Julian
THE BASS POUNDS HEAVILY, coursing through the floorboards and into the beige wall I’m leaning against. The cup in my hand is mostly drained, my breath reeking of cheap vodka and Sprite.
Cassie is before me, dancing in the small living room, smushed between Kimberly and some other woman I’m unfamiliar with as they laugh and fumble over one another. Occasionally, she’ll look in my direction and smile brightly, urging me to go to her.
But I’m waiting—Susie and Landon should be here any moment. They took a late flight, and I want to greet them out front.
Some shitty pop song is blasting so loudly that I can’t hear the couple next to me who are shouting in each other’s ears.
The party is small, maybe twenty-five people, but that’s all the youth that Port Orford has to offer.
It was like this a few days after Christmas, too, when I got absolutely hammered and had Cassie drive me home.
I could have fucked her that night, but I couldn’t go through with it. I think I had whiskey dick, and for some reason, her flirting just wasn’t doing it for me.
I watch her dance, keeping my phone in my left hand so I can feel it vibrate when Susie and Landon pull up. But I’m not fully registering the beautiful girl in front of me, not truly. Because my mind is stuck somewhere else.
I’m back in the west tower, watching that man pound into Atlas harshly. I’m watching as he backs into the darkness and disappears, and then as I bathe Atlas, continuing to lay him down to sleep.
The idea that I made up half of what I saw—the demonic face, the incredible shriek, its disappearance into thin air—is hard to wrap my head around.
But Atlas wasn’t necessarily wrong; monsters don’t exist.
It was the middle of the night, and I didn’t sleep. Or maybe I did; maybe I briefly passed out after putting a post-orgasm Atlas to bed, and there’s a very angry boyfriend out there somewhere who left Chastain Castle that night after being interrupted by some attendee.
I’m sure the boyfriend wouldn’t have fought me to stay, not when I’m positive that Atlas would get into trouble for having company after dark. He probably booked it upon my getting found out, and I passed out later that night and made up my own story.
I do hate the idea of Atlas fucking another guy.
I would rather it be a human man, for his sake, but I hate the potential of his having a lover.
So, I wouldn’t put it past my brain to twist the story to calm my sleep-deprived brain and answer the questions I so desperately want answered in the process.
Such as: What is wrong with Atlas Chastain?
Even as I know I can’t have him physically, I don’t want anyone else to have him either. And I don’t care how fucked up that is.
Which, of course, just makes me feel stupid for what I said in my bedroom earlier today. Claiming I could make him come harder than his boyfriend? What would I have done if he had asked me to prove it? I can’t very well risk my job for a one-night stand.
If I didn’t work for Abraham Chastain, I would seduce Atlas with everything in me. I would take him from that long-haired brute and fuck him just how he likes it—but better.
But rules are rules, and I can’t break my father’s heart like that. I can’t risk our income, especially not for casual sex.
My phone buzzes: a text. It’s Susie saying they’ve arrived in their rental, so I signal to Cassie that I’ll be back and slip out of the front door.
I walk halfway down the concrete path and watch as my two friends exit their temporary, small grey Honda.
I spot Susie first, her long ginger hair pulled up in a claw clip on the top of her head.
She’s in a pair of blue jeans and an oversized retro windbreaker that has a million different patterns and colors scattered around.
Her FIFA sneakers barely touch the ground with how quickly she’s running, throwing herself into my arms.
“Julie!” she screeches, wrapping her legs around my waist.
I laugh, holding her up with my arms. “Hey, Susie. I missed you, too.”
“Ugh, I thought I’d never see you again,” she complains into my neck, her valley girl accent thick with every word she speaks.
“You’re being dramatic as shit,” I tell her, and she slides down to land on the concrete.
“At least pretend you’ve been dying to see me!”
“Can I get some of this reuniting love, too?” Landon asks, appearing a few feet behind Susie.
A large smile breaks out over my features at the sight of him.
His brown hair is gelled back just slightly so it’s not falling onto his forehead or covering his green eyes. A few freckles are still littering his nose, though I know the rest are hiding until summer returns. It looks like he’s been hitting the gym more; he might be bigger than me now.
“Come here,” I tell him, and a moment later, I have my arms around him.
“Aww,” Susie coos, the corners of her brown eyes crinkling.
Lan presses his cheek to mine, and I can feel his stubble scratch my skin.
“I’ve missed you,” he mumbles into my ear.
“Yeah,” I respond, sighing softly. “You have no idea.”
As Landon pulls back, he’s smiling so widely I fear his lips might split.
