Chapter 2
A small finger tickled the tip of my nose followed by a beautiful giggle. “Mommy, wake up. Gran made pancakes and bacon!”
I couldn’t help but smile, keeping my eyes closed as I grabbed Kaley, pulling her into my arms. Kaley squealed as I blew a raspberry on her neck, followed by a fit of laughter.
We eventually untangled ourselves from the couch and meandered into the kitchen giggling as we pushed and shoved each other playfully. Sure enough, Gran was cooking with Liam in a baby wrap on her back. He was smiling and reaching for her high ponytail of silver curls.
“Thank you, Gran.”
I pressed a kiss to my grandmother’s cheek and found the coffee pot and pour myself a cup.
“You all must have been tired! I had to wake little Liam.”
Gran shook her head as she flipped a pancake.
“Gran! You’re not supposed to wake the baby.”
I admonished from behind my mug. There was no point in telling Gran what to do, but I would never have woken my sleeping baby.
“Ah! You’ll thank me later when he goes down at a proper bedtime.”
Gran plated the last of the pancakes and bacon and shuffled towards the table.
Eve and I rushed to take the platters from her, setting them in the center of the table.
“Thanks girls. Let’s get this boy in his highchair and dig in.”
Gran presented her back to me.
With a grin, I tickled Liam’s armpits as I took him out of the wrap. He wiggled and laughed as I set him in the highchair. It was one of those old wooden ones that looked like it could have been used for my mother when she was a baby.
Gran placed a spatula and measuring cup on the table of Liam’s chair. He happily grabbed them and banged on the wooden top.
Turning to Eve, I took in her braided black hair, tied with neon green ribbons. “You look beautiful, Eve.”
She blushed and dropped her gaze to the plate in front of her.
“What about me, Momma?”
Kaley bounced out of her seat and twirled at my feet, showing off her pastel tulle skirt paired with a floral t-shirt.
“Absolutely stunning.”
I smiled down at Kaley as we sat down and dug into the food.
“So, girls, are you ready for registration today? Kaley, are you going to show those teachers how smart you are?”
Gran asked as she took a sip of coffee.
“I’m so smart!”
Kaley proclaimed with a mouthful of bacon.
“Gross, Kaley! Chew with your mouth closed.”
Eve threw a wadded napkin at Kaley’s head.
It’s not funny, don’t laugh, I told myself as I forced a stern look at Eve. “Can we not throw things at each other on our first day here?”
Turning to Kaley, I sighed. “Please chew with your mouth closed, Kaley.”
Kaley’s blonde curls bounced as she stuck her tongue out at Eve and dove back into her food.
Eve rolled her eyes and picked at her pancakes. “I want to do virtual classes, Mom.”
I was in the middle of eating a strip of bacon and closed my eyes, breathing slowly in through my nose, out through my mouth. “We discussed this. You’re going to go in person for the first semester and give this school a chance.”
Eve grumbled and dropped her fork to the table. “Dad would have let me go virtual.”
Everyone grieves differently, my therapist had said. The lashing out was to be expected, but I still stared aghast.
Liam took this time to throw the spatula, causing a loud clatter through the otherwise silent kitchen. Kaley stared wide-eyed at me, waiting for a reaction, and Gran cleared her throat.
“Right, if everyone is finished, let’s get loaded up and ready to go.”
Gran’s declaration pulled Eve and me from our stare down. Kaley happily put her plate in the sink and bounded toward the shoe rack.
The ache of grief and loss clenched my chest as I dumped the remainder of my food into the trash and rinsed my plate. Following Kaley seemed like a safe decision.
“I got it, Mom!”
Kaley pushed my hands away as she attempted to tie her shoes on her own, and sure enough she does have it.
I crossed my arms around my waist and fought the tears threatening to once again make an appearance. It’s fine. She was supposed to learn to be independent. This should be good, but it just felt like I was no longer needed.
“Here, this one needs his momma, he’s sick of this old woman.”
Gran placed Liam in my arms and patted my shoulder. “This, too, shall pass. Things will get better. Maybe not easier, what with three kids and all, but they will get better.”
I nodded with clenched lips, because if I opened my mouth, the lump in my throat would release the floodgates. After a moment, I settled on, “I’m trying.”
“And you are succeeding. Sometimes knowing when to ask for help is the most important thing you can do.”
Gran squeezed my forearm before returning to the kitchen.
