Chapter 32
Elowen
A faint sound reaches me, like a knock. But it’s very far away, as if it belongs to another world. And it must, the world where everyone else lives.
I’m here, in my own world, where the only sound is the one my fingers are creating. I don’t feel these notes. I don’t even recognize this composition. It’s just flowing out of my steadily beating, distant heart. There’s a faint ache in my fingers and hands, as faint as the knocking.
The knocking stops, and I sink back into the peace of the music flowing from my keyboard, until someone snatches it away and drags me into the world I want to hide from.
Salvario stands in front of me. He looks worried. For me. For someone who deserves not an ounce of that worry.
“You’ve been playing for three hours. Why didn’t you open the door?”
He sits on the table in front of my couch, cradling my face in his hands. “What’s wrong, Princess?”
“I went to see Hunter.”
His expression changes from worry to anger.
“He kissed me. I kissed him back.”
His hands fall from my face. The pain in his expression throws open the doors of guilt and contempt, and they crumble me to rubble.
“I cheated on you.” I break down in front of him, sobbing, clutching my chest as unbearable pain tears through it. “I cheated on you.”
He cradles my face again. “Shh. Don’t cry. A kiss doesn’t mean anything. Stop crying.”
I shake my head. “You should hate me. I’m disgusting, Salvario.” My words are slurred. He moves to the couch, pulling me into his lap, pressing me to his chest.
“Do you love him?”
I shake my head, unable to find my voice.
“Then trust me, I can forget it. One kiss means nothing. And don’t call yourself disgusting. It was a mistake. Be kind to yourself and let it go.”
How easy it would be if it were just a mistake. But I know, in the deepest part of my rotting heart, it was far from a mistake. A mistake would have made my body stiff and hesitant to lean into his touch, just the way it feels now.
I slide off his lap and sit before him, wiping my tears.
“He’s fucked with my head. He’s ruined me for you,” I whisper.
He frowns, catching my chin and forcing my gaze to his. I don’t want to look into his eyes, they’ll remind me of the eyes that have infected my soul.
“Please don’t say that.” The plea in his voice is a knife to my chest. More contempt for myself pours into the wound, making it burn. But it’s not enough. Nothing could be enough for what I did to him.
“Every time you come close to me, my body remembers him.” My chin trembles against his fingers. Today I’ll tell him everything, and if he decides to hate me after that, it’ll be for the best. He should hate me anyway.
He nods, his brows drawing together.
“I hate it, Salvario. I hate the memories of him, but I can’t get rid of them.” My voice fractures into a sob.
He releases my chin and pulls me into a tight embrace. My body trembles with sobs. He strokes my hair.
He pats my head. “You could have told me this sooner. We’ll find a solution.” He pulls back and cups my face in his hands. “Do you want to find a solution?” His voice drops. Uncertainty fills his eyes. “Or do you want to go to him?”
I shake my head. “I love you. I’ve only ever loved you. He only got this deep under my skin because he was pretending to be you.”
He wipes my tears with his thumbs. “Then we’ll find a way to get him out of your head.”
“What solution could there be? I’ve tried everything.”
After a moment of thought, he speaks. “We can start from the beginning. I’ll only get as close as you’re comfortable with. Tell me, what feels okay right now?”
“Just hugging, maybe, and not for long.”
He chuckles, though the sound is devoid of humor. “So you’re asking me to be your friend, Princess. Fine. Last time, we went from enemies to lovers. This time, we’ll go from friends to lovers.”
A smile touches my lips. After a very long time, I see a faint light of hope, that maybe I’ll find my way out of this.
“Just do me one favor, never call yourself disgusting again. That bastard manipulated you into all of this. But don’t worry, I’ll make him pay for everything he did to you.”
A tremor awakens deep in my core. I smother it before it reaches the surface.
He’s right. Hunter manipulated me into all of this. If I say it enough times, I’ll get rid of this self-loathing. I’ll hate him for both of us.
The numbness begins its slow crawl back toward my heart. I want to run from it as much as I want it to swallow me whole.
I rise from the couch and step out onto the balcony. The ocean is calm from here, God knows how many storms churn beneath that placid surface. The setting sun paints the water in layers of amber, rose, and deep violet, as if the sky is bleeding color into the sea.
Salvario follows me out and stands behind me, gripping the railing on either side. He isn’t touching me, but I can feel the bulk of him, the heat radiating from his body against my back. But instead of warming the cold settling inside me, his heat only deepens it.
I take in a long drag of breath. The scent of his vetiver fills me. It’s not spicy citrus, nor is it cedarwood, the only two scents my soul recognizes as home.
Salvario shifts closer. I tilt my head back and look up at him. He smiles down at me. “Is this close okay?”
I nod. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For everything,” I say, my voice frayed.
“Do you remember the morning after you slept in my bed?”
I turn to face him fully. He looks as calm as the ocean behind me. A fragile thread of faith tightens again, he will pull me out of this pit I’ve fallen into.
“You asked me a question,” he continues. “What would I do if you weren’t my enemy’s daughter?”
I nod. The memory warms me. For the first time, there is no Hunter in my thoughts, only Salvario.
My mind is filled with everything that is Salvario: the memories I shared with him, the memories so powerful they kept me alive for eighteen months even when there was no hope left.
These memories are something Hunter can never compete with, no matter how deeply he has buried himself in my mind.
He only got this far because he wore Salvario’s name. And now Salvario is here.
What if he isn’t looking at me the way he used to? I must not be looking at him the way I used to, either. We still have our love, and the memories of it. Those will bring us back to where we were.
“Will you answer it now?”
He smiles. “I can answer it now, you’re no longer my enemy’s daughter.”
I nod.
“I want to keep you with me through every fall and every rise. I don’t want to see a day when you aren’t by my side. I want to tell you, Princess, that everything I could give, I’ve already given all of it to you. And I know no one can keep it safer than you. Not even me.”
His words bring a smile to my face and a lingering warmth to my freezing heart.
“I will never give up on us, Salvario.”
“Is that a promise?”
I nod, though uncertainty flickers through me. But I don’t let it linger. I will not give up on us.
“Let’s go to Naples.”
He tilts his head at my sudden words.
“I want to go back there for our new start.” It’s the same place where all the problems that stand between us started, and it will be the same place where they all end.
He strokes my hair. “If that’s what you want, then let’s go to Naples. Anything for you, Princess.”
I smile. And it’s not forced.