Chapter Thirty-four
Jesse stood at the window of his hotel suite watching snow float down over Central Park.
The others had been so excited about spending Christmas in New York.
He could only think that he was in Evan’s hometown.
At least Trish got to visit with her family, and Julian did as well since Connecticut was only a spit away.
Kenny stayed rather than going back to Chicago, and Brandon had arrived the day before on Christmas Eve, but despite having everyone around him, he still felt alone.
He wondered what Evan was doing, where he was.
He had a feeling Evan may have come to New York to see his mother, which meant he could be somewhere in this labyrinth of a city and they were the closest they’d been since he had left on tour.
At that thought, the city seemed to spread out further, the buildings heightening their already mammoth statures, as if to hide Evan within its great depths.
A knock sounded on his door. Achilles sprang off the couch in the living room of the suite, barking and charging the door.
At nearly six months old, the dog looked more gawky and uncoordinated than ever as his German Shepherd body beneath his Collie coat tried to fill out his massive paws.
The little bit of worry he held about it not working out having a dog on the road quickly vanquished when he realized Achilles was happy so long as he was with him and that he could take the dog pretty much anywhere, since not too many people wanted to say no to the lead singer of the hottest band in the country.
Jesse put his hand on the dog’s head. “Good boy, ‘Chilles.”
Achilles stopped barking and stood wagging his tail as Jesse opened the door.
Kenny stood on the other side. “Hey. Greg said to come get you because we’ll be eating soon.”
Jesse sighed and turned back into his room to grab Achilles’s leash. “Just because he booked a banquet room and ordered a big dinner, I don’t know why I’m expected to be there.”
“Because it’s Christmas dinner, scrooge boy. I don’t know why you’ve been so pissy the past couple days.”
“I haven’t been pissy.”
He walked out of his room with Kenny and Achilles, and headed to the elevators.
He knew his mood hadn’t been the best lately.
He worked exceptionally hard at being the lighthearted, fun-loving lead singer of Conquest that fans expected him to be, playing it up for the cameras, trying to appear happy and cool, when really, there were days he hardly ate because his appetite was non-existent and all he did was sleep, or try to, at least. It was one of the few escapes he had, and even it wasn’t much of an escape since Evan haunted his dreams.
Every day, every night, every hour, he still thought of him. There were times when his mind felt like it no longer belonged to him, thinking what it wanted without his consent.
He needed to move on. He knew that. But it seemed so hard to imagine himself with anyone else, touching them, letting them touch him.
He’d start to feel sick thinking about it, and he wondered, had he become a total head case?
Was he ever going to be normal again? He had more than a hundred opportunities to have sex since he’d been on the road, and while some of the men had been exquisite in appearance, none, no matter their looks or personalities, were equal to Evan.
And yet through all the dreams and fantasies of being with Evan again, he knew it would never happen.
Evan had regained his music, shining before the world as he shared it.
Evan didn’t need him anymore, if he had ever really needed him at all.
The elevator stopped. Jesse followed Kenny out and down the hall to the banquet room.
He stepped in to the sound of softly playing Christmas music and a long rectangular table laid out with a red tablecloth trimmed in gold.
A tall Christmas tree stood in one corner sparkling with white lights.
Everyone sat on the couches close to a fireplace and a piano off to the side.
Along with Brandon, Julian, Trish, and Greg, were Greg’s wife, Crystal, and his daughter, Krista, who flirted with him mercilessly.
He caught sight of a server coming in to put some finishing touches on the table, and after requesting a bottle of pinot noir, he moved to join the others.
“Welcome to the party, sunshine,” Brandon said as Jesse flopped down on the couch beside him.
“Suck it,” Jesse grumbled.
His brother wrestled him around the neck. “That’s the way to be, jerk-ass! You keep spreading that Christmas cheer!”
Jesse shoved Brandon away.
Krista sat down on the arm of the couch at Jesse’s side and hugged him around his shoulders, her long brunette hair falling on his cheek.
“He’s right, Jess. I’m not going to have any fun bragging to the girls at school about spending Christmas with you if I have to say you were in a bad mood.
” She brandished her new digital camera above them.
“Just smile for the camera. I need to get a shot of us to make all the girls jealous.”
