Chapter 4
He’s back, and I am all over the place. My heart still pumps out of cadence, thinking of Blake. It was his for the taking, just like me, but he didn’t want any of my offerings. So, no, I refuse to be that stupid girl in love. I simply refuse.
The club is not a pleasant distraction anymore, but who am I kidding? It never was because it was his place.
Abigail nudges me with her shoulder while Celine orders tequila shots at the bar. Bailey has already given up on the idea that we might have fun and is back on her phone.
“How are you?” Abi asks.
“I wish he never came back…”
“I know the feeling.”
When Xander, Tyson’s business partner and best friend, puts the shots before us, Celine says, “Blake looks different.”
No, he looks like the guy I always knew was inside of him. Now, he doesn’t bother hiding that side anymore.
Abi and Celine exchange a worried glance. Oh, the guys will definitely fight. And this time, he won’t hold back. I know what he’s capable of. I witnessed it many times when he fought here at The Cave.
With him returning and all the feelings crashing back, the night is already ruined. It will be impossible for me to have fun now, but I owe it to myself to at least try. “You know what? Enough about the guys! Let’s dance.”
We move to the dance floor, and I let all my suppressed feelings spill out—the frustration, the hurt, the unrequited love that’s been eating at my heart and spewing out dead pieces, leaving my chest a graveyard. I close my eyes, undulating to the music, wishing it could take me somewhere else. Tears roll down my face, and the girls form a protective circle around me, giving me the privacy I need to fall apart in peace. Song after song plays until I finally pull myself together, and then we return home.
Kaden, Hunter, and Dane are sitting on the couch in the living room, looking pissed and holding ice packs—Kaden to his cheek, Hunter to his shoulder, and Dane to his knuckles.
“Tell me Blake doesn’t look worse than you,” Abi says.
“He held back, Abi,” Kaden replies.
Abigail approaches Dane, who drags her to his lap. My brother stares after Bailey, who goes upstairs.
Celine leans against Kaden’s side. “What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know, Sky. I think it’s the first fucking time that I don’t know.”
“You hurt him, all of you. He would have bled himself dry for any of you,” I say. “Blake won’t stay, so do what you did before—let him go.”
“Then why did he come back, sis?” Hunter asks.
“We’re in danger. That’s why Cassandra brought back the only person who would cross all boundaries,” I say and go to my room, slamming my door.
Tears break free, streaming down my cheeks as my back slides down the door. A memory infiltrates my mind—the first time I caught him in my room. I opened my eyes and saw him there, still and silent, leaning against the wall across from my bed. He didn’t leave or apologize. He just said, “I would kill anyone and destroy anything that would make you sleep anything but peacefully.” Then he left. I never told him that he’s the one who’s kept me awake ever since.
I spot a hair clip on my nightstand—one I don’t recognize. It looks precious, a platinum piece adorned with violet gems. I reach for it, clutching it to my chest before dropping it on my bed, emotions weighing me down. Whether it’s a present or an apology, I should give it back to him. But then we’d start all over again, and he wouldn’t stay—not for me.
I put it in my jewelry box and close the lid, then I get ready for bed, hoping for sleep to catch me fast with its alluring promise of rest.
Suddenly, I feel him . My heartbeats pick up, tripping over each other in a wild chase that only he could be responsible for. His spicy, leathery scent envelops my senses, igniting every atom in me. I remain perfectly silent, not wanting to open my eyes. He’s not here, it’s just a figment of my imagination.
“You don’t sleep as peacefully anymore, Silver.”
“Stop calling me that and get out.”
“Force of habit,” he says, but I clearly hear that hint of annoyance.
I slam my palm on the lamp on my nightstand, and the dim light casts him in a soft glow. He’s gorgeous—those green eyes, sharp features. His hair is a bit longer now, and my fingers itch to thread through it—a very dangerous wish.
“If you’re not okay with me here, I’ll leave. I’d do it for you.”
For me, he’d leave. If that isn’t cruel, I don’t know what is.
