Chapter One #3
“Like a spoiled little prima donna who expected to have a record deal and a Ferrari after only a year and a half of trying to get noticed. Look at how it was for me my first year trying to be an actor and for the next couple years after that. I thought I was going to be a waiter at the Hard Rock for the rest of my life because it seemed the best I could get was doing community theatre. But I kept with it. I didn’t stop.
Was it hard? Hell yeah it was hard, but if it wasn’t then it wouldn’t be a dream now would it? ”
Jesse swirled a fry in ketchup, playing with it more than having any intention of eating it. “Yeah, but now look at you. You’re only going to be twenty-five this July and you’re the Emcee in Cabaret.”
Brandon’s face fell serious. “Thanks to your help with my voice.”
Jesse lifted his eyes to Brandon.
Brandon picked his burger up again. “You know what? Just forget it, you should quit. You gotta have stones if you’re going to pursue your dreams. I used to think you had ‘em with the way you can get up in front of people and sing, the stage charisma you’ve got.
You’re a different person when you’ve got your music backing you.
But now you can just give it up. With the grades you had and being valedictorian, I bet you could even get accepted into Purdue again, then you can work your way through school and get a nice, safe job.
I really think that’s the way to go. It’s time for little Jesse Alexander to grow up and become a good boy. ”
Jesse clenched his teeth, biting his anger back as much as he could.
“How can you say that? My music is everything to me! Singing, playing, writing, it’s all I ever wanted to do!
And I never said I was giving it up.” He lowered his eyes, his voice softened.
“I just said things have been rough lately.”
Brandon folded his arms on the table. “Look, it’s normal to doubt yourself sometimes. In fact, it’s abnormal that you haven’t doubted yourself until now. But don’t take that self-doubt so far that it makes you fear what you love.”
Jesse nodded slowly. “Your delivery was actually pretty good there.”
“Why do I even try with you!” Brandon threw a fry and hit him on the chest.
“Cute,” Jesse said, wiping the fry’s salt off his shirt.
Brandon shoved the last bite of burger into his mouth. “Seriously though, everyone doubts themselves. Look at Evan Arden. You don’t think he was Mr. Confident his whole life before being discovered, do you?”
Jesse looked up at the mention of his favorite singer.
When Evan Arden had entered the music world he was a force that couldn’t be stopped.
His music had a rock edge, but more depth than a lot of performers.
He never held back on using violins, horns, even full symphonies to give his songs a richer, deeper sound.
The fast beats attracted young audiences, the depth of the music pulled in older audiences, and his voice captured everyone.
He rode the charts at Number One, selling out concerts in the largest venues across the world.
He learned most of what he knew about vocal control by singing along with Evan’s CDs, striving to match Evan’s voice note for note.
He couldn’t imagine a vocalist that talented ever doubting himself.
“Okay, bad example,” Brandon said. “Evan can’t be touched.
I Googled him the other day to see if there were any updates.
Nothing. Just the same old crap on the fan-sites and forums with people gossiping about what’s happened to him.
This one idiot posted Evan had died of a drug overdose in China, but I don’t believe it.
You could tell when you saw him perform and in interviews he had too much pride in himself to get messed up like that. ”
“But who knows what was going on in his life when he wasn’t smiling for the cameras.” Jesse sat silent for a moment. He shook his head slightly. “I don’t even want to think about him being dead. It would hurt too much if he were. His music has meant so much to me.”
“I know, but it does make you wonder. I mean, how the hell does someone so famous just vanish off the face of the earth for three and a half years?”
“Maybe making music didn’t mean that much to him.”
“That’s pretty shitty, to be gifted like that and take it for granted.” Brandon exhaled an exaggerated forlorn sigh. “But I guess I could forgive him if I ever met him.”
Jesse chuckled softly. “Yeah, I’m sure you could.”
He finished his food and pushed his plate to the edge of the table. Their waitress dropped off the check, and while Brandon headed to the register, Jesse went outside. He stretched his arms over his head and gazed up at the amber sun as it made its descent from the azure April sky.
Brandon tossed his arm around Jesse’s shoulders and steered him back toward his apartment.
“You’ll feel better after we get to a club and you hit the dance floor.
But if you disappear on me like you did the last time, I’m bringing Kenny when we go out from now on so he can help me keep an eye on you. ”
“I’m pretty sure his kicking and screaming as you dragged him through the club doors would ruin both our chances at scoring, so you should probably rethink that idea.”