would.”
“I’m a hot mess, Eddie.”
“You’re sexy. You smell like sex.”
“Yeah, I would. I got come all over me.”
But he didn’t seem to mind. He took the bottle from my hand and set it aside. Then he lay down beside me and hugged me. I hugged him back.
“Give me one of those kisses?” he said.
So I did. Never thought I’d do that again.
And he really reacted. I was pressed against him so I felt how hard he got, instantly.
He started touching me everywhere, so I did the same, rumpling the T-shirt he’d slept in.
The one I’d fixed for him. I had a lot of hot memories wrapped up in that shirt. He pulled me on top of him.
I unzipped his shorts and enclosed him in my hand.
He moaned softly, fingered the back of my neck and looked into my eyes as I stroked him, slow and steady.
And then I went down on him.
I was so much better at it now than my first time. I remembered what he liked, what he loved, and what sent him over the edge.
The trailer was quiet, except for the bed squeaking and the air conditioner humming and the sharp sound of him breathing, harsh and fast. Then he stopped, his body hitched, and he filled my mouth.
I stopped moving and held him in my mouth while he caught his breath.
His head fell back on the pillow. “Fuck.”
I pulled myself up and lay beside him, stroked his hair.
He whispered in my ear. “Are you rehearsing tonight?” His voice was hoarse, the way it got when he was really turned on or right after he shot.
“Yeah. I can’t cancel. I’ll be done at seven thirty, though.”
“That’s when I’m done with the personal trainer. Come back here. We can go home together.”
“My place?”
“Sure,” he said.
“You got a shower in here? I can’t go to work like this.”
“Yeah. I’d suggest we shower together, but there’s barely enough room for one person in there. You go first.”
I got off the bed. “I don’t have any clean clothes left.”
“I’ve got lots of clothes here,” he said.
“Is it gonna fit, though?”
“It’ll fit.”
He got off the bed and opened a drawer underneath, pulled out boxers, a pair of shorts, and a copper-colored T-shirt with a metallic sheen. “These are loose on me, so they should fit you. The bathroom’s through that door.”