Chapter 15 Stifled Desire
FIFTEEN
STIFLED DESIRE
Julia
“Here.” I lower my voice as I gently take hold of more of his hair.
It’s thick and heavy, still dripping with water in some parts.
“Let me help you with this.” Reaching up with my other hand, I gather the rest of his longer locks and gently pull him towards me.
He moves to partially lounge on his left side, his elbow on the ground and his hand holding his head up straight.
The position gives me easy access to his uneven strands.
“What are you planning on doing exactly?” Staring intensely up at me, he scans my face as I tug the hair out from under his palm.
He briefly flexes his fingers and brushes his hair forward, allowing me to gather the rest. Cognizant of my mask and glad it’s firmly in place, I still can’t help the dancing in my stomach.
I run my fingers through his wet hair in distraction, brushing it out and down the side of his head, gradually moving the back parts away from the shorter strands. Water gathers and drips from my fingers onto his shoulders and arms.
“I’m going to fix it, Krellix,” I mumble under my breath, enjoying the way his hair feels in my hands.
“Why?” he slowly asks, his gaze glazing over as I gently scrape my nails along his scalp.
I pause and tilt my head. “You’re helping me, you’re helping the others. In this, let me help you. It’s so small, it’s the least I can do.”
It’s also something he might enjoy and never know to ask for.
But if it’s anything, it’s the beginning of saying thank you. It’s also safer and less risky than the alternative.
Running my fingers through his wet hair again, watching the way it slips from my hands as it slowly dries in the evening air, a peaceful silence settles between us.
Calmness fills me. The world is quiet; the insects and the gentle rustle of the trees are the only sounds in my ears.
Even Krellix’s hissing has gone silent. Gathering his hair at his nape, his eyes drift from my face and over my chest. I try not to notice the way he looks at me but it’s hard when there’s less than a foot between us.
“Do you want me to stop?” I ask a little nervously while continually straightening out his uneven locks.
“No. It just feels… strange—”
My fingers twitch but not enough to snag his hair.
“—but I… like it,” he finishes.
He shifts lower to the ground, easing his face more fully into his palm. Succumbing to the strange yet frail tranquility that’s building between us, I see from the corner of my eye his tail circling around me.
The carefree chirps of birds add into the wild, natural noise lulling me, soon joined in by the return of his low hiss humming under his breath. Like a steady thrum, the sound further relaxes me.
Softly grazing my nails over his scalp, I drag them to his hairline and pull away. Settling his strands back in place, I then wipe my wet hands on my pants and pick up my switchblade where it’s been resting next to my foot. Opening the blade, I eye his hair, deciding where I’m going to start.
“Have you ever had a haircut?” I ask, my voice low.
There’s a short pause as he lifts his chin to look at me. “No.”
“I… thought so. Well it’s sort of what you did with your claws.
What I’m planning on doing is closer to a shave since so much underneath is uneven.
Just to prepare you, I’ll be pressing the blade close to your skin and using it to remove the hair.
” As I explain, I can’t help leaning into him, wanting to be nearer to his warmth and soak in his body’s heat.
I know I should pull back but I hesitate, liking a little too much the way his low hissing gets under my skin.
Though I’m no innocent, it’s been a long time since I last entered a contract with someone or have been intimate with another. To me, this is intimate.
Being intimate with Krellix would be a mistake. Being intimate with any naga would be a mistake.
Right?
“Don’t move,” I tell him, collecting the longer strands again, and positioning my switchblade’s shears near the right side of his scalp.
Over the next several minutes, I cut and saw his hair into shorter pieces, getting as close to his scalp as I’m able.
As his longer locks fall away, I switch out my shears for my blade and begin shaving the last of his hair off, getting as close to his scalp as I can.
Running my hands over it, the soft texture has become fuzzy.
Ending his shave high up on his head where his hair naturally parts, and straight down the back, the sun has finished drifting behind the trees by the time I’m smoothing out his shorter strands.
Admiring my work, the silky hair that remains flows down the left side.
I briefly flatten it with my hands, playing with it.
All the while his slow breathing and deep hissing replaces all other sounds in my ears.
Barely noticing that the shadows have lengthened around us, I slowly stretch out my back from where I’ve been hunched forward. The fire has burned out and the pig meat, forgotten.
Not wanting the tranquil moment to stop, I toy with his short, smooth hair, searching for one last small strand to cut.
But having finished and been thorough with it, there’s nothing left for me to do.
I sit back on my bent knees and close my switchblade, enjoying the slightly spicy scent tickling my nose.
Something brushes the side of my leg and I look down to see the middle of his tail coiling closer to me.
Its touch yanks me out of my reverie and I startle back, crawling over it and away from him and getting to my feet.
“I’m done,” I rush out. “Your hair is as fixed as I can make it. It should grow evenly now and the style is a popular one… We should head back to the others before they come searching for us.”
I pocket my switchblade and take another step back, half-turning to flee.
I’m no longer sure if my mask is working because right now, all I want is to be closer to Krellix, to take in the comfort he gives me even if he doesn’t realize he’s giving it.
Pheromones or not, adults or not, getting any closer will be tricky.
But as I move to leave, he reaches up to feel the shaved part of his head with his hand. As he does so, he rises on his tail and faces me. Waiting to see if he’s going to join me, my breath stifles when our eyes catch.
The look on his face drops my heart into my stomach where it sits heavily between my legs until my body reacts to clench against it.
Haloed in the airy remainder of the sun’s final twilight rays, but flanked by thick shadows, I have never been more devastated by another’s appearance or taken by the firm lines of muscle contouring a well-honed, strong, male body.
