Chapter 1
“Dad… You home?” I hear Ella calling through the house and place the framed photo I’m holding of Hayley back on my nightstand.
“Dad?” She looks surprised to find me still in bed.
“Can’t an old man get a lie-in around here?” I get up and stretch out my neck, and when I head toward the bathroom she follows me and stands in the doorway. I grip both sides of the basin and look at her through the mirror in front of me. “Seems he can’t get any privacy either.”
“I’m nervous about today,” she admits, and once I’ve splashed some water on my face and patted it dry with a towel I turn around and face her.
“You got nothin’ to be nervous about, sweetheart.” I move toward her, kissing her forehead and stroking my hand over her silky, brown hair.
“I know how much you hate it when Mom comes here. I don’t even know why Nyx wants to throw me this stupid damn party anyway.” She fidgets with her hands the way she always does when she gets anxious about something.
“Ella, your mom don’t bother me, and Nyx wants to throw you this stupid damn party ‘cause he loves you. We all love you.” I hold her face in my hands and smile. It’s hard to believe that something as beautiful as her and Hayley could have come from me. Every day I blame myself for the fact they aren’t together.
“Which is why you tolerate my mom,” Ella reminds me with that smile that always eases the ache in my heart. I hate to say it, but she got that smile from her mother.
“You got it, kid.” I wink. “Now, go get yaself ready, and for God’s sake, act surprised. Nyx has put a lot of effort into this for ya.”
“I’ve been practicing my shocked face for weeks,” she assures me, kissing my cheek before she rushes out the room.
I turn back around and look at my reflection, suddenly feeling like a fraud. It’s getting harder and harder to keep pretending to her and everyone else around here that everything’s gonna be okay, especially now that I sense time is running out.
I take my time in the shower and sit out on my balcony so I can do a little more thinking. Lately, I’ve avoided being down at the clubhouse. It don’t feel good keeping shit from my brothers and all the people I care about, but as their leader, I’ve made the choice and decided that it’s best to keep my meeting with Agent Consuela a secret.
It feels too good seeing everyone here happy, I hate the thought of taking it away from them. We’ve been through a lot of shit these past couple of years and although we still have our problems, especially with our Long Beach charter president. We also got a solution to it. My brothers and their families need a little time to enjoy all they have before I hit them with our next big hurdle. The biggest one we’ve faced yet.
My plan to take down Cliff may be supported by all my other charters, but what they don’t know is the damage his actions have caused. Cliff’s screwed us, and until I’ve figured a way to fix it, it’s a struggle to be around everyone and act normal.
The club will be buzzing today, everyone will be getting the party ready for my daughter”s birthday. It’s a time I should be celebrating, I missed out on so many birthdays when she was younger, and it hurts too bad to think of all the ones I’ll miss of Hayley’s too. Still, I got no more time for sad thoughts today. I’m a father and I’m a leader, and when life kicks ya into the dirt, I ain’t got no choice but to dust myself off and keep fighting.
As I predicted, the clubhouse is in full party mode when I eventually get there. The music is loud, kids are chasing each other, stomping on balloons, and everyone in the room seems to be wearing a smile, even fuckin’ Grimm.
“Hey, Dad. You missed the surprise.” Ella bounces over to greet me with that contented look on her face that reminds me why I keep doing what I do. She looks so pretty and carefree, just like her momma did when I first met her.
“Grampa.” Dylan side-tackles my thighs, catching me by surprise, and I quickly swoop him up and pretend to gnaw on his neck like a dog with a bone. The sound of him giggling feels like such a huge reward for something so simple.
I watch Ella’s face quickly turn serious and feel the mood in the room change in an instant. I slowly turn my head to look in the direction everyone else is, and see that Joanne has stepped through the double doors. Her high heels click against the wood floor to the beat of the music as she struts toward us, carrying a box that”s perfectly tied with a pink ribbon.
Her eyes focus on mine like they hold some kinda power over me as she comes toward our daughter and very formally places a kiss on each side of her cheeks.
“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” She hands over her gift before her head slowly turns to face me, and when she takes our grandson”s hand in hers and presses her lips against it, I can’t help remembering how they used to feel against my own skin.
