Chapter 25 #2
Did the back of the limo smell like sex? Did Carl know what they’d done? Had she looked too tousled when she left the limo? Did the reporters know? Would every person who watched that video footage know?
Did it matter?
“Lily.”
“No.” Snapped. A bit of surprise rushed through her. She hadn’t realized how close her own anger was to the surface. Maybe it was because her control wasn’t at its normal level. Normally, she would never, ever make love to a man in the back of a limo. But this wasn’t normal.
Who are you kidding, Lily? You’ve never been normal a day in your life. Even her mother had known that.
The diary entries prove it…
A deep breath, then, calmer, she said, “I haven’t convinced myself of anything. I know what I feel. I know what I’m talking about.” She looked up, and her gaze collided with his. “Who says that making love has to be soft and gentle? Who decided that rule?”
His lips parted. But he didn’t speak.
That was fine. She had plenty to say. “Who says that making love has to be tender? If you love someone, aren’t the emotions supposed to consume you? Wouldn’t the feeling be raw and savage? Beyond control? Wouldn’t you want to take and take and take, to be as greedy and demanding as you could?”
A hard shake of his head. “That’s lust.”
“Ah, lust.” A sage nod. “Love’s wicked twin.”
“I think that’s hate.” But his gaze had softened.
And she thought he was wrong. “Maybe lust and love go hand in hand. Maybe our bodies recognize things before our hearts do. Or maybe…maybe love isn’t always so gentle and sweet and easy for some people.
” It certainly wasn’t that way for her. “Maybe, for some people, it’s hard.
It’s demanding. It’s consuming. Maybe it’s a feeling that grows and grows inside of you.
That takes over and sweeps you under before you realize it.
Maybe it slams into place with the force of a freight train, and the way you feel—it won’t ever be easy.
It will always be hard and fast and frantic.
” Her chin notched up. “Fucking to one person. Making love to another.” And he could laugh in her face.
He could tell her that she was wrong. He could say—
“Marry me.”
“What?”
“Marry—the fuck—me.”
“You…you…no.” She shook her head. Her hair slid over her shoulders. “I am not. I don’t care what you told the reporters.” The reporters. The crime scene. The killer. She needed to tell Atlas—
The click of his Adam’s apple seemed loud as he swallowed. “Why the hell not? You love me.”
“I do.” Saying the words felt right. “I-I love you.” She…she smiled. For a moment, she let everything else go. She just focused on him. On how she truly felt.
He shoved back against his seat. “Fuck me. You have a beautiful smile.”
“I love you. And I don’t care that you don’t love me back. I’m not looking to change you or to try and make you feel something that you can’t. I love you.” Each time she said the words, Lily felt stronger. Better. That was what she’d always wanted. To know…to understand…
I can love. I can love someone. And it’s him.
Sometimes, her own emotions were so confusing. So overwhelming. But, not this time. This time, she knew with certainty what she felt.
Love.
“You love me, but you won’t marry me.” His blue eyes had narrowed. “That’s damn cold.”
“You…” She still felt chilled. “You just said that part about marriage to the reporters. You knew I was taunting him, and you joined me. Trying to push him over the edge?”
His brow furrowed.
“I think that might do it.” Yes, it might be exactly what they’d needed. “Between me baiting him and you adding that bit about the wedding, I hope we pulled his focus.”
“Pulled his focus…?” His expression hardened even more. “And you wonder why I’m angry.”
He shouldn’t be angry. “I want him to come after me. Not you.” She did not want to risk Atlas at all.
Not ever. “He probably wouldn’t go directly after you again anyway, not after last time.
And we both know that he has a focus on me already.
He went into my house. He showed so much rage there with all of the destruction.
Clearly, his fury is directed at me, and because I said I knew who he was to the reporters, because—”
“You deliberately taunted the sonofabitch so that he’d target you.” A furious snarl.
She blinked. Yes, she’d done that.
“Lily…”
She wet her lips. “We said… Back at your house, I thought you understood that I wanted his attention.”
He leaned toward her once again. Fury poured from him. “And I thought you understood that you were never, ever supposed to use yourself as any kind of bait.”
“I…don’t remember us talking about that.”
“It’s a fucking given. When you are the only reason I stay sane, then you don’t put your life on the line.”
“I—” The only reason you stay sane? “I’m not. Not the reason you’re sane. That’s you. You control yourself. Your control is what has kept you going for years. It’s what has made you into such a successful businessman. It gave you the empire you have. You—Atlas!”
He’d grabbed her, spun her, and had her down on the seat as he loomed over her. His hands pressed into the seat on either side of her body as she half-sprawled there. His head lowered over hers. Bringing their eyes close, their lips nearly touching. “You don’t put your life on the line.”
“It’s my life,” she whispered.
“And you’re mine.”
What did that mean? Her heart raced far too fast in her chest.
“You’re my life, Lily. The whole damn thing.”
“I…” His fury was so much stronger than she’d expected.
She could feel it. “I didn’t want anyone else to be targeted.
If I know he’s coming after me, I can be ready.
” Everyone else would be safe. Couldn’t he see that?
She’d made the list with the names of the children who belonged to serial killers.
Her list. My fault. Because her list had been taken, the ones being targeted—they were on her. Their lives. Their deaths.
She didn’t want them dying. If she drew the killer’s attention back to her, then the others would be safe.
Atlas’s fury seemed to swell even more. “The sonofabitch isn’t getting you. It will not happen.”
“We’re a team, Atlas. I thought you understood—we were going to the crime scene, we were getting his attention, we were letting him know—”
“You don’t know who he is, Lily! You acted like you did, and now he’s coming after you.” His mouth took hers. So angry and wild and rough. Hard and frantic. Kissing her with a bruising fury because he was…
Scared?
Was Atlas scared?
But he was never scared. Never.
Instead of fighting his kiss, his fury, she kissed him back with desperate passion. Just as rough, just as strong, just as hungry.
And he…
The divider lowered between them and Carl. A hiss of sound. “Am I taking you back home, boss? Or do you have other plans?”
She tensed beneath Atlas.
His head lifted, his mouth moving just an inch away from hers.
“Home,” Atlas returned, voice gruff. His head lifted a bit more.
There was torment on his face. An expression she’d never seen before.
“Love…was supposed to be gentle.” A whisper, meant for her ears.
The divider hadn’t risen back into place yet.
“It was going to make me a better person.”
Why did he need to be better? “I like the person you are.”
His eyes squeezed closed. “Lily, you don’t know who I really am.”
Actually…“Yes, I think I do. I know exactly who you are.” But, more than that, there was something she had realized with certainty as she stood in front of that cabin and listened to the inspector…
Something that she had intended to tell Atlas as soon as they got back into the limo.
Something she would not, could not, hold back any longer. “I know who the killer is, too.”
His eyes flew open.
And the car exploded.