“Julian?” a soft voice calls.
I turn, my eyes falling onto Cassie, who stands in the doorway of the house.
“Hey, I’ll be right in,” I yell back to her. Suddenly, I feel a bit awkward.
“Okay.” She smiles, batting her lashes before turning on her heel and heading back into the small crowd.
“Sheesh, Julie. Who was that?” Susie asks, coming to stand next to Landon.
I intentionally avoid his gaze, one that I can feel burning holes into the side of my face. “Cassie. She’s a local here.”
“A hot local. Do you already have dibs? I’m single right now, and definitely down to—”
“Leave her alone.” I laugh, shoving Susie’s shoulder as I turn and head back toward the house.
She follows me, pouting. “Damn, so you do have dibs. Fine, fine. Hands off, then.”
We slip into the small house, and it takes me no time at all to find where Cameron, Kimberly, and Cassie are standing.
Michael is too young to legally party, and Hailey has an early shift despite the holiday, so neither of them showed up tonight.
“Guys,” I shout over the music. We’re huddled in the small kitchen and mostly alone. “This is Susie and Landon, my best friends from California!”
“Nice to meet you!” Cameron extends his hand, introducing himself to both Susie and Landon.
Kimberly and Cassie follow suit, though Cassie mostly keeps her eyes on me the entire time.
“I’m the DD for the night,” Susie declares. “But Lan here is free to get fucked, so pass the booze and let’s party!”
Our small entourage cheers, and I sling an arm around Susie’s shoulder and pull her tightly into my side. She laughs, drinking in the affection.
Susie isn’t much of a drinker, but she is a chaos junky, so I just know she’ll be instigating any second now.
A few minutes later, as Cameron pours himself and Landon a shot and everyone else begins to mingle, I stay with Susie and decline the drinks that are occasionally extended to me. I drove my dad’s truck.
“Are you two…” Cassie begins to ask, her eyes darting between me and the ginger still tucked under my arm.
Susie cackles loudly. “Fuck no! Not that Julie isn’t a catch; I’ve seen his dick. A-plus.”
“Susie!” I screech.
“But!” she continues. “I’m super lesbo, so his awesome dick just doesn’t cut it.”
Cassie grins widely, nodding at Susie. “Understandable. If you’re interested, Kimberly is gay. She’s single right now.”
All of our heads turn to where Kimberly now stands across the room, talking to the girl they were dancing with earlier, dressed in her typical Gothic fashion.
“That woman could definitely step on me,” Susie states. “Later, Julie. Let me know when Lan needs a ride to the hotel!”
She slides out from under my arm, quickly making her way over to where Kimberly stands. Well, I guess she won’t be causing much chaos after all.
“She seems really nice,” Cassie says, taking a step closer.
“She is. I’ve known her forever.”
“Want to dance with me?”
I look down at her, taking in her big blue eyes and soft brown curly hair. She really does resemble Atlas in several ways—and now that I’ve seen what I’ve seen… now that I have this envy coursing through me, I have conflicting feelings.
On the one hand, I only want him. I want to take him this very second, to show him what I could do for him. I don’t want anyone the way I want Atlas.
On the other hand? Completely born from spite, I want to ravish someone else the way he was taken by his boyfriend. I want to forget him, to wipe this need from my body with the touch of someone else’s fingertips.
“Yeah, let’s dance,” I tell her.
Spite it is.
I take Cassie’s hand and pull her to the living room, and she wraps her arms around my neck, beginning to sway to the pop song playing through the speakers.
Her small body fits so easily in my hands, and her skin is very soft. She bats her thick lashes at me, smiling sweetly. She knows she’s pretty, and she’s using it to her advantage: yet another way in which she and Atlas are similar.
Cassie presses herself closer to me, and my body heats, reacting to the feel of her breasts pressed to my sternum. Her fingertips dig into the hair at the base of my neck. I can smell her vanilla perfume.
Atlas has always smelled of smoke, seawater, and sugar. When I had him pressed to the door early today, I could smell him so clearly that it was hard to focus on anything else.
I kind of wanted to eat him.
Our bodies grind together, my hands tracing her hips and dipping to run over the top of her ass. Cassie giggles.
But I can feel his eyes. I have always been able to feel it when he watches me; I’ve known him for far too long to not feel his presence in every room I enter.
I lift my gaze, and sure enough, leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen is Landon. He’s watching me with a blank expression, one that I know means he’s displeased. His brown suede coat hugs his figure nicely, matching the blue jeans he’s wearing.
Landon has always been beautiful, just as he is now.