Chapter 23
I could hear footsteps shuffling out of the kitchen, which meant time for stolen affections with my boyfriend was coming to an end. As much as I wanted to pull him into bed with me and have my weak, recovering self fall asleep wrapped in his arms, I knew we both needed to be on our best behavior. My parents already had reservations about Devin; their first impressions of him shouldn’t be a bunch of PDA.
“Hello there!” My mom’s squeaky voice had returned, and like any Greek mother, she immediately swept him into a crushing hug. Devin smiled and laughed, but I could see him wince as she squeezed him a bit too tight.
With Devin now standing under the bright hallway lights, I managed to get a full glance at his appearance. The differences were subtle. He’d taken his piercings out, leaving just tiny holes in his earlobes and below his lips. He wore a long-sleeved, cream-colored shirt that fully covered his tattoos. It was the first time I’d ever seen him wear clothing that wasn’t dark grey or black. Instead of his usual dark skinny jeans, he wore a pair of plain denim ones, and his black Converses were replaced with scuffed white sneakers.
My mother continued fussing over him, her high-pitched words a blur in my ears as Devin took off his shoes and followed her down the hallway. My father was still standing in the kitchen, having not budged an inch since Devin arrived. He didn’t scowl as much as usual, but I noticed that he was eyeing Devin up and down like a steer at an auction. Seeking out any perceived flaws or imperfections. Trying to come up with reasons to not approve of him.
“It smells fantastic in here.” Devin smiled as he took a seat at the dinette. My father’s eyes remained locked on him, but Devin either didn’t notice or pretended not to. He wore the same cheery, oblivious expression he’d had at the game shop.
“Why, thank you!” My mother beamed as she slipped her oven mitts on and pulled a tray out of the oven. “Did Avery tell you my parents are from Greece?”
“Yes, she did. She took me to a Greek restaurant on our first date.”
“Oh, how lovely! Was it the one you sent the food from?”
“Yes. Avery told me it’s her favorite.”
“Thank you so much for that, by the way. It was very generous of you.”
“Of course. I figured all of you would be exhausted and in need of an easy meal.”
The whole time Devin and my mom were engaged in conversation, I noticed he was looking at me. He had that adoring sparkle in his eyes, the look he reserved only for me, and I think my mom noticed. My father, on the other hand, remained still as a statue, the steaming coffee mug pressed to his lips still hiding his facial expression.
Well, at least Devin is winning my mother over .
It was funny how with Devin’s piercings gone, tattoos covered up, and lack of all-black clothing, he looked like someone my dad would normally approve of. It made me wonder what Devin was like in his early adulthood, back when he was still with his family and heavily involved in the church.
But the more I studied Devin’s newly clean-cut appearance, the more I hated it. This wasn’t him. I knew he wanted to make a good first impression, but he shouldn’t have to hide who he was just to gain my uppity parents’ approval.
“Well, the moussaka needs some time to cool, but we can start on the salad,” my mother announced, placing a huge glass bowl in the center of the table. The salad was stuffed with peppers, feta cheese, and olives, and I could smell the vinegar and spices from the homemade dressing in the pitcher next to it.
I missed my mother’s cooking.
“So, Devin,” my mother continued as she placed four small bowls on the table. “tell us about yourself.”
I let out a sharp exhale. I knew it was a typical question that parents asked their childrens’ partners, but it was such an impossibly broad one. There were parts of Devin’s life that he didn’t like to talk about, and I knew that having to cobble together a pleasant enough answer was like sitting in a job interview.
“Well.” Devin paused, taking a moment to scoop salad into his bowl. I could tell he was using the opportunity to think about how he wanted to answer. “As I’m sure you noticed on Sunday, I run the local game shop down the street.”
“You own it?”
“Yes, ma’am. For the past seven years.”
“Wow, that’s certainly impressive! And that’s where you have all your Creatures now he was trying to order my boyfriend around like he was some sort of animal.
Devin coughed, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry, what was that?”
“You heard me. I want to see those tattoos on your arms.”
“ Dad ,” I hissed through gritted teeth. He ignored me.
Now Devin was beginning to crack. His expression was blank, his face drained of all color. The mask of sweet, charming obliviousness was gone. His eyes widened, his irises swirling with panic as he shifted his arms from the table to his lap.
This wasn’t about the tattoos. Devin had no shame about them.
He didn’t want my dad to see his scars.
“I told you,” My father grumbled to my mother. “Tattoos are the mark of the devil, and he’s covered in them. This is really the man you want courting our daughter?”
“DAD!! ”
I yelled so loud I swore it shook the townhouse walls. My mom had her head buried in her hands, and Devin looked like he was about to be sick.
