The girl who wasn’t there
The girl who wasn’t there
The last time Max had seen Bethan was after the last run club, when she had told him in no uncertain terms that they were nothing to each other.
He had tried talking to her, understanding what was going on between them, and she had told him to leave her alone.
So, as he walked towards run club, he was nervous to see her again.
Had she just been having a bad day or had she meant every word of it?
Would she even talk to him again? He wasn’t sure what to think, but as he walked up, pausing his podcast and taking his AirPods out of his ears, he didn’t see her.
Instead, all he saw was Charlie, doing his usual high-intensity workout, Joe casually chatting with Anita, and Hope and Eve doing some gentle stretching together, but no sign of Bethan.
Max gingerly walked across, putting his AirPods away in his bag.
‘Max!’ said Joe, spotting him first. ‘You all right, mate?’
‘Yes, all good, Joe. You?’
‘Never better, mate!’
‘All right, Chunder Boy!’ said Charlie, taking a break from warming up just to call him by his less than charming nickname, before he fell to the floor and in one fluid motion, started doing high-speed press-ups.
‘G’day, Max,’ said Hope brightly. ‘How you going?’
‘Good. No Bethan today?’
‘Oh, she couldn’t make it. Right, everyone’s here, shall we do group?’
Max was one-part relieved and one-part bitterly disappointed that Bethan wasn’t coming.
He also couldn’t help but wonder whether her not coming had anything to do with him.
Was she avoiding him on purpose? Would she ever come to run club again, or was he catastrophising and spiralling for no reason?
Spiralling was definitely an unwanted personality trait that had appeared shortly after the accident, an unfortunate byproduct of grief.
Before his parents’ death, Max had always thought himself quite level-headed and confident in himself.
He was a positive person, and couldn’t understand people who weren’t.
Perhaps it had been born out of comfort, of having an easy life with little or no heartbreak.
He had lost all his grandparents early on, the last going just before his fifteenth birthday, so the pain was largely offset by his age, maturity, and the fact that all his grandparents lived quite far away.
The only genuine heartbreak he had ever really suffered was when his sixth form girlfriend, Penny Fielding, dumped him just after their one-year anniversary.
The reasons were sketchy and ill-prepared, there were rumours of an affair, and she had started dating Danny Wilson quite soon after they had broken up, but it was the first time Max had really had his heart broken.
That was the sum of his emotional pain, and so at twenty-five, pre-accident, Max considered himself one of the lucky ones.
How could he possibly understand true pain when he had never really felt it?
They sat in their usual group circle, and everyone began to share stories from their week.
It was the first time that Max had actually considered telling everyone about his parents, and the real reason he had joined Common People, but he didn’t want to do it without Bethen being there.
He wanted her to know about him, understand him, and maybe it might heal whatever had come between them, but she wasn’t there, and so instead Max withdrew into his own head.
All he could think about was Bethan. So, while Anita spoke about a holiday to India, she had just booked with her sister, then Charlie was going on about a promotion at work he wasn’t sure he actually wanted, and Eve was talking about her new book, Max was single-mindedly thinking about the girl who wasn’t even there.
Throughout his entire run, and despite spending most of it with Hope, who was talking to Max about her upcoming yearly excursion to Australia with her husband Neil, he spent most of it pondering the Bethan situation.
Hope and Neil didn’t have children, so it was easy for them to up sticks once a year and head down under.
Neil ran his own business, which meant he had the ability to work from anywhere in the world, and Hope was a freelance graphic designer when she wasn’t doing the run club, and so she could take six weeks off and enjoy being in Australia again.
She explained how she still needed to feel that connection with home.
She always referred to Australia as home, even though she had been in London for over ten years.
She and Neil would spend a few weeks in Sydney, visiting family and friends, and then they were going to take-off and explore another part of Australia.
That year they were spending a week in Byron Bay, two weeks in Northern Queensland, seeing the rainforests and the gorgeous Barrier Reef, and then the last week or so in Melbourne.
Everything she was telling Max was interesting and personal, and he listened and asked questions, but his mind was elsewhere.
When they were all done, everyone said goodbye and they would see each other again at the next run club, before they dispersed in different directions.
