Chapter Thirty
Jesse walked into the studio, Achilles trotting at his side.
He sipped on a Mocha Frappuccino from Starbucks, the caffeine already kicking in to help him be more alert despite the headache that seemed ever present.
He rubbed one temple with his fingertips, wondering how long Evan’s wounded mien would haunt him.
It managed to all weekend, popping into his head at moments it shouldn’t, like when he remembered how to laugh and smile while playing with Achilles, or when he and Brandon joked around when walking him.
More than once he faced the mental image and felt such guilt over not going to lunch with Evan, he almost called him and asked him to dinner.
He held strong through the weekend, but now here he was at the studio at the ungodly hour of six-thirty in the morning under the excuse that since he couldn’t sleep, he might as well come in and dink around on the piano.
Though under the excuse a painfully honest voice whispered he was there with the hope of running into Evan.
Jesse glanced in the vocal booth as he came upon it.
His heart matched his stride in stuttering to a stop at seeing Evan.
When it beat again, it was with a pain so deep his soul and body constricted in a strangled sob at Evan’s condition.
He looked worse than he had the week before.
The dark circles were more pronounced on his ashen face.
By the pallor of his skin, the thinness in his face, the way his wrinkled shirt hung on his shoulders, it was clear to him Evan had lost weight.
He noticed how Evan’s hands trembled as he pressed the headphones to his ears, as if that simple act took all his strength, then he saw another thing that sent a jolt through his heart.
Evan’s fingers were bare of rings save for the alexandrite one he’d given him.
Not even the precious eagle ring of his father adorned his finger.
As Evan stood singing, his voice and his body wavered.
“Some people think
I live a life of
Fairytales and dreams
But…if…”
Evan’s voice faltered and cracked. His body swayed, he looked ready to collapse. He dragged the headphones off his head, dropping them to the floor, and sank down in a chair behind him, his head lowered, his hands buried in his hair.
Jesse opened the door to the vocal booth and stepped inside. Evan’s head remained down. Jesse skimmed the lyric sheet, noted the music and rhythm of the song, took the mic, and started to sing,
“Some people think,
I live a life of fairytales and dreams.
But if that’s true,
Then where is my happy ending?
They don’t know what I’m really like,
When all the lights go down.
And the tears I cry,
In the dark alone,
When no one’s around…”
Jesse stopped singing and glanced over his shoulder.
Evan blinked up at him as if he disbelieved he truly saw him.
Now that he could get a good look at his eyes, Jesse noticed the edges were red, the whites bloodshot, but what hurt him most was the light behind their radiant blue was gone.
Jesse turned back to the sheet music and started making notes on it.
He took a deep breath to steady his voice as he spoke.
“I think you’ll want to extend the second line by bringing a slight pause after fairytales.
Then pause again after happy, and at ending, hold the ing sound for just a second longer so that line plays off the rhythm in the second line, because right now it sounds a little off unless you slow them both down and stretch them out.
It sounds okay to pick the tempo up after the fourth line, though. ”
“Thanks,” Evan mumbled. Achilles pawed at his leg, and he reached down to pet him.
Jesse took a tentative step toward him. “I don’t suppose you’d want to go get some breakfast with me, would you?”
Evan slowly lifted his eyes to him. “I’d like that.”
Jesse picked up Achilles’s leash and walked from the booth, pausing in the control room to switch off the recording equipment.
He led the way out of the studio, grateful that the early hour meant there were no paparazzi to disturb them, and turned on the sidewalk to check on Evan.
Evan leaned against the building, his fingers pressed to his forehead, his eyes squeezed shut.
Jesse went to him and laid his hand on his back. “Are you okay?”
Evan gave a tight nod. “It’s just a dizzy spell. I’ve been getting them lately.”
Jesse wrapped his arm around Evan’s waist to support him as he steered him toward the parking garage. “You don’t look like you should drive. Maybe I should just take you home.”
“Maybe,” Evan said softly, putting his arm over Jesse’s shoulders.
