22. Luca
TWENTY-TWO
Luca
Grace got me into the recording studio early the next week to start laying down tracks. McKenzie came when she could, and I started to wonder how I’d ever made music without her. She wasn’t afraid to tell me when something wasn’t working, but she was also generous with her praise. For the entire month of November, what time wasn’t spent in the recording studio was spent with her. We spent part of Thanksgiving with one another too. She came to Dallas and Katie’s after having dinner with her mom, and it was perfect. That evening, she came back to the hobbit house with me, and I played her a few more songs I’d been working on.
What was supposed to be an EP ended up becoming a full-length album; once I gave voice to the thoughts in my head, they all demanded to be heard. I had more material than I knew what to do with, so I tucked some of it away in my notebook to save for later after Grace said she felt confident there would be a second one.
By the time afternoon rolled around the second Thursday in December, the album was already half recorded. We decided to stop for the day, and Grace and I stepped outside into the cold air.
“Come on,” I said, leading her to my car. “We’re going to lunch.”
“You’re buying.” She beamed up at me with her signature smile, and years flashed before my eyes. When I first met Grace, she was just a teenager backstage with her mom and Liv, Ella’s best friend, at one of our meet and greets. And now, here she was, a grown woman—Cash’s protégé and stepdaughter—managing my career. I could never have anticipated how that single moment in time, one that could’ve easily been as ordinary as the rest, would set in motion a series of events that would change the rest of our lives.
I grinned over at her as I unlocked the door, opening it for her.
“Look at you being a gentleman,” Grace teased as she climbed in. “McKenzie’s been good for you.”
I smirked as I moved around to the other side and slid behind the wheel.
“I’ll have you know it’s not all McKenzie’s doing,” I said. “Though she’s definitely helped.”
She laughed, gazing out the window as I pulled out of the studio parking lot. “I know. I’m just teasing you.”
We made the short drive down the street to The Loving Pie Company and parked out front. She fell in step beside me as we walked inside, and the owner, whom I recognized from being there countless times over the years, seated us in the back by the window.
“You are different, though,” Grace said once we were left to browse our menus.
“How so?” I asked, not looking up.
“You’re softer,” she answered. “Kinder. To yourself and everyone else. Not that you haven’t always had a certain softness lurking beneath all your attitude and crude remarks.”
My eyes flicked up to hers.
“You thought I didn’t notice?” She raised her brows. “I may have been a teenager when I met you, but I still saw things over the years. You’ve always had a gentle side. It comes out when you think people aren’t looking and maybe most people aren’t paying attention. But I saw it. And even though you were a jerk sometimes, you’ve always been pretty great to me.”
I tilted my head. Katie had said something similar to me several months back. I’d thought this softer side had only appeared once I’d begun to chip away at the armor that had kept my emotions locked away for so long. But maybe there had always been cracks in the foundation I’d spent most of my life constructing.
“I don’t feel like I’ve been great to anyone,” I confessed. “I spent a lot of time shutting people out. It was easier to push everyone away than it was to admit I fucking cared.”
“We still knew,” she said softly.
“That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry, Grace.” I shook my head. “I wasn’t there to celebrate you when you got engaged. Or to support you and your mom when your grandmother passed away. I wasn’t there, and I should’ve been.”
“You’re here now,” she said as though it was just that simple.
I attempted to swallow down the lump in my throat. “That doesn’t feel like enough.”
“But it is,” she insisted. “When you love someone, that is enough.”
My blurred gaze fell to the folded menu in front of me, and I cleared my throat. Telling people I love them wasn’t something I did often before I finally hit rock bottom, before I’d started therapy. I still wasn’t entirely comfortable with these displays of affection or feeling my emotions, but I was getting better. It was becoming easier.
I blinked back the moisture glossing over my eyes. “I do love you guys. Even if I haven’t always done the best job of showing it.”
“We still knew,” she said again.
“And while I’m admitting things, I want you to know, I’m glad you’re here. That it’s you helping me with this project.” I folded my arms, leaning them on the table. “It feels right. I’m glad Cash is involved too, of course. But having you in the driver’s seat…It feels like a new beginning. The start of something big for both of us.”
