Chapter Ten #2
Talking to him felt easy; none of her other friends could relate to what she was going through.
They’d either never been in a relationship that long, or if they had, they were still currently inside said relationship.
Trying to talk to someone about what kind of heartache and disorientation came with that kind of split was impossible unless the receiving end had the same experience.
The sun was setting, and the others who had been sharing the enclave with Julian and Cierra had left, not that she had any idea when. She lay down on the picnic blanket, staring up at the multi-colored sky through the forest canopy.
“I think I spent a lot of energy worrying that others would think I failed if I didn’t stick the relationship out, didn’t have a certain job, but, I saw my ex and a bunch of others at a birthday party last night, and I realized, I don’t think anyone is thinking about me at all.”
“Isn’t it ironic how it always ends up that way?”
Cierra nodded. “But . . . I’m making this about me. I am sorry about the divorce. Hopefully you’re doing better now?”
He leaned over her as she lay down, so close that she could smell his cologne.
His eyes were intoxicating in such proximity.
“I’m not sorry,” he said softly and stroked Cierra’s left hip.
His touch was light, as if he were asking for permission without words.
Waiting for a subtle shift or change and he’d stop.
But Cierra just lifted the corner of her lip, looking straight back at him.
“I’ve been in a rut, and I didn’t realize it until I met you.
Your ex and his family might have been unsupportive, but, for what it’s worth, I think you’re capable of just about anything.
” The two remained locked in eye contact, Cierra blissfully silent, basking in Julian’s words.
“And I know you said you weren’t looking for anything serious, and that’s fine, I’m happy to go at your pace, but just to be clear, I’m really into you. ”
“I’m really into you, too.”
In that moment, they seemed to recognize something in each other — a yearning for some kind of interaction that was easy, kind, and simple.
The kind that came from a lack of history and didn’t ask for anything more than compassion and understanding.
They had both experienced what it was like to grow with someone, only to realize that after all that time, it just wasn’t right.
So, after going through all that, to then find herself in a secluded clearing in Central Park with someone who wordlessly understood that same pain and could somehow offer a spark of life despite that, felt like divine intervention.
And when he leaned in to kiss her, despite the pressure of his hardened torso on her body, she enjoyed every moment.
Her mind was clear, and her usual anxious thoughts were replaced by a yearning to crystallize this moment in amber: this evening in the park, Julian, and the intoxicating feeling taking over her body.
The morning after their date, Cierra woke dreamy-eyed in her bed and stroked the part of her neck where Julian had kissed it in the doorway of her building.
She hadn’t gone home with him, which only fueled her sensual imagination.
It had been over half a decade since she had seen a naked man in real life outside of her ex (not counting Pride month), and she had been sweating all afternoon .
. . it didn’t feel like the right time. And he hadn’t asked, which only made her want him more.
Lazily, she made her way to the bathroom to get ready for work. A good-morning text appeared on her phone when she checked the time, suggesting the feelings washing over her were mutual.
Julian: I woke up thinking about your lips
Julian: when can I see you again?
Cierra couldn’t help but smile in relief.
She had needed a sign that the conversation under the tall oaks — that the way he kissed her — wasn’t some late-night dream.
In an ideal world, she would see him again that night, but it was her last free evening before her first international trip with the Lawsons.
Early the next day, they’d be heading to Mexico City, and while Erik’s work event had gone more or less without a hitch, this trip was bound to be far more demanding.
Part of Sincha’s new initiative, and a major source of investment for their latest round of funding, Zelda had explained, was the promise of on-boarding new fashion talent and collaborations with global designers.
The business needed to attract a more international customer base, and Mexico City was their first stop as they expanded into the Central and South American markets.
Since Mexico City’s fashion week would not take place until later in the fall, visiting ahead of the busy season made it easier for Zelda and the rest of the team to meet designers without having to compete for attention with other buyers.
Zelda’s team was going to be hosting a three-day event geared toward networking, including an industry party, which was the primary source of Cierra’s anxiety, but also a major opportunity to explore new recipe ideas and film more exciting content.
The only other country Cierra had ever visited was Canada, and the familiar-looking streets of Toronto hadn’t offered much of an adventure.
Still, part of her wished she didn’t have to go so soon.
There was a creeping worry in her that if she didn’t keep the momentum afloat with Julian, she might slip out of his orbit.
Maybe it was a tad dramatic, as it was only their third date, but there was something between them.
Something she hadn’t felt in a long, long time, and she wasn’t about to give it away.
Not even for a fully paid luxury vacation weekend to La Ciudad de los Palacios (the City of Palaces).