Dev…
I wanted to reach out. Hold his hand. Tell him how horribly sorry I was that I subjected him to this.
There was a loud screech against the tile floors as Devin pushed his seat back, muttered an “excuse me” that was barely audible, and retreated to my bedroom, closing the door behind him.
My attention snapped back to my dad, and I glowered at him with my brown eyes full of fire.
“Way to be an asshole, Dad.”
“Avery!” he snapped, his eyes narrowing. “Language.”
“ That’s what you’re concerned about right now!?” I pushed my chair back and stood up, my fists coiling up in rage. I had never wanted to blip my father out of existence as much as I did at that moment.
“You’d better watch your attitude,” he replied flatly, his face still taught as a rubber band pulled too tight.
I forced down a shaky swallow, and the tension in my fists loosened.
“You know what? I’m not doing this right now,” I turned away and stormed off toward my bedroom.
“Avery!”
“Fuck off!”
I slammed the door behind me before my dad could respond.
Jesus Christ. I leaned my head against the textured wooden door, taking a few moments to catch my breath and let the adrenalin dissipate from my veins.
It was replaced with sorrow when I saw Devin sitting on the edge of my bed .
His head hung low, which made his shaggy black hair fall forward and cover his face. His sleeves were rolled up, and I watched for a few moments as he ran his fingers along the scars that lined his forearms.
“God, Devin, I’m so sorry…” my voice croaked. I felt like this was all my fault. I was the one that invited him to dinner with my tyrannical father.
He lifted his head, and I could see those beautiful blue-green eyes shining through strands of dark hair. Eyes that were heavy with sadness.
“Come here,” he pleaded, extending a hand in my direction. I threw my concerns for my parents walking in on us out the window and plopped down in his lap, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.
I kissed his cheek, but it didn’t erase the melancholy look from his face. His gaze fell to his lap again, and he suddenly felt very distant.
“If they knew…” He ran his thumb over his scars again. “They wouldn’t want me anywhere near you.”
“Dev…”
“Or if they knew I was divorced.”
“You know I don’t care about any of those things.” I kissed his cheek again. “And they don’t make you a bad person.”
“I tell myself that all the time. But sometimes…” He sniffled and ran a palm over his face. “I feel like my life has been this deep, dark pit. I keep crawling out, over and over again, but every time I see the surface and I feel like everything is going to be okay… someone pushes me back down again.”
“Devin…”
“It’s hard. I’m getting tired of it.”
“I know.” I ran my hand across his scalp, his soft black hair falling through my fingers. “But you know what? Fuck them. Push back. Because good people, the ones who love you and care about you and want you to succeed, won’t judge you for your past. Everyone has skeletons in their closet, no matter how small.”
I forced a smile, rubbing my thumb across his cheek. “Hell, sometimes I feel like I have a whole graveyard in there.”
That elicited a small chuckle from Devin, which made my heavy heart lighten.
“Thank you, Avie.”
He pulled me in for a long, deep kiss, and it nearly made a tear fall from my eye.
He always made me feel better. And I was glad I could do the same for him.
I pulled my lips away and spent a moment losing myself in those multicolored irises, until muffled shouts from the kitchen pulled me back to reality.
“They’re fighting,” I grumbled, and Devin gave an uncomfortable sigh.
“Here,” I hopped up from his lap. “I’ll be right back.”
“What are you doing?” Devin asked as I approached my bedroom door.
I exhaled sharply, dread overtaking my body at what I was about to do.
“I’m going to go confront the real problem.”
The arguing ceased as soon as I opened the door.
I stepped hesitantly toward the kitchen table, with my parents’ fiery gazes making me feel like a prey animal. My mom looked exasperated, and my dad looked pissed. Exactly the way I had left them.
Once I made my way back to the table, I glowered right back at them.
Especially my father.
“I want you to leave,” I hissed.
My father raised a bushy eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. It’s my house. Get out.”
“You do not talk to your father that way, young—”
“No, you do not talk to me that way,” I retorted, cutting him off. “And do not call me ‘young lady.’ I am almost twenty-seven years old. I am an adult. Treat me like one.”
“Absolutely not,” he growled. “Your behavior over the past five years had been nothing but childish and defiant. You had your whole future set up for you, Avie—”
“Oh, don’t you dare start that up again!” I threw my arms up in frustration.
“Tyler wanted to marry you. He was a fine young man from a good family, and you had to go and—”
“What, have sex with him?”
Both my parents balked, looked visibly uncomfortable.
My anger was boiling over, fizzing through my veins like lava in a volcano, and I was ready to erupt. Five years. Five long years, and they wouldn’t let this go. They didn’t care what I wanted. They didn’t care if I was happy. I was supposed to fit into the pious little mold they’d crafted my entire life, and the moment I wanted to be something different, they acted as if I was no longer worthy of respect.
