Atticus
I SHOULDN’T HAVE CORNERED Cameron. I shouldn’t have messaged him in the first place, but Cassie’s insistent social media messaging was driving me nuts.
And then he pretended not to know who I was when I did message, and that angered me beyond belief. He isn’t allowed to tell me he loves me, entrap himself in my mind, then run away.
Alright, sure, I told him to leave, but that doesn’t change the fact. He was being rude, and I wasn’t going to stand for that.
Does that mean I needed to shove him against a tool shed and fuck him senseless? No. But was it completely justified? Also no.
But we both enjoyed it, so what’s the harm?
You’re losing your sanity; that’s the harm, I remind myself.
And it’s true… now that I’ve had a refresher in how it feels to be balls deep in Cameron’s backside, I’m all sorts of messed up.
I’ve even begun dreaming of him again. Like last night, where I dreamt I was in his room again, sucking him into my mouth until he blew and then coming that bluish liquid all over his spread thighs. Only this time, the dream started much earlier.
As in, for half the dream, I was just walking there.
It was very boring, actually.
And now I’m readying myself for a run, in hopes I catch him loitering again, whilst drowning in my own self-loathing.
If I’m going to be this weak for him when I see him, why not just give in? Why not accept his confusing apology and let him face what I fucked up when I tried to save Atlas with me?
Well, because, for one, I’m still angry. And for two, involving him with that demon would only be cruel and unfair, even if he did hurt me once.
So, rough sex where I can get it and desperate dreams are all I can have of him. Otherwise, I’m screwing us both.
With my sneakers on—not the newly muddied ones in the corner, but my normal running shoes—I leave my room.
I’ve asked my family a few more times about these mysteriously dirty shoes, and everyone denies accountability. So, I ordered a camera that connects to my phone.
It arrives later today, so I’ll set it up tonight; whoever the culprit is will be fired, or maybe grounded, if it happens to be one of my siblings.
As I walk onto the second-floor landing, I spot Atlas coming up the East side of the main staircase.
“Atticus,” he greets. The first thing I notice is that his normal smile is gone, replaced by something weary.
I can hear Julian and Abigail laughing all the way from the music room, where Atlas must be heading.
“How was your trip?” I ask, knowing they got in late last night, though I was sleeping, so I couldn’t greet them.
“It was good. We saw Susie,” Atlas tells me.
“Was Landon not back in California?”
Atlas gives me a curious look, as if he wasn’t aware of Landon’s being here on the night of his party, but he changes the subject.
“Atticus,” he starts, voice hesitant as I approach. “Are you alright?”
“Better than alright,” I reply. “I think my runs are helping with endorphins or something; I haven’t felt this good in a while.”
And it’s true. Physically, I feel fantastic. But emotionally? Ah, well, he doesn’t need to know.
“You… feel different,” Atlas adds.
And he’s staring at me now with something I don’t like, something I must be misinterpreting.
Fear.
I let out a startled, small laugh. “You haven’t even touched me since you’ve been back.”
“No, I meant…” Atlas takes a deep breath. “I’m going to say this because I love you. Go to the chapel and pray.”
And without another word, he turns and heads down Hall E3, toward the music room.
What was that?
Sure, I haven’t been in that chapel since the night I used the Black Book, but surely he hasn’t noticed… and Atlas hasn’t even been very religious since his curse broke.
Something about Julian teaching him not to feel guilty for his desires or whatever, if I remember the conversation we had a few weeks ago correctly.
I make a mental note to circle back on this, to grill him for answers, as I head out the door.
Jogging through the trees, I keep my eyes peeled. If Cameron is out here, he’ll be within the tree line, somewhere near the main gates. At least, that’s where I’ve found him the past two times.
But as I run, I see no sign of him. In fact, I don’t see another living thing until I’m circling toward the front gates, and I spot Cassie standing by the callbox, hesitating.
Jesus Christ. This woman cannot take a hint.
And maybe that’s partially my fault for allowing communication so I could track down Cameron recently.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Cassie as a person. Over the period of time I spent in her company, when I first started seeing Cameron a few years ago, she was funny and kind.
But the insistent messaging? The mild flirting? The fact that I still don’t know if it was her who left that hickey on Cameron, despite her telling him she likes me yesterday? Yeah, I’m kind of done with running into her.
For a moment, I debate turning around and doing my best to get out of here before she spots me. But I also want her to leave my property, so I swallow my irritation and walk out from behind the trees, approaching her.
“Cassie,” I greet, watching as her blue eyes light up at the sight of me.
“Atticus! I was just about to buzz you. Do you have some free time?” she asks sweetly.
I do, in fact, have some free time, considering I planned my day around the off chance of finding Cameron out here and doing something dirty to him.
But I keep this to myself.