I scoot up to a sitting position, glaring at him. “Let’s get one thing straight. I got over you. When you left, you ended us.”
“Good.” His tone is cold when I only wanted to feel the warmth of his intense gaze and the safety of his embrace.
“Stop coming into my room. We’re not friends.”
“Yes, we sucked at that part.”
Not we. I sucked. God, no wonder he left when I was all over him.
“I’m sorry I pushed you to leave,” I say, sounding like I feel—desolate.
“Mia, don’t go there.”
“Fine.”
“Aren’t you curious about why I truly left?”
I am. But that would lead to even more heartbreak.
“We both know I am, but I can’t be your friend anymore.”
“Good. I never deserved it.”
“I gave it to you anyway,” I whisper.
His spine goes ramrod straight, and his fists clench at his sides. He turns to leave, but not before cocking his head and looking at me one more time. My breath hitches when he opens his mouth, but he quickly clamps it shut and walks away.
I force myself not to plead with him to tell me what he wants to say.
With a soft click, the door closes.
Alone in my room with the shadows of all we could have been, I think I should have remained in London. I should have never come here. But I had little choice. Now I do and I should leave. This is torture, but only if I let it be.
Mission “Get Over Blake” starts right here, right now.
I refuse to be that clingy girl any longer. Somewhere out there is the person for me.
***
Waking up, I go to the kitchen. Being the first one up means I’m responsible for making breakfast for the group. I don’t mind; I’ll take any distraction from my thoughts. The only difference this morning is my newfound resolution. Now that Blake’s here, I can stop worrying so much about his well-being and take care of my heart.
Bailey walks into the room, rubbing her eyes. Knowing her, she didn’t sleep much either.
“Breakfast will be a while. Go back to sleep.”
“I knew you couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t either…” What she doesn’t say rings louder. It’s been bad without Blake, but with him back, the strain in the group is even more apparent.
She helps me assemble the ham and egg muffins in the pan while I prepare some with almonds and blueberries.
“You’re spoiling us.”
“Baking helps to take my mind off things.”
“How are you, honestly,” she asks. It’s impossible not to like her. She’s just too good, too genuine.
I shrug, not wanting to lie. “I don’t know.”
She nods, and Celine and Kaden walk in and begin setting the table.
“Any plans for today?” I ask them.
“We’re going to the vacation house. You should come with us,” she says, but I see Kaden’s longing for more alone time.
“Nah, I have some classwork to catch up on.”
“And you?” she asks Bailey.
“Cassandra wants me to go over to the estate so we can discuss some potential information leaks,” she says.
“Let me know how it goes and if you find something,” Kaden says.
“I will.”
A pause follows, and Kaden looks at her. “Could you at least let me know when he leaves this time?”
Bailey offers a nod.
While the muffins bake in the oven, the three of them take a seat. Next, Hunter enters and greets everyone with a jerk of his chin.
“And you? Any plans for today?” I ask my brother.
“Heading for some training with Sebastian and Dad. You should come too.”
I shake my head, wanting to preserve the small illusion that I am a regular girl until danger rips me awake from that dream.
I hear Abi’s giggles long before she appears holding hands with Dane. A smile automatically teases my lips at seeing them so in love and happy. I’ve always been the type of girl who finds it sweet to meet your person at a young age and spend your life with them. I thought I’d fall in love, and the first person would be my last. How na?ve of me to think that, yet it’s nice to see it happen for others.
“What smells so good?” she asks, sniffing the air.
Right on time, the oven pings. I take the muffins out, their succulent aroma filling the air. As they cool, the atmosphere changes, becoming headier. I don’t need to turn around to know why.
I place the tray on the table and take my seat. Blake doesn’t come closer. He just glances at us, and then he walks out. My heart aches for him. Physically, he’s so close, but emotionally, he’s on a different planet––impossible for me to reach.
“Where is he going?” Kaden asks, partially out of worry but mostly because he’s a control freak.
“We have to give him some time,” Bailey says.
“We need to fucking talk and fix this.”
