Chapter 9
Carter
Back in college, I chose to live by the beach for my last two years because I needed a serene, quiet place to think.
Growing up in Dallas, beaches were a planned trip during the summer.
Being able to walk out of your front door, go to the beach, and see the Gulf of Mexico waves on a Tuesday in October had been my daily life.
I parked my car and walked around to the patio. Grey, wearing black sweats and a red hoodie like he used to years ago, stared out at the Pacific Ocean. “Did we step back into college?”
He blinked and then focused on me. “Hey.”
I opened the gate and plopped down in the lounger beside him and promptly crossed my ankles. “Maybe I should get one of these. Trade the downtown condo for this. I used to love living by the beach.”
“You should. I come here when I need to get away for my peace. Told Darren no matter where we lived, I would always own this place.”
“Come here often?” I asked, surprised that Grey spoke as if he needed to be out here more. I assumed finally being with the love of his life would settle him.
“Stop digging.” He scoffed. “Me and Darren are fine. It’s other life shit that gets at me.”
“For me, having Darren was my peace,” I admitted. “Respectfully.”
“I know. Think sometimes she misses the team you and she created.” Grey smiled. “You were always sure of love and relationships in ways I hated. Mostly because I was jealous that I couldn’t be the same. We both grew up without fathers, yet that didn’t stop you from wanting a wife and family.”
“I was damaged in other ways. Hence, you’re married to my first love and wife.
” I folded my arms. “Why did you let Darren go in the first place, huh? You were so crazy in love with her, even if she didn’t see how much back then.
That woman was devastated when you left.
Do you know how hard it was to watch her fall apart over another man as if I didn’t love her too?
That vision of her on the curb crying her eyes out when you drove away is forever sketched in my brain. ”
Grey inhaled and exhaled. “That bad?”
“Yeah. I knew then that she would never love me like that, and I also knew that she cried like that because she believed you weren’t coming back. Darren wanted to move on, and for a long time, she did with me.”
We stared out at the ocean. The sounds of the seagulls and waves were soothing the residual hurt that had passed between us once upon a time.
“Darren would’ve stayed with you, you know?” Grey said so quietly that the beach noise almost drowned his words.
“Yeah. There were times I wondered if I’d made the right decision to leave my marriage for Joi.
Wondered if having the woman meant for me was this elusive fantasy, and that I should be happy with a woman who would go hard for me as Darren did.
” I glanced at him before refocusing on the beach.
“Isn’t that what most people hope for in a relationship? ”
He chuckled. “Hell, if I know. Never cared about a relationship until Darren.”
We stopped talking again for a beat.
“Why are we here, St. Patrick?” He asked, and I could sense his nervousness.
“Does my ego good to know I can still rattle you.” I bumped the arm of his chair with my fist. “Chill. This isn’t about Darren...well, sort of.”
“What is this about? You text me out of the blue, saying you need to talk just to me. You and I haven’t been alone in almost twenty years.”
“The last time we were, we almost got into a fight because you thought I was fucking over Darren,” I reminded him.
Grey nodded. “Until you told me that you loved Darren and wanted to marry her one day.”
“Yep.” I whistled. “No idea why I told you something, she didn’t even know yet. Like, I don’t know why of all the people in the world, I could talk to, I’m choosing you, now.”
He leaned forward and rubbed his thighs. “Because we are more alike than different. Because we loved the same woman for a long time. Because we share children. Because we’re both athletes who achieved the seemingly impossible. Because we’re both fatherless men trying to figure the shit out.”
“Damn, don’t think I ever thought how we should’ve been best friends.” I laughed out loud. “Ooh, then we would’ve really fought after I stole your woman.”
“Man, fuck you.” He pushed my shoulder and smiled.
“Fuck you.” I settled back in my chair, finally relaxed enough to tell him the purpose of my visit.
“Brooklyn’s ex showed up at her job on Christmas.
..said he stopped by her house first and used his key.
Walked right in that bitch after three years of no contact and after he ghosted her at the altar. ”
“The fuck?” Grey exclaimed. “Did you beat his ass?”
“Exactly. I had an instant migraine because she refused to let me hit him.” I chuckled. “She did get a few licks in before I grabbed her.”
“Good.” He suddenly frowned. “Then what’s the problem?”
