Chapter 20
TWENTY
“Is it safe for me to go home now?” Kendra asked Clara as they exited the airport area.
“Should be. There’s no upside to them coming after you now.”
That’s what she’d hoped to hear. “What about Bri?”
Clara sighed. “That depends on whether they arrest Tawnya and whoever she works for. Both Tawnya and Malloy face charges related to kidnapping as well as smuggling. Those are pretty hefty charges. We only need one to flip and agree to testify to take Bri out of the equation. If neither do, I can’t rule out the possibility of her being targeted or facing retaliation.”
“Damn,” Kendra muttered.
“I know. She’s not in trouble with us, but she’s not home-free yet.”
“Linc mentioned the possibility of her having to go into Witness Protection.”
“It would have to be a pretty major case with someone way higher in the organization than Tawnya and Malloy to warrant putting them in Witness Protection.”
Kendra breathed a bit easier hearing Clara’s assessment. Not only would having a new identity be confusing for Jalen, but she couldn’t imagine the toll it would have on Bri to lose Linc’s support and for him to lose his only blood family.
Relief that Bri was home warred with the doubts that arose, wondering where things would go with Linc. She understood Bri would be his focus until he left to finish his deployment. How would things change then? Would they be able to message and video chat to move things forward?
When they arrived at her apartment, Kendra dug her keys out of her purse.
“I’m going to check your place, just to be safe.” Clara shut off the engine. “I’ll get the surveillance cameras tomorrow. They might help you sleep better tonight.”
“Thanks for putting in overtime on this.”
“Anything for family. Besides, it was one of the more exciting cases I’ve worked.” She drew her weapon and entered first.
Exciting wasn’t the word Kendra would use to describe the past few days. And though accustomed to facing danger, Linc probably hadn’t considered this case ‘exciting.’ Not with how personal it had been. However, Bri’s reaction when she thought Clara was recruiting Linc for the police department showed that she knew her brother was committed to his military service and team. Fear of her family’s disapproval and what happened with her aunt was why she’d listened to Grandma Ruby’s warnings about dating a guy in the military. But the rest of her family wouldn’t excommunicate her, not if they gave Linc a chance.
Clara checked all the rooms and closets. “All clear.” She holstered her gun. Standing in front of the bookshelf, she picked up the framed picture of all the family from her and Derrick’s wedding. “Linc would fit in with our colorful mix. So would Bri and Jalen.”
Kendra smiled as Clara set the frame back on the shelf next to the picture of Kendra in her graduation gown holding her master’s in social work diploma, surrounded by her parents and three grandparents—another beautiful blend of color and heritages and love that stood up to prejudices to form the family who made her the woman she was today.
She locked the deadbolt when Clara left. The only sound was the hum of the air conditioner running. There’d be no banter about whose French fries tasted better. No building blanket forts. She might be safe, but these past few days with Linc and Jalen ramped up the longing for someone to spend her life with. A family of her own.
If Bri could overcome being sexually abused and succumbing to drugs to get her life on track and raise her son, Kendra could let go of the past and not let it control her. She also didn’t have to settle for a guy because he checked the boxes her grandmother insisted were important. Marcus had strong ties to the community and a mid-six-figure income, but that wasn’t a strong foundation on which to build a marriage. Not the kind of marriage and partnership she wanted.
Her undeniable attraction to Linc went deeper than his appealing appearance and physique. His loyalty to his family, his way of interacting with Jalen, and his understanding and support when she told him what had happened with Don were all values and character traits that she’d dreamed of in a spouse.
She checked emails and confirmed her appointments for tomorrow before making a salad and eating alone for the first time in several days. She sat at the secondhand kitchen table that she’d bought at Goodwill. It’d been covered with scratches, stains, and traces of marker before she and her mother sanded and painted it for an updated look and pop of color in the neutral palette of the apartment. Maybe it would be the center of family meals again one day.