“I’m a bit busy with—”
“I’ll only need a few minutes!” she insists.
I sigh. “Alright.”
Again, I do think Cassie is a nice person, and I’m not completely heartless, so I’ll allow her to say her piece and then send her away.
“Since you know I had no part in what happened at Kim’s party a few years ago, that I was just a bystander—and because you’ve been so open to talking lately, am I right to assume you’ve forgiven me?”
Wow. She’s kind of throwing Cameron under the bus here, right? Insisting once again that it was all his fault, not hers.
To be fair, she’s right. Cameron was the one… wait.
I only meant to keep you; I didn’t want to spend a single moment imagining you with someone else.
Those are both things Cameron said to me whilst trying to explain himself, to gain my forgiveness. And just last night, I heard Cassie say she wants to be with me.
Oh, god. Fuck. Was Cameron just trying to deter her from me this entire time? Has every messed-up move he’s made been his terrified way of trying to keep me all to himself? Because… because he loves me.
“Atticus?” Cassie presses.
“Huh?” I snap back to the present, barely seeing her through the whirlwind happening in my mind. “Uh, yeah. I forgive you.”
“That’s great!” she squeals, clasping her hands together as she steps closer. “In that case, I have a confession.”
My eyes widen. “Cassie—"
“I like you. I’ve liked you since we hung out at Checkers so long ago. You like me too, right?” Her pleading eyes drill into mine, and suddenly, I feel a little panicky.
Cameron really was doing what he thought was right, and here I am, being confessed to by his best friend. The exact thing he was fighting so hard to keep me from.
He’s a possessive little thing, isn’t he?
It makes me smile. Cassie lights up at the sight, so I very quickly erase it.
“No, Cassie,” I say softly. “It’s not like that for me.”
“But... but…” Her hands snap out, gripping my bicep. “Why not? I’m pretty, aren’t I? And I’m kind and can be very submissive.”
She says it seductively, as if just that phrase alone will get me to drop my pants. Which, she isn’t wrong, once again. If Cameron were to give me those big, stormy eyes and tell me how submissive he is, I might just lose it and rip him to shreds with my bare hands.
But there is a war raging inside of me now. One that features the realization that Cameron isn’t a douchebag but is desperately in love; and one that knows either way, I can’t have him. Not when I’ve basically sold my soul to a demon.
One of these days, those consequences will catch up to me, and while I’m not freaking out about it constantly, I won’t make him face them, too.
“Cassie,” I sigh, gripping her wrist as she clutches onto me.
And then my phone starts to ring, loud and piercing. I pull it out quickly so I can decline the call and continue my rejection, but the name on the screen makes me halt.
Cameron.
“Hello?” I answer quickly, my heart thumping wildly in my chest.
“Back away from her.” The anger in his tone would startle me if it wasn’t kind of sexy.
My eyes flicker around the tree line. He has to be here if he knows she’s next to me. But where?
“Why? Feeling left out?” I hear myself say, as if I simply cannot resist teasing him.
My eyes slip back to Cassie, who’s staring at me in confusion, most likely because I took a call right in the middle of a sentence.
“It’s not about that,” Cameron hisses into my ear. “Just back away from Cassie.”
If I hadn’t just had the revelation I did, I would totally be getting the wrong idea here. But no more of that. Now, I know.
I understand what he’s been so desperate to tell me, to show.
“Then what is it about?” I demand, wanting to hear it from him again.
Cassie mouths, “Who’s that?” but I ignore her, scanning the trees once more as I take a few steps away.
Then, I whisper into the receiver where I’m certain Cassie won’t hear, saying, “You don’t like seeing my hands on her? Does it make you angry, thinking of me giving someone else the same pleasure I’ve fed you?”
Cameron is breathing hard, basically panting as he takes in my words. I can feel his rage, his desire, and it’s wonderful.
“Just… walk away from her,” he grits out.
My eyes scan the trees once more. “Then tell me in which direction I should walk to find you.”
A stuttered gasp comes through the speaker, straight into my ear. I want to shiver, to moan, to stroke myself to the sound of it. But I’m a patient man, so I hold still and wait for his response.
“Turn to the right,” he whispers, and my eyes flicker in the opposite direction in which I came to find Cassie.
“Where?” I push, wanting his exact coordinates if he can manage it.
“You’re looking right at me.” Cameron’s voice is small, tender, full of something that chokes me and makes me far too warm and fuzzy inside.
He says it as if merely my eyes set in his direction are a merciful gift, and he is so, so thankful.
And I finally see him. Hidden halfway behind a tree, his golden hair hidden beneath a baseball cap and his phone pressed firmly to his ear.
“Better run, sweetheart,” I murmur. “I’m coming to get you.”
Then, without another word sent in Cassie’s direction, I run.
And Cameron, the beautiful angel, runs too.