Epilogue 2
Epilogue Two – The Diary
Dear Diary,
Is it silly to start my entry this way? Dear Diary…as if I am a teenage girl, no, a pre-teen, scribbling away all my secrets to you. But I don’t know how else to start, and it’s my diary, after all, so…I’ll write whatever I want. And today I want to say…
I don’t know what it means to be happy. Everyone else seems so happy. All the time. I can smile like them. I can laugh. But I don’t feel happy. In fact…
I feel quite the opposite.
Dear Diary,
I was molested when I was sixteen. Molested. That’s a legal, cold term for something ugly and dark. Don’t worry. I took care of him. Had a nice cup of tea. He had tea, too…
The right cup of tea can always make things better in this world.
Dear Diary,
Men lie. They make promises. They don’t keep those promises.
I hate when people lie to me. Disappointment—again and again.
Did I tell you that John hit me? Me? Not a slap.
A hit with his fist. I smiled at him after he hit me, and I prepared him a very nice cup of tea.
Not my mother’s sweet tea. My blend. My fancy tea in my grandmother’s teapot.
He drank every drop.
But I just don’t think that tea sat well with him.
He shouldn’t have hit me.
Dear Diary,
I never put dates in you. Should I be doing that? Time just slips past so quickly. The years flow. You blink, and time is gone.
I’m married now. Found a man who treats me well. So well. Like a princess. I should love him. He does everything right. And yet…
Why don’t I love him? I will try. I will try very, very hard to love Dustin Gallo.
I will try.
Dear Diary,
I’ve had a baby. A little girl with eyes just like mine. Dustin—he adores her. Loves her more than I think he loves me. I suspect…Dustin may know that I don’t return his affections. That I’ve just been faking. I…
My daughter is named Lily. Lily Oleander. She has never been used by a man. Never been lied to. Deceived. Molested. Oh, that dreaded word. She has never had the world abuse her, and she never will.
I don’t love my husband. I tried, but I can’t. I can’t force a feeling that just isn’t there. And yet…
Yet when I look at my Lily…
I do feel something stir inside of me.
Is this love?
Dear Diary,
Dustin is dead. He was screwing his secretary. Told me that he wanted a divorce. I offered him a nice cup of tea. Important discussions are always conducted best with a cup of tea.
Lily is sad. So quiet. She loved him. He loved her. I feel…
Never mind. What’s done is done. Can’t change the past. Can only go forward. Besides, it’s not like Lily knows. Who would know? It will be better with just the two of us. Lily is so smart. What a sharp mind. And I think she looks like me…
Maybe when she grows up, she will be just like me.
Or…maybe she will be better. I hope…
I hope she will be.
Be better, my Lily. Please.
Dear Diary,
Something is wrong with Lily. She doesn’t smile like the other children. Doesn’t laugh. At first, I thought it was grief because of Dustin. But…
Is it something more? Is it…because of me?
Did I mark my daughter before she was even born? I…
I am sorry. I have never said those words out loud. Not to anyone. I don’t regret the things that I do. There is no point in regrets but…if I made Lily like me, if I did this…
I am sorry, my darling.
My beautiful, serious Lily.
Dear Diary,
Time rolls past. It won’t slow down. Lily has grown up—a beautiful teen now. Still, far too serious. No dating for her. No silly parties. Hardly any friends. I ache for her. For the life she should’ve had, and I know…I see the way she watches me.
She realizes what I’ve done. She must. Does she think I’m a monster? Is she afraid of me?
She shouldn’t be. Not ever. Lily is the only person in this world I would never, ever hurt. She is my daughter. She is my light.
She is the one good thing I have in my life.
I…love my Lily. Love. Maybe I don’t love her the way other mothers love their kids. So easily. So freely. But I love her my way.
I would do anything for her. I will do anything. I am going to marry again. David. David Warren. He dotes on Lily. Watches her so closely. Is so very interested in her life. He will make a great father to her. He will be perfect.
I will be perfect…just you wait and see…
Atlas closed the diary. He stared into the flames of the fireplace. Lily sat in the nearby chair, silent. She’d been silent as he read the entries. “David wasn’t perfect.”
“No.” Quiet.
He watched those flames. “Do you want the diary back?”
“I want to burn it. It’s time to let the past go.”
He offered her the diary. She rose, came to him with soft steps, and she took the diary from him. Their fingers brushed, and he felt the surge through his whole body.
My Lily.
She tossed the diary into the fire. The flames bent, then danced.
Ashes flew into the air. “She loved me. Magnolia wrote the words in her diary, where she thought no one would ever see them. True words. She wrote down her confessions about her crimes. Her truth about loving me…even as she feared something was wrong with me.”
“There is nothing wrong with you.” He caught her hands in his. Pulled her closer. “You are going to marry me. We are going to have a great life together.”
She seemed to be holding her breath. “And what about children, Atlas? Do you want them? With me? Or are you afraid of—”
“Hell, yes, I want children with you. You will be an incredible mother. Protective, kind, loving.” How could she not see this?
“You have so much love to give, Lily. I am not my father. You are not your mother. We are different. We will have a family. Our family. I will spend my life protecting you and our children.” Giving them every single thing they wanted.
You are my life, Lily.
An obsession? Yes, but so much more. So very much more.
He’d turned off his emotions for most of his life. Turned them off, turned them on.
But with Lily, there was no turning off or on. There was simply just being. Loving her. As basic as breathing.
She’d been right before, when she told him that making love wasn’t about gentleness.
Being in love wasn’t, either. It wasn’t some sweet, tender rush of emotion.
He’d been wrong to think that it was. Being in love—for him—was dark and consuming.
A feverish intensity that consumed and compelled.
That drove him to be better, to do better, to prove that he could be worthy of her.
To prove…
That you matter, Lily. That you will always matter to me.
Feverish. Binding. So powerful that he knew he’d break any law, take any risk—for her. That was his love for Lily. A love that would tie him to her. That would fill his mind and his heart. Always.
She was his addiction. She was his obsession. She was his world.
His Lily.
His love.
The diary burned, and he brought his mouth to hers. Her hand pressed over his heart. The heart she owned.
Maybe evil did run in his veins. But so what? He could love. He did love. He could do what was right. He could be with Lily. They could have a wonderful life.
And if anyone ever tried to hurt her…tried to hurt the family they would have…
Well, Atlas certainly knew how to protect the people who belonged to him in this world.
And he would never, ever be afraid to get his hands dirty.
Some people were just worth killing for…
Lily was one of those people.
THE END