What were Linc and Jalen doing now? She pictured Jalen’s face and the wide-eyed smile that revealed a dimple in his cheek.
The memory of Linc’s smile landing on her started a flutter in her stomach that went lower and changed to a pleasant pulsing. In a matter of days, Linc Porter had sent her world spinning in a new direction, and, damn, even the dizziness felt good.
An hour later, the knock at her front door made her jump. Her heart pounded even as she rationalized that there was no reason for Tawnya’s associates to show up here now.
Peering through the peephole, her heart beat even harder. How did Linc even know where she lived? She backed away a step and took a deep breath, though that did nothing to slow her racing heart.
It was as if she’d summoned him.
She opened the door, fully aware of the smile on her face. “I didn’t think I’d see you tonight.”
“Sorry I didn’t call before dropping in. I didn’t want to wake you if you’d gone to bed.” He entered her apartment and glanced around, taking it in.
“Not yet. I was headed that way.”
Linc’s unexpected visit made her glad she’d stayed up.
“Bri barely made it through eating the takeout we picked up before crashing.”
“I imagine neither she nor Regina got much sleep the last few days.”
“They’ll all sleep well tonight. Clara called while Jalen and I were cleaning up and getting the food at Dev’s place. She gave me your address so I could bring this over.” He pulled out the box of English Breakfast tea from the grocery bag in his hand.
“You didn’t need to come here to bring me tea bags.” Though she didn’t admit to the thrill of having him here.
“That wasn’t the only reason.” He handed her the bag with a sheepish grin.
She peeked inside. “Oh. How’d you know this was my underwear and not Dev’s girlfriend’s?”
“I was with you when you bought them. I saw the package and recognized the color.”
Her face and neck heated, but she didn’t say anything as she set the bag on the couch. She’d checked out that he bought boxer briefs too.
“I also wanted to tell you Clara said authorities arrested Tawnya and the high-level supplier she made the drop to. In addition to the drugs, they found firearms and cash in the house. It was a really good bust. She said Bri should only have to testify against Tawnya, which is a huge relief.”
“That is good news.” What he’d said about going to Dev’s clicked in. “Is Jalen with you?”
“I took him back to Bri’s. Regina’s in Jalen’s bed, and he’s in with Bri. Since she’s safe, I thought I’d sleep in my bed since she doesn’t have a full-sized couch.”
“Your house? Where there’s no food?”
“I grabbed a protein bar. I’ve got to get up early to take Jalen to school for Bri. I’ll get something while she and Regina give their statements to the police.”
“How long before you have to go back overseas?”
“I’m not sure yet. I’ll call the chief tomorrow. I hope to stay a couple of days to make sure Bri’s really okay.”
Then it would be roughly two months until she could see or kiss him again. “You could stay here. My bed’s only a queen, but it’d just be the two of us this time.” She moved close enough that they could touch.
“I wasn’t sure you were ready for that yet.”
Yet he’d stopped by here before going to his house. That seemed like a sign he’d at least thought about staying. She certainly hoped he had. Having spent so much time with him the past few days, she not only wanted to be intimate with him but trusted him enough to try.
“Honestly, I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I’d rather you stay than wait until you get back to find out.” That way, if she wasn’t ready, he had time to decide if he wanted to keep building on this or invest his time elsewhere. It would be better for her to know now than to set her heart on a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere when the hurt would be another setback. She summoned one-hundred and ten percent of her courage to ask, “Do you have any condoms with you?” Now there’d be no doubt of her intentions.
“I’ve got at least one, probably two, with me. I’d like to stay but remember what I said.” He wrapped an arm around her to hold her close as he spoke, looking right into her eyes. “If, at any time, you want to stop, you just say the word. Just don’t say ‘don’t stop’ because that can send mixed messages. I won’t know if there’s supposed to be punctuation between the words as in ‘Don’t. Stop!’ or you’re asking me not to stop. I don’t want any miscommunication because I don’t want to mess this up.”
