Chapter 45
Going to a designer exchange place in Camden hadn’t been an ideal first date venue, but they’d come away with more than enough money for a couple of nights in a BB for everyone. At one point she wondered whether she should hand the cash straight over to Gayle, rather than risk its investment in her idea, but Jasper had told her it was better to try something that might have a long-term impact. She still wasn’t over the fact that he had come back for her, that they had finally ended up in bed together. She had a million unanswered questions for him, but she’d had to drag herself away to find Tasha. With Jasper holed up at her place, she’d returned to the intersection where, thankfully, Tasha was still ensconced.
‘You’re back, are you?’ said the girl.
She was sat on a camping mat outside the tent, reading a book. At least she wasn’t smashed this time.
‘Yep. I’ve come to fetch you.’ She’d already decided that she wasn’t taking no for an answer.
‘I’m not some kid playing out who you get to call back in for dinner.’
‘True. But if you were my kid, I would actually do that. I would make sure that every single night you came back home, and you had a decent meal inside you.’
‘Yeah, right.’
‘Yeah, right. Tasha, I don’t know a great deal about your background, and I don’t know the shit you’ve been through, but I’m guessing your parents are either dead or assholes. Because only complete douchebags would let someone as warm and caring and smart and lovely as you end up somewhere as shitty as this.’
The girl seemed completely unmoved.
‘This isn’t where you belong and this isn’t what you deserve,’ said Simone.
Tasha continued to glare at her impassively.
‘Just come with me now.’
‘Where to? The shelter’s closing.’
‘How do you know that?’
Tasha shrugged. Perhaps Gayle had got hold of her.
‘I’ve got an idea to keep it open, but I’m going to need your help.’
The tent’s zip opened and a head emerged. ‘What the fuck’s going on?’
She’d expected any boyfriend of Tasha’s to be some ripped-sweater long-haired goth type, but this guy was just your typical hoodie. He wasn’t much older than Tasha.
‘Go back to sleep,’ Tasha told him.
‘I can’t with this shit happening in me earhole.’ He nodded at Simone. ‘Who’s this?’
‘Just someone I know from the shelter.’
‘Tell her to fuck off,’ the lad said.
‘Don’t tell me what to do.’
‘What the fuck is up with you?’
‘You tell her to fuck off if you want her to fuck off,’ said Tasha.
‘Oi, fuck off!’
‘Fuck you!’ said Simone.
‘Is she some kind of lesbian?’ he asked Tasha.
Simone was wearing a bandana to cover her greasy hair and a pair of dungarees. Stereotyping moron.
‘Yeah, the straight kind,’ said Tasha.
‘Are you screwing her?’ he asked.
‘Don’t be stupid.’
‘Don’t call me stupid.’
‘You are stupid.’
‘Was that baby even mine?’ he said, apropos of nothing.
‘Well, it wasn’t hers, was it, you idiot?!’
‘Don’t call me an idiot.’
‘You are an idiot.’
The guy turned from Tasha in a huff. They really were still just a pair of kids.
‘I’m sorry about the baby,’ said Simone.
He groaned. ‘Don’t get her going about the baby. She’s done nothing but blub about it. I told her, it’s a blessing.’
‘It’s not a blessing, you inconsiderate dickhole,’ Simone said. ‘It’s a horrible tragedy.’
Tasha turned to her with questioning eyes.
‘It is. It’s a tragedy and I am so sorry that I wasn’t there for you. You would have been an amazing mum; and one day you will be an amazing mum. But not if you stay here. If you stay here, you’re going to lose whatever fight you have left in you, and that will be an even greater tragedy. You’re smart, you’re talented and you’re special. It doesn’t have to be this way.’
‘Doesn’t it? So what exactly am I meant to do?’
‘You can come and stay with me for a while.’
‘I knew you were a fucking lesbian!’ said the boyfriend.
‘Shut up, you little turd.’
She felt bad for him. That was Jasper’s influence exerting itself. He probably had his own issues to contend with, but dragging Tasha down with him wasn’t going to help either of them. A truck rumbled overhead.
‘It’s not much quieter, if I’m honest, but it’s warm and safe. Just until you get on your feet.’
‘Don’t listen to her, babe. It’s you and me, innit?’ The boy slung his arm around Tasha’s shoulder.
‘Tasha, I am a horrible cynical fuck. I don’t do feelings, or at least I didn’t think I did, but I can’t let you throw your life away. It means too much.’
‘But what am I going to do?’
Okay, she hadn’t dismissed the idea out of hand.
‘I’m not sure. But right now, I need your help. This idea to try and save the shelter, I can’t do it without you. We can’t do it without you.’
‘And then when I’ve served my purpose, or you’re busy with work again?—’
‘Then you can tell me I’m being a twat, and I’ll course correct.’
Tasha slowly shook her head. ‘Maybe you believe that now, but…’
She trailed off. Perhaps she wouldn’t be persuaded? After all, what reason did she have to trust her? What reason did she have to trust anybody? But she refused to leave her here; she wouldn’t do it. She got down on her hands and knees.
‘Okay, I’m begging you.’ She interlaced her fingers and looked deep into the girl’s eyes. ‘I am literally begging you. Please come with me now. Please.’
Tasha took a deep breath.
‘You’re not seriously considering it, are you?’ said the boyfriend. ‘Let’s just have a drink and forget this dick.’
Tasha didn’t answer him.
‘Seriously, babe,’ he said. ‘If you go, that’s it, we’re over.’
Tasha pressed her lips together and pulled at a stray piece of cotton at the hem of her T-shirt. She then stood up and went inside the tent.
The boyfriend gave Simone the finger. ‘I win. Unlucky lezza!’
His smile disappeared the moment Tasha reappeared with her rucksack.
‘I’m not fucking about here, Tash,’ he said. ‘If you leave, there is no coming back.’
‘What are you gonna do? Change the zips?’ She flicked her hair over her shoulder. ‘As for you. Get up. You’re embarrassing yourself.’
Simone got up.
‘Come on,’ said Tasha. ‘Let’s get out of here.’
* * *
When they got back to the flat, Jasper opened the door.
‘So are you two together now?’ the girl said.
‘Ugh. Him?!’
‘Her?! Are you serious?’
Tasha smiled and handed him her rucksack. ‘Great. I’m gonna start calling you mum and dad.’
Jasper flinched and looked like he was about to launch into a big speech, probably about boundaries or something.
‘Jokes.’ Tasha continued up the stairs.
‘She okay?’ he whispered.
‘I’m fine!’ she shouted.
They had talked about the miscarriage on the way back. She was being incredibly pragmatic about it all. She described her sadness for the baby, but also a mixture of guilt and relief that it hadn’t proved a viable pregnancy. The foetus had stopped developing not long after her first scan. Simone had reassured her that there was no right or wrong way to experience loss, and whatever worked for her was what worked for her.
‘So is anyone going to tell me what’s going on?’ Tasha called down the stairs.
‘Yes,’ Simone said. ‘But let’s order something to eat first.’