“Brooklyn swore that he meant nothing to her...that she didn’t expect to ever see him again, so she didn’t change the locks. I want to believe her.”
“Darren and me all over again?” Grey tapped his balled fist on the arm of his chair.
I glanced at him. “I don’t know, and I don’t know if I want to put myself out there like that again.”
“We’re forty. Everyone you date will have a past unless you want a much younger woman. And that has its own challenges.”
“It does.” I rubbed the top of my head. “I was prepared to risk my heart with Brooklyn until it hurt like fuck, and all the worst part of love slammed into me. Like, why do I want to torture myself again?”
“You love her,” Grey replied. “Anyone with eyes could see that at the gala. She softens you. She might be the love you’ve always wanted.”
“That was an amazing night.” A vision of Brooklyn at the gala warmed my heart and tightened my pants.
Needed to change my thoughts quickly before I embarrassed myself and Grey.
I shifted in my chair. “You never answered me. Why did you leave Darren? Be honest. Was it another woman? I swear I won’t tell Darren, though I’m sure she knows every fucking thing about you. ”
“She does know. I was scared. Scared of loving someone that deeply. Scared that I wasn’t enough.
When I believed I deserved her, I wanted her back.
Plain and simple.” He rose from his chair.
“If you’re trying to compare this time and that man to what happened in the past, keep in mind, Darren found out about your affair the same time I came back into her life. ”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I looked up at him.
“If you were doing what you were supposed to do, maybe you and I wouldn’t be having this conversation, and you would still be married to Darren.
She was torn about leaving you and what you two built, no matter how much she loved me.
If you’re doing right by Brooklyn, she ain’t going anywhere.
She’d be a fool to leave you for a man who could treat her like that, no matter the reason.
And Brooklyn didn’t strike me as a fool.
” He opened the door to his living area.
“Want to come inside and have a beer? The Texans game is on. It’s not too late for us to be friends.
Sometimes, men need to talk it out, too. ”
I nodded. “We do.”
Grey gestured with his head. “We can talk more while watching the game.”
“Yeah, you know I’m a Cowboys fan anyway.” I held my hand out, and he pulled me up. “But I’ll humor you and watch. Got to head back in a little while. Everyone is already at the house. Mama is at home cooking up a storm, and Brooklyn is supposed to be coming over, too.”
His hazel eyes sparkled green in the sunlight. “If she’s meeting the fam, think you’ve already decided to believe her.”
As I followed him inside, I realized that my desire to believe her was stronger than if I actually did believe her.
Brooklyn and I hadn’t talked much in the last week.
I still picked her up from work at night, and we slept at her place since my mother was at mine.
We hadn’t had sex as if we’d verbally agreed that sex was off the table for now.
She would stubbornly place her arm and leg across me and go to sleep.
I didn’t make a move, and neither did she.
We were waiting for something, and that something I didn’t know.
We hadn’t even confirmed tonight. I just assumed at one point she would call and tell me when I needed to pick her up.
I plopped down on the sofa in front of his TV, grabbed the bottle opener off his coffee table as he lightly tossed me a bottle of beer. “Want to order some wings?”
Grey’s lips curved into a smile. “I know this place that’ll deliver. Best wings and fries.”
“Lemon Pepper.” I pulled off the top and passed him the opener as he sat down next to me and pulled out his phone. “Darren is going to be proud of us.”
“She’s always said that we could be friends if we tried.” He gave me a side glance. “Let’s not tell her yet. I hate when she’s right.”
Tapping my beer to his, I wryly replied, “Me, too. Happy New Year.”
On the drive home, the unease I’d been feeling lifted.
This morning, my gut told me to reach out to Grey, needing to deal with my own past to move forward.
And I’d been glad we did. The awkwardness of our unfamiliarity with being in the same space without the children or Darren faded the longer we enjoyed the game and talked.
Maybe her ex was like Grey and couldn’t man up when he needed to, or maybe he did have another woman.
After all was said and done, it didn’t matter what her ex wanted; it only mattered what Brooklyn truly wanted.
And I didn’t know what I expected to happen or what I wanted from Brooklyn to make everything return to the way it had been before her ex walked boldly back into her life.
Brooklyn’s name flashed across my dashboard, and my heart fluttered.
Apparently, I wasn’t ready to give up yet.