“Understood.” Scenarios where she’d beg him not to stop made her mouth water. She could easily fall in love with Linc. In fact, she was already on her way there, and she so wanted this to work. “I’m afraid I’ll be the one to mess things up.”
“I don’t see that happening. Tell me what you need.”
She inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled. “I need to feel that I have control. And after watching you the past few days”—and knowing his background in foster care—“I know how hard it is for you to not be in control.”
“That’s true. One of the things I like about the unit I serve with is having more control and input than being in regular army units. But I do have experience following orders. I’d be more than willing to take them from you.”
“Any kind of order?” She traced a finger down his chest and stopped above the waistband of the black jeans that hugged his perfect body.
“As long as it’s not anything illegal.” His enticing grin amped up as he dropped his gaze to her hand. “And if control’s what you need, you got it. You say where. No article of clothing comes off until you take it off or indicate you want me to. No blindfolds or flex cuffs—unless you want to use them on me. Not that I usually roll that way, but I’m willing if that makes you feel in control.”
The idea of that, along with his smile, sent her body temperature skyrocketing. “I don’t think we need to go that far.” At least not yet. A prior fantasy or two flashed through her mind, though her body tensed at the idea of heading straight to the bedroom. “Why don’t you get a little more comfortable by taking off your boots.” She was already barefoot, and the suggestion gave her a few seconds to contemplate an appropriate starting place.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She couldn’t take her eyes off him as he braced one muscular arm against the wall and bent over to untie the laces. He toed off one low boot, then the other.
He held out a hand. When she placed hers in his, he interlaced their fingers but didn’t move until she took the first step to the couch, where she sat in the middle.
“Your eyes are the most amazing color. Like honey ringed with dark brown,” he said. “They were the first thing I noticed about you. But they aren’t your best feature.”
“Oh?”
“I like your smile even better. And your heart. When we met at Bri’s apartment, you built Bri up, telling her she could turn things around rather than bring up her past and mistakes. I was blown away, considering my experience with social workers started with Mrs. Courtland. She wasn’t fazed by my or Bri’s insistence that we stay together. She held me back as Regina loaded Bri in her car and drove away. And an hour later, she drove me to meet my first foster family, who already had three older boys.”
“I’m sorry they couldn’t keep you together, but your case worker might not have been the heartless person she came off as,” Kendra shared. “In our line of work, we often don’t have a choice. From what you said, Bri’s grandmother was willing to take her in, and we always want to put children with family, if possible, but we can’t make them take in family, much less non-blood relatives. She was probably doing her best for you, even if it wasn’t what any of you wanted.”
“You’re probably right.” He sighed. “I need to let that go, which will be easier now that I have a different take on social workers.” He raised his eyebrows and leaned closer, tilting her chin with his index finger.
The simple touch sent electricity through her. Voltage amped up the moment his lips touched hers. Sweet kisses turned hotter and hotter. There was no doubt this man knew how to kiss.
When she tugged at his shirt, the back of her fingers connected with the warmth of his smooth skin, making her want to touch even more of him. To feel his skin against hers. “Take it off,” she requested.
He stripped the shirt over his head in one fluid, sexy movement.
“I want to see the tattoo on your back.”
He gave an almost bashful smile before he turned.
“Wolves.” That wasn’t what she’d expected. She ran her fingers over the most prominent one in the center with a serious, watchful gaze in its light eyes.
He looked over his shoulder at her. “I have the personality traits of a lone wolf. That’s my nickname on the team.”
A shiver of pleasure ran through her that he shared his nickname.
“It doesn’t mean I’m dangerous. But I will protect my pack. I prefer small groups of people. Ones that I trust. I’m independent, and I don’t like to need help.”
“Um, hmm.” She chuckled slightly at his admission.
“That middle one represents me,” Linc said. “The smaller, pale colored wolf next to it is for Bri. I added it after she finished rehab. The pup is Jalen. I got that done after she decided to keep him, and I promised to help watch over him.”
