We are nothing to each other
Max wasn’t a runner, hadn’t ever been a runner, and hadn’t ever thought of himself as someone who ran.
Yet, as he jogged around Clapham Common, he felt good.
He had been running for a few weeks now, and the early pain, the exhaustion and muscle aches were gradually getting better.
Max was getting stronger and losing weight in the process.
It wasn’t just his body that was improving, it was also his mind.
There was something about running that made him feel better about himself.
He knew about endorphins, but it felt so much more than that.
It was like the more he ran, all the old cells of his body and mind were shed away and replaced with new ones.
The old cells were all inflicted with the grief of losing his parents, ingrained with sadness and despair, but the new cells weren’t.
The more he ran, more of the old cells were replaced, and when enough of them were gone and enough of the new ones were added, it was like he was becoming a new person.
He felt it as he ran around Clapham Common, the excitement of the weekend was still rushing through him too, making him almost giddy at all the possibilities that were ahead of him.
After a lengthy conversation at the flat, where Robbie had laid out all the reasons why they shouldn’t go into business together, they had agreed to do it anyway.
They spent all weekend dashing around London trying various sandwich shops.
From chains like Pret A Manger and Gails, to Sandwich Sandwich and Paul Rothe & Sons, they ate as many sandwiches as they could.
They took photos of decor and wrote down ideas about what sort of sandwich shop they wanted to create.
Robbie created a rough menu, and Max started researching all the things you needed to do to start a business, including registering it, making a business and marketing plan, and all the food and hygiene training Robbie would need to do before they opened the doors.
They needed to think about branding, company ethos and suppliers.
It had been a busy but exciting weekend, and Max was still on a high from it as he made his way around Clapham Common, putting one foot in front of the other. Everything was about moving forward.
Since the weekend, even work had been better because Max had found a new energy that he hadn’t had for a long time.
People he saw everyday mentioned that he seemed happier, lighter, and India, the woman at work who was into alternative therapy, new-age ideas, and was always going on about the healing power of Reiki, had taken Max aside and said that for the first time since she had known him, his aura was green, which was apparently a good thing.
Max hadn’t asked what his previous colour was, but he imagined black.
The overarching feeling he had on that Tuesday night, was one of positivity.
The only slightly muddy thing in his life at that moment was his relationship with Bethan.
They had spoken the week before at the pub, and she had insisted they were fine, but clearly, they were not “fine”.
When he had arrived at run club, she had avoided eye contact with him, not spoken to him, and she had set-off with Eve, faster than he could manage, and he hadn’t seen her since.
Despite her words telling him they were all right, he couldn’t help but think that something was definitely off between them.
India would probably say that their chakras weren’t in alignment.
‘Yeah, good. How about you?’
‘Honestly, mate, I’m having a hard time of it today. I fell off the wagon at the weekend.’
‘Oh no, what happened?’ asked Max because he knew how well Joe had been doing.
‘You know I’ve been alcohol free for a while, yeah?
Well, one of my best mates, Andy Burchill, had his fiftieth birthday at the weekend, and wanted to go on a proper East London pub crawl.
We started with a full-English at E. Pellicci’s on Saturday morning, and then we hit all the pubs in the area.
I started out with good intentions, but you know how it is. ’
‘I do.’
‘It was a messy day, and I felt awful on Sunday, but I’m trying to put it behind me.’
‘You’ve got to go easy on yourself. We all make mistakes, and none of us are perfect.’
‘Yeah, one hundred per cent, and honestly, the way I’ve been feeling since the weekend is enough to get me back on track. Plus, my missus had a right go at me, and trust me, you never want to get in her bad books.’
Max laughed. ‘There you go. Next time you fancy a pint, imagine that.’
‘Yeah, will do. Anyway, how you doing? You look proper chipper today.’
‘I had a good weekend.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Let’s just say that I finally made a big decision, and I’m excited about it.’
‘Good for you. Right, are we running, or are we talking?’
‘Running,’ said Max, and with that they started off again, and Max couldn’t wait to be done, because he had just made another big decision.