That I was bad.
Immoral.
Broken.
And you know what?
I don’t care anymore.
I had no shame left. I’d fed them a lie for the past five years, and it was time to tell them the truth.
I didn’t care how uncomfortable it made them.
“Well guess what?!” I leered toward my parents, my face burning an obscene shade of red. “Tyler didn’t leave me because I had sex with him. He left me because I didn’t have sex with him. You know why?! Because I. FUCKING. CAN’T!!”
I had never screamed so loudly at my parents in my life. I cringed, not because I had any concern over what they thought of me, but because I realized that Devin could likely hear this entire conversation from my bedroom.
My parents wore the most shattered expressions I had ever seen from them. It was a mixture of shock, horror, and disbelief, and it made me so uncomfortable that despite my rage, I took a timid step away from the table.
“Avery, sweetie.” My mother’s strained voice finally broke the silence. “What are you talking about?”
I took a deep, shaky, unsteady breath.
“I’ve never had sex. It’s too painful. It’s related to my endometriosis.”
“God, sweetheart.” My mother’s eyes were glassy with remorse. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“ How could I tell you!?” I exclaimed. “You act like even saying the word sex is a grave sin. And you expected me to talk to you about it? I was supposed to be pure . A perfect little virgin for my future husband. And instead, it became my curse.”
“Avery…”
“I felt so ashamed. So broken. And because of the way you raised me, I felt like I had to keep it a secret from everyone. I know you’re concerned that I’m almost twenty-seven and not married. Well, that’s why. Because no man, including Tyler, wanted to be with a woman who couldn’t have sex.” I pointed to my bedroom door. “Until him.”
“Sweetheart…”
“He doesn’t care. In fact, he’s the reason why I got my diagnosis. He insisted I go to the hospital. He stayed there with me all night. Because he loves me. He treats me better than anyone else. Far better than Tyler. But that’s still not good enough for you, is it?”
My mother opened her mouth, but she couldn’t say a word. Her jaw just hung there, gaping like a fish. I couldn’t blame her. I’d just dropped a bombshell on them.
My father, on the other hand, was stoic as always. But his eyes betrayed his usual stony-faced appearance. I could see a glimmer of sadness within them.
“Well.” I turned toward him. “Are you going to say something?”
This time, he was the one that couldn’t make eye contact.
Nothing. Silence.
“That’s what I thought,” I hissed. I peered back over at my mother. “I’m going back to my room. I want you both gone by the time I come back out.”
“Avery, but your surgery—”
“I’m fine,” I grumbled as I walked toward my bedroom door. “I can take care of myself. All you two are doing is making it worse.”
I slammed the door behind me before I could hear their response.
I steadied myself against the wall, my legs suddenly shaking now that all the adrenalin was wearing off. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Devin rise from the edge of my bed and rush toward me.
“Avery…” He swept me into his arms. I knew from the look on his face that he’d heard everything.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
The pipe burst, and I descended into frantic sobs. I could barely breathe as my legs gave out and Devin carried me over to my bed.
“It’s okay. It’s okay…” he laid me down gingerly before curling up next to me, rubbing my shoulder while his soothing words washed over me .
“You heard all that, didn’t you?” I asked between hiccupping sobs.
“Well…yes.”
“Am I an idiot?”
“No,” Devin kissed the side of my forehead. “In fact, I think you’re incredibly brave, finally telling your parents about your health issues after all these years.”
“God…” I cringed. I hated the fact that I’d just brought up my sex life to my parents.
“Your illness is nothing to be ashamed of,” Devin assured me. “And that includes your sexual issues. Sweetheart…I’m sorry you felt so alone in this for such a long time.”
“I’m broken,” I blubbered.
“You are not.”
“I feel like I am.”
Devin scooted closer to me, rolling up his sleeve and showing me his inner forearm.
“Do these make me broken?” he asked.
I pressed a finger against the largest scar, right before the crook of his elbow. “No.”
“Then you’re not either. Avie, we’re human beings, not dolls. We don’t break . We’re so much more complex than that.”
I turned over so I faced him, and a warm smile lit up his lips as he stroked my hair.
“Plus,” he continued. “Part of being human means that we can heal.” He pointed to my stitched-up abdomen. “That’s exactly what your body is doing right now.”
I smiled despite the tears. “Thank you, Devin.”
“Of course. We’ll get through this, sweetheart.”
I nuzzled closer to his chest, breathing in his mint body wash as his heartbeat synched with my own.
“I love you, Avie.”
Another wave of exhaustion rolled over me, and I closed my eyes.
“I love you too, Dev.”
“Avie. Hey, Avie.”