“Hello, Dylan.” She squeezes his hand tight in her fist as she shakes it, also reminding me of how she crushed my heart. It takes all that good I’m feeling and turns it into hate.
“Jimmer.” She forces a polite smile for me, and I still can’t decide if I’d rather throttle her or fuck her. So, I do what’s best and hand Dylan over to Nyx so I can put some distance between me and the woman who I allowed to bring me to my knees. Heading over to the bar I order myself a whiskey straight, and when I feel the graze of manicured nails come from behind me, skimming under my cut and sliding over my chest, I quickly spin around.
“Relax, it’s only me.” Haven laughs mischievously. “You wanna make a bitch jealous?” She sets straight to work kissing my neck, while her hands roam all over my body. “Is she watching?” Her lips whisper against my skin, and when I glance across the room and see Joanne staring right back at me, she looks neither jealous nor sad. She looks strong and determined. Exactly the same as she did all those years ago when she first stepped into my bar.
“So, what you”re tellin’ me is that I have no chance?” I throw my napkin at my plate and stare across the table at the guy who claims to be the best family lawyer in the state.
“I’m sorry, but judges tend to side with the mother in these situations. In your situation, they would definitely side with the mother.” I note how his eyes move around my barroom nervously. “You”re an outlaw, Jimmer,” he reminds me as if that’s some kinda fuckin’ secret.
“I’m also an outstandin’ citizen of this town with big plans for the future. We’ll be openin’ up a garage once we move to the new compound. That will be another legitimate business… this place is gettin’ a new look and will be re-openin’ as a sports bar, and the club is gonna fund the tattoo studio Tac is?—”
“Do you really want people to start looking into your businesses?” He raises his eyebrows questioningly.
“So, what do I do, carry on the way I am? Let this woman threaten to take my daughter away from me whenever I piss her off?”
“I hate to say it, but I think that might be your only option.” I can see how fearful the man is in telling me that I got no hope from the way he releases his top button and loosens his tie.
“Get outta here,” I dismiss him, gesturing toward the door and then shaking my head across the room to where Brian, Vex, and Jed are lined up at the bar.
I top up my glass with the bottle of Jack that”s on the table and stare at my fists as they throb from all the rage I got inside me. I’ve done what Mary-Ann asked, I got her a house, and it still ain’t enough to stop her playing games. She constantly leaves Hayley at home with her mother so she can show up here at night. She walks around my bar like she’s something fuckin’ special and she talks to our whores like she fuckin’ runs ‘em. Because she’s ‘my old lady’ they listen to her too. She’s gettin’ under my skin and, worst of all, I’m lettin’ her.
The breeze from outside pulls through as the door opens up again and when I look up and see the girl who’s just stepped through it, I do a double take.
She’s pretty. Too pretty to be hanging out in a place like this, and although she’s dressed like she’s looking for a good time, if you study her a little closer, her vulnerability is unmistakable. I watch the eyes of all my brothers linger on her and her friend like they’re fresh meat as they walk toward the bar. Both of them have a little strut in their stride and are clearly underage for drinking, but I doubt Tac will worry about that when he serves ‘em.
“These are on me.” I get up and intervene once they’ve finished putting their order in, and the one I can’t stop looking at smiles at me timidly.
“Jimmer Carson, right?” Her head tilts and when her eyes connect with mine it makes my fuckin’ skin tingle.
“Right.” I nod my head to confirm.
“You probably don’t remember me, but we already met.” Her teeth press a little into her bottom lip and it seems to be the only thing I can focus on.
“I wouldn’t forget meetin’ you.” I rest my elbow on the bar.
“You rode my sister, Paula, home one night a few years ago after she got into some trouble here.” She attempts to jog my memory and I cast my mind back, suddenly recalling a much younger version of the girl I’m seeing now, standing in my headlight in a white nightdress.
“I remember now. You live at the Sanderson mansion.”
“You got it.” She smiles, taking the drink that Tac places in front of her and raising it up to me gratefully.
“Well, I hope you girls didn’t come here lookin’ for trouble tonight. I don’t tolerate that kinda behavior in my bar.” My warning earns me a snigger from my brothers.