“I’m happy I’m here too.”
A server came and took our orders, bringing us glasses of water while we waited on our coffees. Once we were alone, I spoke again.
I pushed my hand through my hair. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” she replied.
“It’s going to seem weird coming from me.”
“Now I’m even more intrigued. What’s up?”
I blew out a breath. “How did you know you loved Sam? I mean, you’re young. So many people my age and older never find love or maybe they do and aren’t smart enough to recognize it.”
Her eyes went wide. “Wow, I didn’t have you coming to me for relationship advice on my bingo card,” she said with a laugh. “Why do you ask? Is it because of McKenzie?” She flashed me a big cheesy grin.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Maybe.”
“Really?” she squeaked out.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you for relationship advice.” I smirked and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Oh stop .” She swatted the air with her hand. “I’m allowed to get excited for you. She’s worth getting excited about.”
“What was it about Sam?” I pressed on. “How did you know it was beyond simply caring about him? How did you know it was love?”
She sighed and sat back in her chair as the server dropped our coffees off. “It wasn’t really an epiphany for me. It wasn’t like that moment in the movies when the female lead is suddenly struck with the realization she can’t live without this guy. It wasn’t one big moment. It was a million little ones.”
I nodded. “Explain.”
She twirled a piece of her long golden hair around her finger. “When I have a rough day, he knows exactly how to make me feel better. He brings me donuts and holds me on his lap while I tell him about it. He doesn’t try to fix it. He just listens.” She pauses a moment, a smile spreading across her face. “If we’re in the car and ‘Cruel Summer’ comes on the radio, he turns it up and scream-sings it with me. And when something big happens, no matter if it’s good or bad, he’s the first person I want to tell. What he thinks matters to me. If I’m considering something, whether it’s an opportunity or if I wake up one morning and want to chop off all my hair, he’s who I’m going to talk to about it because he gets me. He understands me in a way no one else does. He’ll support me no matter what I decide, but he also reminds me how strong I am when I forget.”
Her words kicked me in the chest, knocking the wind right out of me as McKenzie’s face consumed my mind in a beautiful mosaic of the moments we shared together over the past couple of months.
“That’s…that’s incredible,” I managed through the tightness in my throat before I gave her a sincere smile. “I’m happy you found that, Grace. You deserve it.”
She leaned forward, her eyes turning soft. “You deserve that too, you know?”
I wanted to believe it was true, that it was possible for me. But there was still a small part of my brain that questioned if I was worthy of someone so precious. Did my previous transgressions and wrongdoings cancel out my right to happiness?
“You wanna know what it feels like to love someone?” Grace asked, steepling her fingers. “It’s like coming home. It’s that sigh of relief when you walk through the door and know you’re somewhere you don’t have to pretend to be anything other than what you are. It’s where you can be the worst version of yourself and know those four walls will protect you and keep you all the same. Does that make sense?”
“It does.”
McKenzie was all of those things to me and more. The fear of whether or not I deserved her paled in comparison to how much I needed her. She was my safety, my refuge, my sanctuary.
She felt like coming home.
I couldn’t get to my notebook fast enough after my lunch with Grace. The words flew from my pen as though they were trying to escape before I could change my mind. In the span of an evening, I’d written an entire song.
When I arrived at the recording studio the next morning, Grace was already waiting inside with two coffees.
She raised one to me when I entered the room. “Brandon, the engineer guy, stepped out for a minute, but he’ll be right back. I got you a—”
“I’ve got to play something for you,” I said, already pulling my guitar from its case and sitting on the couch inside the booth.
She laughed. “Good morning to you too.”
I dug a pick out of my pocket. “I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said yesterday, and well, I wrote a song about it.”
Grace took a sip of her coffee and perched on the arm of the sofa, placing the extra cup on the end table beside her. “I’m intrigued.”
“It’s called ‘Coming Home.’”
My eyes closed as I strummed the opening chords and began to sing. I pictured McKenzie that night at The Basement East and her wildflower ways as she danced. I remembered the way she fearlessly fought that drunk asshole at the tavern the night I signed the lease on the hobbit house and felt the warmth of her lips on mine after Dallas and Katie’s wedding. Even though I hadn’t realized it at the time, each moment had become a brick in the home she’d built for me.