Her eyes misted as he explained. She touched a fingertip to the face of the two smaller wolves, then pressed her lips to the protector wolf.
“The ones in the background by the forest are for my team. They always have my back. How do you feel about tattoos?”
“I think this one fits you perfectly.” Maybe one day he’d add a wolf for her. That’d be down the road, but she smiled at the idea.
He turned to face her again. She ran her hand from his shoulder, down the well-defined muscles of his arms, taking in the sight of his impressive abs before his mouth claimed hers.
She was in such a state of bliss that she offered no resistance when he maneuvered them to lay face to face and nose to nose and then lip to lip on the couch. His knee nudged between her legs.
It didn’t take long before his thigh rose. His hand slid under her to the small of her back, applying pressure. When she writhed against his thigh, he ground harder. His solid erection pressed against her. She wanted Linc as much as she wanted her next breath.
Her fingers hesitated at the button to his pants, then trailed down the fabric covering the hard length of him, which pulsated against her palm.
A pleasured rumble rose from his chest into his throat.
Rather than shy away, she curved her palm to cup him. He leaned against her hand, rotating his hips while his smoldering, dark brown gaze maintained contact with hers.
Removing her hand, she raised her torso to lift her shirt. Now, it was his turn to stare.
He licked his lips before trailing one finger down her cheek, then her neck, and over the curve of her breast. His hand covered and caressed one breast before tweaking her nipple through the thin fabric. “You doing good?”
“Better than good.” She reached behind her to unclasp her bra, then slowly eased the straps down her arms. Linc swallowed and licked his lips again as she laid back. “I’ll let you do the honors.”
“Okay. But I’m going to take my time.” He graced her with that soulful smile, and she couldn’t determine if that was to make her more comfortable or to make her beg him for more—which she was close to doing already.
Even though he had the strength to overpower her easily, Linc stayed true to his word and did not pressure her in any way. His relinquish of control also restored the confidence that Don had stolen from her and banished the anxiety that usually took hold at this stage of intimacy.
First, Linc kissed her jawline, moved down her neck to her collarbone, then focused on the swell of her breast. Anticipation built as his warm tongue slid under the loosened lace edge of her bra to wet her skin. Finally, his mouth traversed to cover the peak where his hot, moist breath warmed her through the fabric. When he bit lightly, her back arched up toward him. The hand sliding up her thigh stopped before reaching the place she so wanted him to touch.
His teeth clasped the lace edge of her bra cup and pulled it down to bare most of her breast. He removed the bra and tossed it to the floor. “Perfect.”
The way he kissed and nibbled and sucked had her in no hurry to make him move on to the next step yet. She simply enjoyed as he focused on her pleasure and not his own in a way she’d never experienced. As he lavished equal attention on the other breast, her hand ran down the muscles of his arm to take his hand and guide it higher.
He obediently followed orders, first palming her, then his finger gently stroked before delving in to tease and explore. She pressed against his hand and clenched around his finger. After spending the past few days dreaming about Linc, his touch already had her on the brink of coming.
“Let’s take this to the bedroom where there’s more room,” she said, her breathing labored.
“I like that idea.” He eased off the couch to a standing position and extended his hand.
Inside the bedroom, Linc removed his wallet from his pocket. He opened it, then held up foil packages. “Two.” He laid them on the nightstand while unfastening his pants with the other hand.
The way he said it and eyed her, she banked on them using both. She skimmed off her leggings as his pants dropped to the floor.
They both paused, taking in each other’s bodies. His legs were muscular like the rest of him. That a man this amazingly fit and gorgeous was attracted to her had seemed too good to be true when he first asked her out. Since then, she’d lost some pounds and a dress size, but she was no stick figure. Her stomach certainly wasn’t flat, and she needed an underwire bra to keep the girls perky, but Linc made her feel beautiful and desirable.
