Chapter Eighteen
Dominic
The water is impossibly blue, the forest a deep emerald.
And our over-the-water bungalow is surrounded by nearly one hundred acres of nothing but wildness.
I surprised Sophaya by changing the honeymoon destination and sending a dummy plane to Thailand while we took a smaller private jet to St. Lucia.
Even though international consensus was in our favor over the helicopter incident, with footage making the rounds and a public outcry going up around the world about the mistreatment Sophaya had suffered, I wasn’t taking any chances.
I walk out of our suite onto the deck. Sophaya is lying on a white chaise lounge, sunbathing in a red bikini.
The last four days have been nothing short of incredible—snorkeling, massages, lounging on the beach.
A butler from the resort comes in three times a day, delivering meals, performing light housekeeping and making sure we have everything we need.
Other than that, we’re completely alone.
We’ve made love every night, as well as some mornings and afternoons. Her nausea is gone, seemingly replaced by a need that seems insatiable. A need I have no problem satisfying as I can’t get enough of her, either.
The woman I glimpsed in Venice is back, relaxed and happy as we luxuriate in our own little world. I draw closer and realize Sophaya has fallen asleep. I sit down on the edge of the chaise, reach out and trail my fingers down her back.
I can’t stop touching her. It’s as if every wall I struggled to maintain was knocked down the moment that helicopter thundered overhead.
Wrapping my body around Sophaya, even as she used hers to shield an innocent child, put things in perspective for me.
It’s been a week, but the thought of what could have happened—the possibility of losing her, losing the baby—still makes my chest burn.
I’ve enjoyed waking up to her in my arms, seeing the little moments I’ve missed out on with us living in separate quarters.
Another thing to address with her before we head home.
I’m not sure what the future will bring, but increasingly, I know that I want to have more with Sophaya.
I want to get to know her better before the baby arrives.
It’s hard contemplating letting go, letting down my walls. Yet as I move my fingers over the blades of her shoulders, the curve of her spine, I can’t deny the small flicker of hope inside.
Her eyes flutter, then open. She smiles at me, a soft, genuine smile that hits me square in the chest. I know it can’t be forever. Royal duties will be awaiting us when we get back.
“Lunch is ready.”
She lets out a contented sigh. “Okay.”
We move over to the table overlooking the water. She sits down, completely comfortable in the tiny bikini. My eyes devour her as she picks up her fork and takes a bite of her seafood risotto. She lets out a soft murmur of contentment before sitting back and looking out over the water.
“I wish we could have more days like this.”
I pause. I hadn’t planned on bringing this up now, but she’s given me the natural opening. “How can we have more days like this?”
She looks back at me, blinks.
“When your grandparents were alive, were they happy?”
Slowly, she nods. “They were. I don’t know how often they had time like this together, but my grandmother mentioned picnics on the beach, slipping away to a bed-and-breakfast in the mountains.
I know they traveled quite a bit, too. They had each other, and a team of advisors they trusted.
It wasn’t perfect. They argued and disagreed.
But they had each other,” she repeats softly.
“And your parents didn’t.”
Her face darkens. “No.” She looks back out over the ocean.
I can feel the sadness take over, see it in the way the corners of her mouth turn down and her shoulders drop.
“My earliest memories are of my father kissing me good night. It should have been a happy memory, but he reeked of perfume. Mother came in. I saw on her face that she instantly knew. She told me good night, but she sounded so angry. She yanked him out and closed the door, but I could still hear them. She accused him of having an affair.”
She sets her fork down and crosses her arms over her chest. “I told my grandfather. That’s when he apologized and told me that he shared some of the blame, although I didn’t learn about how he pushed Father into marrying Mother until a couple of years later.” She hesitates, glances at me.
“Our situation is different.”
She gives me a slight smile. “It’s like you read my mind.”
“You gave me a choice, Sophaya.”
“Thank you. My father made his own choices, too. My grandfather strongly suggested the marriage, but he’s the one who ultimately agreed because he was afraid of losing his right to the throne.
He may have loved that other woman in his own way, but not enough.
And then he ended up repeating my grandfather’s mistakes by pressuring my brother.