I’d fallen in love with McKenzie one cup, one brick at a time.
Each look, the sound of her laughter, her smile, every word she said had laid the foundation. Her arms had become the safest place I’d ever known. She didn’t care how I showed up, only that I did. McKenzie accepted me exactly as I was.
When I finished the song, it was the sound of Grace’s sniffles that brought me back to the moment.
I pressed my lips together as I set the guitar aside. “Was it that bad or that good?”
She laughed through her tears. “Are you kidding me? That has to go on the album, Luca. In fact, I think it’s your title track.”
My eyes grew wide. “You really think so?”
She nodded. “I do. This album…this feels like you coming home to the person you were always meant to be. The person I think you’ve always been at your core.”
I dropped my gaze, leaning forward on my elbows with my hands clasped. She was right. Maybe this version of me had always existed, but it took McKenzie giving me her hand to lead me out of the darkness and into the light.
“You have to tell her,” Grace said as though she had somehow heard my thoughts.
“What?”
She pinned me with a knowing stare. “McKenzie. You have to tell her.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, not meeting her gaze.
Her words were soft when she spoke again. “Come on, Luca. You may have written that song after our conversation yesterday, but you can’t tell me every word wasn’t for her. You love her.”
I swiped my tongue over my teeth and squeezed my eyes shut. She was right again.
The cushion shifted as Grace moved to sit beside me. “I know it’s scary. It’s terrifying to tell someone how you feel. It’s like jumping out of a plane without knowing if your parachute will go off. Without knowing if you even have a parachute.”
I swallowed hard as I met her eyes. “What if I fall to my fucking death?”
She placed her hand on my arm. “What if you fly?”
“Shit,” I muttered through a shaky breath. McKenzie wasn’t even in the room, but she might as well have been. I felt her everywhere.
“Play her the song,” Grace said. “Tell her how you feel.”
My foot tapped nervously as I considered what she said. “Okay. I’ll tell her.”
“But first, we’re going to lay down this track,” she said as Brandon entered the room.
I laughed, picking up my guitar. “You got it, boss.”
“You guys ready?” Brandon asked, looping his headphones around his neck as he took his seat behind the soundboard.
“Yep.” I grabbed my coffee off the table and entered the booth, setting it on the ground beside me.
Grace gave me a nod of approval as I sat on the stool, propping my guitar on my lap.
“Let’s roll,” Brandon said into the booth.
I nailed it in one take.
We wrapped the day around seven, and I drove straight to McKenzie’s. She hadn’t even made it home from work yet, so I waited in her driveway for nearly forty-five minutes.
When I saw the headlights of her truck pull in behind me, I got out of the car.
“Hey, you,” she said as she started toward me. “What are you doing here? I didn’t think I’d be seeing you till tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I know.” I slid my arms around her waist and pulled her close, kissing her forehead. “I couldn’t wait.”
She narrowed her eyes up at me. “Everything okay?”
I pushed my hand through my hair and rubbed my hand across the back of my neck.
“Yeah. I just…I wrote a new song, and I want to play it for you.”
“Oh really?” Her face lit up, turning on all the lights inside my heart. “Well, I can’t wait to hear it. Come on up.”
She started toward the stairs, and I grabbed my guitar from the back seat, blowing out a breath. I followed her inside and set my case down by the couch as the cats came slinking out of the bedroom to say hello. Binx meowed and circled my legs where I sat.
“Hey, guys.” I leaned down and gave them scratches on the head before picking up Earl Grey, holding him like the giant baby he was.
McKenzie set her bag on the counter and joined me. “You and that cat.” She laughed.
“What?” I asked. “He’s my buddy.”
“I know, and it’s adorable,” she said, folding her legs beneath her. “Okay, I’m dying to hear this song.”
I placed Earl Grey on the back of the couch and got my guitar out of the case, positioning it on my knee.
“We actually laid this one down at the studio today.” I fumbled for my pick with trembling fingers and dropped it. “Fuck,” I muttered, grabbing for it.
