Dear Barry
This is such a difficult letter to write, but one I know is overdue. For so long I hated you for what happened. I blamed you for my parents’ deaths because I had so much anger and resentment inside of me, and it had to go somewhere. Unfortunately, it was all aimed towards you.
My parents were the kindest, nicest and best parents anyone could hope to have.
Growing up they gave me everything, and I had an idyllic childhood.
I felt so lucky to have them, and then in one moment they were gone.
It felt like my whole life was taken from me.
Everything I knew, thought and believed in was ripped away from me, and I fell apart.
I didn’t understand the world anymore because how could the two people I loved and needed the most be gone, and why?
I actually think why was the hardest part for me to understand.
Why them when the world was full of terrible people who didn’t deserve to live when they were gone?
But something happened to me. I joined a run club in Clapham and it was full of people who had suffered, lost loved ones, and they were all trying their best to move on by running together.
I’m not a runner, and yet somehow just being with these people and running around Clapham Common together twice a week, changed my life.
I slowly began to realise that we all have our pain, our heartache, and it doesn’t need to make sense for us to begin the process of moving on.
People that had lost parents, husbands, fiancés, been cheated on or had breakdowns because life was overwhelming, they were all there together, putting one foot in front of the other, and it meant something.
Despite the run club, it took me almost losing one of the most important people in my life to realise I needed to do something big if I wanted to change and move on.
I’m currently in Sydney, on Bondi Beach, after spending the past two and a half months travelling.
I needed the space from London to really think about everything, and I have come to this conclusion.
The only way for me to completely move on is to forgive because holding onto even a small piece of anger will only cloud my future.
You made a terrible mistake, Barry, but it shouldn’t ruin the rest of your life.
We all make mistakes, I have made plenty myself, but we have to eventually forgive ourselves and each other.
My parents were the kindest people, and I know that they would want me to forgive you for what happened.
So, I forgive you and I’m sorry for how I acted when we met.
You need to live your life and be happy because we only get one shot at this.
Please put what happened behind you and move on because I have.
I will always love my parents so much, but it doesn’t mean I can’t embrace the future and be happy too. You must do the same.
Perhaps one day we will meet again, and I can shake your hand, look you in the eyes, and tell you in person that it’s OK. Until then, be happy Barry. It’s what my parents would have wanted. It’s what I want.
All the best,
Max Lawson
Ps: One of the best people I know gave me this piece of advice and I’m giving it to you. Nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes.