Chapter Two #2
Breaking…on the ground…
I want to take it all away,
And believe the truths in the dark.
I want to live the fantasy,
The sweet delusion,
And keep you in my arms.
What can I do?
Don’t leave me to drown
In these shattered memories.
I want to scream,
But I can’t breathe,
I’m falling away.
Can’t you see,
That I’m alone,
And I’m slipping away?
I can’t stop myself.
Can’t catch myself.
Take my hand,
Pull me out,
Please save me.
I’m shattering,
Breaking…”
Evan stumbled back a step and bumped into the wall behind him. He stared up at the stage, his breath lost. Jesse had his white shirt fully unbuttoned, showing his smooth chest coated in a light sheen of sweat. The stage lights surrounded him in a halo of golden light, making him shine.
“Sir? Are you okay?”
Evan blinked at the female voice close to him. He turned to see the bartender giving him a concerned look. He pulled his Yankees cap down to hide his face more.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve just never heard a voice like that before.”
Nodding in agreement, the bartender leaned on the bar, resting her chin in her hand as she gazed up at the stage.
“I hear that. He sings and looks like an angel. He’s got it all.
” She glanced at Evan with an apologetic smile.
“Sorry. I know guys don’t like hearing a girl gush over other guys. Can I get you something to drink?”
“Guinness, please.”
She ducked away and returned with his beer.
Evan took his beer and began working his way through the crowd.
He managed to inch to the front of the stage as Jesse wrapped up the piano interlude.
The guitar joined in with the drums following, a good two beats behind where they should be.
The keyboardist came to take Jesse’s place, and Jesse stepped toward the front of the stage with his mic in hand.
Evan caught the irritation that flashed over Jesse’s face when the keyboardist obviously hit the wrong notes. He smiled to himself. The guy was a perfectionist, he could see it. And with the talent he had already shown, why shouldn’t he be?
Jesse bent down at the front of the stage to a group of swooning young women. They reached out, desperate to touch his hand. He floated his fingertips from one outstretched hand to another.
Evan watched him, his fingers tingling with the desire to feel Jesse’s soft touch on them.
From under his black hair, a droplet of sweat rolled down Jesse’s temple, past his indigo eye, and over his elegantly raised cheekbone to linger on his delicate jaw before dripping away.
He stood up straight, his white shirt slipped from one shoulder.
He tipped his head back as he raised his mic, singing the second verse and chorus,
“Now I’m sitting all alone in the darkness.
Listening for your voice in the silence.
All I have left are illusions and dreams.
Your phantom body lying next to me.
Another memory trickles down my cheek,
And I slip a little bit more.
What can I do?
Don’t leave me to drown,
In these shattered memories.
I want to scream,
But I can’t breathe,
I’m falling away.
Can’t you see,
That I’m alone,
And I’m slipping away?
I can’t stop myself.
Can’t catch myself.
Take my hand
Pull me out,
Please save me.
I’m shattering,
Breaking…”
Jesse stepped back from the front of the stage as the song finished. He bowed to the crowd and flashed a stunning smile.
Evan started breathing again. He staggered back to the bar and dropped down on a stool.
“Need another beer?” the bartender asked.
Evan shook his head, still in a daze. “No, thanks.”
“He’s some singer, isn’t he? I tell ya, with all the crap on the radio these days, if ever there was a band that deserved getting a record deal, it’s them. I really hope they make it someday.”
Evan nodded. He sat motionless for the rest of the night, not drinking, not speaking, his eyes focused on Jesse.
When Conquest finished their set and Jesse and his band disappeared into a room at the back of the bar, Evan headed out to the black Cadillac Escalade Marcus had hooked up for him.
He climbed in and stared at the steering wheel, Jesse’s beautiful voice resounding in his head.
“Jesse Alexander,” Evan whispered, caressing the name with his tongue.
The guy was incredible. His voice, the sensual way he moved on stage, his skill at instruments, playing keyboard, guitar, and bass, switching between them in different songs with graceful fluidity all while singing and never missing a note.
Jesse’s talent, with a little guidance, could rival his own.
Evan paused, the realization hitting him hard. Jesse just might well be his equal. A slow grin lifted his lips. A soft chuckle slipped from his throat, and he leaned his head back on the headrest. He felt giddy, like a warm, euphoric energy was rising in him.
He wanted to talk to Jesse, to meet him, to get close to him, extremely close to him.
He stopped himself before the thoughts progressed.
He didn’t have the right to allow himself even the slight pleasure of little dreams and fantasies, let alone the extreme pleasure of actually being with a guy like Jesse.
He didn’t even know if Jesse was into it, and if he was, then what?
What if Jesse started to really like him?
What if he started to really like Jesse?
He didn’t deserve to be happy with someone that extended beyond a night or two of physical pleasure.
What he really needed to do was go back to his hotel, get his things, go to the airport, and…
A melodic laugh like a lively violin concerto touched his ears, and he jerked his head toward the sound. Jesse walked up the sidewalk with his guitarist at his side, both carrying two guitar cases. Evan tuned his ears to catch Jesse’s voice.
“See? I kept my promise. I didn’t fight with Mike, even though he totally sucked. But if he blows this bad next time, I swear I’m gonna throw him head first into the drum set.”
Evan laughed under his breath. Yeah, he was a total perfectionist. He watched Jesse and Kenny walk past the driver’s side window.
“That’s real cute, Jess. Now I swear, if you lose us another drummer, I’m gonna chain your skinny ass to the drums and make you play ‘em.”
“Maybe I should rewrite the music so I could drum in a couple of the songs, but it’s ‘Vanish’ that’s the problem, and I need to play rhythm guitar in that one.”
Evan listened to their voices recede. So he could play the drums, too.
That pretty much clinched it. Like himself, Jesse was a musical prodigy, and here he was stuck playing in little dives struggling to get by.
He couldn’t let Jesse’s talent be suffocated to where he might decide to give up his music altogether.
Whether or not he deserved to be with someone as special as Jesse wasn’t the point, the point was Jesse deserved a chance to shine on stage before thousands, millions, of eyes.
Evan fired up the Escalade and headed back toward the hotel, deciding he liked the car enough he would buy one of his own.
Buying a car meant he needed a garage, especially if he was going to bring the two cars from New York he put in storage before leaving on his travels, which all meant he needed a house.
An inward chuckle rose in his chest. He had made the decision to call Chicago his new home with hardly thinking of it. But Jesse had sparked something in him that he hadn’t felt in years, inspiration. And while not directed toward his own music, to feel it in regards to Jesse’s was just as good.