The sweetest thing
Bethan had agreed to meet Max at Buddy’s Deli in Clapham on Saturday morning.
They needed to talk about what had happened, and they were also going to meet everyone else after and visit Joe in hospital.
Joe was still recuperating, but was in a stable condition and doing well considering.
Max was nervous to see Bethan again, but excited at the possibility of it.
They had kissed, and it was the most incredible, wonderful kiss of his life.
It had happened, and there was no getting away from the fact that they had something special.
The connection between them was so strong, it had even surprised him when their lips came together.
He felt the energy of their attraction coursing through his body like an electric shock.
You couldn’t fake something like that and you couldn’t ignore it either.
Although as he approached Buddy’s Deli and saw Bethan waiting for him outside, he did wonder what she was going to say about it.
Did she feel the same as him? It was her, after all, who had kissed him. Surely that meant something, right?
‘Hi, how are you?’ said Max.
‘Yeah, good. I really need my caffeine fix.’
‘Then head on in,’ he replied and she smiled at him, and it wasn’t quite as awkward as he thought it might be.
There was definitely tension between them, but that was to be expected after everything that had happened, but the overall feeling he had as they walked inside to get coffee was one of excitement.
He just loved being with her, and just the fact they had kissed, only made him want her more.
They ordered, and as it was such a nice day, they sat outside on one of the tables in front of the cafe. Max ordered his usual flat white, while Bethan had gone for an oat latte. They sat down, and looked across the table at each other.
‘Bethan, the other day was incredible,’ said Max, who wanted to get his thoughts in quickly before she had the chance to tell him her side of the story.
‘I know it was an emotional time, what with Joe and being at hospital, but when we kissed, I felt the magic. It was incredible, and I don’t know how you feel about it, but I just want you to know that it meant everything to me. ’
Max looked at Bethan, and clearly she was conflicted because the expression on her face was one of confusion, or perhaps concern.
It was hard to tell, but she definitely wasn’t about to tell him that she felt exactly the same.
She didn’t look relaxed or excited, just worried.
Max took a sip of his flat white, and waited nervously for her to reply.
‘Max,’ said Bethan finally. ‘I agree, it was an amazing kiss, but honestly, I don’t know why I kissed you like that.
It isn’t like me at all, and maybe it was the emotion of being there and what had happened with Joe, but I’m sorry if it gave you the wrong idea.
I’m still not ready for a relationship.’
‘But it was incredible, Bethan. It was the single greatest kiss of my life.’
‘I know, Max, but do you want to know the feeling I had straight afterwards? Guilt. I felt like I was cheating on Jake, which I know is crazy because he’s been gone for a year, but clearly I’m not ready for this. I’m sorry if I got your hopes up, but it can’t be anything else right now.’
‘Then I’ll wait.’
‘Sorry, what?’
‘I’ll wait until you’re ready.’
‘But what about Emma? I thought you were seeing her again, or something.’
Max hadn’t had the chance to tell her about Emma, and about what had happened between them. He explained to her that Emma had told him she wanted to try again, to give them another go, but that he couldn't because he liked someone else, and that someone else was her.
‘I understand that you aren’t ready, Bethan, but I’ll wait for you. I want to wait for you.’
‘But I don’t know how long it will be. It could be another year, or more. I don’t want you putting your life on hold for me. It isn’t fair, and I don’t want that responsibility.’
‘But don’t you see,’ said Max, a sudden energy in his voice. ‘I want to wait because I know you’re worth it. That kiss was worth waiting for, and if I have to wait a year for another kiss like that, I will.’
Bethan left a pause, and then she said. ‘But what if I’m never ready, Max? What if you and I are just not meant to be, and you’ve spent a year waiting for me and it doesn’t happen? What then? You’ll just end up resenting me. I don’t want that. I don’t want you hating me—’
‘I could never hate you, Bethan.’
‘You say that now, but maybe in time you will. Max, I know the kiss was amazing, but the truth is, I wish I hadn’t done it because I’m not ready for any of this.’
The words crushed Max. She wished she hadn’t kissed him.
It was one of the greatest single moments in his life, and she wished it hadn't happened. He understood that she wasn’t ready for a relationship, and needed time to get over Jake, but he couldn’t get onboard with wishing it hadn’t even happened.
‘I’m glad it happened, Bethan, but I understand, and like I said, I’ll wait.’
‘But I don’t want you to wait,’ said Bethan, her voice changing suddenly.
There was a harshness there, a bluntness to her tone.
He didn’t know what to say next because he didn’t want to argue about it, or make her upset, and they had to go and see Joe.
Clearly, she felt strongly about him waiting for her, but he would, whether she wanted him to or not.
Her passion, her thoughts on him, they all came back to Jake, and that was something he didn’t want to mess around with.
Her grief for the man she had lost was something he respected, and so he wouldn’t push her.
It wasn’t fair, and so he said the only thing he could think of.
‘OK.’
‘OK, what?’
‘If that’s how you feel then I won’t wait for you.’
‘Good, thank you,’ she replied, but she had an uncertainty in her voice, that she didn’t really know what it was she wanted.