We load into the Subaru quietly and muscle memory must have taken over because we arrived at the district building without needing Google Maps. It was the small victories.
Kaley sang baby shark as we headed inside. Eve did her best to ignore everyone.
I was digging out the birth certificates and my ID when a startled voice asked, “Lucy?”
I shifted Liam on my hip and looked up. “Oh my gosh, Mae?”
Mae sat at the registration table, her rich chocolate curls framed her face, and her freckles still popped just the way they had when we were kids. She had been my best friend and class spitfire growing up. She looked exactly the same.
“Wow! You look fantastic. Are you moving back home?”
She gasped. “Are these your kids? They are beautiful!”
Eve closed in on herself, while Kaley beamed, reaching out a hand and proclaiming, “I’m Kaley!”
Mae smiled at Kaley and handed her a sucker. “You’re going to love it here in Whispering Springs.”
Returning her gaze to me, Mae’s expression softened. “I saw what happened on social media. I’m so sorry, Lu.”
I looked down at Liam who was happily chewing on his teething strawberry toy. “Yeah, well. I’m hoping this will be a good new beginning for us all.”
“It will be! I’m manifesting that for you.”
Mae winked at me, then honed in on Eve. “You look absolutely fantastic. I love everything about your outfit. Will you shop for me?”
In truth, they had similar styles. I noted Mae’s staple outfit with a smirk, the white collared black button up and Doc Martens were so close to Eve’s black tights and black lace t-shirt with black Converse. They could be sisters, honestly.
Eve blushed. “Really? I love your shoes,”
she beamed. “I asked for a pair of Doc Martens for Christmas last year.”
“Well.”
Mae winks conspiratorially at me. “We’ll just have to hope Christmas in Whispering Springs treats you well, then.”
Smiling, I handed the documents to Mae as she finished checking in the girls. We took a seat in the uncomfortable plastic chairs lining the walls. Eventually, teachers came out and took the girls to the back for placement testing.
During a lull, Mae stood from her table and hurried over to sit beside me. “Hey, I’m going to the Well tonight with Victoria and Allison. I would love if you could join us.”
Liam took it upon himself to choose that moment to grab a fistful of hair and pull. Wincing, I pried my hair out of his hands. “I’d love to, but I don’t want to burden Gran. We just got here.”
“What about one of your brothers?”
Mae asked as she smiled and wiggled her fingers in front of Liam. “Doesn’t Brett have like five kids? What’s three more?”
I laughed at the thought of my brother having five kids. I think he might cry and spontaneously combust if that were the case. “He has three, just like me.”
I looked at Liam and considered the offer. “How about a strong ‘maybe?’ I’ll ask and if I get a yes, I’ll be there.”
Mae clapped her hands and bounced giddily in her seat. “Perfect. We will be there around eight. Here’s my number. Text me anytime.”
Grinning, I took the piece of paper, glancing at the fancily written numbers “Thank you! I’m so glad we reconnected.”
I was smiling, and not at my kids. I was genuinely smiling. Was it too soon? Was I allowed to find happiness after such a tragic loss? Was it healthy? Was it right? Tears stung my eyes as Kaley burst through one of the doors at the end of the hallway and ran to me.
“Mom! Mom! Look.”
She shoved a Dr. Seuss book in my face and beamed. “I’m so smart, they gave me a book. Can we read it?”
I sniffed as a laugh bubbled in my chest. “That’s great! Let me talk to the teacher first, okay?”
An older woman dressed in black slacks and a simple blue button up smiled tenderly, glancing between Kaley and me. “Here are her test scores. As you can see, she is right where she needs to be for her age. She’s sharp as a whip. We are going to have a great year, aren’t we Miss Kaley?”
Kaley grinned and nodded her head fiercely. “Yes!”
She reached out to shake my hand. “I’m Ms. Everett. I will be Kaley’s teacher this year. We have many exciting things planned.”
Her eyes were a warm hazel, and she seemed calm and happy to be teaching. It filled me with reassurance.
“It’s great to meet you.”
I stood, shifting Liam to my hip and shook Ms. Everett’s hand.
“Open house is Friday at 5 p.m. I hope we will see you there.”
Ms. Everett smiled and waved goodbye to Kaley just as Eve pushed past her, shoving her papers into my arms and stormed out of the building.
Bewildered, I stared at my daughter for just a moment before looking at Kaley. “I believe that is our que to go.”
Kaley nodded and skipped as we made our way to the car where Eve was already sitting in the passenger seat with headphones covering her ears.