“No trouble.” The girl steps a little closer. “Just a good time.” The cute smile on her face turns a little seductive before she sips from her glass, and it’s hard not to imagine all the good times I’d like to show her.
“How old are ya, darlin’?” I check.
“Old enough to handle myself,” she promises, but what I really want to know is if she’s old enough to handle me.
“You just behave yourself.” I point my finger at her before I, sensibly, back away and get back to drinking alone. I’ve got enough shit happening in my life without involving myself in a pretty, little problem like that one.
“Get back to work.” I shrug Haven off.
“I am at work.” She stares up at me looking wounded. “You fuckin’ hate her. Surely you wan?—”
“I said get back to work, Haven,” I repeat myself, turning my back on her and the whole situation so I can keep my mind focused.
“Party’s going well.” I get interrupted again a few minutes later when a hand slaps hard against my back. I look over my shoulder and put on a smile when I see Nyx.
“Long as our girl’s happy.” I turn all the way around on my stool so I can watch Ella dancing with Dylan in the middle of the barroom floor.
“Look, Prez, I came over to ask ya this, because I know it’s what Ella wants but she’s too afraid to ask ya herself.” I can already tell from the worried look on his face that I ain’t gonna like what this is.
“What ya askin’ Nyx?” I finish what’s in my glass and slam it on the bar, whatever it is, him and my girl should know by now that there is nothing she should be afraid to ask for.
“It’s Joanne, she’s got herself into some trouble and she needs somewhere to lay low for a while,” he informs me, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.
“What kinda fuckin’ trouble?” I can feel a headache starting to kick in. A really fuckin’ bad one.
“Loan sharks, they came to her house a few days ago and smashed the place up. She’s been staying in a motel just outside of town but it’s only a matter of time before they?—”
“You askin’ me to let her stay here?” I stare at my son-in-law and wonder if he hit his head on the way over here.
“I know it’s what Ella wants, she just won’t put you in that position.”
“But you will?” I look him up and down.
“Anythin’ to keep our girl happy, right?” He throws my own words back at me and leaves me with no argument.
“Get Marilyn to hook her up with a cabin.” I sigh, struggling to believe the words that are comin’ outta my own mouth.
“I knew ya wouldn’t let her down.” Nyx nods back at me appreciatively.
“And get Maddy to find out who these loan sharks are, the sooner we solve that problem, the sooner we can be rid of her.”
“Got it, boss.” Nyx takes my instruction before heading over to tell Ella the news. I hear her squeal when he explains and she rushes straight toward me, throwing her arms around my neck and squeezing me tight.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.” She kisses my cheek over and over again and I can’t stop my own smile from forming when I see how happy I’ve made her.
“It’s temporary, and I ain’t doin’ it for her. I’m doin’ it for you,” I warn.
“I know, and it means so much, Dad.” Ella is still smiling when she releases me, and as she heads over to her mom so she can explain, I get back to drinking.
Believe it or not, the whiskey helps with my problem-solving. And right now, Joanne is the least of ‘em. I’ve had Consuela on my back the past few days. She”s waiting for me to come up with something that will take the heat off my club but still make waves in the organized crime department she works in. I’ve asked her to give me time, and I guess I should be grateful for the opportunity she’s giving me, but I can’t help questioning her motives.
I top myself up and stare at the amber liquid in my glass as I swish it around and think of all the ways I wanna end Cliff Adams. He’s the reason I’m in this shit, he’s fucked things up for the whole club with his selfishness and stupidity. It makes me regret the fact that I’m a man of my word right now, because I gave it to his son, Wrath, when I promised I’d let him be the one who kills him.
“Thank you.” I turn my head when I hear Joanne’s voice come from behind me, and I can’t help indulging in the look of lost pride that”s on her face.
“I won’t have my girl worryin’ about a damn thing.” I shrug as if it ain’t a big deal.
“Our girl,” she reminds me, attempting to be friendly with the soft smile she offers.
“Not when you were in charge.” I finish up my drink and slam it back down, leaving her standing alone. Too much time spent with her can be dangerous, and I already know letting her inside the confines of my compound is gonna be another thing I’ll regret.