“Are you all right?” McKenzie furrowed her brows. “You seem nervous.”
My throat was dry as though I’d eaten an entire sleeve of crackers without a single sip of water.
“Yeah,” I lied. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” she asked while Binx hopped on the back of the couch to join Earl Grey. “You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you, right?”
“I know.” My voice was barely above a whisper as I reached for her hand, giving it a squeeze. “I just…I need you to listen to this song.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
I released a shaky breath, centering myself before I closed my eyes and began to play the soft, tender melody. Then, I began to sing.
“Don’t have to wipe my feet on the mat
You don’t care where I’ve been
You let me track in all my dirt
Leaving my sins all over your den
Never one for empty platitudes
No ‘take it on the chin’
You’re the warmth in my cup of coffee
Even when I burn like your shot of gin
You make me feel like coming home
The only one I’ve ever known
Where I can heal my broken bones
And lay down all the stones they’ve thrown
You feel like coming home
Your eyes are my safe house, my refuge
Your voice is my favorite song
Singing my soul softly to sleep
In your arms I always belong
You turned on the lights in all my rooms
And painted my gray skies blue
You make me wanna be the air you breathe
I wanna be the ink in your tattoo
Come what may, come whatever
It’ll only get better
My sun will always rise and set for you
Even when I wanna quit
You’re what makes it worth it
My sun will always rise and set for you
You make me feel like coming home
The only one I’ve ever known
Where I can heal my broken bones
And lay down all the stones they’ve thrown
You feel like coming home
I wanna make you feel like coming home
The one your heart’s always known
Let me heal your broken bones
And take on all the stones they’ve thrown
Let my arms be your home”
I played the last chord progression and finally opened my eyes. When I did, I saw McKenzie looking at me, her gorgeous face streaked with tears.
My chest was tight as I returned her gaze. There was more to say, but I didn’t know how.
“That was…” She sniffled, wiping away the dampness with her fingers. “Oh wow. That was beautiful, Luca. I think that’s my new favorite song.”
I swallowed the lump that threatened to form in my throat.
“You’re my favorite song,” I whispered.
She blinked, sending fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. “Wh-what are you saying?”
I set my guitar aside and took her hands in mine. “I’m saying I wrote that for you.”
She released a soft exhale.
“I wrote it about you,” I added.
“You did?”
I nodded. “McKenzie, you’ve changed my life. You made me believe in something I didn’t think was possible for me. Something I didn’t know could exist for me.”
She smiled through her tears and climbed onto my lap, taking my face in her hands. “You feel like coming home too.”
I gazed into her eyes, and I could see my whole damn future inside them. This woman had single-handedly altered the course of my life. She’d given me something worth sticking around for.
“What?” she asked.
“You’re beautiful.” I answered, my voice low and husky. “And…”
“And what?”
My heart felt like it might hammer a hole right through my chest.
“McKenzie, I love you,” I confessed.
She brought her hands to her mouth for a moment, then cupped my face.
“I love you too.” Her words were thick with emotion. “I love you so fucking much.”
“But I’ve got to be honest, it scares the shit out of me. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never had something like this. I don’t want to fuck it up. I don’t want to hurt you.”
She pressed a gentle kiss to my jaw. “You won’t.”
I pulled back to look into her eyes. “But what if I do?”
“Then we work through it,” she said softly. “Look, we’re gonna do things that hurt or piss each other off if we stick this out long enough. But we don’t bail when things get hard. We stay.”
“We stay,” I echoed, taking a strand of her hair between my fingers. “I want to piss you off for years to come. I’m all in on this thing with you.”
“This thing, huh?” she asked, lifting her brows. “What is this thing you speak of?”
“You know…You and me.”
She looked at me as though I’d just spoken pig latin. “I think there’s actually a word for that.”
The corners of my mouth curved upward. “Do you need me to say it?”
She held up her hands in mock surrender. “I just want to know if you can.”
“I can say it,” I insisted.
“Go ahead, then.”
“But you said you don’t need me to.”
