Nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes
Max walked to the meeting spot, just outside the cold plunge sauna experience on Clapham Common, and Bethan was the only one there.
Despite his hesitation about what they were about to do, he was still fifteen minutes early.
He walked towards Bethan, slightly nervous to be alone with her.
He definitely found her attractive, and it was clear she was smart, bright, and after what had happened at run club, kind.
Unlike Charlie, who had revelled in mocking Max for throwing up mid-run, and had quickly given him the nickname ‘Chunder Boy’, Bethan had just made sure he was OK.
The problem was, Max knew he was in no fit state for romance.
After Emma, he needed time to work on himself, and make sure he was at least something like the best version of himself before he dipped his toe in the dating pool again.
Despite knowing this, there was something about Bethan that sparked something inside of him.
‘Hi,’ said Bethan brightly, as he walked over.
It was a warm day and she was dressed in denim shorts, and a tight white lace top with quite a sunken neckline, which against her olive skin, looked stunning.
She had a Cotopaxi duffel bag, which he imagined had all of her things for the cold plunge and sauna.
Max was carrying an old Jack Wills backpack he’d had since university.
‘Hello, and before you say anything else, I want to apologise again for what happened at run club. You were great, so helpful, but again, sorry.’
‘Max, it’s fine. It’s hard to start exercising again.’
‘True, but I bet I’m the first person to have ever puked at run club. I’m right, right?’
Max looked at her, waiting for her response, and then she smiled at him. ‘Fine, yes, you’re the first, but like I said, it’s fine. No judgments here.’
‘So, you aren’t going to be calling me ‘Chunder Boy’ from now on?’
She giggled. ‘Unlike Charlie, I am not only, “in it for the bants”.’
Max laughed. ‘You are not. You are very sweet.’
‘Thank you,’ she replied, blushing ever so slightly, and she looked away from Max for a moment, and then the other members of Common People appeared.
Max had a strange mixture of relief that everyone else had turned up, and also sadness because he was enjoying his time alone with Bethan.
He felt comfortable with her, and there was definitely a little spark of something, wasn’t there?
An agonising tension that caused a frisson of excitement whenever they were within a few feet of each other.
You couldn’t fake feelings like that. The problem with Max was that he’d had so many feelings over the past eighteen months, so many ups and downs like a rollercoaster, he wasn’t sure of himself anymore.
He wasn’t confident in his ability to make decisions, and to know exactly what he was feeling.
Whereas before the accident, his emotions and feelings were solid things, since they had been like snowflakes, and despite trying to grab hold of them, they just melted and slipped through his fingers, lost to the ground beneath.
Once everyone was there, they all got changed into their cold plunge, sauna outfits.
Max hadn’t been sure what to wear, and was feeling quite self-conscious about exposing his body, especially in front of Bethan, but all he had was a pair of old swimming trunks that he hadn’t worn since his last holiday to Spain with Emma.
A last-minute attempt to cheer him up, and help him deal with the overwhelming grief of losing his parents.
In hindsight, it had been a lovely thought, but at the time, he just hadn’t been in the right headspace for it.
All he had left from that holiday were some pretty depressing memories, a few photos on his phone, and a pair of swimming trunks bought last-minute from TK Maxx.
Max apprehensively left the changing room, and headed out to join everyone else.
The first thing he saw was Joe, in a pair of bright orange shorts, his belly hanging over the top of them, laughing at something with Hope.
Charlie was in a pair of expensive looking slim navy shorts that clearly had some sort of brand logo, and he looked good in them.
Max did envy his body, which was lean, a hint at a six-pack, completely hairless and slightly tanned, and he was well over six-foot.
Next to him was Anita, in a pink and yellow one-piece swimsuit, Eve, looking ghostly white in a blue and white polka-dot bikini, and then Hope in a simple black one-piece.
Finally, Bethan emerged from the other changing room.
She had on a red one-piece swimsuit, and from the moment he saw her, he couldn’t keep his eyes off her.
She was gorgeous, but he also knew that whatever he felt for her, it wasn’t going anywhere, and for all he knew, she could be happily shacked-up with a long-term boyfriend.