Max would wait for her because you couldn’t undo a kiss like that.
It had given him a brief glimpse into what it would be like being with her, and once he had seen it, felt the magic, he couldn’t go back.
It might take time, it might never happen at all, but Max knew it was something worth waiting for. It was a gamble he was willing to take.
They sat and finished their coffees before they got up and walked to Clapham Common to meet everyone else.
Even after their chat, just being together still felt easy, and the tension that perhaps should have been there wasn’t.
It was one of the things about Bethan that Max had felt from the moment they met.
It was easy being with her. Silences weren’t awkward, conversations were relaxed and usually came easily, and just being in her presence felt special to him.
She was like the world’s best present he didn’t know he needed or wanted.
They all slowly filtered into Joe’s hospital room, and he was sitting up in bed, looking much more like his old self again.
Dawn had been there with his daughters, but they had left to get something to eat.
There were also rules about the numbers of visitors at once, and they were already pushing it.
‘Thanks for coming, and according to Dawn, I’ve got Charlie to thank for saving my life.’
‘I did what anyone else would have done,’ replied a surprisingly bashful Charlie.
‘Yeah, but you did it, so thanks, mate. I owe you one.’
‘How are you feeling?’ asked Hope.
‘Like I just had a big bloody heart attack,’ said Joe, which made him laugh, but that turned into a wheezy cough. ‘Sorry, I’m still a little weak and tired.’
‘You rest, and when you’re out and all better, I will cook some vegan dishes for you. India has some of the best vegan food in the world. It’s heart healthy. Just what you need,’ said Anita.
‘Thanks, Anita, and to all of you for coming. I’m sorry I scared you like that.’
‘We’re just glad you’re still here,’ said Eve.
‘Agreed,’ chipped in Max. ‘Although you did scare the shit out of me.’
‘Me too,’ said Bethan.
‘The Clapham Half is a no go, I’m afraid,’ said Joe.
‘Seriously?’ said Hope. ‘You almost died, and that’s what your worried about?’ Everyone laughed because even in the depths of something so serious, there was always time for laughter.
‘I’m just saying, this year it’s a no go, but maybe next year,’ said Joe. ‘The quacks have me on heart medication now, blood thinners, and they’re talking about diet changes, and all sorts. Who knows, this time next year, I could be ready for another shot at the Clapham Half.’
‘Let’s just see how it goes, shall we?’ said Hope.
‘Yeah, all right. Anyway, that’s enough about me. What’s happening with all of you?’
It was typical Joe, even in the darkest times, he always thought of others first. Joe was a proper old-fashioned Londoner, the sort of hero you heard about during the war who saved others during the Blitz, putting everyone else before themselves.
He was old-school, no frills, but had a heart of gold, and Max was glad that he knew him.
That Joe Mitchell was his friend. They all sat down, and they each went around and spoke about their lives, and what was happening with them.
It was like the circle before a run, but instead they were in Joe’s hospital room.
Charlie told them about a new girl at work who had caught his eye, but he wasn’t sure whether to ask her out or not.
For once, the over-confident Charlie seemed slightly uncertain.
Eve spoke about her book, which was selling well, and she had a few events lined up across the country over the next month, and a couple back in her beloved Ireland.
Max filled everyone in on what was happening with the sandwich shop.
They had continued with the interior decor, and Robbie was working on getting some new equipment, while they waited on all the legal things and approval from the council to open.
There was far more paperwork involved in opening a business than Max had imagined, but they were getting there.
Finally, it was almost time for them to leave, and Joe had one last thing to say to the group.
He sat up a little taller in bed, and looked at everyone.
‘I’ve been sitting in this bed for the last couple of days, thinking about everything, about my life, and you know what?
I don’t regret running. Maybe it led to the heart attack, but I met all of you, and I’m going to get better and stronger because of it.
Also, and I don’t want to sound like one of those new-age fruitcakes, but it has made me appreciate that life is short, and we need to live our lives.
So, for me, yeah, go out and be fearless, run the Clapham Half for all your worth, ask that girl out at work Charlie because you never know what life has in store for you.
Don’t wait for life to happen to you, yeah, go out and make the life you want! ’
When he said that, Max and Bethan looked at each other, and he didn’t know what she was thinking, but he was hoping she was thinking the same as him.
Life and love were complicated, but surely if there was something she had learnt from her own tragedy with Jake, it was that it could all be gone in a moment, so you had to embrace life while you could.
They said goodbye to Joe as Dawn came back with their daughters, and they headed home.
Max said goodbye to Bethan with a hug, which he held for a second longer than he needed to because he loved the feeling of her in his arms, and didn’t want to let her go.
Bethan was heading into Central London to meet some friends, while Max was meeting Robbie at the sandwich shop.
Robbie spent most days at the shop, getting things ready for the soft launch in a couple of weeks.
Max walked away, the words of Joe settling in his mind.
He wanted to embrace life, and he wanted to do it with Bethan.
He just needed her to be ready, and if it meant waiting for six months or a year, then that’s what he would do.
Max was ready to play the long-game with Bethan, and after the last eighteen months, he knew that sometimes the sweetest things in life often took their time.