“Oh, I don’t,” she said with a laugh. “But now I kinda want you to.”
I shook my head and grinned, raking my teeth over my bottom lip.
She tapped a finger to her chin. “I believe it starts with an R .”
“Hmm…‘Radioactive’?” I teased.
“No, I think it’s reee -something.”
“Ah, I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘relentless.’”
She punched me in the shoulder. “I’ll show you relentless .”
“Ow.” I covered the spot her fist had hit. “Okay, okay. Relationship. There. Are you happy?”
She giggled and rubbed her hands together. “Did it hurt when you said it? Did it feel like razor blades crawling out of your throat?”
“Not even a little,” I answered. “Not when it means I get to be your boyfriend.”
Her nose scrunched as though she’d smelled something foul. “Ew. No. What am I? Twelve?”
“Oh, so I’m not your boyfriend?”
“That just sounds so…” She cringed and wiggled her entire body. “Bleh.”
“Man friend?”
She mimed a gag.
I chuckled. “Then what would you like to call me?”
“Your name.”
“You’re not getting out of this,” I said, tightening my grip on her. “If I had to say ‘relationship,’ you have to come up with an appropriate relationship term for me that doesn’t make you want to hurl.”
“Fine.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re my…‘b-word.’”
I snorted a laugh. “Did you just call me your bitch?”
“No, but that could be arranged.” She waggled her brows and flashed me a sultry grin.
“‘B-word’ it is, then.” I gripped her thighs that were straddling me and pulled her closer, capturing her lips in a tender kiss. She deepened it, her tongue moving with mine like an old dance partner. Intimate and familiar. Her hands grazed down my chest, her fingers exploring me slowly. She slipped them beneath my shirt, the feel of her skin on mine like dropping a lit match to a trail of gasoline.
“Do you even know what you do to me?” I asked.
Her hips pressed into mine, and I couldn’t contain the groan that escaped me.
“I don’t think I do,” she said with a devilish grin. “Why don’t you show me?”
“Gladly,” I said, rising to my feet with her in my arms. She wrapped her legs around me as I carried her to the bedroom and laid her down.
I kicked off my shoes before climbing over her, hovering close enough that our breath mingled.
“You’re mine, McKenzie,” I whispered, gliding my hand beneath her sweater, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.
“I’m yours,” she replied between shuddering breaths that made my dick strain against my jeans.
I rose on my knees and slipped my jacket off, quickly ripping my shirt over my head.
She licked her lips as she took me in.
“I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.” She sat up and pulled her sweater off.
I wrapped my fingers gently around her neck, tilting her face to meet mine in a searing kiss.
“I’ve never needed anyone like I need you.” It was equal parts admission and revelation. I’d wanted girls before, but what I felt for McKenzie was far beyond a primal desire. She was like oxygen—vital for my existence.
Her fingers traced invisible lines down my chest while I reached behind her, unhooking her bra. I slowly slid the straps down her arms like I was removing the bow from a perfectly wrapped present. One of those gifts that’s almost too pretty to open.
“Jesus.” I released a shaky breath as I drank her in, guiding her back against the mattress. I leaned over her with my weight on one arm while one hand moved down her body, committing every dip, every curve, and every valley to memory.
She placed her palm against my cock, applying enough pressure to make me want to lose my fucking mind.
“So greedy for me,” I said, my eyes darkening. “I love it.”
“You have no idea.”
“I think I do.” I unbuttoned her jeans, sliding them down her legs, my fingertips kissing her thighs as I did. I tossed them aside and hovered over her as she gripped me through my pants.
“Two can play that game.” I touched her clit through the thin fabric of her panties, moving my thumb in slow circles.
Her breath caught in her throat.
“Do you like that?” I asked, continuing to caress her.
“Yes,” she answered, raising her hips to meet my hand.
I slipped my fingers beneath the cotton, skimming over her most sensitive spot.
She whimpered as I pressed one finger inside her tight heat.
“Goddamn,” I groaned. Feeling how wet she was made me impossibly hard. I could have pounded nails through a fucking cinder block with my dick.
Her hand found mine and guided it down, taking her panties with it. I pulled them the rest of the way off and pushed them aside.
