Chapter 26
CHAPTER
The return to Nasallus was filled with quiet introspection.
As I suspected, Theory’s “assistant,” for lack of a better word, was awaiting our arrival, camels in hand and the same hollow eyes as the day we’d parted.
A piece of me wanted Theory to return with us, but she insisted on delivering the moonstones she’d acquired after catching up with the horses that fled the canyon during the landslide.
She would escort them safely into Cambria’s borders and reconvene with Idris to account for the mission’s details.
The remainder of the journey consisted of mostly silence in between Saryn’s suspicious glances.
Our procession trotted one behind the other, and occasionally, he’d yell out some trivial question just to see if I’d answer correctly.
He had concerns that perhaps some degree of the Drift had set in since I’d exerted myself so fully in taking down the mining operations.
After a night’s rest, I did not feel particularly exhausted, but I still carried with me a heavy guilt that weighed on my shoulders every minute of the ride back.
I distracted myself with small magic. There was no longer sand irritating my skin unless I allowed it to.
My canteen never fell below half full. My thighs never ached from the strain of the saddle.
I replayed Saryn and Theory’s words in my mind, trying to see the world through their eyes and somehow make them my own.
Since ending all those lives, I felt changed.
My peers knew what I was being sent to do, but would they look at me differently when we reunited?
I did not look at Gia differently for bedding the king.
The only reason I looked at Trace differently was because he was unable to conceal the weariness that his own duty had caused him.
If I had a mirror, would I appear a cold-blooded assassin?
Or would I still look like me? Would I look braver and fiercer?
Perhaps our own misdeeds were not evident in our reflection, pooled calmly behind a dam of rationale and responsibility, the resulting guilt slowly seeping through the seams.
The feeling of the bond had felt more present as we neared Nasallus.
Rounding the corner, the sight of the safehouse felt like the closest thing to home since we’d departed Basdie.
My excitement quickly dwindled when I discovered none of the other members were there to greet us.
Not even him. I surmised they could not have known our exact arrival time and, since it wasn’t the sabbath, perhaps our presence would have been unexpected to begin with.
Over the next hour, I bathed, made myself look presentable for servant duties, and changed back into my blue uniform.
Saryn returned from exchanging our camels for horses, and I loaded myself up into the same wagon that had previously delivered me to castle.
I found it particularly ironic that I’d need to trade my emotions of guilt for ones more comparable to grief, since everyone else believed I was returning from a funeral.
The Gods were cruel, indeed, as I had only just delivered death myself…
How long would it take for their families to receive notice, to plan the deserved ceremonies?
Would confirmation of their passing ever arrive, or would answers of their loved-one’s whereabouts evade them forever?
“See you on the sabbath,” Saryn said quietly, handing me a small bag of my belongings as I dismounted the carriage. I nodded and followed the familiar steps, greeting the castle guard.
El leaped from her bed and squeezed me in a strong, enthusiastic embrace. My body felt rigid in her arms.
“I’d ask if you missed me, but you’ve already made it obvious,” I tried to jest.
“I managed as best I could without you, but Lady Gianna is so difficult to please.”
I set my bag down next to my bed and smiled at the thought of Gia giving El an absolute runaround while I was away. Some days, I think Gia really enjoyed acting out the role of a bratty and demanding noble; eventually prying her away from this would be more difficult than we bargained for.
“Worry not, I’ve returned so you no longer have to juggle Lady Gianna’s high expectations.”
El sat back down on her bed, looking thoroughly pleased to be relieved of her temporary post. That night I joined her and the others in the dining hall, and she was delighted to see that my appetite had returned.
She and the others respected my privacy and did not question my family’s funeral.
They ate their day-old bread and squabbled about the typical castle gossip: security being upped with a number of additional Kingsguards; the former queen’s parents vacating the castle entirely and returning to their home estate; the king’s continued infatuation with a particular blonde-haired Lady—and most importantly, the rumors of a disease of the flesh continued to run rampant throughout the prison.
