CHAPTER EIGHT
Thatcher
I was so lost in thought on the drive home, I barely remembered getting there. I was horrified by the way Carrie had found out about Madison. I should have pulled her aside and told her everything before we walked into that goddamn party. I hit my steering wheel in frustration.
Now everyone at Mom’s party thought I was having an affair.
Which I kind of was. I’d been denying it in my head for months now.
But the truth was, Mads and I went out to lunch and dinner together most days, we texted and emailed constantly, and I had missed so many evenings and events with Carrie so I could be with my ex-fiancée.
I’d been lying to myself, thinking that if we didn’t kiss or have sex it was okay.
That it wasn’t a true affair. But that was just to make me feel better. It was an affair, plain and simple.
Now Bryce and Celia weren’t speaking to me. And my wife was so mad at me, she’d left the party without me.
Even Mom and Olive had caught flack for what they’d done. Several people had left the party after telling Mom they were disgusted at the way she’d treated her daughter-in-law. It was difficult not to root for Carrie. She was nice, pretty, and such a genuine person.
The only person who seemed unbothered was Madison.
She was thrilled with how things turned out.
She didn’t even care about the glares she’d gotten from a few people.
She’d just shrugged it off and said they were probably jealous of her.
Her utter confidence in the face of obvious disapproval hadn’t sat right with me, but I knew girls had been jealous of Madison’s looks all her life. She was just used to that.
Or maybe I was making excuses for her.
And now I was home, sitting in my driveway and putting off the confrontation with my wife that I knew was coming. She’d said she might not be here, but her car was here. I thought she was probably inside waiting on me.
When I walked in, she was sitting on the couch.
She had a glass of wine in her hand, a half empty bottle on the coffee table.
She was wearing a slouchy shirt that hung off one smooth, tanned shoulder.
One of the recessed lights, set to dim, was reflecting off the golden highlights in her hair.
She looked beautiful even though her eyes were swollen.
I couldn’t tell for sure that they were red; the lighting was too dim in the house.
I was pretty sure they were, though. And it was all my fault.
“Carrie,” I said as I lowered myself to the couch across from her, “I am so, so sorry. I was going to tell you about Madison…”
“Is she Mads?” Carrie asked, interrupting me.
“What?”
“Mads. The person you’ve been texting so much. You know, the one you said was Maddox Spiller?”
“Oh.” Fuck. I’d forgotten all about that. I ran my hand through my hair and loosened my tie. I couldn’t figure out a good lie. “Yeah. She is.”
Her lips formed a thin line as she nodded. “That’s what I thought. Why did you lie to me about it?”
I watched her cautiously, as if she were a wild animal who could go feral at any moment. She sipped her wine, and I was startled by the empty, blank look on her face. It gave me a sick feeling in my stomach.
I’d put that look there.
“I should have told you. I don’t really have an excuse other than to say I was putting it off. I was afraid you’d think there was something going on between Madison and me.”
She laughed bitterly. “Isn’t there?” Her eyes locked on mine.
Shit. Fuck. Damn. Hell. “No. We’re just old friends.
” I kept my eyes steadily on hers. I hated lying to her.
Carrie would hate me if she ever found out.
I thought of my long lunches and dinners with Mads.
All the time we were spending together. The constant texting.
The desire to do so much more with her. I might not have crossed a physical line with her, but I had long since moved into dangerous territory.
But I didn’t know if I wanted to leave Carrie.
I did love her. And there was something holding me back from committing to Mads.
Something tickling at the edges of my consciousness.
It was like a little voice inside telling me to be careful.
I scrubbed a hand over my face. This would actually be the perfect time to come clean and tell Carrie everything.
To tell her I wanted to be with Madison. But I just couldn’t do it.
I just had to sort out my mixed-up feelings. There was so much about Carrie that I loved. She was beautiful, accomplished, smart, funny, and most of all she was kind. But Madison… she was almost like an obsession for me.
“No? You haven’t kissed her? Because the two of you looked pretty damn cozy dancing together tonight.”
“I haven’t kissed her, and I’m sorry again for tonight. I had no idea she could be there until Bryce sent me that text.”
Her head shot up and she frowned. “You didn’t? You weren’t lying about that?”
