Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
“…for love casts out fear, and gratitude can conquer pride.” ~Louisa May Alcott , Little Women
M otionless and silent for several moments, Nat and Noah stared at Clayton as he retreated. The thwack of the front door slamming reverberated in the house. The disappointment that had shaded Clayton’s gray eyes was the same emotion that swam in Evan’s eyes when she’d argued with him. The night he’d died. The last image of Evan was of his disappointed eyes as she called him a jerk and walked away. Now, she’d done it to another brother.
I’ve disappointed him.
“Baby, no,” Noah soothed, wrapping his arms around her.
Had she spoken her thoughts out loud? How did he know?
“It’s not your fault.” His hands caressed the length of her back.
Nat tipped her face up. “He shouldn’t have found out like this. If I had listened to you and Summer, if we’d told everyone sooner, this wouldn’t have happened.”
Painful guilt clogged in her chest. The obsession with waiting for the perfect time and perfect way to tell Clayton led to the most imperfect way for him to find out about them.
He kissed her forehead. “I don’t like how Clayton found out about us, but we didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong. Well, except I should have locked the front door.”
She chuckled through her sniffles.
He cupped her face. “Let’s get dressed. We’ll go to Clayton’s together. We’ll talk to him together.”
All the feelings curdled in her belly as they pulled into the farmhouse. The crunch of gravel beneath her sneakers with each step grated like bone-on-bone pain. Noah’s outstretched hand beckoned her. Threading their fingers, they walked up the steps.
“Ready?” Noah asked, his gaze searched hers.
“Yes.” She squeezed his hand, so strong and steady in her grip.
She held her breath as she knocked. The door swung open. Elle’s face was drawn in a weary smile.
“May we come in?” Nat asked, scuffing the toe of her sneaker against the wooden porch.
“Of course,” Elle said, her tone gentle. “He’s in the kitchen.”
Lizzie and Fitz barreled passed Elle to greet Nat and Noah. With quick pets, they followed her to the kitchen. Clayton sat at the dining room table, a frozen bag of peas over his right eye. Specks of dried blood stained his gray T-shirt.
“I can look at that if you want,” Nat offered, pointing to Clayton’s face. It probably wasn’t the best opening line. Perhaps, “I am so sorry you walked in on your little sister post-mind-blowing sex on a kitchen table with your lifelong best friend still inside her” would be more appropriate.
Clayton plopped the bag of peas onto the table. “I’m fine.”
Looking between one another, Nat and Noah’s gazes debated who should speak first. Squeezing his hand, he nodded his understanding. It was her brother…she should start.
Heart pounding, she inhaled a deep calming breath. “I’m sorry you found out like this. We were?—”
“Fucking on his kitchen table! On the same table where he and I played cards last week.” Clayton interrupted with a slight sneer. “How many times? How long has this been hap…hap…happening? When did this start?”
Noah squeezed Nat’s hand tighter. “We’ve been together for a little over a month,” he said.
“My sister?” Clayton motioned to Nat. “You finally decide to end your almost monk-like existence, and you cho…cho…choose my little sister?”
“Clayton, I’m sorry?—”
Clayton tossed up his hands. “Are you sorry I caught you? Or are you sorry you’ve been fucking my little sister?”
“Clayton,” Elle cautioned. “Noah didn’t react like this when he walked in on us.”
Brow creased, he turned to her. “That’s different. You’re not Noah’s sister. I wasn’t taking advantage of you.”
“Excuse me?” Nat hissed, angry fire burning in her belly. “What the fuck does that mean?” She’d never had an urge to slap her brother before. Good thing he already had a bloody nose and blooming black eye, or she’d have to give him one.
“You’ve had a crush on Noah since you were a little girl.” He turned to Noah. “I thought you were a better man than this. To take advantage of Nat’s feelings for you. I know I’ve been encouraging you to get back out there, but not with my little sister. Not like this.”
Elle stepped beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. The clenched jaw softened at her touch. Clayton never lost his temper. His patience was as constant as the rising and setting of the sun. This was so unlike him, but it was what Nat had feared would happen. The urge to protect seemed to ripple Clayton’s usually calm waters.
Eyes closed, he exhaled a heavy breath. “Why did you have to with my li…li…li…little sister?” he stuttered.
“She’s not your sister to me. She’s the woman I love,” Noah declared, his gaze locked on Clayton. “This isn’t what you’re making it out to be. I am in love with Nat. I love her.”
