Chapter Nine #2
She puts a hand to her temple, her fingers rubbing slow circles just above her brow. “I don’t think you’re thinking this through,” she continues. “There’s protocol and rules and the media.” She meets my gaze again. “If one photo of us together was unsettling, you have no idea what’s about to come.”
“Is that a no?”
She breathes in. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, no. You said yourself you never wanted a committed relationship. While I don’t have a list of names yet, Amelie will find candidates who—”
“Let me put it this way, Your Highness.” I push off the wall, move to the foot of the bed. “If you try to let another man claim the child we created, I’ll go to the press with an exclusive on our night in Venice and demand a DNA test.”
Her hand drops limply onto the bedspread. The blood drains from her face, leaving her skin white. I hate the result of my words, but she needs to know I’m dead serious.
“You would ruin your own reputation. Your company. The photo in Venice—”
“That was when Hawke Security was the most important thing in my life. Things have changed. Yes, I might lose business, but I have plenty of money.” I lean down, plant my hands on the bed so we’re at eye level.
“I was abandoned on my grandmother’s doorstep when I was only four years old.
I ran after my parents’ car when they pulled away, not because they were good parents, but because they were familiar.
Because I had a foolish hope that things might change one day.
I stayed on the porch steps for hours crying, waiting for them to come back even though I knew I’d never see them again.
” My eyes drop down to her stomach, then back to her face.
“I will not let my child doubt for even a second that they’re wanted. ”
Sophaya stares at me. She’s the first person besides Aiden and Cassian who know about my parents. I never even told John, a regret I’ll take with me to my grave.
“I see.”
My fingers dig into the bedspread. I said almost the exact same words to her when she first told me about the pregnancy, so I can’t really blame her for her cryptic response.
“I…” She draws in a shuddering breath. “My parents don’t love each other. I don’t think they even like each other all that well.” Her gaze hardens. “I won’t have us repeating their mistakes.”
I straighten and walk around the bed. I wait a moment, then slowly ease myself down onto the mattress a couple feet away.
“I know things ended badly between us. But this is my choice, Sophaya. I’m not going to resent you for it later on or take it out on you.
” Over thirty years later, and I can still remember the shouted insults, the screams of fury as my parents fought.
“I don’t just want to be involved. I want our child to have a family.
I’m not going to promise you a grand love affair or anything else I’m incapable of.
” I reach over and lay a hand on top of hers.
“But I like you. I respect you.” Not to mention our explosive chemistry, but that’s a conversation better had at a later date when tensions aren’t running so high.
“That’s more than most people have to start off a marriage. ”
Finally, she nods. Just once, but it’s enough. “I’ll notify Amelie. You’ll need to join me in Siravelle.”
“When?”
“Sooner is best. No more than three days at the most.” She glances out the window at New York, a glower on her face. “Things will move very quickly from here on out.”
Just like the army. There had been times I’d been deployed when we only had a few minutes’ notice on where we were going next. That’s how I need to view this: as a mission. “I’ll meet with my team and assign an acting CEO, tie up loose ends.”
“Don’t do anything rash.”
I arch a brow. “Contrary to the situation that put us in this position, I’m usually levelheaded.”
The tiniest quirk of her lips feels like a major victory after the emotional wringer we’ve put ourselves through over the past hour.
“I know. I just meant don’t sell the company, your apartment, anything like that. Let’s meet with my team in Siravelle and come up with a plan. We’ll do our best to make sure you can retain as much of your old life as possible.”
It hits me. She’s trying to give me what she never had: a chance to hold on to the identity I had before.
That sensation from the balcony in Venice when she asked if I’d found what I was looking for during my time in the Rangers hits again, but harder.
Sophaya sees far more than I’m comfortable with.
Yet the fact that she even cares unsettles me, stirs a want I wish I didn’t feel.
“Thank you.”
Her quiet chuckle is dark, humorless. “Don’t thank me yet. Not until after you’ve had a taste of the battlefield you’re about to enter.”
“Why are you doing this?”
Her brows draw together. “What?”
“The job. Being the heir apparent. It seems like you hate it.”
Her shoulders droop. “I’m sorry.”
“Princess—”
“Don’t apologize, I know.” She breathes in. “I like parts of the job. But the scrutiny, the media, pretending things are one way when really they’re another…” Her voice drops so low I strain to hear it. “Those are the moments I struggle with.”
“Did you always feel this way?”
“No. Not when my grandparents were alive.” Her head drops, her eyes fixing on the mug in her hand. “Without the right support, the throne can be a lonely place.”
Alone can be tough for some. For me, it’s a refuge, a safe place where I can depend on myself without the temptation of letting someone else in.
Except right now, I wish I had the words. Wish I could say something that would ease the grief from her eyes, the pain etched on her face, even if her emotions serve as stark reminders of why I need to keep my walls in place.
I’ve been where she’s at before. Wondering why I was left to fend for myself, why my own parents couldn’t love me, why my grandmother died just when life was starting to get better.
Why my foster parents signed up to take in kids like me only to make us feel like the dirt on the bottom of their shoes.
Never again.
Sophaya shakes her head slightly, as if yanking herself back to the present. “Text me if you need anything. I’ll send you my aide’s contact information, too. If you let her know your preferred airline, she’ll—”
“I’ll take my jet.”
She blinks. “Right. Of course.”
The last time we flew on it together had been on our way to Venice.
“You should rest.”
She nods. Definitely not feeling well if she’s this compliant. I make a mental note to ask my doctor to look up medications for nausea related to pregnancy. I’ve never been around a pregnant woman for an extended period of time, but Sophaya shouldn’t have to suffer like this.
“I’ll be there within three days.”
I turn to leave.
“Dominic.”
I freeze. She hasn’t called me by my first name since Venice, since we were in her bed wrapped around each other in a heated, naked embrace. I turn back as Sophaya is starting to ease off the bed. “What do you need?”
She gestures toward her purse on the floor next to the nightstand.
I pick it up and hand it to her.
She reaches in and pulls out a square white envelope. “For you.”
I take it, flip open the flap and pull out a single photo. The world fades away, my gaze centering on the little white figure with an arrow pointing to it.
My child. Our child.
I won’t let you down.
“Thank you.”
I walk back to the door as I slide the photo back in its envelope and tuck it inside my jacket. I pause in the doorway and glance back.
Sophaya is already lying down, her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling with deep, even breaths. A long strand of dark hair lies across her cheek.
I close the door behind me before I do something stupid like walk back in and brush the hair out of her face.
I never saw myself as a father or husband.
I never imagined giving operational control of Hawke Security over to someone else.
If someone had told me I’d do just that a few hours ago, I’d have laughed.
If they’d told me I’d be getting married, I’d have laughed even harder.
I pull the photo out again, lay a finger on the tiny being. I always told myself the only two people I’d let in would be Aiden and Cassian. But as I gaze down at the photograph, I know I’ve found the one exception.
Sophaya’s face flashes in my mind, but I push the image away. I do like her and respect her. Once we settle into our new normal, we might even be able to enjoy the incredible physical chemistry that’s still pulsing between us.
Chemistry or not, we now have a connection that will never be severed. But I can still protect myself, keep a mental buffer between Sophaya and me, limit what I share with her, to maintain the status quo.
No matter how attractive I find her, I will not fall for my future wife.