Jesse guided him to the F430 and opened the passenger side door for him. After Evan slid in and got his seatbelt on, Jesse picked Achilles up and put him on his lap. Evan closed his eyes, his fingers buried in the puppy’s thick fur.
Jesse climbed in and fired it up, aiming the car toward Lake Shore Drive rather than the interstate.
On the way, he glanced over at Evan and saw he had fallen asleep despite the chill wind blowing in through the open windows.
He watched the wind toss Evan’s hair around his face.
He had always thought Evan looked beautiful when asleep, like an angel in repose, his lips parted ever so slightly as if in invitation.
Jesse shook his head quickly and faced forward, clutching the steering wheel.
He pulled onto the road to Evan’s house and stopped at the gates.
He wondered if Evan had changed the code since he left and decided to give it a try since he didn’t have a remote anymore.
He couldn’t believe it when the gates swung open, and he was able to manually override the driveway gates, also.
As he coasted down the long drive, he saw the lawn had turned wild and overgrown, the flowerbeds taken over by weeds, the manicured shrubbery now unruly.
He parked outside the garage and gently shook Evan awake, then followed him into the house with Achilles, taking off his leash once inside.
“He’s housebroken. He hasn’t made any messes in Brandon’s apartment.”
Evan waved the comment away. “It doesn’t matter if he makes a mess.”
“I guess not.”
Jesse walked into the trashed family room.
Empty bottles of Guinness were scattered on the floor around the couch and covered the surface of the coffee table.
A nearly empty bottle of vodka was tipped over on the couch, and one completely empty had rolled under the coffee table.
The remnants of a third lay shattered against the stone hearth of the fireplace.
A bottle of Jack Daniels, barely a splash in the bottom, sat on one of the end tables next to two empty wine bottles.
A pizza box with a whole pizza in it lay open on the table and looked a couple days old with crusted, congealed cheese.
Evan stood with his back to him, his shoulders sagging. Jesse grabbed him by the wrist and led him upstairs to the bedroom.
“Why don’t you lie down and I’ll go get you some breakfast,” Jesse said, pulling the curtains closed.
The bed creaked as Evan got in. Jesse turned toward the bedroom door.
“Jess?” Evan said, his voice just above a whisper.
“Yeah?”
“Will you lay with me for a little while? Just until I fall asleep?”
Jesse glanced down at the floor. He looked at Evan from under his eyelashes.
Evan’s gaze was turned away from him. Jesse sighed.
He stepped out of his Nikes and climbed into bed with his back to him.
His muscles stayed tense, unable to relax in the bed where he and Evan had shared so many intimate moments.
He swore he could hear the spectral sounds of them in pleasure seeping from the walls, the furniture, the bed itself.
He felt the tips of Evan’s fingers on his back as if he wanted to touch him, but was afraid to.
Evan exhaled a shaky breath. “You’re better than I am. Or what I was, I should say. Your voice, your skill, your gift, is so much greater than mine. I realized that a long time ago. But it goes beyond just music. As a person, you’re so much better than me.”
“That’s not true and we both know it.”
“It is true.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about this. It’s stupid,” Jesse snapped.
Evan stayed quiet. Slowly, he rolled onto his other side.
Jesse stayed still. He wanted to hold him, to tell him everything would be okay, but the poisonous memory of Evan’s harsh words and the coldness in his eyes when he broke up with him invaded his mind, and he wanted to spring out of bed and tell him to go to hell.
He was so confused by the dichotomy of his emotions that he felt disconnected with himself.
As he lay silent, the part of him that had awoken the day he met Evan, his soul that had fallen silent since they parted, murmured the answer to what he should do.
He flipped over and pressed his body against Evan’s back, draping one arm over his side.
Evan reached down and took Jesse’s hand.
Jesse nuzzled into his hair and held him closer.
Within seconds, Evan’s breathing deepened with sleep. Achilles jumped on the bed and curled up at the foot. Jesse closed his eyes and drifted asleep.