He needed to focus on what was ahead of him, instead of daydreaming about a girl that was completely out of his league and off the table for so many reasons.
She was a complication he didn’t need in his life at that moment.
‘Right everyone,’ said Hope when they were all ready.
‘We have the whole place for an hour. There are three cold plunges and the sauna. My advice is to frequently switch between them, and Max, if it’s your first time, no longer than a minute or two in the cold plunge, mate, or you’ll be in trouble. Lastly, have some fun!’
‘Hell yeah!’ said Charlie. ‘Ready for the polar plunge, Chunder Boy?’
‘Fecking eejit,’ said Eve. Clearly, she had no patience for his public-school boy banter. ‘Ignore the giant baby, Max, and do whatever it is you want.’
‘Just joshing, old boy,’ said Charlie, slapping Max on the back, before he swiftly hopped into one of the cold plunges, slowly lowering himself in. ‘It’s all about breathing. I just listened to a pod with Wim Hoff.’
‘Whose Wim Hoff when he’s at home?’ asked Joe. ‘Was he the one in Baywatch?’
‘That’s David Hasselhoff,’ said Anita. ‘Knight Rider. Oh, there’s me showing my age.’
‘Wim’s the G.O.A.T. of cold plunging,’ replied Charlie. ‘Practically invented it.’
With the testosterone high outside, Bethan, Eve, Anita and Hope started off in the sauna, while Joe suggested that he and Max try the other two cold plunges.
It would be good to get it over and done with before the heat of the sauna.
Max agreed and so a couple of minutes later, he was gently lowering himself into the cold plunge, feeling the freezing water surrounding his body for the first time.
He had never felt anything like it. His first reaction was obviously to get out, but Joe and Charlie told him to just focus on his breathing, and he would be OK.
Joe and Charlie had both done it before because it was something Hope thought was good for them.
Charlie, always one to prove himself, would stay in the longest. Joe, despite his size and “extra padding” – his words – said he still found it difficult, but that it was worth it afterwards.
Max closed his eyes and focused on his breath.
It was bitterly cold so it felt scorching hot against his skin, almost like it was burning.
However, as he sat in the cold plunge tank, slowly breathing in and then out, his eyes closed, he felt something else.
The thing about grief was that it was all-consuming.
It overtook every part of his body and brain, and so when he drank, it was just to feel something else.
To forget for a moment the horrible thing that had happened.
Sitting in that cold plunge tank, it was so overwhelming that it made him truly focus his mind.
For the first time in a long time, he wasn’t thinking about anything else. He was clear and focused.
‘Right, you’d better get out, Max,’ said Joe, standing up too.
Charlie was still going at it in the other plunge tank.
He looked cool and in control. Max stood up, shivering, and they got out, immediately going into the sauna, where Hope, Anita, Eve and Bethan were chatting.
From the glacial plunge to the steamy heat, it was a real assault on the senses.
‘How did you go?’ Hope asked Max as he walked in, putting his towel underneath him before he sat down. The wooden sauna had two benches, one above the other, and the women were all on the top bench, and so Max and Joe sat on the bottom one.
‘Yeah, good. Bloody cold, obviously.’
‘The more you do it, the easier and more beneficial it becomes. I’ve been cold plunging for years. I’ve got one at home, along with a sauna. It’s nothing like this, but it does the trick.’
Eve and Bethan soon left, heading outside for a cold plunge. Max was somewhat overwhelmed with the cold and the heat, but like running, he knew it was good for him. Maybe it was just a part of the new him, and he had to grit his teeth and push on through the pain.
‘When I first did all this, I thought it was nonsense,’ said Joe. ‘But honestly mate, it’s life-changing stuff.’
‘I hope so,’ replied Max, who was curious about Joe.
How did a black cab driver from East London get involved in Common People, and end up extolling the virtues of cold water and heat therapy?
Max wasn’t one to label people, but Joe seemed like the sort of bloke he’d find down the pub or in an old-school caff, demolishing a full-English.
‘Joe, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you get involved with the run club? ’
Max looked across at Joe, who was already sweating, beads of sweat were rolling down the side of his face. Max was so hot, which felt good after the cold of the plunge, but he knew that within a few minutes, he would be desperate to get out. It was all about focus and distraction.