It was supposed to be easy, this transition. I grew up here, I had hoped that would help ease them into the school system. My mind was racing as I buckled Liam in.
Kaley began a long-winded description of her classroom and all the things she showed her teacher she could do, including but not limited to touching her nose with her tongue.
I glanced at Eve as I got in the car. For a moment, I considered reaching to put a hand on her knee, but Eve shifted further towards the door when the car started. Nodding to myself, I put my hand on the gear shift, deciding now wasn’t the time to push her.
The ride home was short. Eve darted out of the car the moment I put it in park. Kaley happily ran to the tire swing hanging from the huge oak tree in the front yard. Liam reached sleepily for me from his car seat. Maybe that drink with Mae wouldn’t be such a bad idea. But does that mean I’m failing the kids, taking time for myself? Was I giving enough to them? Had I failed in coming to live with Gran? Should we have stayed alone in Virginia?
“Lucy Lu get your ass in this house, right now!”
A deep voice boomed from the front door causing a huge grin to spread across my face, breaking through the dark cloud in my mind.
“Brett!”
I beamed as I ran the best I could with Liam’s carrier to my brother. Large arms that felt like home wrapped around my shoulders. “God, I missed you!”
“Well, you shouldn’t have moved halfway across the country when you got married, then.”
Brett ruffled my hair and squeezed tighter before letting go.
“You know we had no control over where we lived.”
I smacked his chest as I shoved my way into the house. “Are the kids here? Kaley would love time with her cousins.”
I didn’t dare speak for Eve right now.
“Not tonight. Mary has them until Thursday. I was thinking maybe we could have a sleep over on Friday after open house.”
Brett took Liam from my arms and held him naturally. “Look at you! The spitting image of your dad.”
I smiled, watching him fawn over Liam. “He really is.”
Brett baby talked with Liam, tickling his belly intermittently. They were taken with each other immediately. That was the thing about Brett, he didn’t know a stranger. He could charm anyone despite his giant build. He had been powerlifting since he hit puberty and actively participated in the Highland Games. If he got any bigger, he would have to turn sideways to fit through the door, but man, I wouldn’t change anything about him. Brett was pure joy and love, always.
“Lulu, are you finally back?”
My smile dropped to a glare as I stared pointedly at Brett. “You weren’t going to warn me-”
There was no time to finish my sentence because Joshua tackled me to the ground and planted a sloppy kiss on my forehead. “Welcome home, little sis!”
“I can’t breathe,”
I gasped and hit Josh’s sides with all my might.
“Yay! Tackle Mommy!”
Kaley yelled as she bounded on top of Josh.
“I hate you,”
I growled with no conviction. They all promptly burst into fits of laughter.
“Hate you too, Lulu.”
Josh ruffled my hair, just as Brett had, before standing up. He was so similar to Brett in build, big muscles and giant frame, but where Brett was calm and kind, Josh was the token goofball and shit disturber of the family. His bright green eyes were responsible for more trouble than not.
Eve peaked her head down the stairs and frowned at what she found.
“Eve, do you remember your uncles, Brett and Josh?”
I asked through giggles and gasps for air.
Josh reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me up off the floor. “Nice to see you again, Eve.”
Josh bowed low as he addressed her.
Eve’s frown deepened as she turned on her heels and returned to her room, slamming the door.
“She’s going through her Wednesday phase,”
Kaley explained matter of fact.
Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. I’m not sure my cough covered it well, because Josh and Brett both smirk. “Kaley. You can’t say that.”
Kaley frowned and canted her head. “Why? That’s what Daddy used to say.”
The room went incredibly quiet, until Josh broke the silence, hugging Kaley tightly. “Your daddy was one of the best people I knew.”
Kaley nodded and looked at her feet. “I miss him. I think Eve is sad because Daddy wasn’t there today.”
Balling my fists, I fought the wave of grief and emotions taking over. Brett pulled me into his side and kissed the top of my head.
I swallowed and admitted, “We all miss him, baby girl. It will get easier, but right now it still hurts for all of us.”
“I think Daddy is still with us, making sure we are okay.”
Kaley looked up at Josh with a proud smile.
“Welp, I can’t fight the tears after that.”
A dark chuckle left my chest as the dam broke, and tears streamed down my cheeks.
Josh’s eyes also turned glassy. He patted Kaley’s shoulder. “Why don’t we go outside, and I can push you on the swing.”