More than that, he listened, made her feel respected, and they worked together as a team. Other than his military service, they were compatible in all the ways that mattered—or at least they were about to find that out.
She turned down the spread and sheet. “You first.”
Linc quickly dispatched his boxer briefs, giving her a good look at his impressive erection as he climbed onto the bed wearing only the half of a heart necklace that she wouldn’t ask him to take off—another sign of his devotion to family. Her pulse pounded as she peeled off her panties and joined him. She’d never wanted a man this much. This was how she’d once dreamed it could be. No fear. Because everything about them together was right.
Raising her hand to her mouth, she licked her fingertips before circling his nipple.
“ Mmm. I like that.” He angled closer and kissed her, and his hand ran lazily up her side to fondle her breast.
Desire intensified as they took their time kissing and touching. Exploring and caressing. After she moistened her palm, thumb, and index finger, she slid her hand up and down his shaft and squeezed the head.
His throaty groan encouraged her.
“On your back,” she ordered. Once again, he complied like a good soldier, and she scooted lower on the bed. She kissed his chest and circled his nipple with her tongue before lightly clamping it between her teeth.
One hand twisted into her hair. His other drifted down her back to her hip, and when he cupped her ass and nudged his knee between her legs, she straddled him. Despite Linc’s strength, being on top gave her a sense of control.
His hips lifted off the bed, and she rocked against the steely hardness trapped under her core. Bending over, she suckled one dark nipple and then moved to the other.
“You keep doing that, and I won’t last long.” His fingers dug into her hips.
She lifted her head and smiled down at him, enjoying the power she held over him now. But it was time—past time.
Reaching over, she snagged a condom. “I’m not good at this.” She handed him the package.
“I got it. You ready?”
“Definitely.” She took his hand and guided it between her legs to show him just how ready she was.
He used her moisture to lubricate his shaft. Once he’d rolled on the condom, he stared into her eyes and gripped her hips as she took him in a little at a time, then raising up before taking him in fully as the most exquisitely pleasurable sensations overwhelmed her body.
His hands covered her breasts possessively, pinching and rolling her nipples between his fingertips, making her delirious with need. He thrust upward as she bore down. She ground her hips in a circle.
She rocked harder and faster as her muscles tightened, and she neared climax. Needing that last magic touch, she reached between them.
“Let me.” Linc slid his hand under hers. His fingers expertly stroked their target, rubbing back and forth with the perfect amount of pressure that sent her over the brink.
Her head lolled back, and her lungs worked overtime to draw in oxygen. Linc raised his hips even higher as he joined her in riding out their intense orgasms.
Panting, her body sagged forward, and she collapsed onto him. She listened to his heartbeat as his chest rose with strained breaths and his fingers trailed lazy strokes over her lower back.
After several deep breaths, she lifted her head to kiss his jaw, then his mouth. “Thank you.”
He chuckled, and the arm draped over her hugged her closer. “Anytime you want to be in control, just let me know.”
“I might need a little time to recover my energy.” She panted, still trying to catch her breath, as she shifted off him to lay at his side. “I was thinking next time, I’d let you be in control.” She ran the back of her finger from his shoulder, along his side, to the inside of his thigh.
The wicked grin he gave her made her heart skip a beat in anticipation. Was it too soon to say I love you? Yes. Definitely.
There were things she loved about him. A lot of things. But she wouldn’t drop the L word too soon and risk sending him running back to wherever he was deployed.
Either movement or sound woke Kendra. She opened her eyes to see Linc pulling on his pants. His gaze roved over her, making her entire body heat from the memory of their second time making love last night—with him totally in control. And from behind, his hands had been free to roam and play her body as expertly as he did everything else.
“If I hadn’t promised Bri I’d get Jalen, I’d stay right here with you,” he said in that low, husky voice that further melted her insides. “There are things we could do that don’t require condoms.” He ran his tongue between his teeth suggestively before he leaned in to kiss her. “I could come back after I drop Jalen off at school.”