The soft voice intermingled with my dreams until they faded away and I was pulled back to reality. I opened my bleary eyes, blinking them a few times, until Devin’s face in front of mine came into focus.
Realization made me lift my head. “Crap. How long was I asleep?”
“About a half hour,” Devin chuckled. He was kneeling by my side, crouched on the carpet next to the bed. “You were out almost as soon as you laid down.”
“Goddamnit.”
“Avie, you did just have surgery.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I craned my neck to peer around Devin. “Are my parents still here?”
“Your mom is. I helped her clean up the kitchen, and we had a little talk.”
“Talk?” My throat suddenly felt sour.
“Yeah. Nothing major, she mostly just wanted to learn more about me. Don’t worry, there was no interrogation.”
“And my dad?”
“He left and went back to the hotel. Both he and your mom thought it was best.”
My chest relaxed at this news. I felt guilty for what I’d said earlier, about how them coming here only made things worse. But I knew my dad was terrible with ever admitting he was wrong, so letting him cool off at the hotel was a good thing.
I didn’t mind that my mother was still there. She wasn’t the one I was truly upset with.
“She does want to talk to you, though.”
I nodded, struggling to sit upright. As I did so, a hot blast of pain burned through my stitches, causing me to wince and let out a yelp.
“Pain meds wearing off?” Devin asked.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll have your mom bring some more in for you.” He stood up, giving my hand a final squeeze before walking toward the door. “Let me go get her.”
Devin disappeared into the hallway, and a few minutes later, my mother emerged from it.
She had a look on her face that I’d never seen before. A heavy mixture of fatigue, sadness, and remorse. She forced a smile, and it seemed to exaggerate the wrinkles around her mouth more than usual.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Her voice was soft and gentle. I didn’t say anything as she stepped toward my bed and took a seat on the edge of it.
“Where do I start?” She gave a sad chuckle.
“I’m sorry, mom.” A sudden ache tugged in my chest. I hated seeing her like this. “I sort of lost it earlier.”
“No, it’s alright. You don’t need to apologize. Avery, sweetie, I wish I could go back in time and do things differently. After you left college, you needed support, and all we did was lecture you. I’ve realized how much we’ve driven you away over the past five years, and it fills me with so much regret. I miss you, sweetheart.”
“You always acted like I was such a disappointment.” Her honesty allowed my own regrets to seep through. “Just because I didn’t turn out the way you wanted me to.”
“I know. Avery, I love you so much. None of this was your fault. You are your own person, with your own thoughts and ideals, and as your parents, we need to learn to accept that. And Avery, you are not a disappointment. You are such a brave, smart, headstrong young woman. I’m so proud of the person you have become.”
“You never acted like it. And it’s hard for me to believe this…” I paused, swallowing hard. “Because you were always so strict with us growing up. The truth is, since I moved to Orlando, I haven’t been to church once. I don’t know what I believe anymore.”
“I’m not upset with you over that.”
“Dad is.”
“Your father will have to come to terms with it,” she replied. “Sweetheart, I’ve spent a lot of time praying lately. About your health and your recovery, but also about your relationship with the Lord. And I’ve concluded that your relationship with Him is your own, and that it’s not my place to dictate it. I only ask that you continue to live in the light. To treat others the way you wish to be treated. Because that’s what God truly wants from us.”
“Thank you, Mom. That means a lot.” My gaze drifted to my bedroom door. “You know, Devin is from a religious family too. His father is a pastor.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. He’s not the monster Dad thinks he is.”
“Of course he’s not.” My mother scoffed, and it filled me with relief. “That’s another thing I’ve come to believe: angels come to us in all forms. I can see what a kind, considerate, respectful young man he is. How much he loves you. I believe you two are blessed to have each other.”
I lowered my head, my mind still processing the words my mother said to me. Realizing how much I’d needed to hear them.
It nearly brought me to tears, but I swallowed hard to keep them at bay .
“So, here’s what we’re going to do,” my mother continued. “I’m going to go back to the hotel for the night. Devin said he wanted to spend some time with you, and I’m sure he can assist if you need help with anything.”
I smiled and raised an eyebrow. “You’re leaving me alone with a guy? That’s new.”
“You were right before, Avery. You’re an adult, and I need to treat you like one. Now, dinner leftovers are in the fridge, and you’re all stocked up with tea and seltzer. I’ll be back in the morning.”
My mother stood up, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and strode across my room to the door.
“Hey mom?”
She stopped with her hand on the door handle.
“Yes sweetie?”
“I love you.”
My mother’s face fell, and I realized that I hadn’t said those words in a long time.
“I love you too, sweetheart. Thank you for talking with me. I hope you two have a lovely night. Sleep well.”