“Then give them this.” Jesse took the camera from her and held it out, then put his lips to her cheek and snapped the photo.
“That’ll get ‘em!” she giggled. She took the camera back and gazed down at the photo of them. “Now I just have to get Evan when he gets here.”
Jesse’s heart stopped with a hard thump. He looked at Greg. “What?” He whipped his head toward Brandon. “What?”
“I don’t know why you’re looking at me,” Brandon said. “When I talked to him before I left, he said he still wasn’t sure if he was coming, so I didn’t know until he called me earlier today.”
Jesse stared at Brandon, caught between being shocked or angry.
With each second, anger began to win. He knew Brandon and Evan had been communicating regularly since he left, even keeping up the tradition the three of them started by having dinner together every Tuesday, and though in his heart he knew it was all innocent, his mind whispered venomous doubts.
“That seems like an awful lot of conversations,” he said between clenched teeth. The smile Brandon turned on him grated his frayed nerves further.
“Not really between friends.”
The server returned and stepped up to Jesse, bending forward to show him the wine he brought. Jesse took the bottle and glass without moving his piercing glare from Brandon. Greg stood and walked away from everyone. Jesse eased up from the couch and followed him over to the table.
“I was going to tell you, Jess,” Greg said.
“You know Evan doesn’t get along well with his step-relatives and his relationship with his mother is tense, so I thought it would be nice to invite him and them for Christmas dinner.
It’d be good for him to be around people he actually enjoys, and whether you like it or not, he’s like a son to me and a friend to the members of your band.
And seeing him now isn’t that big of a deal since you’ll have to see him in a couple days to rehearse for the New Year’s performance. ”
“I already told you I wasn’t doing that,” Jesse hissed in a loud whisper.
“You can’t avoid him forever. You need to learn to deal with this, and most of all, talk to him.”
Jesse took a breath, ready to let a torrent of protests fly, when the door to the banquet room opened.
Evan walked in with his mother, stepfather, and stepsister.
Jesse’s breath left at the sight of him.
He looked more divine than his memories held.
There wasn’t a hint of darkness under his eyes that somehow seemed an even more dazzling blue.
He wore a pair of brown leather pants so dark they were nearly black, and a tan cashmere sweater with a broad neck that revealed a glimpse of his collarbone.
Jesse sighed to himself. Evan always did take leather pants from being rock star to supreme elegance.
Achilles barked. Jesse made a grab for his collar, but was too slow. The dog tore across the room toward Evan.
“Achilles!” Evan called. He bent down, clapping his hands a couple times to encourage him.
Achilles slammed into Evan’s knees, his tail whipping back and forth.
Evan went down on one knee, roughing up Achilles’s fur and laughing when the dog tried to lick his face.
He glanced up at Jesse standing near the table and found himself trapped by Jesse’s indigo eyes.
He couldn’t believe it was true, but Jesse looked more gorgeous than the last time they had been together.
He had on a pair of black dress pants and the midnight blue sweater he wore pulled out the twilight in his eyes.
At first, he thought the outfit was making Jesse look more mature, then he saw it in Jesse’s eyes, felt it in the air around him; during his time on the road, Jesse had grown even more into the confident leader of his band.
“It’s about time you got here!” Krista yelled, running up to Evan.
She threw her arms around his neck, and he lifted her off the ground with his hug. He put her down and took a step back from her, keeping his hands on her arms as he looked her up and down. “Wow. Did Santa bring you a boob job, because I know those things are bigger than the last time I saw you.”
“Evan!” Greg bellowed.
Evan glanced at him, a sly smirk spreading over his lips, and turned back to Krista. “Oops, I mean, damn girl, I hope you got some makeup in your stocking because yikes.” He held his hand up as if trying to shield his eyes from looking at her.
She giggled and slapped him on the arm.
Julian slid up beside Jesse. “Ah, nothing like being in the presence of the most breathtaking and talented man in the world. Didn’t you once say that was your type?”
Jesse gave him an unappreciative look out the corner of his eye.
Julian tugged on Jesse’s sleeve. “Come on now, darling. Say hello to everyone like a good boy.”
Jesse let Julian lead him over to the group. He walked up as Greg was finishing introductions.
“And this is—”