They made their way outside. I reached for Liam, but Brett turned away from me. “Nope. I have it on good authority that you were asked to go to the Well tonight. Gran and I have the kids. You’re going to go splash water on your puffy eyes, pick your favorite outfit, and go be your own person for the evening.”
“Brett,”
I scoffed and reached again for my son. “I can’t. The girls need me. I can’t just leave them with Gran on our first full day here.”
“You’re not. I’ll be here. I have an abundance of experience, three kids of my own and all.”
He winked and held on to Liam, blowing a raspberry on his cheek, before waving me off. “Shoo. Take a few hours to yourself.”
Rolling my eyes, I made my way up the stairs. Instead of following Brett’s orders, I knocked on Eve’s door.
“Go away.”
Eve mumbled.
Slowly opening the door, I said, “I can’t do that.”
Eve was lying face down on her bed, black hair no longer in braids, loose waves now covered the part of her face that peeked out from her pillow. Carefully, I sat next to her, placing a hand tenderly on her back.
“Everyone stared at me when I went to the computer room for the stupid placement tests. I just-”
her shoulders shook as she cried into her pillow. “I want Dad back. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”
“Evalynne Rose!”
I gasped, shocked by her declaration. “It is not your fault. You were not the driver in the other car. It was a hit and run. The accident had nothing to do with you.”
“We were going home from my soccer game. If I hadn’t played soccer...”
She cried harder, body heaving with emotion.
My heart ached for my little girl. God, I had no clue she believed it was her fault. My voice broke as I explained, “If it hadn’t been for your game, your dad would have been headed in to work. He still would have been on the road. Your game was not the cause, do you hear me?”
Eve rolled over and threw herself into my lap wrapping her arms around my waist. “Why couldn’t we stay in Virginia? I have no friends here.”
My back stiffened. I knew that would be a challenge. Eve had made a good group of friends at her old middle school. I knew the transition would be a challenge. I had just hoped it would be better than this. “Because I had no one where we were. My dad is camping across the country with his girlfriend, my family is here, and your dad’s parents passed long before any of you were born. I was alone up there.”
Eve sniffled and looked up at me. “What about your work friends?”
I tucked her wild hair behind her ear and offered a sad smile. “Sometimes you just need your family.”
Eve considered this for a moment and frowned before declaring, “Josh is weird.”
I burst into laughter and hugged Eve’s shoulders. “Wait until you meet Dylan. When those two get together, nothing is safe.”
Eve grunted underneath my arms and pushed off my lap, staring out the window. “The mountains here are different than the ones in Virginia.”
Staring out the window, I consider the mountain range behind Gran’s house. “I suppose they are. I loved the fog in the morning on our old mountains, but you know what I love about these mountains?”
Eve looked at me, tears gone and eyes wondering. “What?”
“There’s magic in the mountains. Your dad asked me to marry him just over there on a hidden trail. We would walk it almost daily when we were teenagers.”
Eve smiled and leaned her head on my shoulder. “Do you think we will be happy again? Is it okay to be happy?”
Dammit, my kids knew how to ask hard hitting questions. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t struggle with the same questions, but I settled on, “I think your dad would be very upset if we spent the rest of our lives being sad. He would want us to find joy in life again.”
Eve nodded against my shoulder. “I love you, Mom.”
“Love you too, Eve.”
“Lucy Lu if you are not dressed and out of this house in the next hour, I will throw you out the door in your oversized sweater and mom jeans. Get moving!”
Brett shouted from downstairs.
I took a moment to stare at my worn, faded jeans. Picking at the frayed knees, I asked Eve, “Are these mom jeans?”
Eve threw her head back and laughed. “They go up to your rib cage, of course they are mom jeans.”
With a loud gasp, I clutched my chest as if she physically wounded me before I pushed her over onto her bed. It was the exact kind of laugh we both needed.
“Mom!”
Eve yelled, giggling as she climbed out of bed and pushed me back as we tried to exit the room.
Forty-five minutes, hair curled, a finger burnt, and the entirety of my suitcase dumped on my bed later, I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. My lips were too red. It may just have been me, but did I look bitchy with eyeliner? Shit, my cleavage showed in this little black dress. Maybe the sheer tights with my old Doc Martens were too much.
Josh knocked on the door, opening it slowly before throwing his hands in the air. “Don’t kill me! I was sent to check on you.”
“I’m not going.”