“Tempting. However, my day is packed after being out of the office. This morning I’m meeting with a couple to finish their home study to become foster parents with the intention to adopt. I had to run out on them last Thursday when Jalen’s school’s director called me to pick him up.”
Link stood straighter. “The ones you mentioned when you brought up putting Jalen in foster care?”
“Only because you asked about your chances of getting custody if something happened to Bri. I wasn’t questioning your capability. I’ve seen you with Jalen. I have no doubts you’ll be a great father.”
“I may be a great uncle , but being a father is different. I could fill in short-term, but usually, I show up and spoil him. Bri is the one carrying the responsibility—making all the decisions, getting him to appointments, working to pay the bills.”
“She’s doing great, and I have no doubt you’d also be up to the challenge.”
“I never had a role model to teach me how to be a father.”
“It sounds like Bri didn’t have much of a role model to be a mother, either. No one’s perfect. We all make mistakes. Being a parent involves learning as you go.”
“With my background, I decided years ago that marriage and family aren’t for me.”
His statement sucked the air out of her lungs along with the hope that had built over the past few days. “You’re saying you don’t want a wife and family?” It contradicted the behavior she’d witnessed the past few days.
“It’s not my plan.”
“Her lungs couldn’t draw in a full breath with the weight lodged in her chest. Tears formed as she died a little inside.
“It’s hard enough to maintain a marriage without throwing in constant deployments and reintegrations.”
“But it can be done. Look at your friend, Walt.”
“He’s on his third marriage. Mack’s on his second. And the risk of serving in Special Ops is high. I don’t want to be responsible for kids growing up without both parents in their lives.”
It sounded like a case of introjection and Linc expecting the worst outcome.
“Marriage and family is what you want, isn’t it?” he asked.
“Yes.” More than anything.
“I don’t want to come between you and your family. With their feelings about you having a relationship with a military guy, I didn’t think you’d want to take things further with me. I should have said something last night.”
“It’s not like we’re at that point in a relationship to have that discussion.” Even calling what they had a relationship was premature. She’d made assumptions based on what she’d seen in Linc with Jalen. And because it’s what she wanted. “I don’t regret what happened last night, but if we want different things, it’s better to find that out now.”
“True. I don’t want to hurt you or waste your time.”
“You didn’t do either. In fact, you gave me a piece of myself back that I needed. But I can’t make you change your mind. Staying in a relationship hoping things might be different wouldn’t be fair to either of us. Not when I know that is what I want.” That he’d made her face her past and helped her deal with her sexual assault made her push him this time. “If you think you can’t have a wife and family because you aren’t worthy or don’t deserve it, then you’re wrong. Think about that. Accept that you can’t change the past but can move on and take control of your future. You may not see your worth, but I do. You deserve to have the things you want in life.”
“Like I said, it’s not in my plans. And I didn’t mean to hurt or mislead you.”
“I’ll be fine.” Maybe. After a few good cries and time. Except she didn’t have time for that now. She’d bury herself in work for the next few days. When she came up for air, Linc would be gone. And take with him the temptation to reach out. Though she doubted he’d disappear from her thoughts as quickly as he would from her life.
It was eerily quiet inside Bri’s apartment. Linc cracked open her bedroom door and let out the breath that had stalled in his lungs until he saw her and Jalen still sound asleep. Bri’s arm protectively draped over Jalen’s small frame.
“Hey J-man,” Linc touched his arm. “Time to get ready for school.”
“I want to stay with Mommy,” he muttered sleepily and rubbed a fist to his eye.
“Mommy and Grams need to go do some work with Miss Clara this morning,” Linc said, keeping his voice low. He coaxed Jalen from the bed and carried the clothes Bri had laid out for him to the living area.
While Jalen dressed and Linc assembled breakfast, Bri emerged from the bedroom.