“Is this what you want?” I knelt between her thighs, my gaze heavy with desire as I licked her slit, not taking my eyes off her.
“Fuck,” she cried out, fisting my hair.
I flicked my tongue over her bud in light strokes. The tensing of her thighs and each gasp from her lips drove me wild. I throbbed in my pants, dying to be enveloped by her velvety warmth.
“Luca, please,” she murmured.
“Please what?” I asked, the vibrations of my words against her causing her to shudder.
“I…need you…inside me,” she said between pants. “Please.”
“Since you asked so nicely.” I kissed her folds one more time before rising to unfasten my pants, shoving them down, along with my briefs.
She reached for me, taking my length in her hand.
My eyes nearly rolled back in my head as she worked me from base to tip.
Her eyes were hazy as she looked at me. “How do you want me?”
“Get on all fours,” I growled.
Her body trembled as she rolled over, obeying my command. She backed her sweet little ass up to me, and I couldn’t resist smacking it, reveling in the way it shook.
“You’re so fucking hot,” I whispered.
She lowered her forearms to the bed and spread her legs, giving me a delicious view.
“Are you aching for me yet?” I asked, sliding my fingers over her sensitive flesh again.
She moaned her answer, and I lined myself up with her entrance, touching her only with my tip at first.
I bit down hard on my lip. “You’re so fucking wet for me.”
She pressed back against me, her body begging for mine.
“I’m right here, sweetheart.” One hand dug into her hip while I used the other to guide myself into her depths.
She gasped as I filled her, and my eyes closed from the overwhelming pleasure of having her wrapped around my cock.
“How does that feel?” I asked, moving against her.
“So good,” she said, dropping her head against the pillow for a moment.
I reached one hand around her, finding her clit, tracing slow circles over it while my other hand threaded through her hair.
She bounced her ass against me, meeting my every thrust.
“You fit me like a glove,” I rasped. “So tight. So perfect.”
Her muscles clenched around me, and the sensation would have brought me to my knees if I wasn’t there already.
“Because I was made for you,” she said.
“Come here.” I carefully pulled her up against me so as not to break our connection and took her breast in one hand. She arched against me, matching every move as I kissed her neck, continuing to tease her clit.
I drove into her again and again, my pleasure mounting. Her pants turned ragged, and I cupped her face, tilting it back to mine, crushing my lips to hers.
Her mouth went slack and her breaths became shallow, her entire body tensing.
“That’s it,” I purred in her ear. “I want to feel you fall apart.”
Another thrust and she shattered around me, her walls pulsing against my dick. I bit down on her shoulder as I slammed into her, trying not to come undone as she rode out her aftershocks. It wasn’t until I heard her breaths begin to slow that I allowed myself to fall apart too. I stilled, pressing her as close to me as I could get her. She snaked her hand into my hair and covered my mouth with hers, swallowing my moans.
I held her tight and laid kisses along her shoulders, unable to form words for a couple of moments.
“You’re incredible,” I whispered when I was finally able to speak again. I slipped out of her and collapsed against the mattress, pulling her down with me. She curled into me, resting her head on my chest.
“I didn’t know sex could be like this,” she said, still trying to catch her breath. “Is this normal? Has everyone but me just been out there having phenomenal sex?”
I laughed and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I don’t know, but I haven’t. Not till you.”
She grinned and shook her head. “Liar.”
“No, I mean it,” I admitted. “Yeah, I’ve had a lot of sex. I’m not gonna pretend I haven’t. But none of it ever came close to this. I didn’t know it could feel like this.”
Her eyes softened. “You mean that?”
I nodded. “I do. It’s different because it’s you.”
She nestled into me, and my heart felt like it might take flight.
Everything was different because of McKenzie. Because I loved her.
I remembered hearing love songs and thinking how fucking ridiculous they all sounded. Like the stories old fishermen told about that elusive fifteen-pound bass they’d once caught but had no proof of.
But McKenzie caught me, and what we’d created was rare. There weren’t colors bright enough to paint her portrait, no words strong enough to describe how magical this love was. But I’d spend my days trying to find them.