His gaze drops to the ground where a pile of his hair lays between us. He scans my body next, and I shiver as I become even more aware of the tension between us.
I glance at his slit only for my eyes to glue there. Where it had been smooth earlier, a bulge protrudes from him now. What I’d hoped had been shadows earlier were not.
He moves toward me.
“Krellix,” I start to say, putting my hands up, staggering back another step. “Don’t. It’s too risky.”
He doesn’t listen, backing me up until I’m against a tree. I barely have time to look up at him before he’s catching my cheek with the firm curve of his palm and crushing his mouth upon mine.
I jerk again, caught off guard, before freezing up, stunned.
Branding me with his mouth, the mask covering my nose twists between our lips and bunches.
The pressure he’s exerting presses the back of my head and my spine uncomfortably against the tree.
But then his arms trap me to him, pulling me away from it and hauling me to his chest.
His lips still move over mine from behind the mask; I remain frozen.
But with our bodies pressed together, and his comforting sense of safety falling over me, my overwhelmed senses taper away.
I trust him, and something deep inside me, something instinctive, flares with excitement, urging me to let this continue.
He’s all over me, his tail sliding across the backs of my legs, one of his hands spreading out over my back, sliding up to tangle into the hair at my nape.
I hum in appreciation when he gently tugs it, the need to respond to his hunger and gentle his kiss consuming my last resistance.
Tentatively sliding my mouth over his, I just as shyly lean into him. A groan emanates from his chest. He rounds his other arm under my ass and hauls me closer and higher on him. I grasp his shoulders as I hop into his arms and clasp my legs around his waist.
“Krellix,” I moan his name into the wet material of my mask.
He further buries his hand into my hair. “Julia. You have no idea how badly I…”
He trails off as I kiss him back, throwing months of frustration, fear, and stress at him, being rough, wanting to make him suffer through the emotions with me, though I’m starting to think he’s probably suffering already.
The branches shift on either side as he slips us into the trees and away from the shore.
I don’t know where he’s taking me, only that it’s probably someplace private and away from the others.
As the shadows deepen, I grind against him, excited to discover the bulge in his tail is firm.
Nudging against my ball of nerves, my toes curl as I push even harder against him.
“Make me feel good,” I beg. I just need to feel something…
He pushes me against the trunk of another tree with enough force the coarse bark digs into my back.
I pull back as a gasp escapes. Digging my fingers into him, I strengthen my grip to match his, turned on by his sudden forcefulness.
He lifts me higher up the tree with the curve of his tail spreading my legs.
When I’m at the angle he wants me, he draws back with a frustrated hiss, and pulls the mask from my face.
Inhaling a cool breath of air, I refuse to acknowledge the risk I’m taking, deciding right then I’m not going to stop this from happening if it does.
He leans slightly back to gaze at me, his eyes molten with lust and framed in shadow. With his right side shaved and evened out, he’s never appeared more tousled or handsome. His serpentine eyes and scales only highlight his unusually attractive features.
“Krellix,” I say, leaving the question of us unspoken in the air. Practically writhing with pent-up desire, I cup his face with my hands and pull him to me, wanting him to crush his mouth to mine once more.
Maybe I’m brave enough to make the decision for us.
Instead, refusing to let me pull him in, he rests his brow on mine, denying me by mere inches.
“Tell me not to stop,” he groans the words through a frustrated breath, his claws digging at the bark on either side of my head.
His continued nearness floods more heat into my senses, making my skin flush.
Before long, his body’s scent dwarfs the smell of the forest, the flowers, and the moist soil aroma of the river.
There are so many reasons this is a bad idea.
His pheromones can and will sicken me if I breathe enough of them in.
He could get me pregnant. He may like it too much; he will take back his word, and not let me walk away.
I may like it too much. I may not be able to walk away… and then I’ll be the heartbroken one.
“You don’t want this, remember?” I whisper, reminding him.
One of his hands clasps the back of my neck. “I do want this, more than anything.”
I search his face, nervous all of the sudden. I try to pull him back in for another kiss but he refuses again. “Why… Why are you saying this now?”
He shakes his head, his brow rubbing mine. “You are everything that I could have, if I had not lost everything.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I have nothing to offer you, nothing but myself, and that issss not enough. It will never be enough. Not now.” His face shudders with an expression of remorse. “There is no place truly safe.”
Cupping his face, a tenderness I barely recognize arises in me.
“You are enough. You’ve always been enough.
” I softly trace the side of his jaw with my fingers.
“I thought you were indifferent. I thought you didn’t want to be burdened with…
this.” I lightly wave my fingers to indicate us. “I didn’t want to burden anyone.”
“Indifferent? Only because I cannot have you,” he rumbles, his eyes snapping open to finally meet mine again.
He pushes me harder against the tree in response.
“I will have you tonight.” His nostrils flare as I take in the warning in his voice.
“I will take everything you are willing to give me and nothing more. Anything he wanted, you said. Now, you know what I want.”
“What about the others?” I whisper.
He runs his thumb under my eye, the tip of his claw gently tracing the bottom of it.
The small caress sends arousal crashing through me.
“They will be safe enough. If anything should happen, I will hear it.” He presses his tail and the bulge at its center harder against me.
“Give me what you would have offered another, Julia,” he growls.
“If I cannot keep you, let me have you in every way a male can have his bride just once. I want to know what it is like. I want to know you.”
I stare at him, my thoughts swirling, uncatchable.
Trembling with excitement, I catch hold of one thought and grip it tightly.
I nod.