There’s no fixing this. Bailey looks at me, her expression resigned, revealing she thinks the same.
Once all my friends head out, I place the muffin I left in the oven on a small plate, knowing exactly who I saved it for.
Gripping the edge of the table, I sigh before taking the stairs to his room. I came in here every day he was away. His bed is made, and his clothes are arranged neatly in his walk-in closet. His heady masculine scent lingers all around me.
After quickly placing the plate on his desk, I leave and head back to my room to do some coursework.
Ever since I was little, I’ve wanted to be a teacher. My mom was one, and how she prepared her lessons always fascinated me. She was passionate about her job, often telling me how important it was not to break a student’s confidence. As she corrected their papers, she encouraged them to do better, leaving motivational notes, especially when she had to give lower grades. She was loved, and at her funeral, all her students cried. Although it was my mother who died, I could see that they, too, lost someone they cared deeply about. Becoming a teacher is a way to preserve her memory and continue her legacy. In my free time, I also read stories to children online.
The sun is setting, painting the sky in shades of violet and orange, melting together until dark blue replaces them. A fresh batch of snow blows a frosty blanket over the earth. Opening my bedroom door, I lean forward, peering to my left and inhaling the notes of his smokey smell, warming my insides.
I am going insane.
“Thank you,” he says from my right side, and my head immediately whips in that direction.
Inhaling deeply, I gather the strength to face him.
The plate in his hand is nearly empty. He plucks at the crumbs, moaning softly. “I’ve missed these.”
There’s a crumb in the corner of his mouth. How I’d like to lick it off, to taste his lips.
I squeeze my eyes shut. When I open them, he’s gone.
Unable to stay in the house a second longer, I jump into my Mini Cooper and drive to the compound to visit my father.
When I let myself in, he pulls me into a tight embrace.
“I’ve missed my favorite daughter.”
I roll my eyes playfully at him. “Last time I checked, I was your only daughter.”
He chuckles, and it hasn’t slipped my attention that he’s been in a better mood since moving to this house. This is what he has worked for, what my brother and I grew up knowing—that we’re a part of something bigger and that our roots are not in London but in Greenville. Our forefathers were cut off, but the attempt to end our line failed. My great-grandfather saw it coming and staged his family’s death. It was on us to reclaim our rightful place, and we did, though it almost cost us our lives. But I am glad my father is content.
I wish I could find a mission that demands all my attention so I can live for that and ignore everything else.
“Your brother said you didn’t want to come to training.”
“Where’s your wallet?” I ask, and he pats his back pocket, but I lift my hand and show it to him.
“He insists you should learn to defend yourself.”
“I can work a gun.”
For someone who doesn’t like physical violence, seeing Blake in his element always enraptured me.
“How are you holding up with Blake coming back?”
My father doesn’t know about my secret feelings.
“It’s his right to come back.”
“I disagree with Cassandra insisting you have a normal college life. Even if those assholes are trapped, we can’t know how far their reach went. We can’t trust anyone.”
That’s why I like Cassandra. At least she tries to give us real-life experiences. If it were up to my father and Sebastian, we’d always be on guard, always fighting with invisible enemies.
His phone rings and a huge smile spreads across his face.
“I have to take this,” he says, heading to his home office.
I glance at my watch. Ten minutes pass before he reappears. I can’t remember my father ever talking on the phone that long.
Then, it hits me. “Oh my god. Is there someone?”
A blush paints his cheeks, and he offers a small nod. “It’s very recent, and I am not ready to talk about it, but would it be okay with you?”
I think of Mom. I would give everything to have her back, to see my parents together again. But that will never happen. Not in this life.
As if he can read my mind, the corners of his lips turn down. “I will always love your mother, no matter what. No one will ever replace her.”
“Dad, it’s okay, I’m happy if this woman makes you happy.”
“We’re friends who hang out together, and it has become more. I worry about your brother’s reaction though.”
“I can’t speak for him, Dad, but I am sure Hunter wants you to be happy just as much as I do.”