‘I picked up Hope in the cab. We got talking, and you know what she’s like—’
‘I can hear you, Joe,’ said Hope, from the bench above them.
Joe laughed. ‘I meant in a good way. You know I think the world of you, Hope.’
‘You too, Joe.’
‘For years and years, I had my head in the sand, Max. I was afraid of facing my demons, but Hope’s very persuasive, and just her energy and joy about running, so when I told her my story, she had me all signed up by the end of the fare.
You’d think she’d have twisted my arm, but the thing is, all she did was tell me a few home truths. ’
‘Your story?’ Max asked hesitantly. ‘If you don’t mind talking about it.’
‘Nah, you’re all right, mate. I’m not shy about talking about it.
Let’s make no bones about it, yeah, I’m a fat bastard.
Even my kids call me Big Joe. I was actually heavier before Common People, if you can believe it.
You see, my old man was also a cabbie, and he died in his early fifties. A huge heart attack on the job.’
‘Oh, Joe, I’m sorry.’
‘It’s OK. I loved my old man, but he didn’t take care of himself.
He was old-school, you know. A fry-up every morning, and then ten hours behind the wheel, six days a week.
He smoked like a chimney, drank too much, and never exercised.
It was a recipe for a heart attack, but the thing was, I was going the same way.
I had an unhealthy diet, a lifestyle that had me on the journey to going the same way as my old man, but I’ve got a missus, two kids, and I didn’t want to cark it early.
I didn’t want to go like Dad, so when I met Hope, she gave me, well, hope. ’
‘That’s great,’ replied Max, feeling the sweat dripping down his body. ‘It’s good you’re putting in the work to turn things around.’
‘It’s hard, mate. Trust me, there’s plenty of days when I’d rather be in a caff polishing off a full-English, or down the boozer with my mates on a Friday night, knocking back ten pints and demolishing an extra-large kebab on the way home, but instead I’m going for runs or eating a healthy dinner at home with the family.
I even take breaks at work now, park up the cab, and go for a wander.
Everything now is about me health, and it’s all thanks to Hope. ’
‘Stop it, Joe. I’m just the facilitator, you’re the one putting in the hard yakka,’ replied Hope.
‘Yeah, but if I hadn’t picked you up that day, heaven knows where I’d be now.’
‘Same for me,’ said Max. ‘I just happened to see the flyer on a noticeboard.’
‘Fate. If you believe in stuff like that, which I do. It’s like my missus always says. Nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes.’
Max felt the heat, the sweat, which ran down his body and he thought about what Joe had said.
Just like Joe, who knew he needed something to change in his life or he’d end up just like his dad, Max knew that if he ever wanted to be happy again, he needed something to change.
A week ago, he would never have imagined he’d be sitting in a roasting hot sauna on Clapham Common with a black cab driver, sharing their philosophies on life, but there they were.
‘The thing is, Max, blokes like me, working class from Barking, we don’t grow up talking about things like mental health, or physical health for that matter.
We don’t go to the quack if we’re feeling a bit Pat and Mick, we suffer through it, get on with life, but that’s what my old man did and I don’t wanna go like him.
So, I’m here, and I’m making changes for my wife and kids.
For me. It’s hard, mate, really bloody hard, but it’s better than the alternative. ’
Max looked across at Joe, he looked back at him, and he could see the passion and emotion on Joe’s face.
He really meant it, and Max understood. He wasn’t like Joe.
He hadn’t grown-up in working class East London, but still, he didn’t talk about things, and he hadn’t dealt with his grief properly, or talked about it in the way he should.
It was easier to lose himself in alcohol than to face the truth.
Joe was facing it head on, and Max had nothing but admiration and respect for him.
Maybe one day he could be like Joe. It was quiet in the sauna, the overwhelming heat draining the energy out of them, until Anita stood up suddenly.
‘Right, I’m too hot, and I’ve been to Rajasthan, so trust me, I know hot!
’ Then she walked out, leaving Max, Joe and Hope in the sauna to sweat it out.
Max knew he couldn’t stay in much longer, and then it would be back outside for another cold plunge.
The rollercoaster of hot and cold was painful, but like Joe’s wife said: Nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes.