Chapter 48
The ride back to the club with me at the front feels all kinds of strange. I put on a show of strength when we said our goodbye to Prez, but inside I feel like I’m drowning. The world I’ve been living in is being swallowed up and now it’s on me to find a way to keep us on the surface. No one says a word when we get back to the club, and all heads are down as we step into the clubhouse where the girls are waiting for us. They each head to their man, offering their comfort, and when Maddy steps out the bathroom she pauses when she sees me. All the anger she had for me earlier is gone, and with tears in her eyes, she rushes toward me, throwing her arms around my neck and giving me what I need.
“I love you,” she whispers as I grip the back of her head and hold her tight against me. “I’m sorry, he wanted to tell you himself, I couldn’t take that away from him.”
“It’s okay.” I stroke my hand through her hair. I couldn’t be mad with her right now, even if I wanted to be.
“You need to call church, everyone here needs to know the truth. It makes why he’s doing this easier to understand,” she reminds me.
“I know.” I slowly pull away from her and look over to Ella. She’s holding Sophia on her lap, snuggling her uptight, with a blank look on her face. Her eyes catch mine and when I smile at her sadly she gives me one back.
“You have your mom take the kids, and help Ella speak with the girls. They need to know what’s going on too and she’s gonna need their support.” I feel a hand squeeze my shoulder and when I turn around and see Troj, I can tell from the look on his face that my best friend is worried about me.
“Gather ‘em up, I’ll see ya in church,” I tell him before kissing Maddy on her cheek and heading out. I walk the path to church with the weight of the world on my shoulders and an emptiness in my chest that I know will never go away now he ain’t here. I can’t bring myself to look at his seat when I open the door, and I take my usual place at the table while I wait for my brothers to join me. They filter in slowly and once everyone’s here and the doors closed, I realize all eyes are lookin’ at me.
“We need to vote in a new president.” The words feel like acid on my tongue as I speak ‘em.
“No, we don’t, everyone here knows who that seat belongs to,” Skid speaks up, looking at me.
“What we need is a fuckin’ plan,” Troj speaks up, managing to pull some enthusiasm outta his ass. “I was figurin’ some shit out last night. We have at least six guys in there we can rely on, I figure we could get a few guards on side too. If Prez can keep his head down…”
“Prez is gonna die!” I force the words out angrily, closing my eyes because I can’t face the looks on their faces.
“It doesn’t have to be that way. If we make his protection our?—”
“He’s got a cancerous tumor,” I cut Brax off and open my eyes to face reality. “It’s stage four, it can’t be operated on and he’s past the point of havin’ any treatment. He’s gonna die, and this is the way he’s chosen to do it,” I tell them all bluntly.
And when it all gets too much for me to fuckin’ bear, I stand up and stare at the gavel that belongs in his hand. This meeting is over, there”s nothing left to talk about. But as I force my hand out to take it, they cramp up and I have to get outta there before I break.