With slumped shoulders, Cierra sighed and messaged Julian back.
Cierra: flying to CDMX tomorrow and need to pack . . . what about next week when I’m back?
Julian: see you then, and enjoy. One of my favorite cities!
Of course he’d already been there.
Cierra: Any recs?
Julian: Librería Porrúa Bosque de Chapultepec
Cierra: A library? really lol
Julian: a bookstore haha just trust me
As Cierra was googling the location Julian had just sent, her apartment alarm began buzzing at an incoming call from Mia.
She had begged to come over to see the new place, but knowing her, she probably wanted new updates about Julian.
Which she wouldn’t get, because they were just enjoying each other’s company.
Without expectations or labels. At least for now.
Cierra opened her door to Mia, who despite her fit frame, was huffing and out of breath as she climbed the last steps.
“At least you won’t have to worry about a gym membership,” she said through labored breaths.
“Thanks for coming, Mia,” Cierra said before giving her friend a hug. “I can’t wait to show you the place.”
“Uh huh. Water. Need water.”
After getting her friend a glass and showing her around, Mia took a seat on Cierra’s bed as she began packing.
“So what’s new with you? How’ve you been? John misses you, you know.”
Cierra smirked, knowing full well Mia’s grumpy doorman felt nothing of the sort. “I’ve been great. Really excited to go visit Mexico City, but part of me wants to stay.”
“Why?”
“I had the best date with Julian last night,” she admitted, biting her lip. “We have such a good time together. I feel like he just gets me, you know? We click.”
“The guy you’re not wanting anything serious with,” Mia said teasingly. “You seem half-way in love with him already.”
“Maybe I have a crush. Is that so horrible?” Cierra asked defensively.
“No, crushes are fine. But I know you, Cierra Brooks. Have for a long time. It seems like you’re really into this guy. And nothing is wrong with that. But I just want to make sure that you’re being honest with yourself.”
Cierra looked at her friend, slightly annoyed at her accusations. “Mia, I’m fine. I’m having a good time dating. I thought if anyone would be supportive of that, it’d be you.”
“I am! I am. But, it’s just you got with Harry so quickly after everything that went down with Colton. You didn’t have a lot of time to like, process it all.”
“What was there to process? It was all pretty cut and dry, from what I remember.” At this comment, Mia sighed.
It was a sensitive subject, even all these years later.
But how could it not be? Cierra met Colton in college, she was a junior, he was a senior.
He was nothing like any of the guys she’d been with before: incredibly hot, D1 athlete, life-of-the party attitude.
When he’d first approached her at Delta Psi’s kegger, she couldn’t believe it was happening; it had felt like the moment in a high school movie when the quarterback asks the clarinet-player to homecoming, despite all odds.
How special she had felt, then, to be chosen by Colton Hastings, the golden boy of Boston University.
It didn’t matter they never seemed to go on actual dates, more like late-night rendezvous when he was available.
It didn’t matter that he never introduced her to his family and barely brought her around his friends.
He cared about her; he just liked to keep his love life separate.
Didn’t want any drama. Could she blame him for wanting some boundaries in his life?
It had made so much sense, at twenty-two, to move to New York City, following him after graduation.
Without distance or college jitters getting in the way of their happily ever after, they were finally going to be a real couple.
But then, one weekend, she’d woken up to a drunken voice note.
Slurred words conveyed how he felt guilty, how he wished he could’ve ended it sooner and how she deserved to be with someone who could love her for all of her.
Three months later, she saw on social media that he was engaged to a fitness model. They had been dating for over a year.
Back in the present, Cierra fiddled with her shorts, understanding the concern in Mia’s voice — she’d been the one to pick up the pieces.
But Cierra had grown since then, and didn’t want to overcorrect, cutting herself off from feeling anything.
“This isn’t like that. I’m not the same girl.
I’m really trying to explore and just enjoy myself for once.
I promise I’m alright. Can you just trust that I know what I’m doing here? ”
Mia shifted in her seat, with a resigned expression. “Okay. I believe you.”
“Okay.”
The two women sat in the cramped room, both quiet, before Mia huffed. “If I drop the subject, will you still get me a souvenir?” she said jokingly.
Cierra accepted the olive branch. “Sure. Anything in particular you want?”
“Hmm,” Mia thought. “A magnet. For my fridge.”
“A magnet? Really?”
“What?! I have all these cute photo both pics of us and realized I don’t have anything to hang them up with.”
With a sigh and a grin, Cierra walked over to Mia and put her arms around her, touched. “You’re a great friend, you know that?”
Exasperated, Mia said, “Yeah, duh.”
“And yes, I think I can manage that.”