Chapter 29
“Is there anything I can help you with?” I ask Matt’s mom, Marilyn, as I walk into the kitchen. I’m hoping she says no, because everything she’s making for Christmas Eve dinner seems so overwhelming. There’s beef brisket, mashed potatoes, gravy, homemade rolls, vegetables, a fancy salad, and that’s not including the appetizers and desserts already set out.
“I think I’ve got everything covered.”
She can say that again.
She smiles at me. Matt has her eyes, but that’s where the similarities stop. She has short black hair, much darker than his light brown.
“You just sit back and relax,” she says.
There’s no chance that I’ll be able to relax. I’m entirely out of place here in the Johnson home.
My eyes scan over the table where a festive green tablecloth and holly berries are spread out. Beautiful glass Christmas plates, Christmas glasses, red fabric napkins, and fancy silverware are in front of each chair. Beyond the smell of the delicious food, the room is full of candles that smell like pine.
The entire house looks like it has been pulled straight off of a Hallmark movie set. Who celebrates the holidays like this? I thought this kind of warmth only existed in movies.
Cheers erupt from the family room where Matt and his family are playing a game. I glance over my shoulder to where the noise is coming from.
“We’re loud,” Marilyn says as she scoops the potatoes out of the pot she cooked them in and drops them into a fancy Christmas bowl. “I bet it’s hard to get used to.”
I scratch the side of my hair. “A little.”
Or maybe a lot. This is the first time I’ve met Matt’s family and extended family. I’m used to being alone for the holidays, so a house full of people I don’t know who all want to get to know me feels staggering.
“Don’t let us overwhelm you,” Marilyn says. “If you need to take a break, I completely understand. Especially from Tessa. She thinks everyone’s business is her own.”
I let out a small laugh. Tessa and her twenty questions have already cornered me.
“I always wanted a big family,” Marilyn says as she bangs the spoon on the side of the bowl, trying to get the last of the potatoes to fall in with the rest. “I didn’t grow up that way. I was an only child, and holidays always felt empty at my house.”
I relate to the emptiness more than I’d like to admit.
“So, it’s fun when we get everyone home together.”
I nod.
Fun?
I’ve never thought of a family as being fun.
Matt comes into the room behind us, holding his cousin’s baby. “Look at this little guy.” He raises him above his head, sitting the boy down on the top of the refrigerator, then he steps back a little bit, smiling up at him.
I straighten. “Matt, is that safe?”
“Yeah, I’m right here.”
“Paul used to do that with all of our kids,” Marilyn says, looking over her shoulder at them. “We have a picture of each one of them on top of the refrigerator when they were one.”
Is that baby a year old? I thought he was, like, four months. I watch Matt tickle his toes and poke his stomach, getting the child to laugh, and suddenly, I feel very inadequate. I don’t know anything about children, about making them laugh, about taking care of them. While we’re at it, I don’t know anything about Christmas dinner, or festive tablecloths, or holiday china.
I’m entirely out of my element.
I’m an imposter, acting like I fit in, but I don’t. And the worst part is, Matt doesn’t even know that I don’t fit in. He just assumes I do.
Matt gets a big laugh out of the child and turns to look at me. “He’s cute, huh?”
I smile, trying to cover up the insecurities I’m feeling. “Yeah, really cute.”
His eyes linger on me. “You okay?”
I widen my grin. “Yep, I’m having a great time.”