” She shakes her head. “I don’t know if Charles would have made a good king, but I know he would have at least had a better chance if he had been given some leeway.
” Her throat bobs as she swallows hard. “Charles gave up his right to the throne the morning after he wrapped his car around a tree at the edge of the palace property.”
“I know.”
Her laugh is hoarse, pained. “Of course you do.”
I reach over and cover her hand with mine. “It came out when I was talking with the security team. I’m sorry.”
She looks down at our joined hands. “Do you…” She pauses, breathes in. “Is he okay?”
“He’s out west. Wyoming. Working as a ranch hand.” I squeeze her hand, wait until she looks up at me. “He hasn’t had a drink since he arrived.”
Tears pool in her eyes. “He hasn’t?” When I shake my head, she nods as she tries to blink the tears away. “That’s good. I’m really glad.” She suddenly stands. “Let’s walk on the beach.”
My eyes drop down to the full plate of food in front of her, but I don’t push. She’s barely mentioned her brother, but I know she cares for him, can hear the pain in her voice when she talks about him. I don’t want to cause her any more hurt. She’s had enough to last a lifetime.
I stand and take her hand. We walk down the steps onto the beach. The sand is warm, but the gentle waves moving up the beach keep it cool enough for bare feet as we walk.
Finally, she sighs. “Sorry. It’s painful thinking what might have been. I developed my own methods of dealing with the neglect from my parents.”
I think of her coldness, her aloof demeanor when we first met. I didn’t like having my authority challenged, feeling like she was attempting to control me or tell me how to do my job, so I assumed the worst—even though I’ve done the exact same thing to protect myself.
Yet Sophaya hasn’t closed herself off completely the way I did. She treats her staff like family, loves children and gives of herself without thinking twice, even when it drags her down.
I always thought of my own withdrawal as strength. Yet now, as I watch my wife, I wonder if I’ve been a coward all along.
Sophaya
“Keep your eyes closed.”
I laugh as my feet sink into the sand. When Dominic brought me down onto the beach and tied a blindfold over my eyes, I wasn’t sure what to expect.
But I’ve enjoyed seeing a side of him that I’ve never glimpsed before.
He’s still seductive, powerful but also playful, more relaxed than I’ve ever seen him.
“How far is it?”
“You’ll just have to trust me.”
“I do.”
For a moment, he says nothing. I didn’t mean to say those words out loud. But I mean them.
“You can open them.” His voice is husky as he unties my blindfold.
I open my eyes and gasp. A magnificent white catamaran is tethered to the end of the dock. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
I can’t help but turn and hug him.
“I remember how much you loved the gondola in Venice.” He reaches up, lays a hand against my cheek. “And this time you can enjoy it without having to hide behind a mask.”
Touched, I let him escort me down the dock and onto the boat. I settle into a plush chair on the top deck, soaking in the sight of the ocean and the lush mountains behind us as the sun slowly sinks toward the horizon. I glance around.
“I’m surprised there are no other boats,” I call back to him.
He grins. “Actually, security is providing custom patrols via drones for twenty nautical miles.”
I smile and shake my head. “It pays to have a bodyguard. How did you decide on private security?”
He doesn’t answer. Self-conscious, I turn my attention back to the ocean. Things between us have been so much better. But I shouldn’t have pushed.
Dominic drops the anchor, then walks down a couple of steps and stops in front of me, holding out his hand. He doesn’t look angry or upset. I just need to let it go and enjoy the time we have together.
He leads me down to the lower deck, into a cushy daybed at the front of the boat. He disappears into the galley, reappearing with a flute of nonalcoholic champagne for me and a whiskey for him. He settles down next to me and stares out over the ocean.
“My first memory of my parents was fighting, too. Except my parents were throwing punches over who smoked the last joint.”
Horrified, I fight to keep my expression neutral.
“They controlled everything. Kept a padlock on the fridge. Locked me in my room overnight. After they dumped me at my grandmother’s, I never saw them again. I’d never met my grandmother before,” he adds softly. “She didn’t even know I existed.”