“You didn’t have to get up yet. I’ll take him to school.”
“I wanted to spend a few minutes with him.” She sat on the kitchen chair and pulled Jalen onto her lap, playfully kissing the side of his head over and over.
His nephew’s giggles lightened Linc’s mood.
“Isn’t that the same shirt you wore yesterday?” She eyed him as he poured the egg mixture into the pan.
“I overslept and grabbed the first thing I found so I wouldn’t be late.” That was mostly true.
“You? Late?” she scoffed.
“I’ve had a stressful few days worrying about you,” he deflected. He wouldn’t tell Bri he spent the night with Kendra—especially with how things ended. Pressure in his chest expanded. After what he’d overheard between Clara and Kendra about having kids at Malloy’s house, he wanted to be upfront that his future didn’t include marriage and kids, but when she’d invited him to spend the night, his honorable intentions got kicked to the curb. He couldn’t wrap his head around her viewing him as both husband and father material when she knew everything about his background and family.
“I still can’t believe you came.” Bri’s voice cracked.
“I would have come to Mexico if I’d known where to find you.”
“I did envision you kicking in the door to save me. But, after they showed me the picture of Jalen on the playground at school, all I could think about was keeping him safe. Jalen said that and he and you and Kendra stayed at your friend Dev’s house?”
“Seemed like the safest option. Tawnya’s people knew where you lived. And she knew about me, and they could have found out where I lived. Malloy staked out the preschool. He even tailed Kendra after she picked Jalen up. We couldn’t risk them tracking her down because she would know where Jalen was.”
“Considering they kidnapped Grams, they probably would have gone after a child. Would they have really hurt them?”
“These people have no qualms about hurting others to make money. You mean nothing to them. That’s why authorities wanted whoever Tawnya worked for. You should be safe now.” He set a plate of food in front of Jalen.
“Tawnya suckered me in. I thought she wanted a friend. I should have known she had an ulterior motive since the nearly free trip was too good to be true.”
“Quit beating yourself up. They worked you.”
“I was an easy target. I thought after all I’ve been through, I deserved something good to happen.”
“You do deserve good things. You’ve stayed clean, and you’re doing a fantastic job with Jalen. She’s the best mom ever. Right, J-man?”
“Uh-huh,” he agreed with his mouth full of food.
“I don’t know about that, but I’m doing the best I can. I owe him that.” She ran a hand over the back of her son’s head. “I know I give you a hard time when you try to help, but I do appreciate it. I couldn’t do this on my own.”
Linc sat at the table and extended a hand to Bri. “You don’t have to do it on your own. I wasn’t there when we were kids, but I’m here now. Anytime.”
“ You need to let that go.” She squeezed his hand. “It wasn’t your fault. I never blamed you. And it would have happened again if you hadn’t stuck to me afterward like we were conjoined twins.”
Linc shrugged. It’d been the only way he’d known to protect her. They sat there while Jalen finished eating.
“Go brush your teeth. Uncle Linc will take you to school, but I’ll pick you up.” Bri lifted Jalen off her lap and watched him disappear into the bathroom. “I wouldn’t trade him for anything, but I don’t want to do it on my own forever. Do you think I’ll ever find someone to love me enough to marry me and be a father to Jalen?”
“If that’s what you want, you just need to find the right guy. But you know he’ll have to pass muster with me.” Linc grinned at her.
“You’ve got single friends. Maybe you should set me up with someone that would ‘pass muster’ so I don’t waste my time finding someone just to have you scare him off.”
He raised an eyebrow at her but didn’t take the bait. There were too many ways that could go wrong.
She huffed. “I went out with a customer at the dealership a few times. He was getting used to the idea I was a single mom, but when he learned I’d used drugs, that was too much baggage for him. He said his sister had dated some loser who did drugs.”
“Ouch.”