I turned and pushed past him, throwing myself on the mattress. “This is ridiculous, and I look like a joke. I think I’ll just curl up here with a book.”
Josh appraised me and shook his head. “Nope you’re perfect. You look like a grown-up version of Eve. Very Punk. Add a flannel around your waist and I would feel transported to our childhood.”
I stared at my boots, refusing to make eye contact with my brother. “I’m scared.”
Josh pulled me into a crushing hug. It was like he was squeezing all my broken pieces back together. “You have been in survival mode, mourning your husband for a full year. It’s time to have a few hours to yourself. Go dance, do some crazy karaoke version of ‘Pink Pony Club’ and see how many guys ask for your number.”
“I don’t want anyone to ask for my number, Josh.”
I buried my head in his chest. “God, you smell like a teenage locker room. Did you spray the whole can of Oldspice on your shirt before you left home?”
He chuckled as he pulled back, keeping his hands on her shoulders. “Nah, the girls love this shit. One spray just smells like ten.”
I chuckled as I took a final glance at my reflection in the mirror.
“David would have loved that outfit and he’d be proud of you for taking care of yourself, Lu,”
Josh commented as he watched my indecision.
“Ugh, fine. I’ll go, but if I hate it, I’m blaming you!”
I poked him square in the chest as I pushed past him.
“I’m always the fall guy! Why can’t you blame Brett?”
He whined as he followed me down the stairs.
“Because you’re the youngest brother!”
Brett called from the rocking chair as he gave Liam his bottle.
“That’s not fair, Lu is the baby!”
Josh waved an exasperated hand at me.
Grinning, I stuck my tongue out at him. He copied my movement until Gran came up and whacked him upside the head with a magazine.
“Leave your sister alone!”
She admonished, glaring half-heartedly at Josh.
His hand darted to his head, rubbing where she hit him. Josh gasped, “What? She started it! Why did I get hit?”
“If I hit her, it would mess up her hair.”
Gran rolled her eyes as if that much was obvious, earning giggles from Eve and Kaley. “Lucy, get out of here. We’ve got this.”
With a sloppy salute and goodbye kisses to each of my kids, I headed out before I could overthink it anymore.
“In Chappel we trust!”
Josh shouted with a fist pumped to the sky just as I closed the door.
I made it all the way to the first stop sign before the anxiety seeped in. After sitting at the sign for way too long, staring at nothing in particular, I took a deep breath. My phone pinged; the radio announced the text message:
Hey, Josh sent me your number. Hope to see you tonight. -Mae
I could do this. I would do this. I was going to have fun and be free for a night, and that was okay. Squaring my shoulders, I used talk-to-text to respond.
Hi, Mae. I’m on my way.
Mae’s response was instantaneous:
*GIF of Napoleon Dynamite saying “Yes!”*
Laughing, I turned my music app to 2000’s hip-hop playlist, cranked the volume, and rolled down my windows. The entire town of Whispering Springs got a car concert featuring Lil John and yours truly, Lucy Ramirez.
Pulling into the parking lot, nostalgia hit me. David and I spent a lot of nights here. My first time at the bar was the most comical though.
“They’re going to know,”
I whispered as I tugged on David’s arm, urging him back to the truck.
He laughed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “Sure, but only because this is Whispering Springs and everyone knows everyone, but they won’t care.”
“My mom will kill me.”
I turned under his arm and tried to retreat, but he just pulled me back, kissing the top of my head.
“Lucy, relax. You don’t have to drink. You can just hang out, or dance, or read the book I know you have hidden in your purse.”
When I gasped at the accusation, David simply winked and pulled me in through the double doors.
Loud country music blared as a large group of people sang and line danced on the floor. David nodded to the bartender who raised the bottle in his hand in a makeshift salute.
“What do you say, Lucy Lu? Will you dance with me?”
David pulled me in front of him, wrapping his arms around my waist and swayed slowly to a Josh Turner song. He laid his chin on my shoulder, awaiting my answer.
Smiling, I leaned my check against his head and nodded. “I will always dance with you, David.”
A knock on the driver’s side window startled me from the memory.
“Luce, you made it!”
Mae opened the door and pulled me into an enthusiastic hug.
I smiled as I hugged her back. “This place hasn’t changed a bit! Is Gary still bartending?”
Mae laughed, her eyes bright as she ushered me inside, linking her arm in mine. She was rocking a white crop top under a dark denim jacket, tight black jeans and converse. “Nah, but he bought the place a few years ago. His son is the bartender now. Come on, the girls are inside and if we don’t join them quickly Allison’s pending divorce will have her mainlining tequila before we get on the dance floor.