All the air in her lungs fled. Nat’s chest rose and fell but the dizzy feeling didn’t dissipate. Noah loves me. He was standing in front of her brother, clutching her hand, and telling him that he loved her. That he chose her.
Clayton just blinked. Noah’s words took up all the space in the room, allowing no other words to be spoken. Shaking his head, Clayton turned and left the room. For a second time, he left a stunned silent Nat in a kitchen, wondering what the fuck had just happened.
Had the last twenty minutes really happened? Had Clayton caught her having sex with Noah? Had Noah said he loved her?
What the actual fuck? She blinked as if it was all a dream…both a nightmare and the sweetest of all dreams.
“He just needs time to process this,” Elle breathed, her eyes darting to the now-empty entryway. “Noah…Nat, it’s just a lot for him. He didn’t mean what he said. You know that. He doesn’t believe that about you, Noah. He’s just shocked. He just needs time.”
Noah nodded. In the span of Clayton and Noah’s friendship, Nat cannot recall a single fight. There had been nothing but unwavering support for each other. As much as she knew Elle was correct that Clayton needed time to process this, she feared what the result would be at the end of that processing time.
“I’m going to go check on him.” Elle sighed as she slipped out of the room.
Noah turned to Nat. “I meant what I said. I am in love with you, Nat. Right before your brother walked in, I was just about to say it. Hell, I almost said it half a dozen times over the last few weeks.”
Nat’s heart jumped into her throat, not allowing any words to come out.
Cradling her face, he said, “I love you, and it’s okay if you’re not ready to say it yet, but I want you to know that I love you and I still choose you. No matter what, I will remain yours.”
Yet? How did he know? Because he sees me, even when I am in the dark.
“I love you, too,” she croaked.
He swiped his thumb along her jawline before he pressed an almost reverent kiss. “Come home with me? We’ll give him space to think. We can get your things from the Little Red Barn.”
Nodding, she allowed Noah to guide her toward the door. Her steps were halted by a framed photo in the foyer, of Noah and Clayton in their blue high school graduation caps and gowns, a pint-size Nat between them flashing a peace sign. Evan leaned against Clayton, his hands flashing bunny ears behind his unsuspecting big brother. The image kept her in place. She’d lost one brother, but she wouldn’t lose another one, nor would she lose Noah.
“Noah,” she murmured.
He turned. “You’re staying.” It wasn’t a question. He knew. He always knew.
“I think I need to. I should talk to Clayton.” She clenched Noah’s hand. “But I still choose you. I just won’t accept that a choice needs to be made.”
He dipped his head, pressing the tenderest of kisses against her lips. “My brave girl,” he whispered, mere inches away from her lips, his hot breath offering comfort as he kissed her a second time. “Call me after. I’ll come get you.”
After Noah left, Nat walked to Elle’s office. Tucked between two shelves stuffed with books sat an oversized leather chair that belonged to their grandfather. It was Clayton’s favorite spot to think or sulk. She knew that’s where he’d be. Walking through the ajar French doors, she found Clayton sitting in his chair, Fitz on his lap. Elle sat crossed-legged on the window seat, Lizzie by her feet.
Elle looked up. “I’ll give you two some privacy.” She got up and walked to the door, where she paused to mouth to Nat It will be okay . Lizzie trotted behind her mommy.
Nat crossed her arms and stood in front of her brother. “You shouldn’t have found out like that. Noah wanted us to tell people sooner, but I was apprehensive, and I should have listened to him. We were actually going to tell everyone tomorrow at dinner.”
Clayton grunted.
“Although, I’m sure you would have had the same reaction if you found out tomorrow with everyone else. You’re the reason I was hesitant to say anything.”
“It didn’t stop you from jumping into bed with Noah,” he grumbled.
Nat smirked. “Well, at least you’ve moved on from the ‘Noah took advantage of me’ narrative you were peddling in the kitchen.”
Clayton shifted in his seat, disturbing Fitz, who huffed his displeasure. “I shouldn’t have said that. I just…”
“Being an ass,” she scolded with a wry expression before sloshing a long breath. “Your overprotective mode was activated. This isn’t about Noah, and you know it.”
“He’s my best friend!” Clayton pointed to himself.
“Yes, and he’s the man I love.” She pointed to herself.
“You love him?”
“Yes! I love him so much, and he loves me. Nobody has ever seen me as fully and clearly as Noah. I can be completely myself. Messy. Goofy. Strong. Brave. Weak. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. I know I’ve teased you over the last year about how hard you fell for Elle, but I get it. You may think this is just the residue of the crush I had on him, but the Noah I crushed on pales in comparison to the man I love.” A steely resolve took control of her voice.