? ? ?
Jesse started to wake, still in the same position tucked behind Evan.
He came fully awake, feeling more refreshed than in weeks, and wondered how long he slept.
He cranked his head around to look at the clock and couldn’t believe it was past one in the afternoon.
They had slept the whole morning, both so deep in sleep neither so much as twitched.
Jesse shifted and felt his erection rub against the inside of his boxers.
Well, maybe one part of him had twitched.
He inched out of bed and crept from the bedroom.
He let Achilles outside and checked his cell phone, seeing that not even it vibrating in his pocket when Kenny called had roused him.
He called him back and let him know he was obviously going to be extremely late for rehearsing at the Auditorium Theatre.
Then, since it appeared Evan no longer had the care staff come to the house anymore, he set to cleaning.
He started with the kitchen, throwing away the empty beer and liquor bottles piled on the counters and scrubbed everything down.
He tackled the family room next, carrying a garbage bag to chuck the bottles in, and went to pick up the pieces of broken glass by the fireplace.
He saw the pictures of him and Evan they had placed on the mantel on the floor, the glass of their frames shattered.
He carefully removed the images from their broken frames, gazing at one of him and Evan wrestling in the pool from when they had thrown Brandon a birthday cook-out party.
Another of them sitting at a piano in the studio working together.
One more had them snuggled on the couch in the chill-out room taking a nap when they needed to back off from the music.
Jesse sighed and set the photos on the mantel.
With everything cleaned, he jumped in his car and ran down to the grocery store, buying a cartload of food he knew Evan liked and some new picture frames.
When he got back to the house, he unloaded the groceries and restored the pictures to frames, setting them back on the mantel with a note that read, Whatever you do, please don’t shatter our memories.
He went into the kitchen to make Evan something to eat and heard him and Achilles coming down the stairs.
Jesse glanced at him as he walked in, seeing his hair wet, he had shaved, and he smelled like he just got out of the shower.
His eyes went to Evan’s left hand, and on his ring finger the alexandrite stone glistened, silently telling him that after showering Evan had put it on again.
Evan sat down at the breakfast counter. “You cleaned and went grocery shopping. Thanks.”
Jesse shrugged and turned to the refrigerator. “Are you hungry?”
“Yeah.”
Jesse pulled some lunch meat from the refrigerator and started making Evan a sandwich, piling the roast beef, ham, and Genoa salami on thick, one piece of white American cheese, and touching it with mustard, knowing exactly how Evan liked it.
“I called the gardeners, the pool people, and the housecleaners,” Jesse said, sliding the plate toward Evan. “They’ll be here tomorrow to get this place back in shape. After that they’ll come on the old schedule.”
“Thanks,” Evan mumbled. He took a bite of the sandwich and smiled at Jesse. “You made it perfect, gorgeous.” He clamped his mouth shut at saying his pet name for Jesse and dropped his gaze.
Jesse reached across the counter and brushed a tendril of hair away from Evan’s eyes. “I have to get going. I’m about seven hours late for rehearsal at the Auditorium, and I’ve got so much to do before we leave, it’s ridiculous. Are you going to be okay?”
Evan nodded. “Yeah.”
Jesse picked up his car keys and Achilles’s leash. “I bought you some bagels and cream cheese, so make sure you start eating breakfast. You know you can hardly tie your shoes if you haven’t eaten.”
“I know. I’ll start eating better,” Evan said quietly.
Jesse clipped Achilles’s leash to his collar. “And you really need to get some more rest, so don’t go into the studio tonight.”
“I won’t. I’ll get some more rest.”
“Good. Well, I’ll see you around.”
Evan lifted his eyes to him. “Hey, Jess. I really appreciate what you’ve done.”
Jesse stopped in the doorway with his back to him.
“If that’s true, then pull yourself together.
When Conquest beats you on the charts, I want to know you were at your best. Not this lame shadow of a singer that once was.
” He looked at Evan. “Act like the man I gave that ring to,” he said softly, and walked away.