“You look hot, by the way. Very emo punk. It almost makes me miss high school.”
She shook her head at the thought. “Working reception at the high school is as close as I want to get.”
I couldn’t even imagine. Being a parent was enough for me. As we stepped through the doors, I took in the revamped bar. Gone was the musty old cigarette smell and wood paneling. Gary’s son had updated everything to follow the urban industrial vibe. Eddison lights hung from the exposed pipes on the ceiling. The walls were now a mixture of cedar planks and distressed metal. It was rustic and beautiful.
“I love it!”
I shouted over Shania Twain’s vocals blaring from the speakers.
Mae grinned, her bright eyes beaming with pride. “Ya, Vance did a great job. We’re over here.”
We make our way to a corner booth just as Allison tossed back a tequila shot. Her blonde hair flew back as she tipped her head quickly. Mascara was smudged under her eyes and left a trail down her cheeks, indicative of many tears.
Victoria glared at Allison and slammed her freckle covered hand over the shot glass as Allison began to reach for her next drink. “Ali, I swear if you take another shot, I am going to throw you over my shoulder and drag you home.”
Allison scoffed; her bright red lips pulled up in disgust. The hint of a bruise discolored her right cheek just below her eye. “What home? That prick kicked me out today. Got out of jail just to throw my stuff in the yard and change the locks on the doors.”
Victoria sighed and rolled her eyes. “I meant my home. You’re sleeping on my couch until you find an apartment, but there will be no blackout drinking tonight.”
“On that note,”
Mae chimed in with a laugh, “Why don’t we hand that shot to Lucy? Celebrate her coming home.”
“Yes!”
Victoria happily shoved the glass into my hand. Tequila sloshed with the movement, spilling over onto my fingers. “Welcome back, Lucy!”
Allison hiccupped and canted her head studying me. “I vaguely remember you.”
I smiled with a nod before I threw the shot back, wincing at the burn. “You dated my brother Dylan for a short while before I graduated high school.”
Allison blushed and smiled giddily at Victoria as she pulled out her phone. “Oh, Dylan. He was yummy. I wonder what he’s doing toni-”
Victoria took Allison’s phone from her hands, making a show of stuffing it in her bra, where she knew Ali wouldn’t reach for it. She grumbled, “No drunk dialing either, Ali.”
“You’re a buzzkill. I’m going to dance.”
Allison bolted out of her seat and swayed in her black heels as she made her way to the dance floor.
“Her ex, Alex, well…he’s the worst of men I don’t know how much Ali wants to share.”
Mae shook her head as she grabbed the last shot and tossed it back. “I don’t know how I’d be holding up if I were in her position.”
Maybe I didn’t have the full story, but I could put two and two together. Allison probably needed tonight more than any of us.
Clearing my throat, I set down the shot glass. “I’m going to go get a different drink. Do you want one?”
Mae tucked her hair behind her ear and watched everyone on the floor. “Nah, I’m good. I think I might see who’s willing to dance with me tonight.”
I mouthed the words to the Fallout Boy song that I knew by heart as I made my way to the bar. The bartender gave me a nod indicating he’d be over as soon as he finished pouring a round of drinks.
I turned, pressing my back to the bar top, bouncing my head from side to side, enjoying the rhythm of the music. David and I once had a Fall Out Boy karaoke night shortly after Eve had been born. Whoever messed up the lyrics first had to wash the dishes. This had been my crowning song. No dishes were washed that night, but the sex had been filled with endless giggles and a million kisses.
“What can I get you?”
The bartender asked as the song changed.
I ordered a Long Island Iced Tea just as I made eye contact with startling blue eyes and a familiar leather jacket.
Garrett took me in with a lingering gaze that traveled up and down my body before he groaned and grabbed the bottle of beer before him. “You look like I need a drink.”
“Good thing you already have one, Sheriff.”
I smirked as I took my drink and sipped through the straw, turning to watch the girls enjoy the music on the dance floor. Allison was pressed against a perturbed Victoria, grinding her hips against Victoria’s waist. A boy who couldn’t be older than twenty-five approached, excitement colored his eyes, just to be shooed away by Victoria. Mae on the other hand was happily enjoying the attention of a built, bearded man who looked like the definition of a lumbersexual in his dark flannel and tight jeans.