I shook my head. “Bryce, Celia, and I all thought we weren’t announcing who the spokesmodel was until the launch party. Mom planned it for tonight without telling any of us.”
“Of course she did,” Carrie murmured, rolling her eyes. “You were going to tell me about her before the launch party?”
“Absolutely. I would never have set you up like that on purpose. It must’ve been awful, and I’m just so damn sorry.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you had an ex-fiancée? Dammit, Thatch, you had the whole time we were dating and the five years we’ve been married!” Carrie yelled.
I stared at her. She’d never yelled at me before. Not even when she was mad. “I… I don’t know. I was going to, but I choked. I feel terrible about that.”
“You should feel terrible about that. You should have told me about her before we got married. And how many times have you eaten at La Maison with her?”
“A good many times,” I admitted.
“Why would you take her there of all places when you knew I wanted to go there so badly?”
“It was just so close to the office, and she wanted to go…”
“So, your ex wants to go, and you take her immediately. Your actual wife wants to go, and you don’t care.”
I winced. I had no good defense. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
“I’ve heard you say ‘I’m sorry’ more over the past few months than in all the years prior. Guess what? I don’t believe you. If you apologize over and over again for the same thing but don’t change your actions, then you’re not really sorry.”
“But I am.”
She glared at me. “All the late dinners, the canceled plans, leaving early from activities you committed to… is all of that because of her, too?”
“No. I’m the CEO of one of the most important and well-known financial firms in the country. I’m fucking busy.” I was also fucking lying. Again. I was getting too good at it, and it made me hate myself a little. Probably ninety percent of what she was upset about was because of Madison.
“Who hired her?” I could tell she thought it was me, and I was glad that I didn’t have to lie about this, at least.
“Mom. Bryce and I were going to veto, but Madison had already signed a contract.”
She looked slightly less hurt.
I scrubbed a hand over my face, feeling like a total bastard at what I was about to do.
“I quit texting with her unless it was necessary for work. You can check my phone if you’d like.
” I’d installed a dummy app on my phone for Madison and me to use when texting each other.
It was shitty, and I knew it, but until I got my love life figured out, I felt as if I needed it.
She narrowed her eyes slightly. She studied my face for what felt like five minutes. A trickle of sweat started to track down my spine.
“No,” she said finally, flopping back on the couch cushion with a sigh. “I’m not going to be one of those people that starts going through your phone all the time. If we’ve reached that point in our relationship, then it’s already too far gone to save.”
I swallowed hard. “What do you mean?”
She cocked her head at me. “I told you I’d only divorce you for a handful of things, remember?”
I nodded, even though I’d totally forgotten this. I remembered it now, though.
“At the top of the list is cheating on me. If you do that, I’m gone. There’s no coming back from it. Are we at that point, Thatcher?” Her pretty brown eyes were fixed on me, and for once there wasn’t any warmth in them.
I didn’t think it would be a good idea to ask her to define what constituted cheating to her—whether it was just physical, or if other things counted, too. So, I just said, “No, of course not.”
“I’m not sure that I believe you. But this whole thing has come at the worst possible time.
We had your mother’s stupid birthday party tonight, I have the decorating party set for Thursday, then I have the Orchid Ball.
And soon you have the launch party.” She heaved a sigh and shook her head.
“I don’t have time to talk through this with you right now.
When all that’s over, though, we have to have a serious discussion about our marriage going forward. There have to be some major changes.”
I nodded even though I wasn’t sure exactly what I was agreeing to.
“At least this will give us both some time to think things through.”
I frowned. It sounded as if she’d already decided to divorce me. I was surprised by the level of pain the thought of that caused. I subconsciously rubbed a hand over my heart. It was hard to imagine not coming home to Carrie every night. “I’ll do better. I swear.”
Someone rang the doorbell, and I was surprised to see her stand up and grab a couple of bags from behind the couch.
“I’ve heard that before, Thatch.” She shook her head, her anger at the situation returning. “I just don’t see how you could have let me walk into that. It was so cruel.”
I winced but didn’t say anything.
She looked as if she were waiting for a better response from me. When I didn’t say anything, she said, “I’m going to spend a couple of nights at Blair’s.” She met my eyes. “You promised to be at the decorating party for the Orchid Ball. It’s Thursday night. Don’t forget.”
And with that, she walked out of our house.