Chapter 5
FIVE
“Is that…strawberry milk?”
It took all of Cal’s strength to keep absolutely still and pretend like he hadn’t been hoping Lia would walk to the kitchen and see the small spread he’d prepared.
He managed it for the most part, he even turned around stirring his cortado like it was just another morning in the Ahn apartment.
He certainly wasn’t dying to ask her, “do you like it? I hope you like it, because I really wanted to make sure you were okay, and I didn’t get to ask, because you didn’t tell your brother?
I’m so sorry I asked about your session, I didn’t know that he didn’t know. Please tell me all about it.”
Easy. Bomseok used to complain that his attention could get “too much.” Antis said it too, that he was too loud, too flirty, too trying to get into someone else’s business. He had to let people come to him. Everyone was a cat and he was a golden retriever puppy.
“Yeah,” he said instead. “It’s homemade from Milk Kiss Cafe, and Siwan recommended it. This is salt bread. It’s pretty popular these days, from—”
“Seong-bbang!” she exclaimed.
The audible gasp was cute and immediately made him smile.
This was the most excited she had been since he first saw her at the airport.
Her eyes were wide at the crescent bread rolls laid out on the counter, along with a selection of bacon, cheese, chocolate spread and other goodies to add to the bread.
“How did you even get this? People line up for hours!”
“So one of our former managers is friends with the owner and they did me a favor.” Cal shrugged like it had been no big deal.
And it wasn’t, but Cal did owe his hyung a meal now, and Cal wasn’t looking forward to it because they would probably talk about Bomseok.
But the way Lia looked at him made him feel like he’d hung the moon for her, and he…
hadn’t expected that. He missed it, he realized, the feeling that he’d made someone else happy.
When did performing stop feeling like this?
“I noticed your brother doesn’t eat when he works, so I figured I could load him with food before we head out to the studio later,” he added, taking the artisanal homemade strawberry milk from Lia’s struggling hands and twisting the cap easily to pour her a glass.
“Since my longganisa stash ran out before you guys arrived, I figured Siwan and Soobin’s pick-me-ups were a good idea. ”
“And the strawberry milk was Soobin’s recommendation.”
“Sure you’re not a BoLT?”
Lia’s face suddenly went a little pale. Or maybe it was just his fluorescent lighting? Cal scrambled for something else to say.
“Um. Anyway. Salt bread. We also have strawberry jam, butter and bacon. I think the bread also goes with eggs, which I can make. Sort of. They might have shells in them. But it’s the one thing I can’t not make,” he’d said it quickly, and he knew it was a little too quickly, because a crease had appeared on Lia’s brow like he’d somehow reactivated her headache.
Right. She had soju in her convenience store stash last night.
“That’s too many negatives in one sentence,” she complained, pressing her fingers to her temple. “Ow.”
Cal chuckled and pushed the bread toward her, making sure the jams and butter were closer. “Eat.”
That warm little “you-hung-the-moon,” feeling spread through him again as Lia picked up the roll, peeled the wax paper, then took a bite.
Cal felt warm and tingly all over, all the way until she gave a little moan that made that tingly heat feel too hot.
That, he didn’t have the strength to resist. He could, however, ignore it. He cleared his throat.
“I’m sorry I told Teddy about your session,” he said.
“Is that what this is?” Lia asked. “An apology?”
“It’s a lot of things, but I still am sorry.”
“It’s fine. I really should have told him. I don’t know why I didn’t,” she said, and a silence settled between them because he didn’t know what to say. But Lia beat him to the punch.
“I didn’t really get to tell you about yesterday,” Lia said, her voice suddenly softer, like she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to say it.
“Tell me.”
“I can see why you didn’t want to move here right away. Yeonnamdong was nice. I loved walking around. None of the streets made sense! I had mint ice cream at Mint Choco World—”
“Nasty.”
“Hey. No slander in this house.”
“My house?” He chuckled. “Our house.” The expression on her face was hilarious. “Please continue.”
“I just kept finding these little shops that I wished I could afford? Oh, and I got perfume! There was a shop with a pretty plum tree outside and the seller spoke English, and I spent way too much on it, smell!” She held her wrist out for him to sniff, and he touched it with his fingertips to draw closer.