My brother was in the car with Mom when the accident happened, and he was never the same afterward. That day, I lost not only my mom, but, at times, it feels like I lost my twin as well. I know Hunter loves me and would do anything for me, but something is missing. I wish I could take all the guilt he harbors, uncover all the secrets he keeps, and shatter the distance between us. I wish he’d let me in and allow me to be there for him. Nothing has worked—neither my love, Dad’s assurances, nor the support from Alice, my mom’s best friend. With each passing year, he has pulled further away from me.
“I will keep this between us until you’re ready to tell us more. I can’t wait to meet the woman who finally made you give up celibacy.”
He grins, and I hug him quickly before returning to my car.
It’s Saturday night, and I can either be depressed at home or go to The Cave. I decide on the latter, so I leave my car parked in front of the house and start walking. The crisp wind bites at my neck, and I tug my jacket tighter. It’s getting colder every day, but no cars are allowed next to the abandoned sports building on campus. Tyson doesn’t want to draw attention. With Blake gone, Tyson has focused more on throwing parties. There is even a themed party once a month.
When I step inside, the rotating beams of light almost blind me. Tyson gathers me in his arms and kisses my cheek, arching a playful brow.
“Two nights in a row. Mia, I can’t be a gentleman forever.”
I should take him at his word and say, “You know what? You look like a mistake, but you might make me feel good for a bit.” But I keep my mouth shut.
Just then, a blonde with baby blue eyes walks past him, snarling at Tyson.
“I could wring her neck.” He doesn’t say it like a stepbrother should. No, there’s something lurking beneath that. And I have enough complications in my life as it is.
“Why did Ivy transfer here again?”
“Because she fucking loves to torment me. That’s why.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. Now, come on, let me get you a drink.”
His eyes widen as we toss the shots down, and I know exactly why.
“You fucker. Why haven’t you said anything?” Tyson asks while Blake glares from the seat he just sat in.
“I see you’ve renovated.”
“Because you left me high and dry, and I had to come up with a plan B quickly.”
Tyson turns to Xander behind the bar and says, “Get me the bottle of Macallan.”
“I don’t drink anymore,” Blake informs him.
I must have misheard him.
“Then give it to me,” I say, pouring myself some. Blake’s green eyes flicker like a hundred emeralds in a fire. He can’t say anything at all to me.
I down a glass and pat Tyson on the chest.
“I’ll be around,” I say, kissing his cheek while Ivy stares at me and Blake stares at Tyson. Ignoring them, I swing my hips to the music, letting it sweep me away and make me forget everything for a few moments.
I don’t stop until I feel eyes on me, stumbling when I realize it’s his gaze.
I flip him the bird for interrupting my moment. Turning my back to him, I let the rhythm lead me. A body presses into my back. I don’t care who he is. The guy sways me to the rhythm. He’s a good dancer, but when he opens his mouth, I shush him with a finger on his lips.
We dance until he realizes nothing more will happen. One of these days, I will give in and just get it over with, but it won’t happen tonight.
My throat is dry after dancing for so long. Blake and Tyson are at the bar, watching me, and I move toward them.
Keep your cool. Show him he doesn’t affect you.
“Another few broken hearts tonight?” Tyson asks, and I chuckle.
“Haven’t found the one.”
Tyson pulls me to him. “You tease.”
“Look who’s talking?”
Someone in the crowd calls for Tyson, and he excuses himself.
“I see you’ve made a home of my home,” Blake says so low that chills wrap around me. He gets in my face, gripping my chin. His presence steals the air from my lungs, and a stuttering breath falls from my mouth. I grip the edge of the bar in a feeble attempt to get myself under control.
“You have a problem with that?”
“I don’t know yet,” he says, but I can sense his displeasure. “I see you’re looking for a hookup.”
“A girl has needs…”
His jaw clenches so hard it sharpens his features, making him appear lethal.
“Enjoy the rest of the night,” I say, sashaying away. I hope he’s staring at my ass. I hope he sees what he’ll never have.