Chapter Twenty-Five
“Why are we having a meeting here?” James asked, helping Nolan straighten up the living room.
“Because Meg didn’t want to sound any warning bells of bringing you to Whipped, in case Ken or Carter are lurking around,” Nolan said.
James’s stomach churned. Ever since Ken cornered him, work had been horrible.
He’d spent every day with his guts clenched tight, feeling Ken’s gaze on him.
The man could drop a bomb on his career at a moment’s notice, and if he started digging into Ken back, he’d be fucked.
After all the progress he’d made here in San Francisco, all the healing, he didn’t want to leave.
The bond between him and Nolan deepened by the day, and James couldn’t bear the idea of having to abandon it.
Of having to return to Sacramento to the past he’d left to try to find a shred of hope to hold onto.
His phone buzzed, and he checked the caller ID.
His mom.
James glanced at Nolan. “I’ve got to get this.” He’d been dodging around his mother ever since he and Nolan had taken steps forward because she could sense him better than anyone, and he hadn’t wanted to tell her about the recent developments.
Sure, he’d taken the coward’s way out.
He stepped out of the room and answered the call. “Momma?”
“Thought last time I saw you there were promises of more visits?” She dove right in. “You’re not the type to lie to your mother, James Walker. Why are you avoiding me?”
He climbed the steps, ignoring the creaks as he stewed on what to tell her.
“I want the truth, James,” she said, a stern note in her tone that didn’t dare to be challenged. “If you give me some excuse…”
“I’ve…” he started, his heart speeding up. Fuck, how could he tell her? She’d been loyal to his father all this time, and what, he couldn’t even last a year alone? His throat grew dry, yet he needed to say something. “I’ve started seeing someone.”
The line went quiet, and his stomach dropped.
“It’s not that I’ve forgotten Andrew,” he babbled, and saying the words out loud sent a zing of pain through him.
“Momma, I just need you to understand, this man is…it’s been so hard, and—” His eyes stung as he reached his room and shut the door.
Fuck, why had he thought he was healed from this?
Clearly, he’d barely scratched the surface.
“He makes it feel better,” he whispered.
“It hurts so much, all the time, but around him, I can breathe.”
“Sweetheart,” his mother said, breaking the silence.
James leaned against his door, his body trembling. As much as he’d settled into a comfortable routine with Nolan, he was aware that he avoided naming certain things between them. And Nolan was being patient, as he’d asked.
And yet.
“What gave you the idea you weren’t allowed to move on?” his mother said, a sharp note in her voice.
“But you never did,” he said, his gut clenching.
His mother let out a low noise in her throat. “Do you have eyes in your head, James? Just because I’ve never introduced you to anyone I’ve dated doesn’t mean I never put myself out there. No one measured up, so I didn’t bother introducing you.”
James froze. Momma had been out there dating?
His whole stack of cards collapsed. He made all the excuses for why he couldn’t date and why he had to punish himself further. The guilt had dogged him daily, and he used the reminder that his strong mother had never caved to continue justifying flogging himself.
“Did you think I wanted my only child miserable his whole life?” Momma continued, her tone rising. “James Charles Walker, what on earth gave you that idea?”
“I figured we were cursed,” he murmured, then groaned. “I…maybe I should’ve talked to you.”
“That’s right you should’ve talked to me,” she said, a tone in her voice that dared him to argue. “And if you think I’m going to be upset that my beautiful son, who’s suffered so much, has found happiness? You’re sorely mistaken.”
James swallowed hard, relief cascading through him at her words—permission he hadn’t realized he’d needed. A random person or his therapist telling him he could move on was one thing—they hadn’t lived the grief of losing a spouse.
Adeola Walker had.
“Who is he?” Momma asked, and James sagged against the door.
“My roommate,” he said, a little giddiness rushing through him.
Fuck, being able to openly talk about Nolan sent such a rush through him.
The staff at Whipped knew, but the idea of confessing to anyone else that he’d moved on had unnerved him.
“He’s so caring, Momma. I hadn’t intended on falling, but… ”
“You just did,” she said, the sharpness leaving her voice. “Well, now that you’re not dodging around telling your mother the truth, when do I get dinner with the two of you?”