He had no idea what the scent notes were supposed to be, all his brain registered was that it was minty, but the mint didn’t burn?
More floral. He pressed his nose a little closer. Closer.
Only to realize he was practically at her pulse point, and Lia had gone very still. Cal immediately let go of her hand and knew exactly how she felt like yesterday, but was way too embarrassed to bring it up.
“Smells good,” he said, suddenly remembering that he was going to make her coffee. He hurriedly hid behind the grinder and the espresso machine. “Latte, right?”
“Um, yeah.” If she was blushing, he wasn’t looking. Mostly because he was blushing. “So that was my day. Yeonnamdong reminded me a lot of Hongdae from ten years ago.”
“So that’s where that whole neighborhood went,” Cal joked.
“And the park was perfect. And really narrow?” She wrinkled her nose, and Cal smiled, picturing the narrow park’s singular path, the tiny canal that ran through it and the trees that lined the border.
He’d spent hours in that park, jogging up and down the path, walking among the families that spent time there.
“It used to be a train track I think,” he said, picturing her sitting in one of the benches with her pie and coffee. “They turned it into a public space.”
“Hay, sana all.” She sighed, and the desolate sigh of “why the fuck is my government so shitty,” he felt to his bones. He understood it, at least.
An uncomfortable silence settled between them, and he wasn’t sure how to fix it.
Was it the proper time to say something about how his lips had been two breaths away from her pulse?
That he actually really liked the perfume, what was in it?
Did she want the deed to his apartment? His firstborn child?
The doorbell rang. The sweet, sweet, amazing doorbell, and it was like someone had yelled “cut!” on a set, and the moment was over. Cal hurried to the door to meet the delivery man he’d been expecting since he got back from picking up the bagels.
“That…is a lot of yogurt?” Lia said hesitantly. “There are—uh—less explosive ways of getting your probiotics in. Do you need erceflora? I brought a lot, Teddy gets a lot of stomachaches, so…”
“What? No, this isn’t for me, it’s for Teddy,” Cal explained quickly, hefting the box to the kitchen counter.
He pulled it open with his bare hands and didn’t miss Lia looking off to the side with wide eyes as if asking a hidden camera if they caught that.
Cal was trying to hide his grin as he pulled out a pot of strawberry yogurt.
“Does your family have a thing with strawberries? I know strawberry yogurt is his favorite.”
“The Good Shepherd jam was the only sweet snack we were allowed as kids,” Lia explained, examining one of the many pots Cal was putting on the table. “Are you bribing him? How many pots did you get?”
“Just one box, so, twelve?” Cal said. “And yes, I am bribing him. We had a disagreement yesterday after you went to bed. Things got a little heated, and I know you’re not supposed to go to bed mad, but I didn’t calm down fast enough, so. Yogurt.”
That got her attention. Lia shifted in her seat to sit up straighter, and it was like he was looking at a completely different person. “Heated? Teddy is as calm as a turtle. What happened?”
“Not heated,” Cal corrected himself, although it was difficult to find the perfect word in your second language, much less the language you spoke brokenly as a child. “Initan?”
“That means heated.”
Teddy had been frustrated with him. As someone very conscious of how people perceived him, Cal did not feel great about being frustrating and ended up digging his heels in and being an even bigger ass.
Honestly, at some point in the night, he wouldn’t have blamed Teddy if he’d packed up his sister and his shit and taken the next flight back to Manila.
Belligerent. Cal had looked up the SAT word later.
He was belligerent as they chose demos, refusing to commit, hemming and hawing over every single one.
He told the group he’d given up. That he no longer wanted to be a musician or an idol, or even a band.
He wanted it all to be over because they were just delaying the inevitable, right?
Would anyone actually care if CoBOLT never came out of their hiatus?
Just like Siwan had said to him just two days ago.
They had their things. They would be fine.
Cal had…only this. And this was on the verge of collapsing. He was tired of pouring his heart out only to be ignored. Only to be told he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t relatable, wasn’t writing the right music or wasn’t anyone’s favorite.
Teddy had growled in frustration. Growled, like he’d needed to make the sound to hold himself back from tackling Cal. Then he glared at Cal like a bit of dirt under his boot and asked. “Then who the hell are you doing this for? Why did you fly me here?”
And wasn’t that the question? Why was he still here?