“I know I’m being a dick about this,” he sighed. “It’s just… You’re my sister.”
She pulled the chair from the desk over and sat beside him. “I know. You’d be a dick about any man you walked in on me having sex with.”
He winced.
“Although, I think if it had been anyone but Noah you would have slugged them.”
A quiet laugh softened his severe expression. “You’re probably right.”
“I’ll always be your little sister, but I’m also an adult woman. I’m a doctor. I’m a sexually active?—”
“Can we cease with the sex talk?” he groaned, pinching his nose and then wincing at the pain.
She grinned. “I don’t mind that you want to look out for me. It’s part of the big brother’s job description. But I need you to respect my ability to know my own heart and make my own decisions. To respect those decisions…those choices. I choose Noah.”
He nodded.
“If you pulled your head out of your ass, you’d realize he’s the type of man you’d want for me. He’s had your back your entire life. Don’t you want a man like that with me?”
He stared out the window. Green trees with hints of fall gold danced in the breeze. The image of Nat jumping into the leaf pile that teenaged Clayton and Evan had raked in their backyard filled her vision. The slight exasperated pinch of Clayton’s face softened to laughter as he’d ultimately leaped into the pile with her and Evan.
“You’re right,” he murmured.
She smiled. Just like the leaves. Suddenly, the fear she’d harbored seemed silly. At the end of the day, Clayton always jumped in with her. He’d grumble. He’d narrow his eyes. He’d be a big brother about it, but when it was truly right and her happiness unquestionable, he’d join. That’s what good big brothers did, and he was the best big brother. She knew the best, she’d had two.
He turned his gaze to her. “Having Noah as your boyfriend—” his forehead bunched “—would make it easier to look after you.”
It was going to take him time, but he’d get there. She knew he would because he always did. She pinched him, though, because she was a little sister and that was her job.
“I’m sorry, Nat.”
She leaned, wrapping her arms around him. “I love you, Clay Pot.”
“I love you, Natster.” He squeezed her tight.
Nat pulled away. “I think you owe Noah an apology.”
“I think you two owe me a pi…pi…pizza.” He paused. “You’re right, though.”
She rolled her eyes. “Why did you just walk in?”
“I knew he was working tonight, and he said he was just hang…hang…hanging out at home for the day, so I thought I’d surprise him with pizza. We’ve walked into each other’s houses without knocking for years. I know he walked in on Elle and me, but I never thought I’d walk in on him with someone, especially my…” He paused with a firm smile. “…adult sister.”
Amusement lifted her lips. “I think we should agree to always knock from now on.”
He smirked.
“Why don’t we grab Elle? We can order a replacement pizza on the way and go to Noah’s. You two can make up over pizza before he heads to work. I’ll text him.”
Elle poked her head in. “I’ve got the Daryl’s app up. Do you want wings, too?”
Nat arched a brow. “Were you eavesdropping?”
“Well, I had to make sure you didn’t kill my future husband. Even if he was being an ass, I love that ass.” Elle grinned, batting her hazel eyes.
“My ass is one of your favorite parts,” he said, winking at his fiancée.
“Ugh!” Nat gagged.
He tsked . “Those in glass houses…”
“Especially when they’re naked on the kitchen table of said glasshouse getting nailed,” Elle quipped.
“Too soon. WAY too soon.”
After placing their order, the three hopped into Clayton’s pickup. Bumping along the blacktop country road, Nat sank into the sensation that all was okay. She’d faced her fear and conquered it. Pulling her cell phone out of her sweatshirt pocket, she texted him.
Me: Clayton pulled his head out of his ass. Smiley Face Emoji . All is well. We’re on our way to your place with “Sorry for being a dick” pizza. Pizza Emoji . I love you, baby .
A happy thrilled buzzed inside her at the freedom of those three little words living in the sunshine. She loved him, and he loved her.
No response came, so she slipped her phone back into the front pocket of her sweatshirt, knowing he’d respond soon. He always did.
“What the…” Clayton’s words stopped, causing Nat to look forward.
A motorcycle lay on its side in the middle of the road. The rider sprawled on the hard pavement beside it, a cracked helmet a mere foot away, and blood dripping from his head. Clayton steered onto the narrow shoulder and parked. Nat’s eyes scanned the scene and her breath caught at the sight of a familiar SUV wrapped around the telephone pole.
“Oh my…” she gasped.
“Noah!” Clayton croaked.