With the mention of a possible plague, the staff remained on high alert, knowing that if they showed any signs of illness they’d be “discarded.” This meant that, somehow, the others had kept up the charade while I was away; hopefully, Nori had been able to convene frequently with Princess Embry.
With the moonstone operation completed, Saryn would be itching to understand what other activities required our attention, or even intervention.
That night, I crawled into my cot, thankful for the first night’s sleep in some approximation of a bed in almost a week.
A servant’s cot was nothing compared to the luxurious mattress that Gia was lucky enough to rest her head on nightly, but I’d take this rickety thing over a blanket on the desert ground any day.
In the morning, I would awake early and greet Gia with the sunrise, anxious to tell her about seeing Theory and everything else we’d done.
Unimaginable dread invaded my body. It pushed down on me with such force that I could not lift myself up, no matter how much I tried.
My arms and legs were of no use. Flashes of light attempted to obscure my vision and, as I writhed against the pain, I could see angry eyes boring into mine.
So much chaotic fury in them, and yet, something cold and calculated also swirled within their depths.
This is a nightmare, I told myself. Just a nightmare. Stay calm and you will wake up soon.
Shrill screams of terror echoed in my head, causing my ears to ring, their rapid, overlapping cadence deafening.
I felt a hand fighting to cover my mouth and muffle my cries.
I had to be making some sort of noise in my sleep from this assault; if I made enough, maybe El would wake me.
Strong hands ripped at my clothing, baring my skin.
Horrid thoughts of Nix came crashing into the forefront of my mind, but nothing compared to the violating penetration that tore through me and into me, invading my body.
I reached for my magic, any form of it that would rise to the surface, but it evaded me completely.
There was the burn of unmistakable pain in between my legs.
My nails and hands scraped against hard, cold stone, and my fingers began to bleed from my will to fight against the excruciating agony.
The hand held firmly across my mouth continued to muffle my screams for help.
I again reached for my power to bring me some semblance of healing and relief from the torment, but the magic within me was dwindling quickly.
I felt the sharp edge of a knife pressed firmly to my throat, forcing me to restrain myself—and yet, a part of me craved so desperately for all of this to end.
My chest heaved with exasperation, my adrenaline spiking.
My mind unable to reconcile if it should fight or succumb.
Which would hurt less? Would I survive either?
My erratic pulse began to slow as the heathen above me failed to meet his release and slumped across my tiny body, broken and bloodied.
In a strange twist, the scene transformed into a vision where I could no longer see my attacker.
Instead, there was a female, not yet in focus, but with long, curly tendrils and bronzy skin—it was Princess Embry.
I was startled at the sight unfolding, as I had only seen her in Saryn’s painting back at the safehouse.
And what had been shown to me in a dream. Only…Nori had seen her.
Embry was standing in front of a tall male whose arms were wrapped around her from behind, and he was nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck.
She smiled and giggled at his playful flirting.
The male behind her had silver hair, and when he lifted his chin, I gasped with recognition when suddenly, I was plunged back into the darkness of the former nightmare.
Tremendous pain flooded my entire body as I felt the knife, once again at my throat, lift momentarily and then slice deeply across my flesh.
My airway began to flood with warm liquid, causing me to suffocate as I struggled to find breath.
I tried to lift my hand to stanch the flow of blood, but my arm felt too heavy, and I knew I would not make it in time.
Memories of the mere scrape from the ceremony of the Imperi flashed quickly through me and were soon replaced with the feeling of my body becoming incredibly cold and limp.
The fear of this nightmare felt like a boulder on my chest, pinning me to the cot.
In the pitch-black silence, there was suddenly a whisper:
“Ilithyia, forgive me.”
My chest heaved as I awoke gasping from the nightmare.
My body was covered in a cold sweat; my nightgown soaked through, and my hands were shaking.