“He tried to recover, saying he wasn’t implying that I was a loser.” She rolled her eyes and picked at her fingernail. “His family went through a lot with his sister’s ex. I understood that he worked in the family business and didn’t want to jeopardize his role there if his parents disapproved. But, despite me being clean for nearly five years, he ended things.”
Linc immediately thought of Kendra’s family and her not wanting to risk their disapproval by dating a man in the military. But she’d agreed and even been thinking beyond the short term—until he killed that possibility an hour ago.
“I get that a lot of men aren’t able to get past my background, but I think the fact I don’t get child support may have been a factor too. Outside of marriage, some men don’t want to support their kids, much less someone else’s.”
“If they think that way, that’s not the caliber of man you want, and they don’t deserve you.”
“I know better than to settle like Mom did, but I want more kids. Jalen needs a brother or sister or two. And cousins.” She leaned forward as she said it and gave him a challenging grin.
“Then your husband better have siblings who have kids.”
“Why do you always blow off that suggestion? And don’t try to blame it on your job because I’m not buying that bull crap.” She moderated her language as Jalen emerged from the bathroom.
“Because I don’t know what to do. I never had a father. No offense, but yours didn’t count.”
“It’s not like I learned much from our mother or even from Grams. It was people like Mrs. Shannon. Parenting classes I took through DSS. And your boss’s wife, Stephanie, who threw that baby shower for me. Not only did they supply me with clothes and diapers, but the women who came also wrote down parenting tips on cards. Simple things like ‘never wake a sleeping baby’ and ‘ways to deal with a two-year-old’s tantrums.’ I’ve even learned from you.” She poked a finger in Linc’s chest.
“Me?”
“Yes. I have to be both mother and father. Sometimes I get jealous because, in some situations,” she qualified, “you’re better with Jalen than I am.”
“I am not.”
“Yes, you are. Maybe we didn’t have role models growing up, but you’ve had them in the military. I envy your relationship with men like your Chief Lundgren.”
He’d learned a lot from the chief and others regarding work. About responsibility. Leadership. About being a team player— a family .
“I don’t tell you often enough how proud I am of the man that you are. You think you’re not up to being a parent,” she laughed. “What does that say about my qualifications? I may not be perfect, but counseling helped me learn that it’s okay, and to stop negative self-talk. I learn as I go and try not to repeat the same mistakes. And I think I’m doing a pretty damn good job.”
Jalen gasped. “Mommy swore.” He waved a finger at her.
“I did. I’m sorry. But your uncle won’t admit he’s wrong. It’s one of his faults.” Bri got Jalen’s lunch box from the refrigerator and loaded it into his camouflage backpack.
“ One of my faults? What are the others?” Seeing his sister’s spunky side return—even at his expense—made things feel normal after the stress of the past few days.
“You walk away at the first sign of rejection.”
“Hey, I?—”
“I get it. It’s a defense mechanism—and healthier than what I did to be accepted and dull the pain. You knew the odds of passing that qualification course to join Special Ops. You worked your butt off, so you’d pass the first time because you didn’t want to be ‘rejected.’ Now look at you. You’re one of the best of the best. You’re not perfect,” she raised an eyebrow, “but any woman would be lucky to have you. And so would any child.” She’d softened her tone. “But, be warned, your future wife will have to pass muster with me .” She winked.
“How many other faults do you want to expound on? Because I don’t want Jalen to be late for school?” And he needed out of this conversation.
“We’ll pick it up later.”
Why had he given her that opening? “I’ll be back to take you and Regina to the police station when you’re ready.” Linc hustled Jalen toward the door.
“Can we listen to Bluey music in the car?” Jalen asked.
“I don’t have that kind of music on my playlist,” Linc said.
“I’ll send you my playlist of his favorite songs.” Amusement laced Bri’s voice. “You’ll love it. ‘Baby Shark’ is on there and ‘The Gummy Bear Song.’”
He’d try to remember to delete his play history later because he’d give this kid—and his sister—most anything they wanted.