“Shit. I didn’t mean to say that. I’ll take my tab,”
Garrett announced as he motioned to the man behind the bar.
I looked at the half-finished beer in his hand and shook my head. “Don’t let me scare you off.”
“Your driving already did that.”
Garrett winked with a teasing grin. “Nah, I just have work in the morning.”
His warm eyes met mine before traveling down to the neckline of my dress. A blush filled my cheeks as he cleared his throat catching himself. “Look, I want to apologize. I was a dick last night.”
I waved my hand dismissively. “That’s nothing new.”
I winked back and shook my head. “You were a tyrant all throughout high school. I wouldn’t expect you to stop now.”
Garrett frowned and handed his debit card across the counter before saying, “I’m sorry I left that night. My emotions were high, and your daughter was crying for David. I should have visited you all more. I should have been there. Please know that if not for my mom’s health, I would have been at the funeral. David was a great friend and a great man.”
“He was the best man.”
My words caught in my throat.
“He loved you and your family.”
Garrett fidgeted with the bottle in his hand, avoiding eye contact.
“I never doubted it. It’s okay, you have a family to take care of, too. I understand that.”
I shouldn’t have but I took in the man before me. Strong, muscled, probably tatted under the leather jacket, long legs, a well-kept beard, and dark brown curls fell just above his eyes. He looked like trouble. Trouble I shouldn’t be staring at.
He focused on the coaster under his bottle, picking at its corners, and sighed. “She barely remembers me anymore. Sometimes she remembers Dad, but even that is becoming less often.”
Garrett swallowed hard.
“I’m so sorry, Garrett. I can’t even imagine.”
There’s a part of me that wanted to reach out and place my hand on his to offer some sort of comfort, but somehow that felt like I’d be crossing a well-placed line.
Garrett stood, clearing his throat to say, “If Victoria decides to drink, call the station and I’ll come drive her home.”
He took a moment to assess the aforementioned woman before heading out the door.
I could say I did my best to not watch him leave, but his jeans were fitted, and the Long Island Iced Tea was strong. I wish I could say I was numb to finding people attractive. I wanted to say that the only man who will ever hold my attention from here on out was David. I wanted to be a good wife, even as a widow, and stay true to him, but Garrett’s broad form, his long thick legs, his ass in those dark, tight jeans… Maybe I needed to schedule an appointment with my therapist again.
I was pulling out my phone to send that email, just as Mae danced over to my side and bumped her hip against mine.
“I see you reconnected with Garrett.”
She wiggled her eyebrows and winked. “He is a fine specimen if you ask me. He just gets better to look at with each passing year.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I shoved my phone back in my pocket. I took a long sip of my drink in hopes it’d get me through the confession. “I almost killed him last night. You can leave the eyebrow wiggles for someone else.”
“Oooo, that is a story I need to hear.”
Mae threw her arm around my waist and began dragging me onto the dance floor. “Tell me while we do the Cha Cha Slide.”
In seconds, Allison and Victoria joined us in line and burst into giggles as we danced to our middle school anthem. I explained my encounter with Garrett breathlessly.
“Well, now that we know you have it out for Garrett and his fancy motorcycle, I’m going to take this one home,”
Victoria huffed as she threw Allison’s arm over her shoulder and secured her with an arm around her waist. Allison leaned sleepily against Victoria.
Mae smiled, catching her breath as she nodded in understanding. “Let me know if you need anything.”
Victoria nodded, her red hair falling into her eyes with the movement. She began to head towards the door but turned to me first. “It was good to see you again. We have a monthly sleep over where we eat ice cream and watch dumb movies. Our next one is going to be in a couple weeks. You should come. I promise Ali isn’t always like this.”
I finally caught my breath from dancing and grinned. “I’d love that! And no worries. The first month after David passed, I was no better. Grief isn’t linear and some days just fucking suck.”
“Amen, sister!”
Ali shouted with a raised fist, letting go of Victoria and nearly faceplanting as she lost her stability.
Victoria grunted as she caught her. “On that note, goodnight girls!”
“Come on, we have to do at least one karaoke song before we leave. It’s tradition!”
Mae snagged my hand and dragged me to the stage.
I was freely giggling now as we stood behind the microphone and “Pink Pony Club”
began. It took no convincing to get Mae to agree to Chappel Roan. We belted the chorus with everything we had, earning hoots and hollers from the crowd. And for a moment, I felt light, and glad to be back home. Things were going to be okay.