She was gone. I could feel it the way I could feel the return of Varro’s bond shivering against mine.
Something was terribly wrong. Nori had come to me in a dream, but this was not a dream for her.
Panic began to settle in, and I had to hold myself back from letting out a sharp cry of disbelief.
I clung to that disbelief as I quickly slid on shoes and threw a cloak over my back, making my way to Gia’s room in the middle of the night to warn her of the horror I had witnessed.
I prayed to the Gods I was wrong and that these were nothing more than night terrors of my own twisted making.
Maybe a punishment for the deaths I had caused.
Gia notified her Kingsguard to bring the one named Cairis to her, and while she waited, I portaled to the safehouse awaiting the arrival of them both.
When I landed in the alleyway behind the building, there was nothing but shadows cast by moonslight.
A cloudlike circle formed before me and a half-awake but startled Varro came running through it, immediately gathering me into his arms.
“What’s wrong? I was sleeping, but I could feel your fear through the bond.”
I began to gasp for air, trying to get words out through my sobs into his chest.
“I-I think…something h-has happened…to Nori!”
Varro caressed the back of my head, holding me closely to him in an attempt to console me. Gia arrived next, wearing nothing but a silky negligee and a cloak.
“Where is…Cairis?” I asked, trying to speak through my weeping.
“He’s coming, I promise,” Gia assured us.
Saryn burst through the back door, looking at all of us like we had gone insane.
“What is the meaning of this? Have you lost your mind? Get inside, now!” he commanded.
Varro ushered me inside under his arm, keeping the comforting warmth of his body close, then seated me at the dining table and took the seat beside mine.
“You all better have a very good explanation—” Saryn fumed before I cut him off.
“Nori’s been hurt. She…she came to me in a dream. S-Something terrible has happened… We have to help her!” I pleaded.
Saryn’s angry expression softened into deep concern. His brow furrowed as he glanced around at the lot of us.
All of a sudden, Cairis came barreling through the back door. His skin looked pale and his face distraught. His eyes appeared bloodshot.
Gia gave him a look and Cairis shot her a slight, almost imperceptible shake of his head in reply, and her features transformed quickly from exhaustion and confusion to fear and heartbreak.
“Where is Nori?” I cried to Cairis, demanding answers.
His throat bobbed, choking as he tried to find the words. I had never seen Cairis distraught until this moment, and I knew. He needed not say the words that confirmed my worst fears, but my impatience with him reached a sharp climax, and I had to hear them.
I gritted my teeth through the tears streaming down my cheeks, and ground out, “Where. The. Fuck. Is. Nori?” Varro placed his hand on my shoulder, reassuring me of his presence. But nothing could comfort me in this moment.
Hunching over the table, Cairis braced his hulking frame with both hands and lifted his head, unable to meet my gaze. Instead, he delivered the news to Saryn like a soldier to his commander.
“There was an attack in the cells from a male prisoner. She’s…”
Hearing the crack in his voice nearly sent me into a wild frenzy as he struggled to say the words.
“Nori is gone; she-she’s dead. She’s dead…” he repeated, his voice breaking on the final word.
In that moment, I felt my ribcage split in two and my heart pound with a deafening rhythm that caused my ears to ring.
I held my breath like I had forgotten how to breathe, certain my lungs may never take in air again.
My hands trembled, and memories of the landslide came to mind as I questioned taking the whole of Nasallus and everything surrounding it to its demise.
But I would never truly be happy again. Never whole again.
Maybe now my dark powers would be lost to me, as Nori was lost to this world.
Time stood still as I realized I had been with her, my friend, my sister in all the ways that mattered, in her final moments.
As this evil stranger tore her innocence from her, he showed no mercy for the brave and tiny warrior below him.
He took from her the only thing she refused to give the Imperi.
I would take much more from him in return.
My resolve hardened into something monstrous.
“Bring him to me. Alive.”