James swallowed. Fuck, that brought up the other issue. “I’m not sure. I’m involved in a little bit of a problem with a coworker. He’s trying to push me out of the company. Out of the area, honestly.”
“James Charles Walker, I just got you back home,” she said firmly. “You’re not turning tail and running away because some coworker is shaking you down.”
“But—” he started, though he knew how that would go.
“Did I raise someone who made excuses?” she asked.
Warmth unfurled through him. He hated and loved when she did this at the same time.
Because, fuck, giving up and running away seemed like the clear option.
The other route, he kept hitting road bumps, kept getting frustrated.
But like a difficult system to breach, finding a solution sometimes meant hitting the problem from a different angle.
“No, you did not,” he responded.
“So, dinner,” she said. “If you haven’t sent me dates by the end of the night, I’m showing up on your doorstep.”
James leaned against the door and stared up at the ceiling, a lightness in him that hadn’t existed for a long, long while. “I’ll send you those dates. Love you, Momma.”
“Love you too,” she said, and with that, she hung up.
A hysterical laugh bubbled out as he tipped the phone to his forehead. Andrew would’ve said “Typical Adeola” and he wasn’t wrong. How James had convinced himself she would’ve been upset—well, he’d been trying to rationalize any excuse to keep the guilt strong and alive.
Just like the first sign of trouble had him looking for an exit ramp.
Except the crew from Whipped was showing up tonight for the exact reason that they wouldn’t go down without a fight. And it was high time James started to stand his ground the way he needed to—both against Ken and in claiming Nolan for real.
He headed down the steps, his heart thumping hard, and when he reached the bottom, Nolan stood in the entryway, staring at his phone.
He was engrossed in something, but James stopped mid-stride to soak in the details of this man.
Nolan’s hair was in his usual low bun, his hands a bit chapped from all the extra cleaning he’d done with the crew coming to the house.
His yoga pants and tight shirt showcased his long, lanky limbs and lithe torso, and his dark eyes sparked. James’s chest ached.
Nolan was so fucking beautiful.
He was so fucking in love.
The admission, even internal, made him sway, but this was the band-aid the conversation with his mother had yanked off. And now that he had realized, the words bubbled up to his lips, begging to be set free.
Nolan glanced up, and an excited grin lightened his features. “They responded. At least five responded, and they want to help.”
James’s brows drew together, and the urge to confess those feelings settled. He could wait until later. “What are you talking about?”
A knock sounded, and Nolan set off toward the door. “I’ll explain when everyone’s gathered.”
“You ready for them?” James asked. Nolan had been experiencing a few more OCD flares lately due to ramped up stress from everything, and James was concerned having people over would trigger them. But these people were safe. If anything did happen, their friends would understand.
“Now I am.” He flashed a blinding smile back, and James followed him toward the front door.
The moment Nolan opened it, Fin, Ollie, Ezra, Sloan, and Kai pushed their way in.
All of them shoved at each other in the process, particularly Fin and Sloan, like small puppies trying to squish into a space.
“Did you invite the entire crew?” James asked, blinking a few times.
“Meg did. She and the others are only a few minutes behind,” Fin explained. “Plus, I’m not passing up a chance to drop into Noles’ digs. This house is awesome.”
“Come follow me,” James said, tilting his head toward the living room where there’d be enough space to host the horde.
After the emotional outpouring of the phone call with his mother, he was feeling oddly stabilized despite the challenges they faced.
Instead of cowering, he was ready to fight back.
“I brought beer,” Sloan said, holding up two six-packs. “Want me to put them on the table?”
James’s brow furrowed. Beer went in the fridge, and Nolan would notice.
“Grab what you want to drink now, and I’ll put the rest in the fridge.
” Between the six of them, all the beers of one were claimed, so James grabbed the other six-pack and deposited it in the fridge.
He could gesture folks to get what they needed from the kitchen, rather than shuffling everything out of place in the living room.
Figuring out Nolan’s system had taken time, but James found it easy to follow, especially since he liked his environments ordered.
Given the extra flares lately, having a bunch of food and drink out of place would just trigger his OCD.
James stepped back to where everyone had found their spots. Down the hall, he heard more voices, which meant more of the crew had arrived.
“You’re good for him,” Sloan said, casting a soft glance in his direction. “Don’t think I missed the assessment there. At work, he only needs things on his desk a certain way.”