Max had Bethan’s phone number, so he tried calling her but she didn’t pick-up, and then he texted her, but as he arrived back at the flat, she still hadn’t read or replied to his message.
He didn’t want to think the worst, but he couldn’t help himself and felt himself spiralling with worry and anxiety.
Fortunately, as he walked into his flat, he was met with an excited Robbie, who had some news.
‘I think I found the place!’ said Robbie as Max walked into the lounge, dumping his backpack on the floor next to the sofa.
‘Sorry, what?’ asked a confused Max. ‘Found a place for what?’
‘For Rab’s Sandwich Shop. I found the perfect location.
’ Robbie was like a child in a sweet shop – or sandwich shop – and although Max really needed a shower, he agreed to sit down with Robbie, while he walked him through the location on Google Maps.
‘I was like, to myself, there’s no way it’s still available, and so I phoned the number and they said it was.
Youse has to come with me and see it, pal.
It’s the perfect size in the perfect location. What d’youse say?’
Robbie looked at Max, his whole face so passionate and animated, but Max couldn’t really think about it yet.
‘Bethan wasn’t at run club.’
‘Sorry, what?’
‘Bethan. She wasn’t at run club tonight, and I think it’s all because of me.’
‘OK,’ said an unsure Robbie, who just wanted to talk about his sandwich shop. ‘And why do youse think it was because of youse?’
‘Because last run club we had the big argument I told you about, remember?’
‘Oh, aye.’
‘Then today she doesn’t turn up. I tried calling and texting her, but nothing. She’s clearly avoiding me.’
‘And so youse think it must be youse?’
‘I mean, I don’t know for sure, but yeah.’
‘Max, what have I told youse before about spiralling, eh?
‘Dinnae spiral?’
‘Exactly, pal. Youse has no idea why she wasnae there. So, stop worrying about Bethan, and start thinking about our sandwich shop.’
‘Right, yeah, you’re right. Sorry.’
‘Of course I’m right,’ said Robbie before he showed Max the location of their future sandwich shop.
Robbie also had some photos of it, and from what Max could see, Robbie was right.
The location was perfect, in a small parade of shops just off Clapham High Street.
It was compact, with just enough space in the back to bake the bread, and a small serving area up front.
It wasn’t in the best condition and it definitely needed a lick of paint, some new furniture, and the floor needed to be replaced, but as Robbie said, the bones were there.
The location in Clapham was perfect because Robbie could walk there from the flat, and it was just about the right size.
They could go and see it before the weekend, and then they could sign the rental agreement.
It was all happening so much faster than Max had imagined, but he could see how excited Robbie was for it.
‘So, what do youse reckon?’ asked Robbie when they were all done.
‘I think it’s perfect, mate.’
‘Fuck, I’m excited! And youse definitely still sure about this? Youse can still back out now before we agree to rent the shop, youse know.’
‘I am one hundred per cent sure, mate. Although right now, I really need a shower,’ said Max, who stood up and walked away, while Robbie was still glued to the screen, dreaming about Rab’s Sandwich Shop.
He had ideas for the signage, the menu, decor, and how they needed to get as many social media influencers into the shop as early as possible.
Maybe they could do a run club from there, and he was thinking about coffee too.
Maybe they should serve coffee if they opened in the morning, but that would mean buying or renting a coffee machine, and probably at some point, hiring a proper barista.
What if they could offer the best sandwiches and the best flat whites in Clapham?
The ideas kept coming and coming, and Robbie couldn’t stop them.
In the shower, Max made a decision about Bethan.
He couldn’t keep going on, wondering what she was thinking, and not telling her about his parents.
If she wasn’t going to reply to his messages or answer his calls, then he had no choice but to track her down, and he couldn’t just wait until the next run club because what if she didn’t come to that one either?
The one place he knew she would be tomorrow was The British Museum, where she worked.
So, after work tomorrow, he was going to go there and wait for her.
If she wouldn’t come to him, then he had no choice but to go to her.
Maybe it was going too far, and perhaps he was spiralling and she would think him crazy, but he didn’t care.
It was time to come clean with Bethan about everything.