I give in and reach over, laying a hand on top of his. He freezes, but a moment later he turns his hand over, pressing our palms together as he threads his fingers through mine.
“I was terrified of them. But I still ran after them when they left. Screamed for them to come back. They were the only family I knew, and some part of me hoped they’d return, realize they’d messed up and would become better parents.
They didn’t, of course, but it took four months with my grandmother to feel safe again. ”
“What happened to her?”
“Old age.” The slight deepening of his voice hints at the depth of his grief.
“She loved me like her own, was infinitely patient those first few months. She gave me my first taste of feeling like I really belonged. When she passed, my case worker found out my father had died in prison. And my mother had just disappeared.”
“So you ended up in foster care.”
He nods. “It wasn’t as bad as being with my parents.
But my foster parents watched everything I did, everything I ate.
They kept a running tally of what they spent on food, shampoo, clothing, so they could remind me how generous they were.
” He goes quiet for a moment, his eyes distant as he takes a sip of whiskey.
“My school brought in a local jiujitsu instructor to do a demonstration during class. He handed out flyers after. Two lessons for twenty dollars. I showed it to my foster parents when I got home. It was the first thing I’d been excited about since my grandmother died.
My foster father ripped up the flyer. Said I could go without soap for a couple weeks or breakfast if I wanted to do the lessons.
I got mad. I told him I knew he got money for me every month, more than enough to pay for the lessons.
” A muscle in his jaw twitches. “He snapped. Slapped me across the face. I fell and hit my head on a table.”
My hand tightens on his as I bite back my own words. This isn’t the time for me to get upset, not when he’s sharing his own pain.
“Did they take you to a hospital?”
“My foster mom wanted to. My foster father said he was worried about the cost, but the real truth was that he was too scared of being charged with child abuse.”
“Bastard.”
His chuckle is a relief. So, too, is the moment when he releases my hand to slide an arm around my shoulders and pull me a little closer.
“I ran away that night. Swore I’d never depend on anyone but myself, that I would never let anyone control me like that again.
It broke my ability to trust. I was big for my age even then.
After the gang I hooked up with started delving into more violent crimes, I set out on my own.
Took kids under my wing the way the gang did for me.
I disagreed with the direction they took, but I don’t know if I would have survived without them. ”
The thought has me leaning into him more. Five months ago I wanted nothing to do with him. Now I can’t imagine my life without him.
“Serving in a protective role comes naturally to me. Another reason I joined the military after I got my degree. When I got out, I wanted to keep that up while making something of myself.”
“And Hawke Security was born.”
“As I recall, you referred to it as a boutique bodyguard firm when I first met you.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “I didn’t want to have someone telling me what to do.”
He sobers. “I understand that now. Life on the streets for me wasn’t easy, but it was freeing. I answered to no one but myself.”
“And you found Aiden and Cassian.”
“I did. Out of all the kids I ran with, they stuck around.” His voice rings with pride and affection.
“They had your back.”
“More than once. They were the exception.”
Those last words are painful to hear. But it also gives me hope. Maybe, with enough time, something can form between us, too. “Thank you for telling me.”
He turns until he’s facing me, takes the champagne flute from me and sets it on a table next to the daybed before he takes my hands in his.
“You are one of the bravest people I know. You’ve experienced heartache and abandonment.
And you can still love so much.” He breathes in deeply.
“I don’t know how to care. I do for Aiden and Cassian, but I held myself back with my army buddies, with John. ”
I hear the pain in his voice when he says John’s name. But I don’t press. Not now, not after he’s given me so much of himself already. Pieces I never expected to receive but am infinitely grateful for.
“I want to try with you, Sophaya. I want to be a better man for you and for our baby.”
In that moment, my entire world shifts as I accept that I have fallen in love with my husband. I’m not ready to share. And I don’t think Dominic would be ready to hear it, either. But I have never been happier in my life than I am in this moment.
I rise up on my knees, frame his face between my hands and kiss him. It’s sweet, tender. But then his lips firm on mine as his hands press against my back.
I raise my head and smile down at him. “How far did you say that security perimeter extended?”
He grins up at me as he reaches back and tugs at the ties on my bathing suit. “Far enough.”