He was feeling good about himself, so positive about everything that was happening to him, that he was going to talk with Bethan again after run club.
He needed to know what it was that had come between them.
Why had she turned so suddenly from the most open, fun person into someone who was doing their best to avoid him, and all because he had mentioned a boyfriend?
What could it possibly mean? He just knew that he couldn’t let it go, and so after run club, instead of heading straight home for a shower and some much-needed food, he was going to talk to Bethan.
He couldn’t stand the thought of her not liking him, and so he had to get it all out in the open.
If there was one thing that Max had learnt over the past eighteen months, it was that bottling things up never helped.
Max finished his 5K with a personal best, which considering his mid-run chat with Joe and the fact he hadn’t really been pushing himself, was impressive.
It was an overcast evening, and everyone seemed intent on getting home quickly.
Joe had to get all the way across London, so was the first one off.
Charlie was next, while Hope, Eve and Anita all wandered off, chatting about Anita’s big weekend with her kids and grandkids.
Max had wanted to join in and ask how it went, but when he saw Bethan all by herself, he knew what he had to do.
Bethan was putting her things into the Cotopaxi duffel bag she had brought along to the cold plunge and sauna, when he gingerly walked over.
‘Bethan, how’s things?’
‘Yeah, good. Busy. I have to get home and—’
‘Could we have a little chat.’
‘Like I said, Max, I really need to get home.’
‘Five minutes?’
‘I can’t, really,’ said Bethan, zipping up her bag. ‘Sorry.’
She was about to walk away when Max stopped her. ‘Bethan, please. What’s going on?’
‘Nothing. Like I said, I’m just busy.’
‘Too busy for a five-minute chat?’
She stopped and looked at him, and Max could see the expression on her face. An expression of exasperation and slight annoyance.
‘Yes,’ she replied flatly. She began walking away.
‘What the fuck, Bethan? What happened? I thought we were friends. You seemed to like me, and you know I like you, and I mentioned a boyfriend, once, and what? Now you avoid me like the plague? What’s going on?’
Max followed behind her, and after a moment she stopped, turned and looked at him.
‘We barely know each other, Max, and you’re treating this like I’m behaving completely out-of-character.
Like we’re best mates or something.’ She was angry now.
‘What gives you the right to tell me how to behave? What makes you think for a moment that I owe you anything?’
She was standing just a few feet in front of Max, and he couldn’t believe it. She looked so angry with him, when all he wanted to do was make sure she was OK.
‘Look, Bethan, I’m not trying to tell you what to think, or do, I—’
‘That’s not what it feels like from where I’m standing,’ she said, her voice raised, her eyes wide with irritation. ‘Just stay away from me. OK?’
‘But why?’ replied an incredulous Max.
‘Because we’re nothing to each other! We run at the same run club, that’s it. Got it?’ she finally yelled at him, and he didn’t know what to think or say. So, he said the only thing he could think of.
‘Yeah. OK.’
‘Good, at least we’re on the same page about that!
’ she finished, before she picked up her bag and strode off, leaving a non-plussed Max standing on Clapham Common, wondering what the hell had just happened.
Every ounce of positivity he had been feeling since the weekend, all the excitement about the sandwich shop, and a feeling that he was finally moving on in some way, all of it seemed to evaporate.
Max felt the sudden and overwhelming need to hear his parents' voices, and so he sat on the ground, took out his phone, and played their last voicemail.
‘Max, it’s your mum. We’ve just stopped at Leigh Delamere.
Your fathers in the loo, and I’m getting a coffee from Costa.
We should be home within two hours. The map thing says one hour and forty-five, but I know it’s two hours.
It’s always two hours from Leigh Delamere.
Oh, here comes your Lordship. I just wanted to let you know we’re on the way home.
Cornwall was lovely. Say something Phil. ’
‘Who is it?’
‘Who do you think? It’s Max.’
‘Oh, right. You all right, son? Love you.’
‘Okay, that’s it. I just wanted to say hello. Jesus, your dads already wandered off. It’s like herding sheep! Honestly. Anyway, love you. See you soon.’